*Standard Disclaimers*
Gone
Take(August 17, 2000)
It's not fair.
This wasn't supposed to happen...this isn't the way the story goes. You weren't supposed to die so soon. You were supposed to live to see a hundred, not die a year into your retirement. You were supposed to live to see Yuusuke and Keiko's children get married. You were supposed to live to bounce Kuwabara and Yukina's grandchildren on your knee.
It's not fair dammit.
Do you know that I had to tell my friends? How the hell do you break something like this to them? I know for a fact that they loved you. You were special...so special. That's why I...I...
Koenma looks at me with sympathy and regret in his eyes. Fuck him. FUCK HIM. He'd better not try to give me that 'I understand' crap. He doesn't know shit about how I feel.
I should have tried to keep in touch more often. I should have written more, or called, or...or...
I had it all planned out. I was going to call you as soon as the results of my interviews got in. I wanted you to be proud of me - I wanted to show you how much of a difference your influence had on my life. I wanted you to know that you were important in shaping who I've become. So I waited.
And now it's too late.
I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I knew we grew apart once I left home, but I always thought that we'd have enough time to get close again. Hindsight is twenty-twenty, ne?
You know, Otousan looked at me like I was crazy - iie, like I was a cold sonovabitch. Because while he and Shuuichi were falling apart, I sat there. And I didn't cry. Why can't I cry?
I didn't cry when I first heard about your death.
I didn't cry when I tied up my loose ends.
I didn't cry when I got here.
And now I'm sitting in my old room, and I'm not crying, Kaasan. I...can't. My sight is blurred with tears that refuse to fall. Hiei tried to talk to me, but I sent him away. Tears are private things, meant to be shed alone. I'm alone Kaasan, so why?
Why can't I cry?
~Owari~
*****
And no, goddammit, it's not fair. She wasn't that old. After we graduated from college and got jobs in our fields we were supposed to take her out to lunch to reminisce. And I still can't cry.
Gone
Take(August 17, 2000)
It's not fair.
This wasn't supposed to happen...this isn't the way the story goes. You weren't supposed to die so soon. You were supposed to live to see a hundred, not die a year into your retirement. You were supposed to live to see Yuusuke and Keiko's children get married. You were supposed to live to bounce Kuwabara and Yukina's grandchildren on your knee.
It's not fair dammit.
Do you know that I had to tell my friends? How the hell do you break something like this to them? I know for a fact that they loved you. You were special...so special. That's why I...I...
Koenma looks at me with sympathy and regret in his eyes. Fuck him. FUCK HIM. He'd better not try to give me that 'I understand' crap. He doesn't know shit about how I feel.
I should have tried to keep in touch more often. I should have written more, or called, or...or...
I had it all planned out. I was going to call you as soon as the results of my interviews got in. I wanted you to be proud of me - I wanted to show you how much of a difference your influence had on my life. I wanted you to know that you were important in shaping who I've become. So I waited.
And now it's too late.
I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I knew we grew apart once I left home, but I always thought that we'd have enough time to get close again. Hindsight is twenty-twenty, ne?
You know, Otousan looked at me like I was crazy - iie, like I was a cold sonovabitch. Because while he and Shuuichi were falling apart, I sat there. And I didn't cry. Why can't I cry?
I didn't cry when I first heard about your death.
I didn't cry when I tied up my loose ends.
I didn't cry when I got here.
And now I'm sitting in my old room, and I'm not crying, Kaasan. I...can't. My sight is blurred with tears that refuse to fall. Hiei tried to talk to me, but I sent him away. Tears are private things, meant to be shed alone. I'm alone Kaasan, so why?
Why can't I cry?
~Owari~
*****
And no, goddammit, it's not fair. She wasn't that old. After we graduated from college and got jobs in our fields we were supposed to take her out to lunch to reminisce. And I still can't cry.