Chapter One: Life is Deceptive
[Afterlife: an existence after death.]
Death, Qui-Gon thought, was something that the Jedi Order needed to revise, and he wondered vaguely why no one from the Other Side had ever come and told the supposedly great Masters that they had the concept all wrong. There WAS death, in addition to the Force. Because death (not death, but really more Death) was natural, even the smallest children in the Temple learned that. And nature was the Force, was ALL that the Force was or could be.
There is no death; there is only the Force.
He wondered if they had added that on to the Code as an afterthought, a comfort to offer those who saw their loved ones die. He knew it certainly wasn't to comfort those already Dead, because the Dead knew things- knew more about Living than anyone else.
It had been ten years since he had "passed into the Force," and he could still remember it. What first came as a deep, violent longing, a CALLING that was of the Force- and not the Light Side. But it wasn't Dark either, it was just the entire universe all grabbing at him, searching for his soul, pulling his essence out of his wracked and mortally wounded body.
And that was what was so terrifying. It wanted to. well, the best word he could use was that it wanted to recycle him, somehow. It wanted to destroy Qui-Gon Jinn and turn out mere Force-energy. He had fought against it with all the strength that he could muster, and somehow, he had either found or created an oasis in the midst of Death.
He didn't see himself as a glowing being, as others would see if they looked at him. But there was no one to see him. He was caught in a place that wasn't completely real, and he knew it. It looked like Naboo, but things were. WRONG about it. It didn't extend very far, for example. He could pass from this abandoned Nubian ship to Theed, to Amidala's palace, and then to the Gungan world and the fields, but then he would simply end up back at the ship. There was nothing more to see, all the city abandoned and empty- though he thought deep inside of him that he could have made it more. He could have, if he had wanted to, lived this parody of Life by filling this phantom planet with phantom beings.
But he didn't. He lived in the Gungan city and found himself only able to eat the meager oysters that Jar Jar had shared with them. There was simply nothing else there. The bongo stood in the back, but it wouldn't start, and it wasn't perfect in its details.
Qui-Gon had existed there ("lived" wasn't really the right phrase, all things considered) for ten years when he started to see things that didn't seem to fit in with the atmosphere. Once he saw great trees appear out of nowhere, and saw a Jedi Knight with long, ginger hair draw a lightsaber near them.
/Obi-Wan,/ he whispered through a bond that felt ancient, and it seemed to him that his former apprentice looked up briefly. How much older his son had become! Obi-Wan had been followed by a beautiful dark-haired girl. his apprentice.
I don't even know her name, Qui-Gon thought. When I left Obi-Wan, what was the last thing I said to him, before I was pulled away?
"Padawan," he had said, and it was so important that that word was used as he wiped Obi-Wan's tears off his face. "Padawan, don't let- don't let grief kill-"
Don't let grief kill your soul, I was trying to say. And that terrible thing came between us.
"I'm sorry," he said brokenly, as he touched the bubble that separated him from the water and tossed beads of ocean towards Obi-Wan's form as it slowly disappeared. "I'm so sorry, Padawan. I'm so sorry that I had to go."
A cool hand rested on his shoulder and he turned around, feeling that he should have been scared or alarmed- because he had been so alone for so long- but he wasn't. The face was familiar, after all. He bowed slightly at his waist, studying the beautiful woman before him.
"Tahl," he said.
"Qui-Gon," she said, her green-and-gold eyes surveying him coolly, casually. "It's been a very long time since I saw you last."
He swallowed. "We never had a chance, Tahl. We never even had a chance to be together. I've missed you so much, over the years."
"Soon you will stop measuring time," Tahl answered as if she hadn't heard him. "And then, then you will Forget about what happened to you in Life."
"I will forget?"
"You will Forget," she repeated, still placing so much inflection on that last word. "Though it will take a few thousand years. The Dead cling very tenaciously to their Lives."
"Why are you looking at me like that?" he asked, his throat tightening up. No love showed in her expression, none of the compassion that had existed before she had Died.
"We are being watched," Tahl said quietly. "There are those that do not like what you have done, Qui-Gon. The great Masters of the old are displeased with this world you have created."
"I didn't mean to make it," he found himself saying, "but I couldn't find anything else."
"You must destroy it." Again, her tone was measured, but this time, he saw a flicker of warmth in her eyes, and he felt his tightly coiled self uncurl. "And then I will escort you to the Immortal Temple."
"The. IMMORTAL Temple?"
She spared him a smile. And even now, it was so much like it had been in the old days. She was so beautiful, he thought. So beautiful and so strong.
"We are all immortal now, Qui-Gon," Tahl said. "That is the reward you get for Dying."
"I saw Obi-Wan."
"Yes." She nodded. "The mortal realm sometimes becomes confused with ours. And sometimes we can pass into it, if the Masters approve. I have watched my apprentice, though she hasn't known it. Mortals shouldn't know too much of our presence. Come, Qui-Gon. I know many people who are anxious to see you."
"My parents," Qui-Gon said. He had almost forgotten them, but everything came rushing back. How much he had forgotten. Details suddenly stood out in his mind, and the atmosphere around him grew sharper and clearer. He remembered those that were gone. His friend Kyian's Master- Aieve L'tran, Mace's Master- Genna D'hune.
She felt his thoughts pass, and nodded. "All of them want to see you, Qui-Gon. We'll be happy here, and it will last forever. Others will join us."
"Mace and Kyian," Qui-Gon said.
"Obi-Wan," Tahl added.
He stared at her in sudden shock, ready to pull away from her possessive, warm gaze, but found that he could not. He loved her. He always had, hadn't he? Enough to abandon his Padawan for her.
Rebellion that had always stood staunch in his mind seemed to melt away as she tugged at his arm and opened them both to the Force, letting it flow around them, and he found, dizzily, that he could see the energy that she was using. It spun a web of blue and gold and green and red, wrapping the two of them together tightly, and she put her lips on his, and he touched her hair.
Enchanted.
"Come with me, Qui-Gon," she said. "I can show you everything that you've missed."
He found that he couldn't speak. He was hers, and she smiled and laughed and understood his consent, and they blurred from the false Naboo, their minds swimming and love filled him.
**
TBC.
(Can anyone tell me how to do italics so that they carry over? Please review!)
[Afterlife: an existence after death.]
Death, Qui-Gon thought, was something that the Jedi Order needed to revise, and he wondered vaguely why no one from the Other Side had ever come and told the supposedly great Masters that they had the concept all wrong. There WAS death, in addition to the Force. Because death (not death, but really more Death) was natural, even the smallest children in the Temple learned that. And nature was the Force, was ALL that the Force was or could be.
There is no death; there is only the Force.
He wondered if they had added that on to the Code as an afterthought, a comfort to offer those who saw their loved ones die. He knew it certainly wasn't to comfort those already Dead, because the Dead knew things- knew more about Living than anyone else.
It had been ten years since he had "passed into the Force," and he could still remember it. What first came as a deep, violent longing, a CALLING that was of the Force- and not the Light Side. But it wasn't Dark either, it was just the entire universe all grabbing at him, searching for his soul, pulling his essence out of his wracked and mortally wounded body.
And that was what was so terrifying. It wanted to. well, the best word he could use was that it wanted to recycle him, somehow. It wanted to destroy Qui-Gon Jinn and turn out mere Force-energy. He had fought against it with all the strength that he could muster, and somehow, he had either found or created an oasis in the midst of Death.
He didn't see himself as a glowing being, as others would see if they looked at him. But there was no one to see him. He was caught in a place that wasn't completely real, and he knew it. It looked like Naboo, but things were. WRONG about it. It didn't extend very far, for example. He could pass from this abandoned Nubian ship to Theed, to Amidala's palace, and then to the Gungan world and the fields, but then he would simply end up back at the ship. There was nothing more to see, all the city abandoned and empty- though he thought deep inside of him that he could have made it more. He could have, if he had wanted to, lived this parody of Life by filling this phantom planet with phantom beings.
But he didn't. He lived in the Gungan city and found himself only able to eat the meager oysters that Jar Jar had shared with them. There was simply nothing else there. The bongo stood in the back, but it wouldn't start, and it wasn't perfect in its details.
Qui-Gon had existed there ("lived" wasn't really the right phrase, all things considered) for ten years when he started to see things that didn't seem to fit in with the atmosphere. Once he saw great trees appear out of nowhere, and saw a Jedi Knight with long, ginger hair draw a lightsaber near them.
/Obi-Wan,/ he whispered through a bond that felt ancient, and it seemed to him that his former apprentice looked up briefly. How much older his son had become! Obi-Wan had been followed by a beautiful dark-haired girl. his apprentice.
I don't even know her name, Qui-Gon thought. When I left Obi-Wan, what was the last thing I said to him, before I was pulled away?
"Padawan," he had said, and it was so important that that word was used as he wiped Obi-Wan's tears off his face. "Padawan, don't let- don't let grief kill-"
Don't let grief kill your soul, I was trying to say. And that terrible thing came between us.
"I'm sorry," he said brokenly, as he touched the bubble that separated him from the water and tossed beads of ocean towards Obi-Wan's form as it slowly disappeared. "I'm so sorry, Padawan. I'm so sorry that I had to go."
A cool hand rested on his shoulder and he turned around, feeling that he should have been scared or alarmed- because he had been so alone for so long- but he wasn't. The face was familiar, after all. He bowed slightly at his waist, studying the beautiful woman before him.
"Tahl," he said.
"Qui-Gon," she said, her green-and-gold eyes surveying him coolly, casually. "It's been a very long time since I saw you last."
He swallowed. "We never had a chance, Tahl. We never even had a chance to be together. I've missed you so much, over the years."
"Soon you will stop measuring time," Tahl answered as if she hadn't heard him. "And then, then you will Forget about what happened to you in Life."
"I will forget?"
"You will Forget," she repeated, still placing so much inflection on that last word. "Though it will take a few thousand years. The Dead cling very tenaciously to their Lives."
"Why are you looking at me like that?" he asked, his throat tightening up. No love showed in her expression, none of the compassion that had existed before she had Died.
"We are being watched," Tahl said quietly. "There are those that do not like what you have done, Qui-Gon. The great Masters of the old are displeased with this world you have created."
"I didn't mean to make it," he found himself saying, "but I couldn't find anything else."
"You must destroy it." Again, her tone was measured, but this time, he saw a flicker of warmth in her eyes, and he felt his tightly coiled self uncurl. "And then I will escort you to the Immortal Temple."
"The. IMMORTAL Temple?"
She spared him a smile. And even now, it was so much like it had been in the old days. She was so beautiful, he thought. So beautiful and so strong.
"We are all immortal now, Qui-Gon," Tahl said. "That is the reward you get for Dying."
"I saw Obi-Wan."
"Yes." She nodded. "The mortal realm sometimes becomes confused with ours. And sometimes we can pass into it, if the Masters approve. I have watched my apprentice, though she hasn't known it. Mortals shouldn't know too much of our presence. Come, Qui-Gon. I know many people who are anxious to see you."
"My parents," Qui-Gon said. He had almost forgotten them, but everything came rushing back. How much he had forgotten. Details suddenly stood out in his mind, and the atmosphere around him grew sharper and clearer. He remembered those that were gone. His friend Kyian's Master- Aieve L'tran, Mace's Master- Genna D'hune.
She felt his thoughts pass, and nodded. "All of them want to see you, Qui-Gon. We'll be happy here, and it will last forever. Others will join us."
"Mace and Kyian," Qui-Gon said.
"Obi-Wan," Tahl added.
He stared at her in sudden shock, ready to pull away from her possessive, warm gaze, but found that he could not. He loved her. He always had, hadn't he? Enough to abandon his Padawan for her.
Rebellion that had always stood staunch in his mind seemed to melt away as she tugged at his arm and opened them both to the Force, letting it flow around them, and he found, dizzily, that he could see the energy that she was using. It spun a web of blue and gold and green and red, wrapping the two of them together tightly, and she put her lips on his, and he touched her hair.
Enchanted.
"Come with me, Qui-Gon," she said. "I can show you everything that you've missed."
He found that he couldn't speak. He was hers, and she smiled and laughed and understood his consent, and they blurred from the false Naboo, their minds swimming and love filled him.
**
TBC.
(Can anyone tell me how to do italics so that they carry over? Please review!)