Crying, Whimpering and a Whole Lot of Shit
Chapter One: Oh Crap
HEY everyone... this is my fanfic that is purely humor. I'm writing it with help from my idiotic brother (who knows nothing about Inuyasha) and some of my friends that add in suggestions.
OK... I'm pretty sure this will be rated "E" for Everyone. Although there is a SWEARING WARNING due to Inuyasha, Sesshomaru and Naraku being present in this fic. In fact, the proper name of this story is "Crying, Whimpering and a Whole Lot of Shit" like it shows above. But it the whole story got removed and I got a suspension from FF due to that damn swearing rule... personally... I don't consider "Shit" a swear word.
I'm not sure if it will be funny right off the bat... just wait until all four get to the future... then it was start to make you laugh... hopefully!
Disclaimer: Why do I have to put this thing up? EVERYONE ought to know that I don't own it... hell, if I DID own Inuyasha... Sesshomaru, Miroku, Naraku and Inuyasha would walk around without shirts ALL the time!
"Hanyou! Give it back or suffer the consequences!"
"What ya gonna do? Squirt your acid at me with that finger of yours? Ooo! So scary!"
"That's not a bad idea..."
"AHH! Hey! Ya almost burned my arm off, you damn bastard!"
"Almost? My aim must be slipping."
The two raced through the forest, Sesshomaru on the chase of Inuyasha who had his prized item... his fur "scarf" (for lack of a better word). The Lord still didn't understand how the hanyou had possibly snuck up on him close enough to snatch it... but still, Inuyasha had stolen his fur... and Sesshomaru was going to get it back!
((Author's Note: I know a lot of you guys say that it's his tail... but just go with me on this. It makes things more amusing:D))
Both raced on, showing no signs of fatigue. But it was when they dashed into a clearing that they ran into, literally, problems.
A lone monk sat cross legged in the middle of a clearing, making a "house of bark" like he had seen Kagome make a "House of Cards" when they were stuck inside due to a rainstorm. He was just about to place the last strap of bark on his work when the preoccupied Inuyasha collided into him and Sesshomaru collided into the hanyou. Needless to say, Miroku's masterpiece was completely destroyed... and the three of them landed in a gigantic heap of arms and legs on the ground... with poor, poor Miroku on the bottom.
Though hurt, he did manage to splurge out a small sentence, "You wrecked my house!"
Inuyasha smirked and picked a piece of bark out of his hair, "Quite a delicate house you're building there, Monk."
Sesshomaru snarled darkly, his eyes narrowed to his half-brother that was lying on his legs, "I don't care for any of this! Hanyou, give me back my fur or I'll remove YOUR hair!"
The half-breed was about to reply, but he was interrupted by the rather loud SNAP sound of wood. Then the ground beneath the them gave way, sending all three yelling figures hurtling down into a very deep, dark well.
A dark figure watched from the sidelines, eyes narrowed.
The sounds of yelling, shouting and cursing grew louder and louder as they neared the end of the time-wormhole. Then, in a giant splash of muddy-brown liquid, three figure erupted out of their "transportation unit" and flew upwards... and upwards, and upwards, and upwards. Until...
CLANG!!
"OWWWWWWWW!"
Miroku's head smashed into the manhole cover. But, in doing so, he cleared the path for the rest of the air-born figures and they all flew a bit further into the air before landing on the concrete sidewalk with a wet SPLAT!
Sesshomaru, Inuyasha and Miroku lay motionless on the sidewalk, to their own bad luck they weren't unconscious... for the "well" they had erupted from was hidden deep underground in a sewer. Another piece of bad news being that they were covered in filth... from head to toe. In fact, their only piece of good luck was that the lack of usage of the well flung them out of the stinky, shit covered place with such force that it flung them onto the sidewalk instead of on the road.
The people on the street eyed the shit-covered figures from afar. Anyone who caught sight of them landed up crossing the street due to the smell. One person replaced the manhole cover back into its place on his way over... why? I have no idea.
Sesshomaru was the first of re-gain his senses... much to his own misfortune. He gritted his teeth in agony as he flew onto his feet, "What is that vile stench?"
Miroku and Inuyasha jumped up as well and the hanyou cringed, for never had he smelt much a strong, reeking odor.
Then they realized, that the smell that was putting them in such pain, was coming from them.
Sesshomaru made no verbal objections, his face showed all of them (a rarity)... then he noticed the brown and yellow stains all over his fur (that he had grabbed away from Inuyasha during their falling episode)... and he looked horrified.
Taking it off his shoulder he shoved it in Inuyasha's face, "These stains won't come out!"
The brother pushed it away from him in disgust, "Get that thing away from me!"
Miroku groaned, "Oh, god! This is just awful! Awful! It smells like, well, shit! This is just... oh my god! I just ca–!"
His rambling was cut short when he received two hard glares from the demons with him. They both looked in pain... and dizzy.
"How do you think WE feel, pathetic human?" Sesshomaru snarled... at a telephone booth... apparently his sense of smell was far greater then Inuyasha's and it was making him... confused.
And, for once, Inuyasha wasn't jealous at the moment that his brother was out doing him in that particular way. Slugging up the Lord of the West, Inuyasha wacked the back of his brother's head with a stiff hand.
"Get a grip, ya bastard! You're yelling at some kinda box!"
"We haf tu go bak dow da hol and bak upp da well!" Miroku yelled at the two, holding his nose as hard as he could. He knew Kagome was from the future, and so quickly came to the conclusion that that is where they managed to get to. Exactly how this happened, he hadn't a clue.
Inuyasha, who also began to hold his nose, snarled, "Be mi guesssst! But, 'n case ye havn't oticed, you're a monk, it wurks for ya... but hesa Lord 'n I'm me! " He released his nose to scream the last part, "WE CAN'T BE SEEN WALKING AROUND COVERED IN SHIT!"
Sesshomaru, who was currently leaning against the phone booth, grunted, "Uh... I'm seeing two of everything... this is all your fault, you stupid, idiotic hanyou!"
"Shut up, Sesshomaru, just shut the hell up!" Inuyasha yelled, then he turned to Miroku, "Lets go, Monk, there's bound to be a hot-spring around here somewhere!"
"What about him?" Miroku asked, also letting go of his nose so he could speak proper.
"Leave him... he's too stubborn to follow us anyway... not too mention that I'd prefer a future without him... or a past... or... whatever!"
"Do you really think it is wise to leave such an... irritable Lord by himself in, what I presume to be, a different era? I mean, he can be as mood-swinging and revenge-seeking as you are."
Inuyasha sighed, and looked back at his older half-brother who, at this point, sat on the ground... senses just overcome by stink, "Bastard... he has always gotten in my way."
Walking back up and crouching down next to the Lord, Inuyasha flung one of Sesshomaru's arms around his shoulder, ordered Miroku to the other side, and, with much difficulty, got to their feet again. Very slowly and not with lack of complaining, they began to haul the half-passed-out Lord down the street.
"Now remember," Inuyasha began, "The well is located underneath the sign that reads: 'STARBUCKS.'"
Naraku frowned as he bent down to gaze into the depths of the well. Now that it was caved in, you could see that it had been covered up by logs, sticks and dirt, some of which still littered the sides of the opening where the Dark One stood.
He smirked, for it has been a while sense he had heard any noise from inside the well. ((Perhaps they are dead? No. They are demons, a fall like that wouldn't kill them... unless there are pointy rocks at the bottom of the hole...)) He smiled, ((Hehehe... pointy... pointy sword... shiny sword... Oooo shiny...))
He shook his head as though to clear his thoughts.
((The human for sure must be dead...)) He smiled again, ((Hehe... human meat...yummy! Hm... I wonder if Monk tastes different from normal people...?)) He mentally slapped himself, ((I forgot to take my medication again! Dammit! No wonder I can't concentrate!))
He sighed, ((Oh, well... so much for that.)) Pushing that aside, he resumed his train of thought, or tried to anyway, ((But even if they are just knocked out... knocked... knocked over... knocked over, knocked off... knocked off, pissed off... Kagura is going to try to kill me again tonight... stupid bitch...)) He snarled to frustration, ((Oh, to hell with it! I'll just cover it up again and then place a barrier over it! Barrier... barrier, purple... purple, shiny... Ooo shiny! Shiny swords!))
"I like pointy things." He said with a small smile, "Did I just say that out loud? Am I saying this out loud? Great, now I'm asking myself questions. Well, they're rhetorical questions so I guess it doesn't count... oh, this is perfect! Now I'm TALKING to myself! Talk... talk, walk... walk, run... run, fly... I wish I could fly..."
Despite his obvious problems without his meds, Naraku began hauling wood and dirt over to the hole and covering it up. It almost looked just like it had before when he was pretty much done, he only had one more corner to do then he could place his barrier.
The demon smirked, "With them out of my way... the world is as good as mine! Good... good, great... great, huge... huge, dog... huge, white dog... damn you, Sesshomaru!"
He sighed in frustrated at his mental difficulties and stepped forward to cover up the last corner... when his foot slipped on some mud and he slid down the opening. Screaming, he fell down the well like the others had, only he bounced off the stone walls all the way down.
"Oo! OW! Uh! Son of a! Ack! OW! Dammit it! Ooo! Son of a!"
Sorry bout the short chappie, the first one is just to get all four in the modern era... hope it wasn't too boring to read. Anyway, if you got through this chapter you are in the clear, cause this is the least funny chapter that I am going to have (hopefully), so it should be uphill from here on in.
Yeah, I don't know WHY I had it that Naraku is on some kinds medication to help him concentrate. It just kinda got thrown in there with the rest of it.
So, please R&R and tell me what you think!