Seto in Chaos Land
Series: The Chaos Land Chronicles Part One
Author: Chaos Valkyrie
First Conceptualized: November 2003
Posted Chapter 01, v.1: January 28, 2004
Posted Chapter 01, v.2: December 23, 2005
Updated: March 31, 2006
Disclaimer: Not that you can see me, so take my word for it, I look nothing like Takahashi-san who created the Yu-Gi-Oh we all know and love. Hell, I'm not even a man, so if I did look like him, it would be quite disturbing. Anywho, I don't own, yada yada yada, don't sue. Also don't own "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" or "Alice in Wonderland", or anything else I've unwittingly sto– er, borrowed from.
Author's Note: This is just a spoof. There will be Out-Of-Characterness in this very Alternate Universe. This is a rewrite of the previously-removed-by-FFnet story. The original was scripted, and while I like that version better, at least now this will (hopefully) remain posted. Both versions will be posted at the website, whenever I get it finished. Oh, and all opening and end notes will mostly be straight from the original, so enjoy!
Chapter One: Right At Home
Seto Kaiba was pissed. He groggily sat up, trying blink away his massive headache without much success.
"Where the Hell am I?" he groans. "Mokuba? Where are you…" he trails off as he really takes a good look at his surroundings.
He was lying on a hill, and it sure as Hell wasn't any hill in Domino. The landscape about him was covered with yellowish-looking grass, and the sky was a bright red. The mountains in the distance were tinged a nasty greeny-pink colour. Then he blinks as he sees a girl walking up the hill towards him, fiddling with a really big remote control.
The girl is wearing blue jeans, a black tee-shirt, and black boots, which is normal enough. Her hair, however, is a deep shade of purple, and her eyes as she got closer were tinged a much brighter shade of violet. And she is muttering to herself.
"Damn colour panel. What the hell is cyan anyway? And why is it Red Blue Green?" She shakes her head. "Green ain't no primary colour!" she yells to the landscape at large. She pushes a few buttons, and the grass turns orange.
Seto's eyebrow rose, but anything he might have said was interrupted by the sound of footsteps running up the hillside behind her.
"Aw shit," she gripes, fiddling with the buttons faster.
A normal-looking boy came over the crest of the hill. "Hey! Give the Remote back!"
"No," the girl tells him.
"You are a girl, and therefore not entitled to hold the Remote Control! It's a guy toy!" he tells her, holding out his hand expectantly.
The girl smirks, tightening her grip. "That sounds so wrong."
Her boy glowers at her in response. "You know what I meant. Now give it."
The girl sighs. "Why don't you just get up to change the channels on the set itself?"
The boy just gives her The Look. "If God wanted us to do that, He wouldn't have created Remote Controls now, would He?"
The girl considers this. "All right, fix the landscape and you can have it back," she concedes.
"You're the one who messed it up in the first place. Here," he says, snatching the Remote. Approximately two seconds later, the landscape returns to normal. Well, what most people consider normal. The girl merely looked disgruntled.
"How did you do that?" she asks crossly.
"It's a guy thing. We're good at handling these mechanical kinds of gizmos," the boy answers smugly. Just then, another male voice carries up over the hill.
"Hey, half-time's almost over!"
The boy's head jerks up. "Bye!" he calls, racing back down the hillside.
The girl watches him leave in annoyance. "Yeah, I'll bet that's not all you're good at handling, jerk-off…" she trails off, turning towards where Seto is still sitting in the (now) green grass. "Hubba hubba! Where did you come from?" she replies, her entire demeanor perking up.
"I know where I came from! Where am I now and how the Hell did I get here? And where's my little brother!" he asks angrily. The girl merely grins.
"Quite a little foul mouth, aren't ya? You tell me… what do you remember?" she asks.
Seto pauses, recalling the events of his day. "I remember seeing this white rabbit with a pocket watch running towards his hole…"
"And you passed that by…" the girl adds encouragingly.
"Yes. Then there was this wardrobe with these four geeky kids climbing in it…"
"And you passed that by too…" the girl adds.
Seto's forehead creased in confusion. "Yes. Then something like a Big Hammer hit me upside the head… and that's all I remember…"
"A Big Hammer, huh? Like this?" she asks, pulling out a really Big Hammer from thin air.
Seto's eyes narrow. "Yes…" he snarls.
"Oh. 'Kay." She returns the Hammer from whence it came. "Well, let me be the first to Welcome you to Chaos Land!"
"Chaos Land?" Seto repeats. "And just who are you supposed to be, the official greeter?"
"Nope, I haven't got any happy face stickers on me. I'm Chaos!" she replies cheerily, flipping her hair and winking at him.
Seto sighs. "So, how long have you been here?"
Chaos looks around. "About ten minutes, but…"
Seto interrupts her. "Let me guess, you feel right at home, don't you?"
Chaos smiles. "Yup!"
Seto rises to his feet, muttering under his breath, "Figures. First person I meet is the resident nut-job," as he starts to walk away down the hillside.
Chaos' eyes widen. "Wait!" she cries. When he pauses expectantly, she runs up and glomps him.
Seto flinches. "What was that for?" he asks, pulling himself free.
Chaos grins. "No reason! Just because I can!" Seto glares at her. "Anywho," she continues, "you won't get very far without me!"
Seto began walking again. "And why not?" he asks reluctantly over his shoulder.
Chaos replies as if the answer should be obvious. "Because this is Chaos Land, and you won't find your brother or the way out without my help…"
Seto stops and glares at her once again. "I thought you said you've only been here ten minutes!"
Chaos grins. "I lied. By 'here' I meant the hill."
Seto considers his options. Then, as Chaos patiently waits, he reconsiders his options, hoping he might have missed something. He sighs disgustedly, shrugging his shoulders in distasteful defeat.
"All right, show me how to get home…" he grumbles.
Chaos cheers. "All righty! Let's go!" she exclaims, grabbing his arm and pulling him down the hillside behind her.
Chaos Val: All right, there's the setup! Bit slow, but hopefully it will get better as it goes!
Seto: Liar.
Chaos Val: Bite me.
Seto: Where's my little brother, anyway?
Chaos Val: He'll come in later with the Exposition.
Exposition: You called?
Chaos Val: (Pulls out Hammer and hits him with it.) Not yet! Later! Get back!
Exposition: Oro… (wobbles out)
Seto: What's the deal with the Hammer?
Chaos Val: You'll find out later… (laughs maniacally)
Seto: O.O() Help me!