Disclaimer: Masashi Kishimoto owns Naruto.

...

Screwed Up.

CHAPTER 1

"Nah, sorry man. I'll pass for this time", I drawled, sticking the phone between my shoulder and my neck. Putting my shoes at the same time was revealing to be difficult. And it was not a comfortable position.

I heard a growl coming from the other end of the line.

"Dude, you're serious? It's gonna be, like, the best party ever. All the hot girls are gonna be here! You just can't let me down", my best friend whined in a pleading voice.

I laughed. I could just picture Kiba, right now, grabbing his phone like a lifebuoy.

"Well, I'll have to, 'cause I promised 'Ruka I would come with him to his restaurant thing."

There was a pause. I finished lacing my sneakers, and tapped them against the floor like I'd seen some guys do on the TV. Well, it was cool.

"Oh? What is it again? You surely didn't mention it when I asked you for tonight, eh?"

I leaned back on the chair I was currently sitting on and puffed my cheeks indignantly, even if Kiba couldn't see me. Having known him for eight years, I hoped he understood I was pissed, if only by the tone of my voice.

"Of course, I told ya", I huffed. "You just didn't listen to me, as usual, dog-breath."

"I funckin' told you not to call me that, bastard!" Kiba replied immediately. He grumbled the other part. "It's not nice at all. And I was probably occupied at something else when you spoke about it."

I stood up, chuckling, and walked through my room to my closet. I grabbed a jacket, and forced on the fabric to pull it off of the bazaar my clothes made. I should arrange it, someday.

Yeah, as if.

"Yeah, occupied at staring at Hinata's breasts, if I recall. I really don't understand how she cannot know that you're into her, dude."

I mean, seriously. Those two spent their time chasing after each other, like some lovey-dovey dogs.

"BUT I'M NOT INTO HER", Kiba yelled over the phone, making me cringed with the volume. "Stop saying shit like that! She'll finish by hearing it and, worse, believe it."

This made me smirk, as I put my favorite orange-and-grey pullover on. I admired myself in the mirror. I looked good enough to eat.

"My, my, what could happen, then?" I wondered, in a faked-panic tone. "You could stop being a chicken and finally admit that you're madly in love with her, and actually take this weird relation you two have somewhere? You're right, that's terrible." The sarcasm was almost insulting. I changed the subject. "You know what? I'm really awesomely hot."

I turned on myself, gazing down appreciatively at my own ass.

"What the hell, man?"

"No, really, I think my ass has been shaped by the hands of God Himself. Yummy."

"You're such a faggot, Naruto."

This time, I let out a big laugh, and I could practically see Kiba rolling his eyes as he chuckled too. He knew me too well.

As I said, we had met when we were nine, and were best-buddies ever since we had fought together against some evil eleven years old (they wanted to take my stuffed Kyuubi, the sickos), and came back home covered in bruises. Both of us were inseparable, and had each other's back. We made quite the riot, but it was predictable, when the two of us couldn't stay still for a few hours without doing a prank or a stupidity like that. Well, he was my infamous partner in crime after all.

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not!" I pouted, taking the car's keys on the dangerously leaning pile of stuff covering my desk, and walked toward my bedroom's door. "I already told you I'm bi, you stupid zoophile, dog-fucker."

It was a great way of putting it, I thought.

"Leave Akamaru out of this", Kiba snickered over the phone.

"Right. But you'll have to face it, one day, ya know?" I teased.

I was clearly laughing now, just like Kiba, if I believed the – hum, manly – giggles I was hearing.

"Ah", I sighed nonetheless, when I finished. "I'm gonna have to leave you, mutt. I'm already late."

I was locking the front door, now, and frowned when hearing a feminine voice answering me. I then shrugged when I understood it was Kiba's mother. I snorted. Kiba was scared shitless of his progenitor.

"But Mom! I'm on the phone, right now", I heard him complain pathetically. There was a pause, and I smirked. "Mom! I'll do it after!" Another pause. Some yells. "You're so not cool!" A huff. Another sound of a door slamming shut. A sigh. "Right. So, late? Late for what? I hope you have a good excuse, huh, for not coming."

I rolled my eyes, looking at the same time for my car. Not really difficult, when said-car was painted in a bright orange. What can I say? I liked orange.

"Well, depends on if you think meeting Kakashi's son around a good meal is a good excuse enough."

Really, if I could just go to the party instead of meeting the prick, I would. I didn't really know if the guy was a bastard or not. But he sounded like it, from what I'd heard. Iruka and Kakashi had been dating for four months, now, and every damn time they wanted us to meet, he wasn't there because of he had something better to do, or because he was pissed at Kakashi for something, or whatever. Like I didn't have anything better to do, all those times! Moreover, he seemed like a fucking dork. Iruka was always babbling about how I should take example on him, who always brought back good marks, and all that jazz. "Naruto, Tabernacle is at the head of his class, and you can't bring me better than a C?" And, fuck, what kind of freak was called Tabernacle? It sounded suspiciously like some weird joke of Kakashi. And Iruka fell for it, as usual.

"Kakashi's son? Like, the son of the guy Iruka is dating? Wow, I didn't know this pervert could be a father. The kid must be fucked up or something."

My thought, exactly.

"Well, I hope not, 'Ruka said we were gonna see a lot of each other."

"That's the adults for you. Always wanting to put the kids together and all that shit. Disgusting."

I chuckled as I entered my car, and began to fasten the seatbelt. I then paused, holding the phone close to my ear;

"You are the one disgusting, dog-breath", I grinned. "And, I really have to go."

"I hate you, right now, for letting me down. Hope the guy's a psycho so he will eat ya'."

I barked out a laugh, pursing my lips together.

"Even then, I'll come back and haunt you and your mutt, eh-eh."

"So. I'll make some voodoo ritual and kill you again, HAN!" he stated with an evil snicker. "Well, apart from that, enjoy your time, say hi to Iruka for me, and don't pick-up your phone if I call. I'll probably be drunk out of my ass and will want to declare my undying love, or whatever."

"Like I'd pick-up your call anyway. He- Fuck, 'Ruka's calling me right now. Gotta go."

Running my hand through my thick blond hair, I felt my lips curled upwards in a bright smile, as I leaned back more comfortably into my seat.

"Look at you, 'Ruka, looking all nervous and bothered. He so has you wrapped up around his finger", I chuckled, my blue eyes probably shining with hilarity. My guardian never failed at making me ridiculously amused.

Seeing the glare I received, though, I raised my hands in a defensive gesture.

"Hey, you have him all wrapped up too." I shrugged, my eyes widening comically. "Just sayin', that's all."

Iruka sighed and, ignoring me at his side, glanced at his watch for the forty-fourth time. It seemed that he didn't like what he saw however, provided the glare he returned on me, like it was my fault.

"You're clearly not helping, Naruto. And why aren't they here, yet?"

The sentence sounded dangerously like a whimper. I kept that thought for me, though. I prefered grabbing one of the napkins to play with it, humming tranquilly.

"Maybe he changed his mind. But I do think you should make some excuses, ya know? You called me for being so late when they're not even there yet."

Iruka was visibly not amused at all. Seemed to me like he had a stick up his ass, tonight.

We were actually in "the Gastronome and The Pepper", some weird restaurant Iruka liked. Don't ask me why, they didn't even sell ramen here. I had arrived ten minutes ago, and it seemed that we were the first here. I could have told Iruka, seriously. Kakashi was not famous for his punctuality. The worse was that my guardian seemed all anxious and shit, and he was being annoying as hell.

"It's polite to be on time", he replied, sniffing up proudly. "And stop playing with this napkin, Naruto, you're not six anymore!"

I pouted.

"Seriously, what crawled up your ass and died?"

That's when I remembered that, under all his joyful and daddy-like character, the guy was just plain scaring. He glared at me. Hard.

"Language, Naruto!" he hissed through clenched teeth. "I swear, if you keep-"

"Yo."

We both started and turned to face the voice. Kakashi was here, in his entire splendor. His weird platinum white-like hair was ruffled, a sort of bang hiding one of his eyes, and he didn't even have his mask on (one weird thing he liked to carry around). I guess it was because we would be eating. His only visible eye was closed upside down as he grinned down at us.

"Little dolphin", he greeted happily.

He leaned forward and planted a big kiss on Iruka's lips. I closed my eyes with a groan.

"What the hell, guys? Not in front of me!"

Kakashi ruffled my own hair, still grinning.

"The little one is here too. Great! Hi, chibi-Ruka."

"I'm not little", I mumbled, rolling my eyes. But I was polite. "Hi, pervert."

"Naruto", Iruka growled indignantly.

"Nah, it's nothing. He's just jealous", Kakashi teased, taking his seat next to Iruka, and I swear I saw his hand going down on my guardian's thigh. I glared suspiciously at him. He ignored me superbly.

"Well? Tabernacle isn't with you?" Iruka asked with a small frown wrinkling his tanned skin.

Kakashi's eyebrows rose up, as if he didn't know what he was talking about. Then comprehension seemed to flash in those icy blue eyes, and he smiled proudly. It confirmed my suspicion about the name 'Tabernacle'. I was not as stupid as people seemed to think. (Don't EVEN begin to think the contrary! Marks mean nothing, no matter what.)

"Tabernacle" – Kakashi let out a small, amused chuckle – "was supposed to get there before me. In fact, it's quite surprising that he isn't here yet. Mmm, I'm gonna call him."

He pulled out a phone out of nowhere, and typed rapidly on it, before putting it next to his ear. We could hear the dial tone, and Kakashi grinned sweetly at Iruka, pecking his cheek. I rolled my eyes, and sighed when I saw said-man blushing. Thinking I could be at a party right now… I took a look around, and began drooling when I saw some big plate of French fries and steak being eaten slowly at another table. I could feel my stomach imploring me.

"Hey brat, where are you?"

I raised my head at the tranquil tone of Kakashi. He was smirking mockingly at whatever he was hearing on the other end of the line.

"Really, I did that? Now, that's too bad."

An angry voice seemed to answer him, and I swear I saw an evil glint taking place in his eye. I felt bad for the other guy.

"That's unlike you to get so worked up over something as insignificant as th-" He paused, seemingly cut off. "Hey, it's not my fault you don't have any sense of direction at a- That's mean, brat. Don't say thing like that." He pouted. "On your left. Then, you turned after the little square, and it's on your right. You see? As clear as crystal." Kakashi smirked smugly. "You can't do that. No, not even with an axe." He chuckled. "Neither a chain saw."

I shared a look with Iruka. He seemed concerned. I shrugged.

"And they say you don't have any imagination."

He put the phone down, looking at us.

"He hung up on me." And he seemed proud of it. I revised my opinion of Iruka being hard on me. "Don't worry, he'll be there soon."

"Right, so shall we order?"

"Naruto! We have to wait for Tabernacle to get here", Iruka snubbed me. He looked apologetically at his lover – oh the shudder – who smiled back.

"But I'm hungry", I moaned, pulling on my hair.

"We can order just fine", Kakashi intervened before Iruka could open his mouth to, seeing his glare, hiss at me again. "Just take something with tomatoes for Sa- I mean Tabernacle."

I nodded enthusiastically, ignoring the little pain I felt in my body. Stupidly, this kind of things always reminded me of… Fuck, I didn't even want to begin to think about it. I was. So. Over it.

"Okay, then", Iruka nodded with a sweet smile, before calling a waiter.

'It's raining hard, out there', I thought when I glanced at the window on the other side of the restaurant. Then, my stomach growled out loud. Who was I kidding?

"Aaah", I moaned, "I'm gonna die of hungeeeer."

Kakashi smiled at me. "Good boy."

I glared. It had been ten minutes, and there was no food, no Tabernacle, no nothing. I had to support the chatting of Kakashi and Iruka and I swear my head was going to explode. Seeing my guardian turning red every five seconds, pretending not to understand that the pervert was flirting with him was making me want to throw up.

But I couldn't even manage that. Because my stomach was fucking EMPTY.

"Kakashi. You gave me fucking fake directions", a voice suddenly said, coming from behind us.

Iruka stiffened, before, knowing him, turning around with a probably bright welcoming smile. Kakashi just tilted his head lazily on one side.

As for me, I froze from head to toe.

I fucking knew this voice.

"Oh? I swear I didn't", the white-haired man evaded easily. "But it's nice of you to grace us with your presence. Now, be the good polite boy I raised you to be, and say hi."

I felt some move behind me, but refused to budge even from an inch. A dark figure sauntered rapidly around the table before falling sit on the last red chair available, just in front of me. I could do nothing but stare.

He didn't even spare me a glance, nor Iruka if that matters, his harsh glare still directed on Kakashi.

"I'll get you back for this."

The tone of the voice implied that this, was no empty threat.

I felt Iruka fidgetting next to me, but couldn't even comprehend what was going on. I was on flying mode.

He was here. In front of me. In nothing but some black rock band shirt and a few droplets rolling down the porcelain skin of his bare arms, probably from the rain.

And I. Was gaping.

"Well, nice to meet you", someone – I couldn't even know – said charmingly at my side. "My name's Iruka, but you've probably heard of me – like I sure have heard a lot about you – and this is Naruto. Say hi, Naruto."

I could have snapped at Iruka for being addressed and commanded as a five year old. I could have glared at him for pinching my arm for a reaction. I could have laughed at how ridiculous but adorable he was behaving, like always. I could have fled, just here and now.

But I stayed. And watched as the body before me froze at the mention of the last name.

For the first time, my eyes met the impossibly black one, who widened as recognition flashed in them.

And then, I was facing Sasuke Uchiha.

My fucking ex-boyfriend, whom I had wished with all my deadly will to be butchered, massacred or whatever a good thousand times.

Unsurprisingly, we both reacted the same way.

We glared. Hard.

TBC.