You could only admit it to yourself that you loved him.
Even that was a task all on its own. You tried to convince yourself otherwise, so many times, but in the end you knew you couldn't. You loved Dave Strider, and nothing was going to change that.
Except for him, maybe.
You wouldn't tell him. You couldn't. Just thinking about it made you want to throw up. You thought about it time after time after time, but decided you were happy with the "best bro" status you two had. That was better than nothing, wasn't it?
Replaying this over and over in your head, you finally manage to lift yourself out of bed and begin getting ready for school. You stand up and strip off your pajamas, replacing them with a simple outfit you had set out for the day. After eating a bagel, brushing your teeth and packing your bag, you are ready to go. You tell your dad you are leaving and wave a quick goodbye before heading out the front door.
Dave lives fairly close to you but not close enough to be at the same bus stop. He still sits with you every day; you just get to go on the bus first. After waiting a few minutes, the bus pulls up, and you climb up the steps. Flopping down into the regular seat, you separate yourself from your much-too-heavy backpack and relax a bit. You sit there in a bit of anticipation, knowing Dave was at the next stop. You always think to yourself how stupid it is to be excited about seeing him every morning, you see him every day. It's nothing new. But you can't seem to help it, the way he walks on with such confidence; his bag slung over one arm, blond hair swept to the side, the morning sun reflecting in his shades and momentarily blinding you. You zone out while thinking about this and don't even realize that he's right next to you. "Move your bag, Egbert. I can't sit down." You look up, startled, and then hastily move your bag. His voice is gruff and irritated, as it often is in the morning. You notice these little things about him and it kind of concerns you. He sits himself down and leans back into the bus seat, obviously tired and unwilling to talk. You giggle and punch him in the shoulder. "Morning sunshine!" you comment, sarcastically. He just grumbles and shifts away from you. You give a little "hmpf," and look out the window, willing to talk to him later, when he's not being such a grouch.
You arrive at school and walk to homeroom together, just like always. That hadn't changed since the two of you became such good friends, which was quite a long time ago. You walk into the classroom and take your seats next to each other. There's still about 10 minutes until class starts, so you turn to look at Dave and see if he's woken up yet. You see him sitting there, staring at you and smirking, and your heart jumps into your throat, even though you can't actually see his eyes through his shades. You can feel them. You look away, unsure of what to do, feeling your face become a bit too hot. Why was he looking at you? And what was he smiling about? He just laughs at you and your face becomes even redder. You decide to ignore it. He stops laughing when you don't say anything. "Yo, John, what are you so embarrassed about? Sorry man." You realize he's genuinely apologizing to you, and you scold yourself for being such an idiot. "Nah," you reply, "Don't be sorry. I'm just being stupid." You smile at him then turn to your book bag, beginning to take things out to prepare for your first class. He just shrugs. "Alright."
You get through the day just fine until P.E. You honestly dread that class. You look forward to it in a different sense, but that's the reason you dread it. It's just very awkward for you because Dave's in that class. And you know better than anyone else how smugly confident the Strider can be when it comes to changing, you've had too many sleepovers with him to know otherwise. And it's not that you don't like seeing him change, because you honestly secretly do, it's just that you're afraid of getting caught. You don't try to stare but sometimes it just happens. You've had some bad experiences because of it, all of which you found a way out of, but that's not the point. Dave's never noticed of course. You've always made sure of that. You just get so embarrassed and it's not something you look forward to everyday. Not really.
When you get to the gym, you run into the locker room, hoping to be there before Dave so you can just change and leave. But when you open the door, he's right there, completely shirtless, holding his gym shirt in his hands. You must have been standing there too long because a few guys start laughing at you, and you just shake your head and head to the stalls. You're not changing out there ever again. This happens way too often. You sit down for a bit, waiting for everyone to leave, and thinking to yourself. What makes Dave so intriguing to you? It could be the way he smirks but never smiles, how he laughs at your stupid jokes, or how he's always been there for you, but you're not sure. You find it odd how he's never noticed you staring, never noticed the way you look at him when you're not thinking straight. He's never brought it up so that's what you've always assumed. You finish changing but remain in the stall, planning to skip the class and tell the teacher you had a stomach ache and had to go to the nurse. Dave would cover for you if he didn't buy it. Your head is just so clouded right now and you can't even-
"John?"
You almost yelp. Who the hell was that? You listened to everyone leave. You thought you were alone.
"Who is it?"
There's a slight pause before the answer.
"It's me you idiot. Open the door."
Perfect. Now Dave was here! The reason you were skipping in the first place.
You open the stall door after a minute and start to explain to him what was going on. You've always been good at lying and you had a bit of an elaborate story about your terrible stomach pain that just wouldn't go away, that you knew he'd never actually believe.
He tells you to kindly shut up and tell him the truth.
You ask him, "What truth? There's nothing I'm lying about."
He replies, "Bullshit."
You stand there speechless and he grasps at your thin arm, almost snapping it with force, and pulling you out of the stall and into the wall.
"Ow. Jesus Christ Dave, what the fu-"
You're eyes are wide when he smashes his face onto yours.
You just look at him for a moment and the two of you are completely still, he's waiting for your permission. You're in complete shock. You focus on the warmth of his mouth on yours, you can feel his hot breath coming out of his nose and fogging up your glasses. Then you kiss him back.
Only being in your junior year of high school, you don't have much experience in this type of… physical contact. You have no idea how to kiss, but you don't think Dave really gives a fuck.
You try to focus on what feels nice, what you've seen in movie make outs and whatnot, but the kiss is still messy as hell. But that's what makes is so hot.
When he sticks his tongue in your mouth you don't know how to respond. He's trailing it over your gums and teeth, swirling around your own tongue, and goddamn you thought this kind of kissing would be gross. You were very wrong.
You let him do what he wants, acting as a puppet, and you love it. This goes on for a little while longer until the two of you break apart. He's still holding your wrists against the wall, and a thin line of saliva connects between your mouths; stretching until it breaks apart and drips to the floor.
He moves to your gym shorts, hastily trying to pull the down, and you grab his wrist.
"Dave, not here!" You try to lower your voice, but it just comes out like a soft whine. "Have you forgotten where we are?"
"Oh, yeah. I guess you're not really into the 'public sex' thing, that's cool with me. But we should go somewhere. Like, right now."
You look at him with surprise. Sex? He actually wanted to have sex with you? You thought that kiss was really hot and all but you never thought he's actually…
"Sure."
The word is out before you can stop it. He instantly grabs your arm and drags you behind him as he walks to the door leading out into the hallway instead of the gym. He grabs your bag and his in one hand and continues holding yours when he opens the door and looks around.
Nobody in sight.
The two of you race out the back doors as quietly as you can, your heart racing more than your brain. You were a good kid in school. You never skipped, you've never even thought about it. But your eyes were still clouded over with lust from the kiss, and you couldn't be more nervous.
He races across the parking lot and out into the street, having let go of your arm.
"Jesus Christ John, hurry the fuck up. You don't want to be caught, do you?" He turns back to you, trying to run faster but not wanting to lose you.
You're panting from the running; he was apparently in much better shape than you. You reply as you finally catch up. "I'm sorry, jeez. I'm trying my best here!"
He snorts with laugher. "Alright Egderp, whatever you say."
You pout and slow down. "We don't have to run anymore, I can't even see the school from here. Where are we going anyways?"
He slows down with you, silently agreeing. "I don't know. My place? Bro isn't home right now. He will be soon though. Why don't we go to yours?"
You nod in agreement. "Okay. Dad won't be home for a while. But Dave.."
"What?"
You sigh quietly. "We should probably talk about this first, before, you know.." You trail off.
"Oh. Yeah, sure man. Whatever you want."
He walks over to the edge of the road, where a few rocks are sitting, just out of view from the cars passing by. Dave takes a seat and motions for you to do the same. Sitting down, you look at him shyly, not knowing how to initiate this type of conversation. You weren't even really sure what you wanted to clarify in the first place.
He notices the silence from you and decides to start, looking at you straight in the eyes, at least you think. You can never tell because of those damn shades.
"Look John, I know I was taking things pretty fast in the locker room. But, I just want you to know that, I've kinda liked you for a while now."
He turns his head down a bit awkwardly, knowing that it's not much of a confession at this point, but still inwardly embarrassed. You smile at him.
"I'm happy to say it's the same for me." You reply, with a bit of a laugh. You two were just making out in a high school locker room. There wasn't much to say.
"Now," you continue, "About the whole, 'sex' thing. Did you mean that? Is that why we're leaving?"
He clears his throat. "Well, I was hoping so. But I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want, man. I'm not some creep that would use you."
You look at him. "Jesus Dave, you don't think I know that?"
"I guess you do. That's a start. Now what are we doing?"
You shake your head. "I don't know. I mean, I want to and all, but it's my first time and I don't.."
"You don't what, John?"
You pause, thinking about it, then continue. "I don't know if you'll really want me in the end. You know. When it's all over."
You look away and don't see him moving, sitting down next to you, but you feel his arms when they wrap around your skinny waist. You shiver a bit in his warm arms.
"Dammit John. You don't know how long I've wanted you for. I would never use you then leave you. I mean, do I really seem like that much of a playboy?"
You laugh at him. "Yeah, actually, you do."
"What?" He inquires with a bit of strain in his voice.
"I see the way you flirt with all the girls in homeroom, Dave. It's really obvious. They're all in loooove with you."
He just sighs. "I don't flirt with them John. I'm aware they want some of this, but trust me. Why would I be courting you if I wanted one of them?"
He rests his head in the crook of your neck and you feel his steamy breath on your skin. You shiver a bit.
"And anyways," he goes on, "I've never been with anyone either. You're the only one John, honest."
Every word that comes out of his mouth is like a bullet to the chest. You ache for him. You want him. You really, really want him.
Leaning back into his lap, you nuzzle your own head around his neck, and he looks up to you, waiting.
"Do I really need to say it, Dave? Yes. Yes yes yes, yes, yes." You giggle at how needy you sound, but you really do mean it.
He doesn't respond in words, instead he sticks out his tongue and licks one long stripe up your neck. At the end of the lick, he nibbles the skin, and sucks at it hungrily.
You gasp at the new feeling, your skin tingling and bruising under his lips. Damn if that didn't feel great.
He continues suckling the virgin skin, lapping it afterwards as if in apology to the forming mark. You wanted him to claim you, mark you. You were his for the taking and you loved it.
He rides his long fingers up your clothed chest, brushing past your pert nipples and tweaking them. You groan into him. All of these feelings were new, and so, so wonderful. You never knew you could feel like this.
Dave then pulls your shirt up over your head, revealing your pale skin to the humidity of the sweet spring air. He turns you around in his lap, letting you face him. As soon as you look at him, you see the shades, those god forsaken shades. They separate you from his eyes and you hate that so much. Without a word you reach up and remove them, throwing them off to the side, not caring where they end up, and you look at him. His eyes are a beautiful dark crimson, his pupils dilated with lust and need. He looks back into your blue ones, smirking, and brushes your soft brown hair out of the way. "Your eyes are really pretty, Egbert." Your face turns pink in mild embarrassment. "Have you seen yours?" you reply in earnest, brushing his own blonde hair back. It's very soft and you run your long piano fingers through it, not stopping until Dave pulls you closer and kisses down your neck once again. You let out an actual moan this time out of surprise, not expecting the feeling and not being able to hide it. You don't care much anymore; your modesty is slowly burning out like a paper crumbling in flames.
He goes lower and lower until he's softly kissing your stomach, and you laugh because it tickles. He laughs when you do, and you realize how much you love it. He rarely lets out laughs in front of anybody else and you feel honored that he's letting you see him. The real him, that is.
His fingers toy with the edge of your gym shorts, slowly tugging them down. You're even more embarrassed at the fact that you're sporting quite the hard on and it's right there for him to see, but Dave doesn't seem bothered. He seems happy about it. The little fucker.
He finally pulls off your shorts, leaving you almost naked in his lap. All that's left are your boxers. Then you realize how close you are to civilization. There are houses and cars and school close by and you don't know what you would do if you were caught like this. But then again, the feeling it gives you is an exciting one, one welled deep inside you. You feel like a rebellious teenager for once. It makes you even more excited and Dave notices, acknowledging the way you've been looking around.
"Hah. So public sex does excite you? It sure looks that way…"
He drawls out his words in the sexiest way possible, lowering his face to the tent in your undergarments, breath hot and sticky along with the moist air surrounding you. He begins sucking the tip of your erection through your boxer shorts and you yelp out loud.
"D-Dave.."
He stops for a moment to look up you questioningly.
"God dammit, don't stop!" Your words come out shaky and desperate, and you whine a little at the loss of contact.
He just smirks again, that goddamn fucking Strider smirk of his, and resumes his slow teasing actions on your straining dick.
He pulls your boxers aside a bit, allowing his mouth to gain full access to the underside of your erection. And he uses it to his complete advantage.
He licks one long stripe along the underside of your dick, leaving you squirming and gasping at the newfound feelings this brings about in your groin. There's a fire, you now realize, slowly growing, deep in the pit of your stomach, and you think it might be love. Maybe with a bit of lust mixed in. But mostly love.
He continues licking you like a sweet lollipop, so very slow and wet, stopping occasionally to suck at the tip. He licks off beads of precome that develop, swirling it around in his mouth and enjoying your taste.
You don't have much to say to him as he does this to you. All you can really manage at this point is moans and embarrassing little gasps. You're putty in his Strider hands.
You're shaking now. Uncontrollably. And moaning. You can't forget the sounds that he's drawing from your throat. It almost scares you, how needy you sound, giving in to the feelings and yelling like a goddamn porn star. But that's okay. You can be Dave's porn star.
When he lowers his mouth even more to suck on one of your painfully full balls, kneading the other gently with his hand, you're gone. You come on his face, and he laughs, not expecting it so suddenly. He continues to grip you, milking you dry, making sure you've released as much as you possibly could.
You look down at his grinning face, your come now drying on his skin. He hasn't wiped it off.
"You enjoy that as much as I did Egbert?"
"Fuck yes."
Your reply is instant, and you smile, your abdomen all tingly and your head fuzzy from the sudden rush. It was like nothing you'd ever experienced.
"May I return the favor?"
You grin and he looks absentmindedly down at his own situation.
"I thought you'd never ask."