What Would I Do, if I Came Face to Face With Saruman?
By: Grindylow
a/n: Well… this should be interesting. Oh and this is like taking place before he dies, maybe in book two. And I'm sorry Saruman doesn't speak as eloquently as he does in the books.
Disclaimer: Everything is J.R.R. Tolkien's except my twisted point of view. BWAHAHA!!!
Grindylow was casually skipping down an old dirt road, chasing butterflies when all of the sudden she ran head first into something quite tall and rather solid. Startled, she looked up to see the tired face of old man. He had long gray hair and was holding, what seemed to be half of a staff (it rhymes!).
"Watch where you're going, you clumsy fool!" He said shoving the girl aside.
"Hey! That was not very nice. Apologize." Grindylow said indignantly.
"Quiet girl."
"I will not be quiet you ugly… ugly… uh, bubble-butt!" It took Grindylow a minute to find the word she was looking for.
"I do not have time for this-"
"Wait! You look familiar… hey! You're Saruman!"
"Yes that is my name, now leave me alone."
"Tee hee hee…"
"What?!" Saruman yelled.
"Oh, nothing…" Grindylow said secretively.
"Fine then go away." Saruman said as he turned and continued on down the road.
A few minutes later he heard the shuffling of feet behind him. He spun around and saw Grindylow looking up at him and she smiled innocently.
"Are you sure you don't want to know?" She asked, almost politely.
"Aaaarrg," He screamed before turning back around and continuing at a fast pace down the road.
Grindylow giggled and ran up next to him. She practically had to skip to keep up with his long strides.
"Hee hee… well I'll tell you." She said defiantly "my friend Hinkypunk and I think you and Sauron are in love!"
"Leave me alone you freak!" Saruman had tried to remain composed, but this last little comment pushed him over the edge. Saruman's pace had quickened and Grindylow was bounding to keep up.
"Tee hee hee… Sauron and Saruman, sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage-" Grindylow's chanting was cut short.
"Stop stop stop!" Saruman screamed.
"Tee hee… That's not all, that's not all, then comes the baby drinkin' alcohol!" Grindylow shouted gleefully.
"AAHHHH!" Saruman could take in no longer, he whapped Grindylow on the back of the knees with his half a staff, so that she fell face first into the dirt.
"Hey!" she screamed, "Don't make me call for back up!" She jumped up and chased after him.
"Yes, I am so sure you got and army hiding behind those trees back there." Saruman said sarcastically.
"So ya don't believe me, eh?" Grindylow stopped cupped her hand around her mouth, then yelled "HINKYPUNK!"
Saruman stopped and looked at her oddly, then he could hear faintly,
"aaaaaahhhhhhhhhh…" then the voice grew in volume as he could see a small figure speeding down the hill towards him.
Grindylow smiled and said, "Here's my army now." Saruman looked at Grindylow with a puzzled expression, when all of the sudden the small figure leapt on Saruman's shoulders and began hitting his head with what appeared to be a frying pan. As he was busy spinning around trying to get Hinkypunk off of him Grindylow began to kick his shins.
The two girls began to chant "Sauron and Saruman sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S- I-N-G first comes love then comes marriage…"
And they all lived happily ever after. Except for Saruman who lived out the rest of his days in a mental institution.
THE END
REVIEW!!! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!!
By: Grindylow
a/n: Well… this should be interesting. Oh and this is like taking place before he dies, maybe in book two. And I'm sorry Saruman doesn't speak as eloquently as he does in the books.
Disclaimer: Everything is J.R.R. Tolkien's except my twisted point of view. BWAHAHA!!!
Grindylow was casually skipping down an old dirt road, chasing butterflies when all of the sudden she ran head first into something quite tall and rather solid. Startled, she looked up to see the tired face of old man. He had long gray hair and was holding, what seemed to be half of a staff (it rhymes!).
"Watch where you're going, you clumsy fool!" He said shoving the girl aside.
"Hey! That was not very nice. Apologize." Grindylow said indignantly.
"Quiet girl."
"I will not be quiet you ugly… ugly… uh, bubble-butt!" It took Grindylow a minute to find the word she was looking for.
"I do not have time for this-"
"Wait! You look familiar… hey! You're Saruman!"
"Yes that is my name, now leave me alone."
"Tee hee hee…"
"What?!" Saruman yelled.
"Oh, nothing…" Grindylow said secretively.
"Fine then go away." Saruman said as he turned and continued on down the road.
A few minutes later he heard the shuffling of feet behind him. He spun around and saw Grindylow looking up at him and she smiled innocently.
"Are you sure you don't want to know?" She asked, almost politely.
"Aaaarrg," He screamed before turning back around and continuing at a fast pace down the road.
Grindylow giggled and ran up next to him. She practically had to skip to keep up with his long strides.
"Hee hee… well I'll tell you." She said defiantly "my friend Hinkypunk and I think you and Sauron are in love!"
"Leave me alone you freak!" Saruman had tried to remain composed, but this last little comment pushed him over the edge. Saruman's pace had quickened and Grindylow was bounding to keep up.
"Tee hee hee… Sauron and Saruman, sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage-" Grindylow's chanting was cut short.
"Stop stop stop!" Saruman screamed.
"Tee hee… That's not all, that's not all, then comes the baby drinkin' alcohol!" Grindylow shouted gleefully.
"AAHHHH!" Saruman could take in no longer, he whapped Grindylow on the back of the knees with his half a staff, so that she fell face first into the dirt.
"Hey!" she screamed, "Don't make me call for back up!" She jumped up and chased after him.
"Yes, I am so sure you got and army hiding behind those trees back there." Saruman said sarcastically.
"So ya don't believe me, eh?" Grindylow stopped cupped her hand around her mouth, then yelled "HINKYPUNK!"
Saruman stopped and looked at her oddly, then he could hear faintly,
"aaaaaahhhhhhhhhh…" then the voice grew in volume as he could see a small figure speeding down the hill towards him.
Grindylow smiled and said, "Here's my army now." Saruman looked at Grindylow with a puzzled expression, when all of the sudden the small figure leapt on Saruman's shoulders and began hitting his head with what appeared to be a frying pan. As he was busy spinning around trying to get Hinkypunk off of him Grindylow began to kick his shins.
The two girls began to chant "Sauron and Saruman sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S- I-N-G first comes love then comes marriage…"
And they all lived happily ever after. Except for Saruman who lived out the rest of his days in a mental institution.
THE END
REVIEW!!! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!!