Episode II
"Cracker Attack"
The sand dunes spoke of no treachery. None that Brendan could find, anyways. Suddenly, he talked.
"Penny, my menny, get over here!" rasped Brendan to the sobbing clown huddled in the corner. Except...there was a problem.
"Wait a minute...you're no PENNY!" Brendan cleverly swathed out a dishing of his favourite chicken pot "cry" to Penny, who gratefully accepted the childish offering.
This plate of chicken pot pie, ramified by Brendan himself, contained a slice of The Truth picked on Mount Olympus. Today was no excuse.
Penny contorted and twisted ferociously, but he too was slowly transforming from...The Truth.
"Brendan," shat out Hilgie Huress, AKA Fergie. "You've got to get me out of this corner. If you do, I'll be your loving wife!" Fergie batted her wickedly wooden toenails at Brendant who, despite having his loving wife Matilda to hold, could not resist the power of the Jaws.
Exit all but Brendan
Alright you witch. You witch from the North,
The Dastardly clever Satan's foe,
Who doth take it upon me to bring this love to a boil,
My wife will not take kindly, but in due time, I hope
She understands.
Brendan finished to tumultuous applause from Hilgie Huress, while he licked a nearby lightpost out of pure frustration and love.
Brendan reflected on his choice of magic. True, The Truth was a potent foe, but only when used properly and effectively. This time, Brendan may have gone a tad overboard.
"I command the ice and fire from this!" Brendan held up a small cow testicle, "To take the plunge in my...esophagus."
The world nearly blew up at this statement. Brendan whistled at a passing place and it crashed into the Amazonian rainforest where it would drop off Betty and Wallycakes.
Episode III
"Shitstorm"
Brendan passed between open hedges which were full of locusts. Brendan hated locusts.
"Go away, locusts!" laughed Brendan as he lit an aerosol container on fire. Laughing ensured that Brendan never flew under the radar. He tossed the burning container into the hedge, puffing this old man's lungs quite nicely. Brendan smiled.
"Say, Jerkoff!" snapped Brendan as a passing pedestrian who happened to be the one and only-
Brendan Fraser?!
He cooked until the dream went away.
Episode IV
"Burriest Brendan"
He chopped and hollered at the nearby moon. The year was 46,912, and the moon was speeding towards Earth!
"Brendan, come sign the divorce papers!" screamed Brendan's wife Matilda through the din of cries coming from Earth. The moon was coming.
"Hey, it ain't me!" Brendan smirked as he tucked away his moon magnet inside his pocket.
"Brendan, come sign before I make your yearly child support dollars a million!"
Brendan shuddered. He did not expect that card being played.
"Matilda, I'm out of work." Brendan pleaded endlessly to Matilda, but alas...it was no use.
The ground tumbled out of existence.
"I want to be free of this pain," spoke Han Solo as Brendan edged closer to the trembling man on the Golden Gate Bridge. I know what I must screw but I don't know if my penis can handle it...will you-"
"Fuck you? Gross! I'm a woman of God!"
Brendan flaunted his curly, conditioned, brown locks in a purely Catholic fashion. However, Han took it in a different sense.
"Aaaaargh!" Han growled with a heartfelt lunge towards the fateful Brendan. Brendan did not lie.
He was a woman of God.
As Brendan's virginity was on the line, he let loose all inner Goddess.
"Ferrero Rocher!" How did you know?" Hank lifted his head to the sky as hard pellets of nutty chocolate burst from above.
"Hahaha!" I saved you today!" Brendan slapped Han on the ass as the latter engorged.