Another FMA one-shot since a lot seem to like my one-shots for some reason. Although, this time the couple is Royai, not Lingfan cause I write too much of them. This was fun to write. It's my first comedy-based fic lol Hope you guys find it funny too.
Disclaimer: FMA and it's characters don't belong to me. They belong to Hiromu Arakawa
Fic takes place after the main FMA storyline ends.
"You're pathetic. Utterly and totally pathetic. I don't even understand how you achieved the rank of a General. I just can't-"
"Alright, already! I get it, Fullmetal!" Roy Mustang fumed, glaring down at the smaller ex-alchemist's face, "I can't help it if I'm scared. Excuse me for being human."
Ed shook his head, arms crossed. Roy was indeed pathetic. Of all the things he has gone through in his thirty-six years of life and THIS was the moment he found the scariest? Given that this moment had frightened Ed himself when he had gone through it a year ago but there were more important things then being scared. And Roy should know that. SHOULD.
"Now, now, it'll be okay." Alphonse Elric comforted, patting his flesh hand on Roy's shoulder, "Everything will work out."
"Geez, Al. You sound like his mother." Ed grumbled, making a fake gag gesture to show his disgust.
"How rude! No wonder nobody likes you, brother."
Veins popped up on the alchemist's face, "What was that?!"
As the Elric brothers went onto argue; the flame alchemist was left standing there, having a conflict of his own. Well, an inner one at that.
Maybe he shouldn't even be there. Maybe he shouldn't have even picked up the phone when he got the call. Perhaps he should run? Yeah, run far away. Grow a beard and change his name to George and...
"What the hell is wrong with me?" Roy grunted, disturbed by his own thoughts.
The older man sighed and took a seat. Ed and Al then ceased their arguing and looked to the fellow soldier.
"What do you think you're doing, you wimp? Get up!" Ed commanded, grabbing Roy's arm and giving it a yank.
"Last time I checked, YOU weren't my commanding officer, Fullmetal."
"He's not even military anymore. Then again, it's not like brother was military material to begin with." Al laughed innocently.
"Shut up, Al!"
"How ru-" But Ed cut his little brother off.
"General! Listen, whether you like it or not, you have to deal with this. If you don't then you'll be an even bigger jackass then what you already are!"
Roy sweat-dropped, feeling an invisible arrow stab into his head at Ed's remark. Boy, did he feel the love between him and Fullmetal.
The soldier of the Amestrian military rubbed the bridge of his nose nervously. The two brothers made it sound so easy for him to get this whole thing over with. Compared to all the other things he had been through, this should have been cake. Roy had seen many terrifying things over the years. The Ishvalin War of Extermination. The down-fall of his own country. The Portal of Truth. So many things. Too many things. But this, he couldn't even begin to deal with. How could he? Sure, Fullmetal and the Emperor of Xing, Ling Yao had been through this same situation and somehow handled it extremely well. But this...for Roy, it was just...
"Men shouldn't have to deal with this." Roy fake-sobbed, hitting himself over the head.
"I knew your brain was small but your mind too? I've come to a decision, General."
Roy focused his black eyes on the braided-hair man, "What?"
"You just down-right freakin' suck."
Al and Roy's jaws fell to the floor. Sometimes, Edward could be a little TOO blunt.
"You wanna be Furher, right? Well, if you're scared of this then you'll never lead this country!" Ed smacked the adult over the head, continuing on with his lecture on why he's pathetic, sucks, and is apparently a half-assed alchemist of a man-slut who shouldn't have been allowed to gain the knowledge of flame alchemy.
"Edward Elric!" Alphonse shouted in a stern tone, "Don't be so mean!"
"Sorry mommy." The older blond joked, running fingers through his golden locks, "But it's true. He's pissing me off with how stupid he's being."
Sighing, AL reluctantly, but politely, agreed,"I know but he can't help it..."
"Hello, I'm right here." Roy mumbled in depression.
"He's just naturally brain-dead." Al laughed,
"True," Ed returned, "He probably lost all his brain cells back in the Portal of Truth."
Alphonse's eyes widened, "Brain cells? He had brain cells?"
Roy felt himself twitching in anger at the Elric's remarks.
"You two-"
"I don't understand why Hawkeye loves you. Armstrong would have been a better match for her. Even Falman-"
"Oh you two can kiss the largest side of my ass!" The flame alchemist spewed, rising from his seat and walking over to stand in front of the door.
"Is it clean?" Ed chuckled, flashing his famous devil-like smirk.
Roy returned the smirk with a raise brow, "Are you short?"
"..."
"Oh boy..." Al mumbled, stepping away from his brother slowly.
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHORT?!" The hot-headed alchemist screamed which caused passer-byes to look at him weirdly.
Roy half-grinned at Ed's typical reaction but it fell as soon as it came. Sighing in despair, the black-haired man leaned against a wall and lowered his head. He remained silent now, telling the two alchemist siblings how panicked he really was about the situation at hand.
"Man, I would love to make you blow up in your own flames." Ed frowned, taking a seat beside his comrade, "Anyways, it's like Al said. Everything will be fine."
Al nodded in agreement, "Yeah. Look at this way, if someone like brother could get through this kind of thing then you can too!"
Roy's expression softened at the younger brother's words. At that moment, the door beside where the two men sat opened, revealing a man dressed in white.
"Mustang?" The man asked, looking at the three adults, wondering which was said person.
Edward playfully slapped the General's shoulder, "Go on, hot-shot. Someone needs you now."
Swallowing a lump, the soldier rose from his seat again and took in a deep breath.
"Coming..." Roy stated, walking to the doorway that the man was standing in. With one last look at Ed and Al, Roy's expression changed to determined and he followed after the man into the door; the door closing behind them.
"You really think he'll be okay, brother? Even you were a mess when this happened to Winry."
Ed didn't so much as exchange looks with his own flesh and blood but instead kept his eyes locked on the door, "Like you said before...If I can get through it, then Roy sure as hell can."
A smile crept up the alchemist's face as he and Ed took their seats,
~xXx~
The oldest Elric opened his mouth to form a large O, letting out a long, tired yawn.
"Tired, brother?" Alphonse asked, looking at the puny man in concern.
"A little," The blonde replied, scratching his back. The boy's golden eyes wandered over to the clock suspended on the wall, "How long has it been?"
"About...five hours." A rain cloud of depression appeared above the younger boy's head at reluctantly bringing up the passed time. Truthfully, it was taking far longer then what the Elrics had expected.
"Think he passed out?" Ed asked, standing up to stretch.
"That or Riza beat him unconscious. I mean, when it comes to this kind of thing, women are very moody." Al held back a laugh at remembering a past experience with Winry and Ed when it was them in the situation.
Ed shuttered at the memory of a thousand wrenches being chucked at his head, "No kidding..."
Just as Al stood up too, the door from before re-opened, revealing a young woman in a plain dress and hat.
"Excuse me, are you two friends of the Mustangs?" The lady asked, looking from her clipboard to the men before her.
Ed and Al exchanged looks and then looked back to the nurse who asked them to follow her inside. They did as told and walked through the door. What the Elrics saw in front of them now was something no one would have ever thought possible a few years prior.
There, Roy Mustang sat beside a tired-looking yet smiling Riza Hawkeye. Both of them held a small bundle in their arms. Ed tried his best to hold back a stupid smile but ended up grinning anyways,
"Still scared, General Mustang?" Ed teasingly asked, cupping his hands behind his head.
Roy's face had returned back to its normal color. His expression also seemed to have been robbed of any concern or fear that had been painted on there before. Instead, a warm and loving smile held it's spot on his face and his cheeks were tinted a faint pink.
Smirking, Roy squeezed his free hand with Riza's,
"Not at all."
Al then shyly and slowly made his way over to Riza's bedside. The young man leaned over to peak into the bundle that the sniper woman held close to her chest. At realizing what Al wanted, Riza pulled back part of the bundle's blanket, revealing a small baby girl with Roy's dark hair but Riza's hazel eyes. The baby sucked on a small pink pacifier as she stared up at Alphonse Elric with wide eyes.
"Awwwwww," Al coo'ed, letting the baby squeeze his finger, "She's so cute."
While his brother played with the baby in Hawkeye's arms; Ed walked over to Roy's side; trying to repeat his sibling's previous actions.
"You were quite rude earlier, Fullmetal." Roy held the other bundle away from the ill-tempered man, "Maybe I shouldn't show you the other one."
Rolling his eyes, Ed kicked Roy's ankle with his boot, "C'mon. I showed you mine when Winry had them, didn't I?" Ed motioned a finger, ordering Roy to show the other bundle to him, "Fork over your part of the Equivalent Exchange."
Roy smiled, shaking his head as he brought the bundle around to show Ed, "Your wife is right; you do treat too many things like alchemy."
The officer of the military then relinquished the bundle to the Fullmetal Alchemist. Ed pulled back the tip of the cloth to reveal the second infant.
This child was a boy; much tinier then the girl for some reason. While the boy also had Roy's hair, this baby seemed to have two different colored eyes. One was dark black with a hint of blue, the other hazel. Ed then found his eyes traveling up to the child's head to notice a very light birthmark on the side of the baby's temple.
"Geez, this one is a mess. It got most of his dad's genes then." Ed joked, causing his bro to look at him in disbelief and shock.
Punching the ex-alchemist's shoulder, Roy stole back his son and began rocking him slowly.
As Ed and Al took steps back to get a better look at at the new family before them. An urge to tease Roy began to rise in Fullmetal's throat, however; at seeing the happy look painted on Roy's face he decided against it. The Elric brothers then said goodbye to the couple, wishing to give them their privacy.
As the two walked out of the hospital that day, Ed mumbled something to Alphonse,
"I told him there was nothing to be afraid of."
Back inside, Roy and Riza continued to gently rock the twins back and forth until they were both asleep in their arms. Looking at her wife, Riza rested her head on Roy's large shoulder.
"Tired, angel?" Roy asked, kissing his love's forehead, "I'm sure. Get some sleep."
Smiling, Riza agreed and laid back in her bed to sleep while Roy took their daughter from her.
After Riza had fallen asleep; Roy stared down at the two innocent sleeping babies he held in his arms as lightly as possible. It was almost funny now that the General thought about actions and thoughts earlier that day. Edward and Alphonse were right. Everything turned out just fine in the end.
Smiling, Roy planted soft kisses on both his children's heads and mumbled one thing,
"How could I have ever been scared of something so amazing?"
Author's comments: Got this done in one day. Didn't take much thought to write it. Sorry the babies and Riza didn't have much of a part in this. Perhaps if more people want me to write more about the Mustang family, I'll do a fic of them later. Thanks for reading, everyone! Please review~
On a random note and for those of you who know the anime/manga series Blood Plus; my bestie pointed out at the part where Roy thinks he should move away, grow a beard and change his name to George, made it seem like I made a Blood Plus reference there. I didn't even mean to but I guess I did because of how I described it. Lol oh well.