Ciel Phantomhive sat quietly in his office, drinking tea in spite of the fact that it was nine at night. He was doing nothing but thinking; pondering. He couldn't just keep his feelings pent up, telling himself they don't exist when, in fact, they do. He had been hiding these feelings from that person all along. Who is this person, one might ask? It is a tall, dark haired male with eyes of a deadly ruby. He was the current butler under the hand of Ciel himself. Sebastian Michaelis. Ciel could hardly bare to accept the fact that he had fallen for him, of all people. 'But he's not just a normal human being,' he thought, trying to justify his feelings toward the man. He was now approaching the point where he can't keep his cool very well at all anymore whenever Sebastian entered the room. What to do, what to do?
Right then and there, Sebastian entered the room. "Bocchan," he said, grinning in that devious way of his, "I believe Lady Elizabeth has made arrangements to meet with you tonight? She is awaiting your arrival," he said teasingly. "Don't want to keep the lady waiting, now, do we?" Ciel growled under his breath, "Alright, I'm going, just shut up." Never hurts to over correct one's feelings.
Of course, Lizzy made it widely known that she was happy to see Ciel. "CIEEEEEEELLL!" she exclaimed, as she practically tackled him to the ground. "I'm so happy to see you! Are you ready to have some fun tonight? Oh, the opera will surely be fantastic, don't you agree, Ciel?" Ciel tried not to cringe. "I suppose it might be mildly amusing," he said blankly. Sebastian had, to, come into the parlor and was now silently chuckling, enjoying Ciel's awkward situation. The two men knew very well that Ciel hated public places, and did not very much appreciate singing or anything related to it. He practically couldn't stand theater, however his failed production of Hamlet was a rare excuse. Frances simply gave Ciel a scrutinizing glare, checking him up and down for anything out of place or distasteful. She, of course, always thinks of her daughter's fiance as lecherous. Along with his butler. Ciel, noticing her glaring, turns to acknowledge her in a rather spiteful manner, "Mrs. Midford," he began, brushing his hand through his navy blue bangs, taking her hatred for males having bangs into consideration, "I see you're looking well this evening!" he said with overly accentuated friendliness. She narrowed her eyes at him. Her face seemed to be saying "Watch it, kid, before I unleash hell upon you."
Lizzy ignored their bickering, that is, if she was at all aware of it. "Come on, Ciel, let us go to the carriage!" she exclaimed as she dragged him towards the coach, Frances following. Just then, there was a movement too small for any other human to notice, so furtive and yet so emotional.
Ciel gave a longing glance towards his butler as they exited the building.
As the children and their chaperone rode on to the theater, Ciel looked out the window. It was simply torture to have to listen to Lizzy drone on and on with her nonsensical stupidity, but he tried to listen and be active so as not to make her cry in front of her own mother. 'Dear Lord, when will the pain stop?' This thought of his was double-sided. At long last, they arrived to the desired destination. Frances bid the two farewell, for they were to be alone together at the performance. She only permitted this to test Ciel, to see if he was at all trustworthy. The two walked in together, Lizzy insisting on holding his hand for the world to see their "bond," as she liked to put it. They found their seats in a balcony where the two of them were completely alone together.
The opera seemed to be everlasting. Ciel didn't even know what it was about, nor did he care. Sometime during the performance, Lizzy decided to hold onto his arm. He simply allowed this. He did not even feel a need to push her away, because he knew he would lose that argument anyway. He did not at all enjoy it, though. Every touch, every word, only made him feel more hollow. He could hardly bear it, for all he could think about upon their contact was his wish for Sebastian to be there. He knew it was wrong, but he simply didnotcare. He could not ever care about her or her silly ways. All Ciel longed for was the one thing he could not and could never have. It was a tragic torture that bound his heart in the chains of punishment, but for what he was being punished for he could not seem to grasp. Why, why must this world be so cruel to him?
As he went home with Lizzy after the show was over and done with, Ciel just kept thinking. Thinking was all he could do. He imagined a million times over what it would be like if life would grant his one wish. He pictured Sebastian holding him close, just the two of them together at last for a brief and blissful moment...No. He just could not have it, could he?
Just then, his thoughts were interrupted as they approached her manor. "Ciel?" she asked timidly. "Yes?" Ciel said, a bit shaken from the rude awakening. "Um..." She seemed to be shying away from him, blushing feverishly. "What is it, Lizzy?" he asked again, trying very hard not to expose his irritation. She remained silent for a good measure of time, before suddenly lunging at Ciel, kissing him heatedly. He did not at all know how to react. The first thing that jumped into his head was once again Sebastian. He lost his mind, completely forgetting his situation, and kissed back. His mind led him to believe it was his most precious butler that had made the move on him, and he did not at all bother to stop it. Elizabeth took his eagerness as a good sign and tangled her fingers into his hair. He was, at the time, still entranced with his fantasy of the adult male, responded positively. He grabbed her shoulders with both hands, digging his nails into the fabric of her dress. "Ciel," she cried out in bliss. His response was not what she expected. He came to his senses upon hearing the female voice, and pushed her away with unnecessary force. She hit the other side of the carriage, and looked back at him with utmost fear. He simply glared down at her, completely helpless. "Don't ever do that again," he said coldly. He exited the carriage, leaving her there alone.
Ciel ran for two miles straight in the dark, surrounded by nothing but grassy plains. It was midnight. It was storming. He simply sat down in the grass, slumping over. He had been defeated. Looking up into the sky, he shouted, "What more do you want from me?! Does my suffering amuse you?! Well, damn you! Damn it all!" He shouted with a burning passion as tears streaked from his eyes. He sobbed, his voice catching in his throat as he shouted more curses into the world. He kicked and screamed, crying out, spilling every last drop of emotion he had left in his heart. He was helpless, his world dark and shattered. He had finally realized that his life would never be perfect, he could never have Sebastian. Never. He had been damned into the torture of a shattered life and broken heart.
He kicked a heavy rock that was deeply embedded into the earth, feeling a sharp sting in his foot that soon travelled throughout his entire leg. He liked this. He kicked it, punched it, he did everything until he was a battered bleeding mess. He kicked it one last time before falling flat on his back, injuring it. He had broken his left foot, busted his knuckles, and threw out his back. He didn't mind the pain, for it felt like nothing next to the pain in his heart. He just curled up on the cold and wet soil, crying and sobbing. He felt so empty. like he himself were the concept of nothing. He couldn't see, his vision mostly consisting of black dots, and he was just about numb, besides the cold feeling of so much blood loss. He knew he was dying, but he simply didn't care.
Suddenly, a voice that sounded like that of a saint, rang out to Ciel, "My dear boy, why on earth are you doing this to yourself?" the small, ragged boy looked up at the figure who had spoken . "What do you want from me?" he asked, he had lost the stern tone in his voice and was reduced to a frightened, shaking voice that was truly that of a child. The figure frowned, picking up the small boy and holding him gingerly in his arms. "Allow me to escort you home," he said, as a parent might say to a child, "Bocchan," said Sebastian, smiling brightly. Ciel's heart skipped a beat as he discovered that his savior was indeed his precious Sebastian. However, before he could say anything else, he blacked out.
Ciel awoke to Sebastian pulling the blanket of his bedspread over his small body. He looked at his hand, and noticed it was bandaged. He also took note of the fact that Sebastian had put on his nightclothes as well. The man smiled, "I see you've awoken, Bocchan." Ciel stayed silent. "I do believe you never answered my question." The boy raised a confused eyebrow, "What is that, exactly?" The butler frowned, "Why on earth would you inflict such pain upon yourself?" The younger of the two blushed, and simply replied with, "I hate this twisted world we live in, Sebastian," he said softly, shying away from that elder man. Sebastian, in that instant, knew. He remembered Ciel's furtive glance he had given Sebastian as Lizzy pulled him away. In response to this, Sebastian grabbed Ciel's chin and kissed him gently. It was not like what Lizzy had done, but rather, it was as if a light had listed the darkness away from the young teen. The two parted, leaving Ciel gasping for breath. Sebastian smirked, "My Lord, have I the right to keep you company?" The boy growled softly, "You idiot, why are you even asking?"
It seems that life really isn't as cruel as some might believe it to be.