Disclaimer: Guess who doesn't own DRRR!. Yep, me. ;A;
It's a Fine Line
Humans are such interesting creatures.
They try so hard to hide most of their emotions but they can be read like a book.
For example, if you get any one of them so aggravated, so annoyed that their fuming, they're likely to reveal everything. The thoughts and feelings they tried so hard to disguise. Their stupidity prevails in cases like this as well as the underlying fact, humans can be read like books.
Funnily enough, they can't seem to understand each other.
It confuses me to how they would hold an emotion such as love so high in their society. Love. Even just the word will assert emotion into most humans. It will make you feel like you have a fever, it makes you feel faint, it can make you stupid and it can give you heartbreak. How is such an unforgiving emotion held in such reverence? I suppose that would be because it, alongside hate is the most powerful of all emotions. It's only these two which can take hold of your entire life and spin it a hundred and eighty degrees on its head.
I've never had the 'honour' to experience love. I've been in lust, something many humans do actually mistake for love, although the concept is quite different. I've witnessed it though, how it brings them up to float high above the world and then brings them crashing down afterwards. It disgusts me the way they let themselves be controlled so easily by something as trivial as an emotion. It seems to engulf them, acts almost like a disease. I know that someone who is in love will not listen to reason, their eyes are focused on only one image, that of their lover. And of course, what do they do when their whole word comes crashing down, when they must come hurtling back to the Earth they so easily gave up in favour of their love? They become broken. The word they use is 'heartbreak.' Such a strong word with the impact to match. 'Heartbreak', as though your heart literally breaks. The heart, the symbol of love is shattered into millions of tiny fragments. And for those who have lived in that blissfully ignorant world of love that must be exactly what it feels like to return to reality.
The 'fairytale' love is the real love which all humans' desire. It is nonexistent however. Somehow, almost miraculously, they stupidly let other desires such as greed, power and lust, ruin their chances at achieving that so sought after love. This is one of the few aspects of humans I don't understand. They spend their whole lives looking for love and if ever they find it, they always ruin their chances at a happy ending.
There is no such thing as a happy ending.
The strongest emotion, other than love of course is hate. It has all the same symptoms of love, the heating of the skin, how it wipes all rational thought from their minds. They even have a saying, 'there's a fine line between love and hate.' I admit, I used to find that confusing, how such a yearned for emotion can be categorised alongside one which is not encouraged at all, in fact it is discouraged.
Humans can be read like books.
Sadly, I can't say the same for myself. It sounds ridiculous I know, but I don't understand myself at all. In fact, it is usually those who have such a keen understanding of those around them who are lost themselves. I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm lost but there is one thing I'd love to get to the bottom of, although, my mind is also pushing me away from it. I want to figure myself out but I don't want to know the answer. Is that a logical thing? Am I a logical person? I suppose not, however lately I have been feeling so weird, feeling almost like a human.
This feeling is of hate. That, I had categorised long ago. It contains the banging pulse, the flush of the skin and the slow loss of sanity. Yeah, I said it was hate, its sure feels like hate. It is hate right? That question, however much I try to ignore it pops up everywhere. I used to be so sure of myself, what happened to me?
I know what happened, but I can't, won't admit it, even to myself because that would be confirming it and that is the last thing I ever want to do.
First of all, I have never, ever, felt this way before. I have felt hate before and this is not it. Hate does not make you want to touch, smell, taste, experience the other person in ways which makes you flush at the thought of it. The yearning, the constant longing for this contact is so dominating I can barely think straight.
Of course, I say its obsession. After all, you can hate someone enough to be obsessed with them.
But it's not the same. I'm not stupid. Hah, I'm pretty much the smartest person out there, but it scares me so much that I have let myself become so affected by a human emotion. It's not good for my usual calm and collected mind. I can act believe me, I can hide this emotion far from where any straying eyes would chance a glimpse at it.
Acting can disguise it yes, but I can't hide the feeling inside of me. If I can feel it, I'm still not happy. I wish there was a way to rid my mind of all thoughts, to start anew. It's so strong, I just can't believe it. My mind won't stop; a hazy fog fills my thoughts and sets them on a direct course to destruction. Of course it will end like that, destruction, haven't I seen enough cases to warn me? But how do I get rid of it? That's one thing I have never even stopped to think about. Well, I did think I was above such trivial things as emotions but apparently you cannot escape the stranglehold of....
I nearly said it. My hearts banging so loudly in my chest I can't believe it. Partly from fear and, I am ashamed to say partly from the actual fact that I want to reveal what I am feeling although I know that no good can come of it. What am I, insane? Nothing could ever come of it anyway. I'm kidding myself if I think by revealing myself it will make anything better. It will make things worse for sure.
Actually, the only times I have seen people get over this has been after falling from their place in the clouds. Perhaps, I need to experience heartbreak to rise above this idiotic slip up of mine. If only I had guarded myself more closely I would never have to put myself through so much trauma. So... maybe all I have to do is admit it out loud. To him? I would never; I cannot even begin to describe the fear which instils my heart at those words. However, with the fear comes but a glimmer of something else. Something I won't name for it's surely something I am better off not knowing.
..... I can't. I just can't! I'm so embarrassed of myself I just can't even say it. Its self explanatory I guess. No idea why I didn't pick up on it sooner really. I can't stop thinking about him, I don't even eat anymore. My thoughts are filled with him, his voice, his ever so rare smile, even him when he's angry because even that makes me so frustratingly happy. The happiness is so strong, it pools warm in my stomach, well, not exactly my stomach, I have no idea where happiness is really felt. It's everywhere, tingling in my hands and feet, making my head spin and making me feel giddy. A smile graces my lips when I think of him. I think that was my first clue actually. You don't smile when thinking of people you hate. At least you don't smile in happiness anyway.
I think I lo-
Shit. There goes my face, blushing like you wouldn't believe. Who would have ever thought Orihaya Izaya would become so affected by the human emotion of love?
......................................
I-I just said it didn't I? Love. I suppose it must get easier each time I say it. Love. It's making me smile even now. Argh, I sound like a high-school girl with her first crush. What is wrong with me!? Love. How could I think that emotions were stupid, so easily ignored. I understand a little better now, how the humans let themselves succumb so easily. It's a nice feeling this, floating in the clouds.
Although we all know that won't last.
How did it ever get to this? I used to be so calm and collected. Now I can't stop flushing and pretty soon I'll probably start giggling like a little girl. I used to think love was the most ridiculous emotion out of all of them. Humans were so stupid to fall in love.
But a few things changed that for me. Well, in fact it was only one thing, is only one man.
Heiwajima Shizuo.
That was my first DRRR! story ever! Im actually only fairly new to the fandom but I absolutely love this show. I hope all you guys enjoyed my story. I LOVE REVIEWS LIKE I LOVE THIS PAIRING. And thats alot believe me. xD