A 10 minute super-random write up to appease the guilt for my prolonged stagnancy.

Note: Minor deviation from reality.

..........................................................................................................Never fear what will become of you, depend on no one. Only the moment you reject all help are you freed. ~Buddha..................................................................................................................

Don't smile at me like that, Yuugi.

Don't pretend that it's all going to get better.

And don't even try to tell me you understand, because we both know that's a lie.

So stop lying.

It's getting you nowhere, you know. Lying to me to make me feel better, looking at me with those eyes…too large, innocent, doe-like, and so sad.

I don't need that, not from you. That sadness, that pity… I don't need it. I don't want it. Not really. You don't have to feel pity for me. You don't have to try to dredge up feelings of sorrow and sympathy. You don't have to comfort me, or tell me it'll be okay.

I don't want it.

You tell me you can help, that you're there for me. And in the same breath you plead with me that if only I'd listen…then what?

If only I'd listen, what?

You'll, what—save me?

No, I'm not laughing because I believe you, Yuugi.

You're a good person, you like to help, but do you think for even one second that you could change anything? Do you think, truly, that I'm fixable?

Is that it, Yuugi?

Do you think you could fix me?

Yes…I know that you think you could. Why? Because that's who you are.

You only solved the problems of one person, though. Just one. You worked towards one goal for more than four years, and in the end he never even left. You did all that for nothing! I guess you don't care because you didn't want him to leave either…

…but it kills me inside.

I tried so very hard to help you, Yuugi. You'll never know how I fought for you, for the Pharaoh, every day. Don't ask, because I can't tell you. Just know that I did.

It was pointless, of course. I did everything for nothing…because in the end Pharaoh never really wanted to leave, did he?

Neither did Spirit…but he had to go…he didn't get the choice.

And left me with the blame and the guilt and with you and Pharaoh to deal with. I really wish I could thank him for that.

So tell me…am I your latest project? Am I the next person you are going to dedicate yourself to? Will you try to rescue me?

Of course you will—you have that light in you, the kind that draws you to the weak, the kind that makes others love you, the kind that won't let any friend drown in their own darkness.

Well, Yuugi, it's a little bit late for that. Pharaoh is right when he whispers to you that I'm a lost cause. And believe me when I say that if you follow me into this crushing, suffocating darkness, I'm going to drag you down with me.

At least I wouldn't be lonely.

There you go again, smiling. Just stop. Don't act like you can help, like there's hope for me...

They're my problems, Yuugi. Not yours. Not Pharaoh's.

And you can't fix them.

So, please, stop trying.

A review for my failed attempts at not sucking?