"First up I wanna say we don't really need to be here." said Seeley.
"It's a funny story really." Temperance spoke.
"We were at a charity event, a charity auction slash barbecue..." Seeley continued.
"...our friends the Saroyans. They live across the street." Temperance butted in.
"Anyway the grand lot was..." Seeley stopped.
"...a mystery lot." they said in unison.
"I'd sunk a few, wasn't driving so I start bidding..." Seeley started.
"Seeley gets a tiny bit competitive." Temperance jumped in. Seeley bit his tongue.
"Anyway the upshot is we end up blowing four hundred bucks on the mystery lot." He continued.
"Four sessions with Dr. Sweets!" they said in unison.
"The Saroyans have a great sense on humor." said Temperance and they start laughing.
SESSION 1 WITH DR. SWEETS...
"But you didn't have to come." said Dr. Sweets. They were stumped.
"Right." said Seeley.
"Absolutely." agreed Temperance, "But we have a theory..."
"We do?" Seeley turned to his wife.
"The Oil-Check" she replied.
"Right. The Oil-Check. See we've been married five years..." Seeley started.
"Six..." corrected Temperance.
"Five, six years, and this is like a check up for us. Pop the hood, nose around, change the oil, maybe replace a seal or two..." They both smile tight smiles.
"On a scale of one to ten how happy are you as a couple?" asked the doctor.
"Eight." said Temperance.
"Wait. So like ten being perfectly happy and one being...totally, utterly miserable?" asked Seeley.
"Just respond instinctively." replied Dr. Sweets.
"OK." Seeley looked at his wife, "Ready?"
"Ready" she replied.
"Eight." they said in unison.
"How often do you have sex?" asked the doctor. They both froze.
"I-I don't understand the question." stammered Temperance.
"Wait. Okay I'm lost. Is this a one to ten thing?" asked Seeley.
"Right. I mean, because if it is, is one not much or is one like, nothing, because technically speaking zero would be nothing." said Temperance nervously.
"Exactly. Plus, if we don't know what one is, what's ten?" asked Seeley just as nervous. Temperance spoke, "Right..is ten..you know.."
Seeley interrupted her, "Constant..unrelenting.."
"..Twenty-four seven..without a break. For anything." she finished.
"Not even to eat." He added.
"Like Sting." said Temperance.
"Exactly. Look at Sting's day job. Who else has sixty hours a week to put aside in the sack?" he asked.
"This is not a one to ten scenario. It's a straight question. How often do you have sex?" replied Dr. Sweets. They freeze again and their faces ashen.
"Describe how you first met." he then said.
"It was in Columbia." replied Temperance.
"Bogota. Five years ago." Seeley spoke.
"Six." corrected Temperance again.
"Right. Five or six years ago." he said.