Not Quite Genius Chapter 1: The Meeting, or Whatever
Generic disclaimer applies from this chapter forth. No historical monument was harmed in the fantasization of this chapter. And yes, I am aware that it is not a word. As it is, do know that we, authors, have the privilege to make up a word to fit the rhyme, or the syllable count, or the verse, to our hearts' content. So, erm, yeah.
Warning(s): Un-beta'ed. Any grammatical errors are my own. You have been warned. Be my Beta~!
Hatake Kakashi was nothing if not the pinnacle of an excellent shinobi. He possessed a calm head in battle (which, somehow, led to him being demoted to a Jounin instructor—that was a new kind of logic), good enough chakra control, considerably larger than normal chakra reserves, ANBU training (which involved a hell lot more things than most people know), good taijutsu (as a certain caterpillar-brows pushed him to), good genjutsu (with the Sharingan his friend left him), and a ninjutsu repertoire that could put a library to shame. He was the famed Sharingan no Kakashi… the only non-Uchiha wielding the Sharingan, and lived up to the legends of said dojutsu.
Now he was not so sure, he thought as he stared into the face of a seemingly innocent eight years old boy in front of him.
"You must be Inu-taichou~!" The boy sing-songed, pointing his index finger at him. Kakashi grimaced—some ANBU he was. He remembered the boy when he was barely four years old, a freaking four years old who was the villager's hatred outlet. A freaking four years old who had seen more dark side of the world than any other children was ever allowed to see.
And here he was smiling, staring up at him. Innocently.
Kakashi forced an eye-smile (and it took unbelievably hard effort to forcefully crinkle his eyes the way he usually quite sincerely eye-smiled) and waved lazily. "So you remember me, huh?"
The boy snorted indignantly. "Puh please. Even when you were wearing that dog mask, I could always see that little orange book in your pocket. No one else had the galls to bring out that porn in public." His face soured. "You made me eat all those icky vegetables… Watch it, Inu. Once I get my technique down, you will be sorry you have ever stepped in my apartment. Vengeance is best served with cold blood."
Kakashi perked up slightly. "Just for your information, that was the mission Hokage-sama assigned me. And what kind of technique are you working on?"
The boy glowered—which ultimately made him look double the cute, as he was a tiny eight-year-old boy with bright blue eyes… Kakashi had the weirdest feeling that he had seen those eyes somewhere, on a different person… he brushed the feeling off. The boy pointed a hand accusingly, swinging up the fence with a feline grace that spoke of his surprising agility. "I doubt your mission included forcing pureed spinach to me!" He shrieked indignantly, a leg swinging and catching Kakashi off guard in the shins. The Jounin winced.
"Now, now, Naruto-kun, the Hokage did say that I was supposed to monitor your diet… most of it if I can anyway."
The boy huffed angrily. "And it has to be pureed spinach."
"… Okay, that was my fault," Kakashi conceded, feeling somewhat amused by the banter they shared. "But I had no idea what kids eat!" He himself had been raised in the ways of war; he ate rations ever since he could remember. Then again, he had been made Chuunin at the tender age of seven, so really it shouldn't come as a surprise to him that he didn't know what kids nowadays eat. He supposed war did that to people.
Silence. Kakashi had expected the boy to blow up on him, but instead he was looking at the ground, his feet swinging back and forth in a constant rhythm. His long blonde bangs hid his eyes, but Kakashi could see his lips pulled into a tight line.
"I don't know either," the boy admitted softly. "For all I know, they could be eating pureed spinach for snacks. But if it is, I sure as hell am not going to follow the trend."
Kakashi fought down the urge to throw up at the mental image. "Nah, Naruto-kun, I'm sure you'll figure it out eventually." As weird as it is for him to be comforting an eight-years-old boy about his knowledge of children's snacks, of all things, he did not like the stretched silence their conversation left just then. It did not fit the image of the blond Jinchuuriki in the village, at all, and it unsettled him. Was this a side of the boy that was left to the dark?
"Oh yeah, Inu," the boy turned back to him, a foxy grin in place. "Why did you come here in the first place? I thought no one knew of this place. This is, sorta, my private place, until you came that is."
They were in the middle of a glade, surrounding one of the unnamed small lakes—more like ponds, really, that were scattered here and there in the forest surrounding Konoha. At some point, it was the work of a mason (thus the solid stone fence) but for some reason or another, it was left to nature. And nature certainly did its work. The stone building was left to rubbles, except the fence. Bushes and shrubs of berries grew out of stoned floors, vines crawling across weathered walls, and overall the ruins had become one with the forest.
"You know, you shouldn't leave the village without permission," Kakashi admonished, evading the question not so smoothly. The boy gave him an incredulous stare.
"As far as technicality is concerned, I'm a civilian, and last time I checked, civilians are free to leave Konoha. I should be asking you, Inu-taichou," the boy quipped happily. Kakashi hid his shock at the reply.
It seemed like the boy was quite well versed with the laws of Konohagakure, and knew how to twist them to his side. Kakashi considered filing it under 'Another Thing to Look Up About Uzumaki' or 'Secrets of Uzumaki Naruto'—which, more or less, covered the same thing. He still did not know if the boy only acted stupid in front of ignorant villagers, or if it was simply because no one had ever regarded him seriously before, as Kakashi had. Either way, Kakashi had his mission, and he was going to finish it.
"Listen here, Naruto-kun," Kakashi said, adding a bit of Killing Intent for good measure. What further surprised him was that the boy gave him The Look.
"Quit trying to intimidate me, Inu," Naruto chided gently, hands slipping to rest behind the nape of his neck. "You'd think that after guarding me all those times, I'd grown rather… immune… to them."
Kakashi quieted. "Well, let's just beat the bushes, cut the chase, or roast the cat (1), shall we? The Hokage sent me to find you because the ANBU team assigned to watch you lost you, and they couldn't pinpoint your location, and he was starting to freak—I mean, you made everyone else worried."
The boy sighed, knowing full well it was only the Hokage, and jumped down to lay on his back on the grasses, staring up at the sky. "Can't I just stay here for a moment? I rarely succeed diverting that team's attention from me—they are way better than the last one—and… I don't know… I just wanted a break from it all."
Kakashi eye-smiled at this. It was a feeling he understood very well, so he let the notion that the boy had purposefully created a diversion for the ANBU team watching him slide. The boy was known to prank sometimes—and Kakashi had quite enjoyed the ruckus he had created—so it really, once again, shouldn't surprise him that the ANBU was fooled. Even if said boy was just an Academy student and one that likes to skip classes to boot.
"You know, I did say I'm going to bring you back, but I didn't say when," Kakashi stated with a rather self-satisfied tone. The boy stared at him incredulously, and then his eyes brightened as warmth flooded their sky-blue depths. The boy zipped forward and promptly glomped him, forcing the air out of his lungs.
"Thank-you-thank-you-thank-you-thank-you—"
"Cut—cut it out and enjoy while you can," Kakashi untangled the boy from himself with little difficulty, the corner of his visible eye crinkled with smile. "I don't really feel like handing you back to the village right now. I'd just say you're better than I thought, if anyone asked."
The boy laughed breathlessly, still catching his breath from his barrage of gratitude. "For that, I might consider not pranking you for forcing pureed spinach on me when I was little," he said jovially, patting the grass next to him. Kakashi took up on his offer; settling down beside the boy and flipping open a familiar orange book.
"Naru-chan, you wound me," Kakashi said teasingly. "Is that any way to treat the one who took care of you?" He wasn't technically taking care of him, per se (the boy lived alone, which didn't surprise him—he'd lived alone, too, since his father died), but… that's as close as he'd get.
"No you're not," came the flippant reply. "And don't call me Naru-chan. I'm not a little boy anymore."
Kakashi looked up from his dog-eared book. It was the latest release of Icha Icha Tactics series, released for the market a few months back. He had read it countless of times, but he still hadn't grown tired of it. He had to make do until Jiraiya-sama finished his research and blessed the male population with another release of the best-selling Icha-Icha Tactics. He was hoping it'd be sooner than later; the Sandaime's efforts to push him into taking a Genin team was beginning to tire him. And he needed amusement. Badly.
"Let's see, then," Kakashi closed it (he could recite nearly every single line, anyway), "how old are you, Naruto?"
"I'm already eight," Naruto spat out victoriously. "Take that, Inu, I'm old enough to take care of myself."
Kakashi gave him a deadpan expression. "And I'm twenty four, and a Jounin. Therefore, you're Naru-chan." The boy pouted cutely at this and rolled his back to Kakashi., resolutely refusing to face him. "Seriously, Naru-chan, I knew you're able to take care of yourself," Kakashi said, placating the boy.
Immediately the boy rolled back to face him, a bright grin in place. "So what are you doing nowadays, now that you're not guarding me? Demoted to Jounin?"
Crap. The boy had unknowingly nailed a sensitive spot, and Kakashi forced his expression to remain neutral. It was the truth, after all, and one that people closer to him would notice—and the boy had been seeing him for years (get your mind out of the gutter, people, he was only giving the boy a chance for normal human interaction. Innocently), before he was demoted. And he had liked working in the ANBU, no matter how risky their missions are. At least he was working with real shinobi who lived a real shinobi life, not training shinobi-wannabes who doesn't know jack shit about it. "And how would you know that, eh?"
"You used to be ANBU, Inu, one who was in Sandaime-Jiji's inner circle," the boy stated as-a-matter-of-factly. Kakashi nodded at that—only the most trusted ANBUs were given the task to watch over their village's notoriously stealthy Jinchuuriki, and Kakashi had been, and still was, quite adept at finding Naruto when he had successfully distracted other ANBUs trailing him. "Now you're wearing that Jounin vest, and taking whatnot missions. Do you think I'm stupid?"
Kakashi gave him a deadpan expression. "You seem bent on making the villagers think you're stupid," he returned, inwardly grinning when he had successfully steered the conversation to his favor. "Why do that, eh?"
The boy's expression blanked. "It's safer when they think I'm not a threat, Inu," he said softly, playing with the hem of his black shirt. "So it's like… my defense mechanism. Like how you read that porn in public and came late to meetings, even if Sandaime-Jiji himself called you."
Kakashi knew it shouldn't surprise him anymore, but, really… was he really that famous?
The boy's grin returned at his expression. "And yes, Inu, your reputation far precedes you. Other Jounin in the Jounin lounge, the Chuunin guarding the gates, the merchants—particularly the bookstore owner—always have something to say about you."
Kakashi groaned. "Whatever you think of me, I'm not that low."
"Now what makes you think they all thought of you that lowly behind your backs?"
Kakashi stared, wide-eyed, at the question. "You mean, I still have some semblance of good reputation out there?"
Naruto scratched the back of his head and gave a sheepish smile, and Kakashi, once again, was hit with a déjà vu feeling that he'd seen someone else… someone in the past… did that involuntary action. "Eh heh, actually, there were some positive aspects, like… you could be counted on to appear first in line when the latest Icha-Icha is released, in the queue in front of the book store. And you could be counted on to pay your respects to shinobi who died on duty, as you like to spend hours talking to the Memorial Stone…"
Kakashi did a mental rolling on the floor while hitting the ground with his fists and crying rivers. Did no one think of him nicely nowadays? Even Asuma, Gai… what the hell are they, backstabbers?
"I rather think that they meant it as a joke, Inu," Naruto patted his knee consolingly. His efforts to comfort the older man was for naught, as Kakashi felt utterly miserable to have to be comforted by the most unlucky person he'd ever known—the Jinchuuriki of Kyuubi no Yoko. Thus he must be worse off, and it was depressing to think about being less fortunate than a human sacrifice. What could be worse than that?
"Hn," Kakashi grunted a noncommittal sound.
Naruto stared at him. "Inu."
"What?"
"Does your implanted Sharingan hinder your vocabulary, because last time I looked, only Uchihas gave that single-syllable response? Oh, that was an interesting subject—maybe the chakra originally channeled to voice box was redirected to the ocular nerves—"
Kakashi couldn't help it. He laughed out loud.
"Naru-chan," he eye-smiled, "thanks for your concern, really, but… your concern is misplaced."
The blonde boy then shrugged, before getting up and dusting the dirt from his shirt. "Let's head back. I think it's enough for now…" he grinned. "I could always invent another diversion. Besides, Academy ends just about… now."
Kakashi glanced at the position of the sun—and the boy was right.
"Of course, if that's what you wish. About time I reported in anyway."
It was only when they had parted ways did Kakashi realize that Naruto had never answered what technique he has yet to perfect in order to prank, or "exact his vengeance", on Kakashi.
Another thing to look up about Uzumaki Naruto.
A.N.: And Ta~da~ I'm done. First, thanks for reading. Second, thanks again if you're kind enough to leave a review, because I don't have any idea where this story leads :P so your input will be appreciated very very much. If you'd like to see something happen (and particularly interesting), don't hesitate to tell me. Flames will be used to make bonfire, with which I shall burn your sorry ass. Right. Tell me what you think, and point out my mistakes... I might miss some of those.
(1) Reference to Chapter two. Just have to read it, don't cha?