The seas are home to many. Although, as far as Mallo was concerned, few should have the privilege to roam these temperamental waters. As commander of Her Majesty's Royal Navy's fifth Division, it was Mallo's job to rid the surrounding area of scoundrels and thieves. Among those, were pirates.
Mainly pirates. Most of the job was pirate hunting.
One pirate ship in particular had been alluding the commander for months. But she finally had them trapped.
"Keep it steady and on course. We've boxed them in, no need to get impatient."
Commander Mallo Stood proudly on the deck watching with delight as the black flagged ship sailed to its doom.
"Um…Commander?"
Counting to ten, Mallo turned to see her Second Lieutenant nervously hunched behind her.
"What is it."
During the time the Lieutenant took to actually get the words out, Mallo rethought all her hiring decisions.
"A Captain Jo? Is here to see you?"
Patting the Lieutenant's shoulder, Mallo let loose a small chuckle.
"Good one Lieutenant. You've caught me in the perfect mood for a prank. You can go back and tell the rest how it went."
He rubbed the spot where the Commander's hand landed and protested, albeit timidly.
"No, Commander, I'm sorry. This isn't a joke. The uh…Captain was escorted to your office? And is waiting there under supervision for your arrival."
Annoyed, Mallo closed her eyes as to not throw the man overboard.
"You're telling me. There is an actual visitor." A nod from the Lieutenant. "Not only a visitor, but a ranked Captain." Another nod. "Whilst we are sailing in the middle of the ocean." A final nod.
"How did they even get on board?!"
The Lieutenant flinched back at the volume. "We aren't really sure. She just knocked at the door to the cabin we were in and asked to meet with you."
Never before has the urge to facepalm been so hard to resist.
"Just...fine. Stay here and follow that ship. Do not engage with anything until I get back. I'll go see this Captain."
Still believing this visitor nonsense to be a prank, Mallo was stunned to find a stranger in her office just as the Lieutenant said.
"Ah! You must be the Captain of this fine vessel! I must say this is an absolute pleasure."
Putting down the paperweight she was playing with, the stranger took an outlandish bow and flounced over to where Mallo was frozen in the doorway to offer her hand.
"I am Captain Jo, I've been looking forward to this meeting for a while."
Mallo stared blankly at the offered hand in front of her.
"It's Commander."
Hoping the heat she felt in her face wasn't visible to her companion, Mallo straightened herself.
"I beg your pardon. I am Commander Mallo. I thank you for your…enthusiasm, but I'm very curious how you managed to attend this meeting."
She brushed past the overly friendly Captain. It was time to take back control. Mallo didn't get where she was today by freezing in shock and letting someone else ask all the questions.
"It wasn't terribly difficult. I hitched a ride."
Seeing the sly smirk on the Captain's face, Mallo decided Jo was far too cheery for this meeting. It was time to put her in her place.
"As your superior, I demand to know how you boarded my ship without being seen."
That tone was usually sufficient in making other officers cower, but Captain Jo only smiled wider.
Mallo was definitely not as amused.
"Oooh, very good captain voice. I approve, and you must run an impressively obedient crew. Alas, I am not a member of your army-"
"Navy, we use boats."
"-and therefore don't recognize you as my superior."
Mallo calmly counted to ten for the seventh time that day while the smiling pseudo captain bounced on her toes.
"If you don't recognize the Queen's Royal Navy as your superior, then you in your authority?"
This whole situation could still be a prank. One to test my patience.
"Only the wind and waves control me and my ship. But don't worry, your position as Chief Stick-in-the-mud is just as good."
Mallo's jaw dropped at the wink sent her way.
"Are you saying that you're a non-taxpaying thief?"
The Commander focused in on the aggravating figure in front of her. The long coat and boots without insignias. The hat no station would allow to be worn, the unkempt and uncut hair beneath. The civilian clothes hiding pockets containing who knows what.
"Technically yes, most call me a pirate though. I'm vain enough to admit I like that title better. I even got a little bird after I saw those lovely unflattering posters you put up to catch me."
Mallo slowly reached for her pistol while mentally running through the wanted posters she personally put up recently. She could only recall one that contained a bird, and only because no one knew what the pirate actually looked like.
For this to be that pirate however, was impossible. The one that particular poster was meant to portray was currently on board the ship Mallo's own fleet has been chasing for the last day and a half. They were almost in a boarding position, her crew would have noticed a raft leaving that ship.
"If you're a pirate, then it's my job to detain you. Why would you turn yourself in to a navy fleet like this?
The self-proclaimed pirate snorted before sauntering over to the only window in the room.
"Six boats hardly count as a fleet Commander. Besides, I'm not turning myself in." Mallo was getting wary of the grins that kept coming her way. "I'm the distraction."
That was enough for Mallo to pause in her actions to fully digest those words.
"Distraction?"
A feeling of unease started prickling at her. Attending this meeting was a mistake.
"Well of course. I had to make sure my crew all got away safely. What kind of captain do you take me for?"
"No kind."
Mallo couldn't help herself, arguing with this delinquent came easy.
"Stay where you are and put your hand out straight in front of you. I'm placing you under arrest for the crime of piracy, by your own admittance."
With her pistol finally pointed at Pirate Jo, Mallo confidentially reached for the handcuffs kept in her desk drawer.
"As fun as that sounds, I'm afraid I have prior plans, and a lot of people counting on those plans. I can't disappoint them you see."
Then, seemingly without fear, the criminal launched herself over the table and through the window onto the deck outside.
"What the-"
A head and shoulders popped up and made a frankly poor attempt at a salute before disappearing to the right.
Mallo rushed over just in time to see coattails vanishing over the railing into the sea below.
With dread in the pit of her stomach, Mallo ran back to where she left her Second Lieutenant in charge of the current mission.
Huffing with exertion, she grabbed his lapels and pulled him in close.
"Get us on board that ship. NOW."
Scrambling, he did as he was told and the next hour was filled with shouted orders and hurried movements circling around the deathly calm Commander.
When they finally boarded the pirate ship, they were met with no resistance. Mallo stayed calm throughout the search through deserted cabins, emptied cargo holds, and wedged steering rig.
It was when she found a wanted poster of an angry generic looking pirate with a bird on the shoulder tacked onto the main mast with a handwritten note that she finally lost control and set the whole ship ablaze.
"It was a pleasure meeting you, I have a feeling
we will be seeing each other again soon. ;)
PS
Please do try and update my
photo, it's terribly inaccurate,
don't you think?
3 Captain Jo"