"How is she?" Beca asks as her wife sits on the other side of their bed.
"She says she's fine but she seems kind of sad."
The redhead pulls her shirt over her head, hearing Beca sigh behind her. She lies down and rolls over to face her. She can see the hurt on the brunette's face.
"Canceling her stay for the weekend I get, but this? I knew we shouldn't bring him back into our lives, Chloe. Emily's got enough going on at school, don't you think?"
It's Chloe's turn to sigh. It was her idea, after all.
"What was I supposed to say to him, Becs? He is her father, he has the right to spend time with her. I know he is trouble, we both do. But Em loves him and I don't blame her."
Beca rolls over to turn the lights off and Chloe quickly hugs her from behind.
"I'll talk to him, okay?"
"Promise?"
"I promise."
Emily's in her room. She's in bed and all the lights are out but she can not close her eyes. She's tired but she's not sleepy. Her mind is racing, and so is her heart. She thinks. And she doesn't. She listens, nothing. Her moms are asleep, she guesses. They wouldn't like it. But it calls for her. She turns to look at a drawer in her desk at the window. Her mind is screaming. They could find out. Don't do it, you'll have to hide forever. I can keep a secret. You're crazy. Maybe I am.
Before she knows it, she's opening the drawer. Slowly, trying not to make any noise. She pulls out an envelope. She remembers the card it came with for her tenth birthday.
Happy birthday Em bear!
Sorry I can't make it to your party,
I got caught up in work.
You know how it is.
Kisses, dad
She threw it away a long time ago. But not the envelope. She opens it and looks inside. There's a note.
Try killing yourself, maybe you won't fail at that.
It wasn't the first note she found in her locker. No, there were a few before. And many after. But this one stayed with her. Maybe because it was the only one her moms haven't seen. And maybe because she thought about it. A lot.
Placing the note on her desk, she pulls something else out of the envelope. She holds it in her hand. It lies there peacefully, harmful as it is, yet so gentle. The light from the window reflects on it and she knows there's no way she's going to stop now. She takes it between her fingers, bringing it to her skin with shaky hands. She doesn't like pain. But she's curious.
She drags it slowly across her wrist, but it draws no blood. She's shaking too much, she can't make a nice cut. What are you afraid of, idiot? She thinks. It happens quickly. Her hand slips, purposefully. She sees but she doesn't feel. And then she does and she is freaking out. It burns. She walks into the bathroom and turns on the water, rinsing the cut. After she stops the bleeding using a gauze, she returns to her room. She lies in her bed. She's calm. Her mind is calm. She feels settled. And she falls asleep.
"Hey, Chloe, what's up?"
"Hi, Jesse. Could we talk, or are you busy?"
"Well I'm leaving in ten minutes, is it important?"
"It's about Emily."
"Oh! How is she? I tried calling her yesterday, did she lose her phone again?"
"No. I have her phone. Sorry about that. That's kind of what I want to talk to you about. She's pretty upset that you canceled your plans the last minute."
"I know, it sucks. But you know I can't say no to Miranda. She'd hate me. I'll make it up to Emily though, I promise."
"Don't promise anything. Listen, I know you've got your girlfriend now but Emily still needs you, Jesse. And it sucks that you would rather spend three days with the blonde than make your daughter's dream come true. You know she loves Lady Gaga."
After a few seconds of silence, Jesse speaks.
"Huh? Sorry Chlo, I'm like, still packing. The cab's here. Tell Beca and Emily I said hi. Bye!"
Chloe puts down her phone and sighs. Beca's immediately at her side.
"He's not even acknowledging it, Beca."
The brunette rolls her eyes, looking back at her wife with a knowing frown. Before she can say anything, Emily walks into the kitchen. Both women watch the young girl as she pours milk into her cereal. Beca looks at Chloe.
"Morning, love." The redhead says.
"Did you sleep well?" The other one asks.
Emily looks at them, chewing her breakfast. She nods and walks into the living room before sitting on the couch and turning on the TV. Beca comes in first. She sits down next to her daughter and stares at the screen. Then, she looks down. She takes Emily's hand in hers.
"Emily... What is this?"
The sixteen year old is still looking ahead.
"Please don't let this be what I think it is." Her eyes are fixated on her daughter's face. Then, she turns to look at her. Blue meets brown and Beca pulls her into her arms, the girl's face pressed into her chest as her shirt gets soaked with tears.
"I'm so sorry, mom. I didn't mean to. I'm so sorry."
"Shh, baby..." Beca pulled away and held her daughter by her shoulders, staring deep into her eyes.
"The only person you need to apologize to is yourself, Emily."
She starts removing the gauze from her child's wrist, slowly. She tells her to wait while she gets up and comes back with healing cream and a new gauze. After she's done, she looks back up at Emily. She hasn't said anything.
"Are you going to tell mom?" She finally breaks the silence.
"No. She's going to find out eventually, though. It'd be better if you tell her before someone else does. It's not easy hiding these things."
Emily looks at the ground and nods.
"Can you help me? She's probably going to freak."
"Of course she's going to freak, Em. She's your mother. She loves you more than anything, you know that. So do I."
"Chlo? Do you have a second?" The short brunette walks into the bathroom where Chloe is doing the laundry. She stands up.
"Yep. Did you talk to her?" She asks as she closes the washing machine.
"I did. And there's something she wants to talk to you about."
"Okay. Where is she?"
Beca takes Chloe's hand and both of them are standing in front of the mirror, looking at each other through it.
"Promise you'll stay calm?"
"Beca, what? What is it?"
"Chloe, seriously, calm down. If you can't do that, I'm not letting you speak to her right now. She needs your love and understanding, okay?"
Chloe's mouth falls.
"Is she pregnant!?" She whispers.
Beca slaps Chloe's arm.
"What? No! Ew, Chloe! Don't talk about my daughter like that."
"Fine, fine!" Chloe gives in, turning towards the door, "She's my daughter too, you know." She winks as she turns around before walking out.
Chloe's in bed. So is Beca. Neither of them is asleep. They're both staring at the ceiling, thinking what to say.
"I can't believe it."
"I know, I wish it wasn't real."
A phone buzzes in the drawer of Chloe's nightstand. They both sigh.
"Do these assholes ever stop?" Beca asks.
"Ignore it. They're kids."
"They're asshole kids."
Another minute of silence.
"At least she told us... She can't go through what I did, Beca."
Beca rolls on her side and puts her hand on Chloe's stomach.
"We won't let that happen. Everything is going to be okay, babe. If things don't calm down at school, we'll move."
Chloe looks at her wife, "Where to?"
"I have a plan."
The redhead smiles for the first time since the talk, "You always do."
Their conversation is interrupted by the door opening.
"Moms? Are you awake?"
Chloe quickly sits up to look at the girl standing by the door. She looks so small. So different from how she used to be. Chloe remembers when Emily was eleven and she would come sneaking into their room every night for a cuddle because she was scared after watching Doctor Who. She smiles at the thought of it.
"Come here, baby." She pats the space between herself and her wife. Emily is quick to jump on the bed and get under covers. Beca turns to spoon her daughter and Chloe strokes her cheek with her thumb.
"Everything's going to be okay. Love is stronger than those bullies in school."
Emily looks down, "But they're so loud."
"Love is louder." Says Beca.