Almost Over
How many nights had I lain here just thinking about what was happening to the world? Harry had died two years ago. As for Dumbledore, not a year had passed between his death and when Harry had been killed. Not that any of this mattered when so many of the people on our side had survived after Harry. I think that they just gave up after seeing him fall. I can understand now why he had given up so easily after Snape killed Ginny, however, at the time I'd hated him for it. He had forgotten about the rest of the world, the rest of his friends! We would have helped him; we would have shared his pain!
But no, he was selfish, forgot about his friends and the world. I had hated him for it then, but I understand now.
I think that it's been two months now after the 'Last Battle'. Without the sun and the moon it becomes hard to tell, especially when we are in Azkaban. It is almost comical to think that Azkaban was built for the good to use; now it's being used against us. Many of us died on those terrible battle grounds, the ones left alive, if you could even call it that, were brought here, to this living hell.
I like to think that all the victims in Azkaban are brave, some more that others, but none-the-less, brave all the same. Neville is among the bravest of us all. Next to Harry, Hermione, Ginny, and myself Neville was the first person to find out about the prophesy and what we found in the Ministry for Magic. When Harry fell Neville never once hesitated to take his place he knew he was our only hope. Voldimort thought this was an amusing turn of events. . .so he let Neville live.
The screams in Azkaban echo through each and every chamber and cell, this is what I have learned from my stay here. Never once, however, did I hear Neville scream. He was the first of everyone to be tortured. After he died at the hands of Voldimort, Neville was paraded down the halls and shown to the other prisoners. His emaciated body practically screamed 'This is what will happen to you if you disobey us!' The sight that was held before us was horrific. The only parts of his body that were not covered in blood, were black and blue or smeared in some kind of poisonous green substance which had eaten away at the majority of his legs. The image of his body that way has haunted me for a long while now.
I can understand why Harry gave up, why he was able to sit in the blood drenched earth and allow Voldimort to laugh in his face before killing him. I understand why, now. Hermione died right in front of me after being beaten and tortured, I was left unscathed. My torture, I assume, was to see the woman I love killed before me while I could do nothing to stop it. I stopped caring what would happen to me or the rest of the world. I had once longed to see humankind set free from the evil grip that Lord Voldimort had around it. Hermione was left beaten and bloody, to die beside me. Even now I can remember my last words to her. I told her that it was okay to let go, that I envied her, they had set her free from the pain. That this was almost over.
Tonight is different from all the other nights I have spent wishing to rejoin Hermione, Harry, Ginny, and Neville. I was alone in my cell which in itself was not unusual except that I had I only recently been left alone, left to die. Tonight I have finally been given my wish. I knew I was dying; the pool of my own blood I was laying in was very convincing evidence of that.
I realize what Harry felt when he saw Ginny fall. She looked like she had only been sleeping except that we knew she wasn't, not after the blinding flash of green light that had exploded from Snape's wand. He must have felt the complete and utter emptiness that I felt when Hermione finally died. The complete and utter meaninglessness that calls through your very soul. It quietly rips away all life from your body, but still leaves you to breathe. We should not be able to breathe when we no longer have anything to live for. There are so many worse things than death, like being able to live when all you want to do is slit your wrists and be done with it, with life.
Harry was lucky to have someone there to end his life right then and there, I had to wait, I had to wait for a long while. I understand now, and I am not bitter anymore or angry at Harry. It is only Voldimort who can claim that right, only he who brought this anguish upon us. I am finally at peace now though, finally happy to say that the life of Ron Weasley was almost over.