Soah had been in Suguk for some months now. Without even realizing it, she had begun to lose any hope of a better life, or at least better treatment from her own husband. Even Mui had told her he was only kind to her out of his own desire to see her pain. The insults, the neglect, the overall feeling of not being wanted had worn her down until she was nothing more than a zombie, living for the sake of living, if one could call this "living". Her outlook had taken a severe downward spiral the day when she was allowed to sit in on Habaek's duties as Water God. She took her place kneeling behind the diminutive god, never once speaking or raising her eyes from the floor in front of her. Murah, Yohee, Huye, and the others were in attendance as well. Yohee, always the friendly one, had asked Soah for her opinion on a matter. Soah, happy to have been asked for her thoughts on the dealings of gods, had begun to answer. "Well, I believe….."
"What you believe is of no consequence, Soah," Habaek had interrupted crossly. "You are not a member of this Council, merely an observer. And a human one at that. So just be quiet." As a final blow to his dismissal of her, he reached back and flipped her veil over her head, covering her face from all eyes. While he ignored her, the others looked on in pity as her head bowed even lower in rejection. "Yes, Habaek-nim," she whispered. "I apologize for my presumption." Only Habaek was blind to the tears that coursed down her cheeks beneath the gauzy cloth.
It was on that day that Soah came to realize just exactly who surrounded her: gods. Beings of higher intelligence and worth than herself. They were not human, never had been. Who was she to think that she could ever be viewed as an equal to any of them? Even Yohee, who reminded her so much of the girls she played with in the village, was far older and wiser than she could ever hope to be. All of this is an illusion, she thought as she walked alone through the water gardens. Everyone is lying to me, everyone looks down on me. At this point I'd welcome death than be trapped in this loneliness for all eternity.
Yohee had once commented to Habaek, without Soah's knowledge, that the girl was painfully out of place in Suguk. She had no friends to call her own, no one to confide in without being insulted, no one to take care of. "Perhaps if she had just one true companion she wouldn't be such a downer, don't you think?"
Habaek had scoffed initially, but when the goddess had left his presence he thought more on Soah's situation. She is alone, abandoned twice by her family for their own selfishness. And everyone knows I haven't exactly been kind to her since she first arrived. Maybe Yohee's right; maybe Soah does need someone to look after on her own.
Days after his public rebuke of his wife, Habaek called Soah into his chambers while he practiced calligraphy. He kept his eyes averted from her, not wanting to see the pain that was sure to be written all over her face. "I've been thinking it's time you show some responsibility around here." Better to be harsh than soft; much less hassle. "I got you a dog to take care of. Make sure you keep it alive." At that moment a blur of brown and tan shot past him and into Soah's arms. The dog had taken an immediate liking to her and expressed its love for her by licking her face repeatedly. Habaek instinctively looked up to see Soah smiling at the creature, laughing and coddling it like one would a newborn child. Seeing the obvious love and affection between beast and woman made his heart ache. He too wanted that love, but his own stubbornness did not permit him to enjoy it should it be presented to him.
He quickly looked away when Soah's tearful eyes rested on him. "Thank you, Habaek-nim," she whispered gently. "Thank you."
"Uhh, right," he stammered, heat rising to his face. "Now get it out of here. I'm very busy at the moment." He could practically feel Soah's sad smile on his shoulders before she turned and left the room. When he was sure she was out of earshot, he let the calligraphy brush in his hand clatter to the table and sighed from the bottom of his heart. Why do you have to treat her like a slave? One part of his mind chided. You know she's not Nakbin. She may look like her, but she's not her. And it's not her fault she looks like her, you know.
What do you know? His other half argued. I'm not happy with this arrangement either, especially since she seems to think I'm just a child!
Well, that's not her fault either, is it? How is she to know your true form? She's seen it, but you lied to her. You called yourself Mui and let her believe you were your own cousin. It'd be laughable if it wasn't so cruel.
Shut up! I know what's best around here, and while I'm still the Water God I rule however I see fit!
Yeah. Because we all know how that turned out.
I'm ignoring you now.
Just like you ignore your own wife?
…
Yeah, really big of you to treat your own wife like crap.
Habaek's mental battle continued for several moments before he was finally interrupted by Huye. He simply pointed down to the water gardens, a signal for Habaek to look. Soah was playing with her new pet, throwing a stick into the water where the dog would fetch it and swim back to her. It shook itself every time it came out of the pond, drenching Soah in a matter of seconds. But she didn't seem to mind. In fact, she looked as if she was enjoying getting soaked to the bone; her dress was now clinging to her figure in a way that would have been considered tawdry had she not been the picture of innocence and unconditional love. Her laughter reached Habaek's ears, her smile seemed to make the water glisten even more.
Habaek could not stand to watch more. His heart hurt at the sight of her happiness, even though he was the indirect cause of it. Subconsciously he knew the reason for his evasion of her smile was partly because of her resemblance to his first love, and mostly due to the mindset that if he could not be happy, then no one deserved to be. True, it was a very childish way of thinking.
He called for Huye to walk with him to another part of the palace, but his servant did not respond immediately as was usual. Instead, he was gazing down at Soah and the dog, a wistful look in his eyes that ignited a tiny spark of jealousy in Habaek. "Huye!" he called louder, this time being acknowledged. The men left Soah and the dog to their play for the moment.
Months passed and Habaek began to regret giving Soah the dog, which she had named Chingu, meaning "friend". The two were inseparable. Soah's hand was always on the dog's head or back, and Chingu refused to be parted from her. He had growled once at Judong when the fire god had attempted to shove the beast away from Soah so he could sit beside her. The way he told it, the dog had sprouted a second head that shot lightning from its mouth and spoke blasphemies upon all the gods. He was given a good smack on the head from Yohee and a warning to leave the two alone; the goddess was definitely adorable, but when she was pissed off no one dared to disobey her.
Habaek was irked at the fact that Chingu had taken his rightful place in bed beside Soah, but he was quickly put to shame when Tae-Eul-Jin-In reminded him that Soah slept at night and since she believed Mui to be a cousin of her husband, it would have been problematic if he had tried to sleep next to her. Chingu also monopolized Soah's time, her laughs, her smiles, her affections. There seemed to be none left for him. Again, he was reminded by the other gods, annoyingly correct as they were, that he had not done much of anything to earn Soah's affection. In fact, he had been downright cruel to her in both personas. The blunt truth forced him to take a hard look at himself and he did not like what he saw. He saw someone who was cruel, heartless, mean-tempered, and all-around unpleasant. He hid himself away that night he discovered that about himself.
One night, he went to Soah's room. Maybe just being around her would help ease his mind. The room was empty. No one had been in all day. That was strange; she was normally asleep by this hour. He searched for her throughout the palace and, upon finding that she was not there, every pool of water within his kingdom. He found her sitting beside one of the larger ponds, Chingu ever at her side. She was saying something, whether to herself or the dog he wasn't sure. He used his power to move closer to the pair, watching and listening to them through the pond itself.
Soah was crying. She had been for weeks, ever since he shut her down when she tried to voice an opinion while he was attending to his duties. No, her tears had begun long before then. It was strange how he only noticed the tracks of tears on her cheeks now. Was he really so cold-hearted that he did not see them before? He listened closely when she spoke again.
"Am I really so worthless, Chingu?" she asked the dog. Chingu appeared to understand and placed his paw over her clenched hands. They relaxed instantly and rose to pat the animal on the head. "Of course I'm not to you; I'm your food source." She smiled at her own self-deprecating joke, but Habaek cringed. Soah looked out over the water once again, a smile of unspeakable sadness on her lips. "I don't even know if I'm dead or alive at this point. Sometimes I find myself thinking it would have been better if I hadn't survived the boat here. Habaek would not be so annoyed with my presence if I had just perished. The others would not feel like they have to worry about me. I could have just disappeared from all memory and dealt with it. If I'm still alive, I wonder what it would be like to die." Habaek's spine stiffened. "I've held the blade to my wrists so many times, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I'm just a coward, I suppose. I'm not afraid of death, but rather what happens after it. Do I go to hell? Do I go to heaven? Will I be reborn? Do I just disappear into nothingness? I don't like not knowing. That's why I never finished the job." He despised the way she so casually mentioned suicide, moreso the fact that she said she had attempted it many times, yet he had never known about them. He saw her look to Chingu. "But now I have you," she said with a small smile. "Now I have a reason to keep living." Chingu barked, as if either questioning her statement or agreeing with it. "Well, I know Habaek isn't pleased with me; I know I wouldn't pick me for a wife I were him. He's a god, a being far greater than I will ever be. I'm just a human, nothing special at all about me." Habaek silently reeled at such an assumption, the desire to destroy something very pressing. He pushed the urge back with no small amount of will. "I've never felt so utterly alone as I do here. This isn't my home. My home was once my village, but I can't go back there ever again; they threw me away like a piece of trash. Twice. This place is where I live, but it's not a home. A home is where you are loved and love the people you're surrounded with. That's definitely not here, except for you, of course.
"I know everyone lies to me, insults me, talks down to me. I'll never be considered an equal to them in any way; they'll always be better than me. They think I don't know when they lie, they cheat, they humor me out of some twisted desire to see how lowly I really am, but I do." Then why don't you ever say anything? Habaek shouted in his mind. Why do you put up with it?
"If I'm still alive as I know it, I will eventually die and Habaek and the others will be free of me. I guess I can take some comfort in that." Chingu was looking at her with such compassion and friendship. Habaek looked at her with bewilderment and awe. He thought he knew her, but it turned out he knew nothing at all about her or her strength of spirit. Soah looked down at Chingu before smiling through her tears and hugging him close to her. The dog seemed to be in a state of bliss as she held him, her quiet sobs blending with the natural sounds of the night.
Habaek retreated back to himself, the image in the water fading until only the bottom of the bowl was visible. He didn't know what to think, what to do, who to talk to. He obviously needed to treat Soah with more care; she was his wife after all! She wasn't trying to replace Nakbin; he'd even assured her of that when the false Nakbin appeared in Suguk. It wasn't her fault that she was sacrificed by her selfish family and so-called friends. She was just going along with whatever was being thrown at her by Fate. And if she was even still alive after everything she had been through, everything HE had put her through, that in itself was a miracle. She claimed to be a coward to not take her own life, but that only spoke to her incredible spirit. The other one, the "wife" before her, had tried to run away with Huye. Soah never showed anything but acceptance for where and what she was; not once did she suggest any unhappiness to anyone, but pretended to be fine.
This was the second time she had lied to him. Her first night she claimed to not miss her family, yet she called out for her mother while she slept. Now she had prolonged the lie that she was perfectly fine with every abuse and heartbreak tossed at her. Everything be damned. He would not be the cause of her suffering in silence any longer.
Habaek stalked out of his room only to run into "Nakbin". He almost growled in frustration. "Didn't I tell you to leave, and to stop wearing that face?"
"My, my," Yeo-Wa simpered. "Such a tempermental god. And what is it that has you so worked up?"
He glared daggers at the imposter, his lips set in a thin line. "Get out of my sight, Yeo-Wa. You are not welcome in my home. If you are not gone by the time I return, I will kill you."
Another laugh. Another unspoken insult. "And how do you plan to accomplish that, I wonder?"
Habaek pushed past her with more force than was necessary. He had to find Soah. He intended to come clean about everything; his identity, his reason for remaining so distant from her, his reason for saving her as a child and both times as a woman. He no longer cared what anyone else thought, how anyone else blackmailed him. He did truly love her, to what extent he was uncertain. No one would use her in any political ploy or attempt to hurt anyone else.
He followed the sounds of Soah's cries, although they sounded different somehow from before. More...muffled? Was that the right word? As he pushed the long grass aside he concluded that was indeed the correct word. Soah's face was buried in Huye's robes, her sobs stronger than ever yet quieter than if she had proclaimed her despair to the stars. Chingu sat as a silent vigil over his mistress, trusting Huye to take care of her. It was odd; the only ones other than Soah the dog took a liking to were Yohee (by default) and Huye. Everyone else it growled at and seemed to loathe, even Habaek himself. He kept himself hidden as his heart demanded he pull the two apart. He wanted to see exactly what would play out when he wasn't supposed to be around.
Huye's arms were around her quaking shoulders, holding her close in an attempt to comfort. One hand stroked her head and let the inky locks flow through his fingers. He was exceedingly tender with her as she clutched at him in hopes of grounding herself. The general soon turned his eyes to Habaek, still hidden. The water god lifted a finger to his lips, telling Huye to remain silent. There was a slight hardness in the general's eyes as he looked at his master, but he soon enough turned his attention back to the sobbing woman in his arms.
It was several agonizing moments later when Soah was emptied of tears, her cries now turned to hiccups as she tried to catch her breath. She made no move to raise herself from Huye's embrace, however. "I asked this of Chingu but I'd like to ask it of you, Huye," she whispered. "Although I'm afraid of the answer I might get."
"You will never know if you never ask, Soah," Huye replied, always so gentle and wise. It was usually a good thing, but now it only made Habaek want to vomit in jealousy.
He could see her slight frame shaking in nervousness as she prepared herself to ask what was so important to her. "A-am I really such a failure as a wife to Habaek? Am I so worthless as a person?"
Habaek wanted so badly to charge in and shake such a foolish notion from her, but he forced himself to remain in place. Huye was silent for a long time, adding to Soah's anxiousness and trembling. His fingers continued stroking her hair. "Soah," he said finally. "No one is ever worthless." She stopped shaking. In fact, she seemed to become like a living statue, so still she was now. "You have affected this place more than you know. You certainly mean something to me."
Soah sat up to face him. She was obviously confused. "Then why am I even here? Am I being punished for something by having to endure the pain this place and its inhabitants inflict on me? The pain my own husband and his cousin cause me?"
Habaek flinched. She spoke the truth, but it was not easy to hear. He saw Huye's hands go to her shoulders. "Perhaps they just need to be reminded of themselves and of how wonderful you truly are, Soah."
Her eyes widened, more tears shimmering in their depths. She grasped one of his hands with both of hers and kissed it thankfully. Habaek nearly jumped out in rage. "You always know what to say, Huye," she said. "But I'm afraid you may be wrong this time."
Huye's free hand delved into her hair behind her ear. Habaek could see his fingertips caressing her scalp through her hair. And he HATED it. "Should I show you that I speak the truth?" Huye whispered thoughtfully...right before he placed his mouth over Soah's. Time seemed to freeze. Soah's eyes were now as big as dinner plates. Habaek was now akin to a rabid dog one broken link away from tearing free of his restraint and unleashing all kinds of unholy hell on both of them. And the dog that seemed to not care what was happening either way. He was never given the opportunity to enact on any of his murderous desires.
Soah quickly pushed Huye away, emotions warring in her eyes. She was obviously feeling betrayed by this man she considered a friend, but couldn't decide if she wanted him to kiss her again and whether that desire was from a need to feel something other than torment or from secret love or from something else entirely. "Don't ever do that again, Huye," she said finally. Her words were like a bucket of cold water poured over Habaek. "I may not be wanted here or have any kind of place here in Habaek's eyes, but I am still his wife. Until he says otherwise, that is what I am. It is a great sin to betray a spouse, one that I refuse to bear."
Both men were in awe of her at that moment. Where moments ago she appeared to be the weakest creature to ever walk the Earth now she was a resolute, loyal wife. Habaek suddenly felt a great weight in his chest. He saw Huye lower his forehead to the ground (what? he never bowed to anyone, not even to the water god!) and heard him speak with great sincerity. "I deeply apologize, Soah-nim. I never intended any disrespect or discomfort on your part."
Soah glanced around, at a loss for what to think. She eventually turned away from him, her back now facing Habaek. "It's fine, Huye," she said. "Just don't do it again. I'm a wife now. Even if I'm to live my marriage in loneliness I'm prepared for it. I will not betray Habaek."
As he rose from the ground, Habaek swore he saw Huye smirk in his direction. Jerk, he silently seethed. Huye beckoned the dog to him, telling it he had dinner waiting for it back at the palace and that Soah would follow shortly. She smiled gently, thankful for the moment or two of utter solitude...so she thought. She was left staring out over the lake, the moonlight glistening and seeming to call to her.
When he was certain the dog and Huye were gone, Habaek stepped forward from the tall grass. He thought he was masking his footsteps, but apparently not well enough. Soah sighed loudly before speaking. "And what do you want, Mui?" Her harshness startled him. And how did she know it was me?
He soon stood beside her seated form. It was only now that he noticed how tall he really was. He crouched down to be more at her level, to ease any discomfort or intimidation she might feel. "Have you come to throw more insults at me now that no one else is around to hear their true brutality?"
What was this? Where had she gotten this hostility? "You ah, seemed to be lonely. I wanted to keep you company." Although Huye seemed to enjoy that just now.
Soah let out a crisp laugh, a mocking one. "So that's it? Once again showing kindness to poor little human me in order to make my suffering even more enjoyable for you later?"
"Soah," he breathed, aghast.
"What? The truth causes you hurt? Good. Now you know a small taste of how I've felt since I first came to this hell." She still hadn't turned her gaze to him. He allowed her to berate him; he knew he deserved every bit of it and more. "Was your answer to my question of why you showed me kindess not 'to make your pain worse'? I'm not a masochist. You're just a sadist." He hung his head at that remark. It was true, after all. "You take sick pleasure in seeing me hurt. You forced me to come back here rather than let the villagers kill me only so both you and Habaek could turn your backs on me entirely. You both want to see nothing but suffering from me. Why not just plunge your hand into my chest and rip out my heart? It'd have the same effect." Okay, now he was getting a little peeved. "I thought you might have been different from everyone else, the liars, the cheaters, the holier-than-thou beings. I can't believe I was really that stupid to trust any of you with anything."
"You trust Huye, apparently." He instantly regretted the words the minute they left his mouth. He made no move to retract them, however.
Only now did she turn to him. Her eyes were filled with fire and hate and pity and self-loathing. He hated seeing those things in her. She simply stared at him. It was unnerving; his mother would definitely be proud of her for having found her darker side. "You," she said after long moments of silence, "you who asked me to marry you only recently when I am married to Habaek dare speak to me of trust. You who spy on me in my greatest moment of weakness and turn that weakness against me. You dare." If words could kill a god he would certainly have been dead many times over by now. Again she turned from him. "Yes, I trust Huye. I trust everything he says, everything he does. In fact, I may even love him. Tomorrow we'll run away together to the land of rainbows and fairy dust and live happily ever after. Fuckin' idiot." Now he was genuinely shocked. He had never heard her curse once, let alone speak to him with such hostile sarcasm. Was this really the same girl who came to him what seemed like so long ago?
He did the first thing that came to mind: he flung out his hands to grasp her shoulders and shoved her to the ground. He kept her pinned to the wet grass as he placed both knees on either side of her hips, her hands under his own. She was surprised, yes, but her fiery gaze never left his. The sound of his ragged breath was startling, even to him. "Never insult me like that again, Soah," he whispered savagely. He then kissed her with every ounce of strength he had, urging her to understand everything as if through magic. While his lips moved against hers to coax a response, she was scarily still. Her lips were pressed together to refuse him entry, her arms remained beside her, her breathing was eerily calm and steady. He pulled back from her but did not let her get up. His eyes ran over her body, trying to figure her out in every possible way. Why wasn't she pushing him away like she did Huye? Why was she just lying there? Wasn't she angry or frightened?
"Are you going to rape me now?" The very idea of such an act was an affront to him both as a god and as a man. How could she...? "If you are just get it over with. I have things to do."
Habaek could not make his mind function. A small, distant part of him pondered her suggestion. Truthfully, it would be far too easy to do it right now. No one was around to save her. He was far stronger than her physically. He could keep her pinned down for as long as he liked. And she was not resisting in any way. She even encouraged him to hurry up. What should he do? What should he say?
He reached up with one hand and gently stroked her cheek. It was amazing how he never noticed how soft her skin was until now. He seemed to not notice much of anything about her until recently. She did not respond. Her eyes were still fixed on his. "Soah." He breathed her name like a prayer. "Soah..." His throat tightened as he lowered his head to her shoulder. His eyes closed in despair, his shoulders sagging with the weight of his misdeeds towards her.
A tear escaped his eye and fell to her bare skin before trickling down in the grass beneath her. He felt her gasp in surprise at the sensation. "You dare to shed tears in my presence?" He went still at her words. "You have some nerve to show such sensitivity to me after as much heartache you've caused me. Get off of me." An order. A demand. A rejection. She spoke to him as if he were now lower than her. Perhaps he was in reality.
"No." But his stubbornness still held sway over his decisions. "I will not."
"Get. Off. Now." Good. She was getting angry. Let her unleash her wrath on him now so that she could purge herself of it and begin to truly live again.
"No." He locked his gaze with her once again, daring her to tell him again.
"Then do what you came here to do and leave me alone. Never come near me again."
"What I came to do," he repeated. "And what is it you think I came here to do?
"Why would I know? I'm just a lowly mortal, after all. What do I know of the inner workings of gods?"
"You aren't as ignorant as that, Soah," he countered. "Tell me what I came to do."
"I don't know." Her voice was losing its bite. She was growing tired. "I don't want to play this game. Just let me go."
"What I came to do, Soah, was tell you everything." There. It was said.
...Now what?
Her eyes were dull now, but still boring into his skull. "And what if I don't want to hear what you have to say?"
"Then I'll say it anyway." His hands took her face and held her head still, allowing him to stare directly into her eyes as he spoke. "I have deceived you in more ways than you know. The biggest offense was that I continued a lie that was begun out of panic. In truth, I AM Habaek." No reaction. He may as well have been talking to a corpse. "I am your husband. I am the water god you were sacrificed to." Silence. What was going on? She should be exhibiting some kind of reaction, anything! "Soah?"
"And you really expect me to believe that." It was not phrased as a question. "After all the lies you've laid on me, you expect me to believe this one." A chuckle. A giggle. Now a full-blown laugh. Now he was truly worried; had her mind snapped? Had she gone insane under the stress and sorrow? "Mui-" he cringed at how she spat his name out "-if you're going to continue lying to me, at least be more realistic with them. I have no interest in fanciful stories any longer."
"Soah, I'm telling you the truth," he pleaded.
"And how do I know that? I'm not a mind-reader; how do I know what is truth and what are lies anymore?" New tears sprang to life in her eyes, these born from frustration and hatred rather than sadness. "Tell me whatever you like and I'll go along with it if only to let time keep flowing, but that doesn't mean I will believe a word you say."
Habaek was at a loss. How could he convince her if she was only going to believe that everything anyone told her were lies? "Soah..."
She sighed. "Just let me up. I'm tired. I'm just so tired."
An idea. An impulsive, desperate idea, but it was better than nothing. "Soah, I will show you. Stay with me until sunrise and you'll see."
"I don't want to," she replied instantly. "I want to go to sleep. I just want to sleep forever. In sleep I can dream that I am loved and that lies do not exist."
"Soah, please!" He was begging now, but he no longer felt as if he were above it. He was desperate for her belief, for her trust, for her love. "Let me prove this to you. What else can I say, what can I do to gain your trust?"
"Nothing. Absolutely nothing." She was resolute. The tables had turned. Now she was the cold one and he was the hurt one. His heart ached at her rejection...but he'd be lying to himself if he thought it wasn't justified.
Habaek sat up on his knees, hesitant to remove himself entirely from Soah. Her gaze had turned once more to the glistening lake, the soft moonlight reflecting in her eyes. She still made no move to sit up on her own. Tears welled behind his own eyes in his anguish. He quickly pulled Soah up against his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around her and burying his face in the crook of her neck. Oh, how he wished he could be embracing her in a more welcome way. He wanted to hold her and be held by her as husband and wife. He wanted to envelope himself in the scent of her hair and her skin. He wanted to curl himself around her warmth for all eternity. But she was stone-still. She made no move to embrace him in return or even to push him away. Her indifference cracked his heart in two. "Soah, please," he begged again. "Please."
"Mui. Go away. I never want to see you again."
So that was it? It was as simple as that? No, it had to be more complicated than that. There had to be more! He could only take her face in his hands and kiss her once again. It was less of a kiss than a plea for forgiveness, for understanding. His lips were rough and insistent as only a desperate man could be. This time he forced his way into the sanctity of her mouth, the warm velvet of her tongue an enticement he couldn't resist. He pleaded without words for her to acknowledge him, to acknowledge his worth as a man. Soon enough he could taste the salt of tears, but whether they were his own or hers he wasn't certain. He couldn't pull his lips away from her even if the world around him crumbled and burst into flames. If he were to die now he would be satisfied to just have the taste of her lips on his.
But she was as immovable as stone. The need for breath overtook his desire for her kiss and he reluctantly pulled away from her. He uttered one last plea for forgiveness. She gave him none. "Please just go away." Fresh tear tracks marred her beautiful face as she turned from him back to the water.
There was nothing else he could do. With shaking hands he released her and stood. As he walked from her, he thought to himself, I AM your husband, Soah. You will know that before the end.
The following morning Soah was just finishing getting dressed when there was a knock on her door. Chingu beat her to the entrance and she had to playfully shoo him aside so she could open it. Habaek stood before her, Huye behind him, as silent as ever. If she wasn't mistaken, she could have sworn there was a slight blush on her child-like husband's face. "Good morning, Soah," he greeted. "I was hoping you would join me for breakfast this morning?" A question. Not a demand, not an ultimatum. Just a simple invitation. What was this change in him all of a sudden?
"O-of course, Habaek," she replied, confusion evident in her voice.
"Very good." He sounded almost relieved. But...why? "I will see you shortly then?"
Soah had to blink a few times before she decided her eyes and ears weren't deceiving her. A tiny smile lifted the corners of her lips. "Yes, of course. I will be there in a few moments. Let me just finish fixing my hair."
Habaek smiled up at her, a rare sight for her indeed. "I don't believe that is necessary. It looks lovely the way it is."
A blush colored her cheeks and neck at the unexpected compliment. Habaek found the reaction to be incredibly endearing. "T-thank you, Habaek. I'll just need to feed Chingu his breakfast first. I will join you in just a few moments."
Habaek smiled at her again before turning down the hall, Huye at his side. Soah continued looking after them until they were gone from her sight. She was confused beyond all reason at this point, but she had to admit it was certainly a welcome change, especially after the events of the previous night. The memory of Mui's kisses flooded back with every ounce of heat and passion. He was a terrific actor if he thought a few pretty words and a couple of heated kisses were enough to convince her of his sincerity. There was just no possible way that he, that Mui, was the same person as the child-like god who had just invited her to eat with him. She shook her head to clear it, focusing instead on Chingu; he was barking up a storm for his food.
Breakfast was surprisingly pleasant enough for Soah. Habaek even moved a little closer to her once she had sat down. It was as if he had become an entirely different person. Where was the tempestuous, solemn god she had known all these months? He had been replaced with a rather doting husband who inquired about her well-being, her thoughts on the weather and what changes she would like to make to the appearance of the palace (within reason). Soah still had a hard time looking past his stature and seeing him for the god he was, but she was able to speak with him in some sort of comfort. She felt an air of awakwardness, especially when Habaek would smile so sweetly at her. She would even swear she saw his face color when he complimented her dress; she knew she did indeed blush herself. "T-thank you," she replied softly, not quite sure she'd heard him correctly.
He turned his eyes, those beautiful, large blue eyes, to lock onto her deep brown ones. She saw nothing but sincerity in their depths when he spoke next. "You really are quite beautiful, Soah.I don't believe I've ever told you that before, but it's true." He smiled then, and she thought she would die from the tiny happiness the sight ignited in her heart.
She could no longer hold his gaze. She still did not entirely trust him, but for some reason he was oddly pleasant to be around this morning. That small comfort allowed her to push the events of the previous night to the back of her mind without guilt or remorse; Mui would never interrupt her life again. He was not allowed in any way, shape, or form to intrude on this peace, this happiness.
The next days passed much as the others: she and Habaek would have their meals together, but he would always disappear when the sun set. Huye had covered the truth by telling Soah that Habaek had to leave the palace for other duties, but he would always return by morning. The first night, Soah had thought that Habaek had finally decided to abandon her altogether; after all, he'd given her no farewell, no word of his departure. But he was at her door the next morning, inviting her to their meal with a smile. Even Chingu had begun to tolerate the god whereas before he would try to chase him away from his mistress. There even came a day when Chingu had, in his own way, invited Habaek to play. Soah had to explain the dog's actions to her husband and demonstrate how to play with him, but once he caught on the three of them enjoyed the afternoon simply playing together. Soah never once looked unhappy or shed a tear in sadness, and that alone made Habaek sigh in relief and happiness himself.
But then came the evenings when he would have to leave her in order to protect his secret and keep his unspoken promise to not allow "Mui" to make an appearance to her and cause her any pain. Huye had told him of the lie he had told Soah in order to protect his master. Habaek was upset by that, but what else could be done? Nothing, nothing at all, he thought. "Thank you for always looking out for me, Huye." His general merely bowed his head in response. Habaek then left the palace grounds and drowned himself in liquor. There was a near-physical pain that racked his body and soul at the loss of Soah beside him, the absence of her voice and her scent. The only way to dull the ache, he thought, was to cover it with the slow burn of alcohol. One cup at first, then another, then another and another and another until sweet oblivion claimed him. He would awake with the sun and hurriedly return to the palace, his head throbbing as if being beaten from the inside with a mallet, but the sight of a newly-awakened Soah, sleep still in her eyes and her sleeping gown a wrinkled mess, would instantly warm his heart. By breakfast-time his headache would still be present but much more tolerable. Just being beside Soah was enough to ease any pain, in his opinion.
And then the cycle would resume with the next sunset. Habaek didn't know how long he could continue this routine before he ended up killing himself, but at least Soah was happy. If he could see her smile and hear her laughter in the morning, then he would endure any agony he brought on himself.
Soah could see Habaek sitting on the small bridge just around the corner which she hid behind. In her hands she cradled something she had made for him, a gift she wanted to give him in appreciation for his kindness to her. She stood there for several moments trying to work up the courage to approach him. She'd never done anything like this before, given a special present to an equally special someone. What would she say when she gave it to him? What would he say? That was what worried her most of all: his reaction. He'd given her no reason to think he would react unkindly anymore, but the thought still lingered like a sly serpent, ready to strike when she was least prepared. She took a deep breath to calm her nerves and glanced down at Chingu. The dog seemed to be smiling back at her, telling her to just go for it! One more deep breath and she rounded the corner.
Habaek seemed to be deep in thought as his legs dangled over the softly running water below. His face was set in a frown, thinking very hard about something. Soah noticed this but she felt it would be rude to pry into something he obviously wanted to keep private. She softly called out his name instead. "Habaek..."
At her voice the water god turned and seemed to brighten, a smile taking over where the frown had been. "Yes, Soah," he said gently. He beckoned her closer and nearly sighed in relief when she obliged. He noticed her worried expression and the fact that she had her hands behind her back in a peculiar fashion. "Is something wrong?"
"No! No, no, no," she exclaimed hurriedly. "I just, ummm…I wanted to give you something." Why wouldn't her hands move? Her mind commanded them to present him with the gift, but for some reason they wouldn't obey. Only when Habaek tried to peek around her to see what she was hiding did they move of their own accord.
Habaek was silent as Soah handed him a small square of fabric. He took note of how carefully she held it in her trembling hands, so he mimicked her gentleness when he took it from her. "I made it myself," she explained. The god saw that the fabric was actually folded. He was very careful as he slowly pulled back the edges and revealed a beautiful white water lily hand embroidered against a deep blue material that was like a very fine net. There was even a silhouette of a fish in the corner, as if seeing the shape while looking down into the water. This must have been how she spent her nights now. "You…you did this yourself?" he asked in awe.
"Y-yes," she whispered back. "Do you not like it?"
"No! No," he said suddenly. "I mean, I do. It's beautiful, Soah. It seems there's a lot about you I still need to learn."
There was that smile again. Soah felt her blush return with a vengeance. Her hands were still shaking so she clasped them together in front of her. She felt so much like a child again, so eager to please a loved one. She smiled to herself when she saw him gingerly refold the handkerchief before tucking it inside his robes to rest over his heart. Another glowing smile and he patted the bridge beside him. "Come sit with me for a while, Soah."
Soah ducked her head bashfully as she lowered herself beside her husband. She briefly wondered if it would be unsightly to let her legs hand over the edge like his before moving her skirts to dangle them over the water. Trying to be nonchalant, she smiled at Habaek and was delighted when she saw his eyes crinkle as his own smile widened.
The silence that settled over them was not an unpleasant one, but more of a welcome easiness. Neither knew how long this peace would last, but for now they simply basked in it rather than question it. The faint gurgle of the waterfall some distance ahead of them and the calls of the birds were music to them. Perhaps, Soah thought, this wasn't so bad. Maybe things were looking up for her. She didn't dare to hope that the day would come when she would never cry or feel unloved again, but for right now it was enough to have this sliver of happiness amidst all the despair. If her life here was only to be peppered with moments like this, then maybe she could endure it. She smiled softly as she pushed aside all negativity and sour thoughts and enjoyed the company of her husband.
How could she possibly know that things were only about to get so much worse?