The Elric brothers had always been close, there had always been some sort of connection there, something tying the two of them together much deeper than brothers should be…It wasn't until Alphonse got his body back that this connection had been explored upon and their love for each other discovered.
It was forbidden…It was something society deemed as wrong…But it was something that felt right to both of them. As they kissed in the safety of their home they built together and made love under the safe blanket of the night, they never could once believe that it was wrong. Because to them, it was as pure as any other love. It was beautiful.
Edward never once debated it being wrong, he could never look at it as wrong, not when he saw the smile on Alphonse's face, or heard his beautiful laughter… No, all he could see it as was right. It was meant to be. Simple as that…
And though they believed they were free of any drama and pain life had to throw at them now that they were done their journey, they seemed to have more in store to go through… As a couple years after Alphonse got his body back, he got sick.
Ed didn't know when it truly started, Alphonse just started coughing one day, at first, they thought it was a cold but…It stayed and got worse and worse…Until the younger Elric had trouble breathing.
It felt wrong having to see Alphonse in a hospital again after all the physical therapy and help he had to go through after he got his body back, but the doctors told him it was necessary… It didn't sink in how serious the situation was until he saw his brother, weak and connected to multiple tubes…
He knew the worry showed on his face and with each passing day it just got worse, both his fear and Alphonse's condition. It got so bad that a doctor pulled him aside…And Ed was explained that there was a possibility Alphonse may die.
That information just didn't seem to sink in right… Ed became a mess… So much so that Alphonse had made him leave…
He also told Ed not to come back.
At the time, Edward didn't know what to do other than respect his brother's wishes…Alphonse didn't want him there so…What was he to do? Maybe the other stopped loving him…Or maybe he just was too stressed and wanted to live the rest of his life in peace…
But the longer Ed stayed away, the more wrong it felt… He remembered Alphonse telling him he only focused on the end…And At first, this made no sense to Ed…What else could he focus on…?
Then it hit him and he realized how wrong he was.
And so…Ed ran. He ran with all the strength he had left. He went to the one place he knew he could call home, the one person he could call home…In that hellish white room he had been confined in for the past couple months. One thing was for sure… No matter what the struggle, no matter the amount of pain, he couldn't let his little brother go. He couldn't give up this love. He had to hold on tight to what he wanted or else it would all slip away…And then what would his life amount to?
Nothing. He was nothing without Alphonse.
Without any umbrella, rain hit his body, soaking his clothes and hair, making them stick to his skin. But even then, he didn't care. He would push past anything holding him down to get back because right now…Every second counted. Every tiny moment counted. Any little bit of time he spent out here was another minute he wasn't with Alphonse, wasn't enjoying the life his little brother had.
Now he thinks he understood what Alphonse meant when he didn't want to focus on the end… Because while Ed was so absorbed with the fact that Alphonse's life may be ending… He ignored the importance of every moment they spent together. His smiles were never real, his eyes were always full of pain… He truly wasn't the company Alphonse needed at a time like this. Ed had been wasting every moment they had together.
He finally understood why Alphonse had pushed him away.
By the time he reached the hospital, his legs were burning, but he found himself unable to care. Instead, all he could feel was the pounding of his chest as he asked for Alphonse's room number, a small part of him worrying that maybe…Maybe it was too late. Maybe his brother had already passed away without his support…Maybe this was a lost cause…
But it seemed that his brother was still holding on, even now. He didn't need to be led to the room once he was told Alphonse was still here, he knew the route by heart by now. Instead, he rushed in, determination set in his eyes.
As he burst into the room, Alphonse's gaze snapped over, a look of surprise set on his pale, thinning face, and Edward had to swallow back the pain to see it like that… He reminded himself again, Alphonse was still here. He wasn't going to let himself be consumed by pain yet… Not when Al was still alive. He would remain happy for him and when the day came that his brother passed away, whether it was now or later…Then he would allow himself to feel the pain.
"B-Brother, I told you not to- "Alphonse began but Ed didn't let him continue as he walked over, needing to say everything he had on his mind, needing to open up to Alphonse and make him see that he had to be here by his side…That it couldn't be any other way.
"I know why you forced me away, Al…. I understand that you didn't want me hurting anymore. You…You thought that the longer I stayed here, the more it was going to destroy me." Ed began, reaching Al's side and cupping his cheeks gently, remembering when they used to be so warm.
"And yes…This is going to hurt me Alphonse… How could it not when I love you? But that doesn't mean for one moment that I shouldn't be here…Because in truth, it hurts so much more to be away… To know we're both alone in this nightmare…" He explained, watching as Alphonse's golden eyes widened in front of him. Ed could see all the emotion in them, his little brother had always been pretty transparent with his emotions…His surprise, worry, and sadness was plain to see… Ed would find a way to wipe it away though. He always had in the past and just because Al was sick didn't mean he was going to stop trying, of anything it just gave Ed more incentive to bring a smile to the other's face again.
"We never really could be away from each other Alphonse... Ever since we were children, we were inseparable. That's not going to change anytime soon. I don't care about the pain. I don't care if it tears me apart… Because I need you. I need to be with you and if this really is the end of the line…. I don't want to regret anything. I don't want to realize that I had wasted so many opportunities to be by you… I want to make as many memories with you as possible and send you off with a smile…" Ed said softly, the emotion thick in his voice as tears formed in his eyes.
"…Brother…." Alphonse whispered, tears falling down the younger Elric's cheeks, causing Ed to give his brother a sympathetic smile as he kissed the corner of his eyes.
"I love you, Alphonse… I told you so many times and you always seem to forget that you idiot…. And weren't you the one who said people in love do as much as they can for the other?" He asked, his brother always had been quite the hopeless romantic type. "Through thick and thin… People who love each other stick by each other. And I'm going to be here with you every second of the way…Whether it is the end or it's not…" Edward moved to hug the frail boy he called his brother, his arms encircling the small frame as his forehead rested on the other's shoulder, tears falling down his cheeks and soaking Alphonse's hospital gown.
"Please… Just let me stay and love you until the end…" He quietly begged, feeling his younger brother's body tremble underneath him as the boy let out small hiccups. Frail hands came up and grasped onto the back of Ed's shirt as Alphonse moved closer, nodding a little into Ed's shoulder.
"Y-You can stay, brother…" Alphonse's voice was weak, but he pulled away and offered Ed that one smile, the one that always seemed to light up a room, and Ed couldn't help himself. He leaned in and pressed his lips against his brother's, holding the other close as he just took the moment to take it all in, to memorize what Al's lips felt like against his own…Even if they weren't as soft as usual, even if they were colder, Ed wanted to remember each one the best he could for that day that he would no longer have them. He wanted to hold these moments as close as possible and never let them escape his mind… Because Alphonse was his world, his life. His brother was just a part of him, a connection of his soul, and it had always been that way. Their connection always ran this deep. It was the purest feeling ever… Despite being so wrong… But Edward didn't care. He never cared if something was deemed to be wrong… If it felt right to him then that was all that mattered.
Pulling away from the kiss, Ed grinned at the other, giving him a soft expression that was reserved just for Alphonse. "I'll take care of you and make you happy… I promise."
Edward wasn't one to break promises…And he did exactly as he said. He took care of Alphonse, staying by him as much as possible, doing everything he could to keep his younger brother happy, even on the days where it seemed his little brother had no energy to even put up a smile. Somehow…It all paid off and Alphonse's condition improved. He became healthy enough to go home and Edward couldn't be happier. In the year and a half he had been in the hospital, he finally was coming back, they could start anew. All the pain would be over…And they had come out stronger from this all.
Of course, this didn't mean Alphonse was instantly cured. His little brother was still weak, he still needed to rest a lot throughout the day, but they were able to return to Resembool, he was able to go outside again and feel the sun shine down on his face. Al even began to gain some weight and color back, looking healthier than he had in a while.
Everything seemed to be going well, it was like a dream come true, their lives were returning to normalcy… They were able to love and be happy together, in their own little world…. But everything changed when Alphonse began getting sick in the mornings. All the worry came back and it felt almost as though their dream world was crashing down. This time, Ed wasted no time in bringing his brother to a doctor, knowing very well that the longer he waited, the worse it could get.
"He's pregnant." The doctor stated, catching both of the boy's attention as they looked at the man incredulously.
"You do understand the human anatomy, right? Men can't get pregnant!" Ed retorted, a slight anger in his voice. How dare this guy waste their time spewing bullshit when they could be finding out what was truly wrong with Al…They could be saving his brother's life...!
"Somehow the boy's anatomy is different, something in him must have mutated, creating a womb inside of him so that he could carry a child." The doctor tried to explain and Ed was about to lash out at the man for his stupidity when he felt a hand lightly touch his arm. Looking back, Edward found his younger brother looking at him with wide, nervous eyes.
"Brother…The gate…" Alphonse said softly and Ed knew what he was suggesting… He was suggesting the gate had changed his anatomy, made this a possibility… But Ed didn't want to believe that. He couldn't… He couldn't accept that he had gotten his love, his little brother, pregnant…
"Al…This guy is full of crap…Let's just find someone else." Ed said, grabbing his younger brother's hand and leading him out, a part of him hoping for a different answer…
But he didn't find one.
Each doctor seemed just as surprised, holding the same response for them… It left Ed with no choice but to believe it, to believe the fact that he had gotten Alphonse pregnant and that they were going to have a child just because of Truth's shitty fun and games… And he didn't know who was more nervous, him or Alphonse, though he couldn't imagine the feeling of having his own body betray him… He felt guilty for putting his younger brother through that, for ruining a part of Al's life once again.
Yet, somehow, Al put on a smile. It took a while for Ed to understand…But a couple weeks later when he saw Alphonse sitting down and rubbing his stomach with a fond look, it clicked. His brother wanted a family again… Al wanted a family with him. That was enough to set warmth shooting through his chest.
After that, Ed felt himself warming up to the idea as well, and anytime he became nervous…He just watched Alphonse's expression when he looked down at his growing stomach. That was enough to make him know it would all be alright…Because Alphonse was happy and Alphonse had faith that they could do this, that they could raise a family together.
Together, they spent their nights laughing and smiling, discussing what life would be like with their child on the way…Sharing their worries and giving each other equal support. Ed found himself in love with giving the baby attention, just nuzzling the growing bump on Alphonse's stomach, giving it small little kisses, and doing his best to show their unborn child as much care as he could. It made it even better when that attention was paired with Alphonse's giggles, or his brother's hands running through Ed's hair.
While Ed never thought of himself as a family man, he found this was one of the best things that could happen for them.
Then one day…It all came crashing down.
Alphonse was in pain…And he was bleeding… And Ed didn't know what to do…or how to help. He called Pinako over and stayed by his brother's side through it all… By the time Pinako figured out what happened, Alphonse had passed out, and the baby…their baby…had been removed from his brother's stomach four months in.
Edward was told that this happens, that there wasn't anything they could've done…But he couldn't help but feel guilty. He wanted to shift the blame onto himself, at least hold someone responsible, because he couldn't wrap his mind around it… He couldn't figure out how one of the greatest things that happened to him and Alphonse could just be taken away so easily without a cause… And the only reason he could come up with was it being due to their familial ties… That because they were brothers, their child had died… But even then…
How was it fair?
When Alphonse woke up…Things just got so much worse. They were both in pain and they couldn't hold back the tears… Alphonse even blamed himself for it, blamed himself because his body had rejected the baby… It took hours just to get Al to consider that it wasn't his fault…But even then, Ed could see, his younger brother blamed himself… And that wasn't a feeling that would go away, Ed knew that for sure.
It was hard to get back into the normal routine after that, they were both so broken, it felt as though the joy in their life had been zapped away in one instant… But Ed tried. He tried to bring back some semblance of happiness because he hated the emptiness in his brother's eyes. He hated seeing the other so lost and he hated waking up to find the other crying beside him. If he had his alchemy… Ed was sure he would've thought about trying it again…Trying to bring back the dead. Despite how pitiful it was, he would consider it because he wanted his child here, in their arms, and he wanted that happy family him and Alphonse had talked about.
He didn't understand why their life was just an endless road of tragedy.
It took almost half a year for Ed to see improvement in their lives again. Their smiles stopped being fake and they finally began to move on, return to some normalcy. Of course, it would never be the same, that was something they both had to accept…But they were beginning to feel a sense of happiness again and that was all he could ask for.
They centered their lives around each other again, spending as much time together. Every morning, they'd wake up to the other's smiling face, and every night they'd fall asleep in an embrace. When Ed came home from working outside, Al would be waiting for him with a nice cup of tea, and they would just sit together on the couch and cuddle. It was simple and Ed loved every moment of it.
One day, though, Alphonse wasn't waiting with tea… Instead Ed found him lying in their bedroom with the lights off and he instantly knew something was wrong.
"Al…?" He asked as he walked in slowly, the younger Elric looked over and from the light coming into the room from the hall, Ed could see his watery eyes. Carefully, Ed laid down by his brother, facing the sniffling Alphonse with a look of worry in his eyes.
Instead of speaking at first, Alphonse had grabbed his hand and brought it down to his stomach where he let it rest for a moment before his golden eyes met Ed. "...B-Brother I…I-I'm pregnant again…" Alphonse whispered, his voice so full of fear that it was like a dagger of ice stabbing Ed's heart… And quietly, he let the news sink in before pulling his brother into an embrace.
"Al…That…That should be a good thing…Shouldn't it?" He asked, though he knew. He understood why Al was feeling so upset and scared because in this moment, Ed felt it too. They didn't know if this child would live or get miscarried like the last. They didn't know what would happen at all…They could only hope. But that didn't stop Ed from wanting to be happy, from wanting to smile at this news because here they were, given a second chance… And maybe this time it would all work out.
"M-My body couldn't handle the last pregnancy…We…We don't know if it will be able to handle this one… What if it just doesn't work? What if my body just can't continue carrying a child?" Alphonse whispered, his voice weak as he cried into Ed's shoulder. The older Elric could only rub soothing circles into the other's back with a frown.
"Al…Don't start blaming yourself for what happened before… We'll only find out if we try again… I know it doesn't sound great…But we can't do anything else. All we can do is wait… I…I'm sorry Alphonse…" Ed told the other, holding Alphonse closer in hopes of calming his cries. "But…If it turns out bad…Remember what I told you… I'll be here for you, through thick and thin…And I'll do everything in my power to make you happy again." He assured.
Alphonse's grip tightened on him as he nodded, his cries slowly dying down, though never once did he move away from his brother that night. The two stayed wrapped up in a comforting embrace and Edward did all he could to assure Alphonse that what happened in the past would not happen again. Even if he didn't know for sure, he needed to hold onto this hope, they both needed to.
This time, luck seemed to be on their side and Alphonse went through the entire pregnancy. The night he woke up with stomach pains, Ed had almost had a heart attack, and upon finding his brother's water broke, he realized what was happening…That their baby was on the way. He didn't think he ever picked up a phone faster in his life.
Pinako had come and helped throughout the entire process. It took hours but Alphonse gave birth to a baby girl…A beautiful baby girl that they named after Nina. Ed had cried tears of joy seeing the child healthy, both her and Alphonse safe by his side, and that day he was even more certain he would give up anything and everything for his family.
It took some time to get used to being a father, but Ed managed, meanwhile Alphonse seemed like a natural at it. Every time Ed saw his brother holding Nina, a burst of warmth and love spread throughout his chest. It was perfect. They were perfect.
A year after, Alphonse got pregnant again, and their family grew larger with a baby boy named after their old friend Maes Hughes. While Nina had Al's features, Maes seemed to have more of Ed's…Including a fussy, grumpy demeanor. Ed had to apologize on multiple occasions after Maes learned how to say no, as just like his Papa had, Maes used it every chance he could get and gave both parents trouble with it.
Even then, when the children made Ed want to rip his hair out due to frustration, he found himself unwilling to trade this life. It was too valuable, and even when it annoyed the hell out of him, he loved it…Because he loved them, his family, his friends, they were all important to him.
Years later, Ed still felt the same joy for his life and he tried to go through every day with a smile on his face…That was until Maes had run outside to get him, telling him that Alphonse had gotten in a coughing fit.
Edward had run to his brother's side and of course, Alphonse tried to assure him everything was okay...But Ed saw the blood on the corner of his brother's mouth and he knew… He knew it wasn't okay. He didn't even need a doctor to confirm this.
To be safe, Ed got a doctor to come… Every fiber of his being hoping that he was wrong, that it wasn't serious…But he knew what the blood meant. Coughing up blood was dangerous…It was a really bad sign… And when the doctor left their bedroom, it was confirmed.
Alphonse was terminally ill. The sickness he had before had come back and his body couldn't fight it off any longer.
He had a year left…At most.
After this news, Edward took a moment before seeing his brother. He let it sink in…That this was really it. Alphonse really was slipping away… And it just all seemed too soon. Edward had always imagined that he would die before Alphonse, that his younger brother would live a long and happy life…But now his hopes had cracked and shattered. He was left with the brutal reality… Alphonse wasn't going to be around much longer. There were no ifs to it…He was going to die. One day, Alphonse wasn't going to wake up again. He wouldn't lay by Ed's side…He wouldn't get to see his children grow up…He wouldn't get to grow old… He would be gone before he got the chance to do any of that… He was barely even an adult and he was already leaving this world.
Edward didn't know how he was going to act like he was okay after this…But he tried to remind himself of what he said all those years ago. Alphonse was alive right now…And that's what mattered. He had to take each day as it was, let himself enjoy every moment together. Now this wasn't only for Alphonse. He had to push away this pain for his children too…His children who were only seven and nine…Who would lose their loving parent way too early.
When Ed finally got the courage to enter their room and see Alphonse, the two both cried in each other's arms. How could they not? Even trying to put their best foot forward they had to face what lied at the end of the tunnel. They had to let out some reaction to this news…It couldn't be held in now that it was a certainty…
Even after, when they tried to continue on as normal, there was a heavy feeling in the air. When Ed and Al were alone, their embraces were a little bit tighter, their kisses a little more desperate, and the look in their eyes a whole lot more loving.
Each day, Alphonse seemed to be gradually getting worse…The medicine he was giving did less and less, leaving the family worrying more and more. Somehow, Al kept his spirits bright for them all. He offered smiles and soft comforting words…And Ed had to hand it to the other… His brother was strong, probably the strongest person he ever knew for holding it together. Even in the face of death, Alphonse did his best to keep his family from worrying…To keep them all happy… But it was pointless because each time the boy coughed, the worry came back.
Ed remembered the day Nina sat down by him outside and quietly told him she heard Alphonse crying through the bedroom door… That was the day his heart truly broke. When he went to see Alphonse, he found his brother's walls that he had been hiding so much emotion behind had finally broken down and left a mess in its wake.
"I don't want to die brother…" Alphonse's voice was quiet and shaky, any louder and Ed knew his brother would break out into another fit of coughs. The younger Elric had his head buried in Ed's chest, his fists grabbing onto his brother's shirt as he sobbed.
"I-I don't want to leave you guys behind… I want to be able to watch my kids grow up… I-I want to grow old with you… I-I want to see all your birthdays…And be at our friends' weddings… I-I wanted to travel with you…A-And make a difference…" Alphonse began, shaking his head.
"T-This is too soon…I-I haven't even gotten the chance to live…I-I…I'm going to miss everything too much…I-I'm leaving so many things behind and I-I…I-I don't want to… I want to be here for you…F-For them…A-And it's not fair…! N-None of this is fair…! W-What did we do to deserve this…? W-Why are we being made to suffer so much…? I just…I-I wanted to live a happy, peaceful life with you, brother… W-Why did this have to happen…?" His brother's voice remained quiet, but the emotion in it was raw and Ed could tell how much pain the other was in…He hated it… And he hated how tears fell down his own face, how he couldn't even be strong for the other.
"I don't know Al…I…I don't know why this happened…I don't understand it either…Because you're the last person who deserved this…" Edward replied, rubbing Alphonse's back as he cradled his brother close. He wanted to give the other everything the world had to offer…But he just couldn't. He couldn't even keep the other alive.
Edward noticed after that day, Alphonse's smiles became a bit sadder, but the boy kept trying, he kept trying to be happy for them…And Ed did his best to bring that happiness. Every day became about making Al and his children smile. Some days were more successful than others…But he did his best.
Only his best couldn't do the one thing he wanted it to do…It couldn't keep Alphonse alive. Eventually, the illness became too much. Alphonse wasn't even able to get out of bed…And Ed did his best to push away the reality. He tried to pretend that Al wasn't going to pass away, even as he had the kids stay with Winry for a bit, he told himself that when they came back Al would still be here…Healthier than before… But eventually, Alphonse had to be the one to snap him into reality.
"…Brother…I…I'm really going to die…." Alphonse's voice was raspy and quiet, his face thinner than before due to weight that seemed to just be dropping off of him, and Ed found himself freezing at the pure honesty in those words.
"…Al…Al don't say that…" Ed began but was cut off when Al used some of his remaining strength to hold his hands.
"I-I'm dying Ed… I know you're aware of this..." Alphonse insisted, the serious tone making Ed's knees grow weak and he sat down in a chair he had set up by the bed.
"I don't want to admit it…" Ed said quietly, bringing one hand to cup Al's face. "I don't want to let you go…" He then added, tears forming in his own eyes as it sunk in, Al was so weak…He couldn't hold on for much longer…
"You have to, brother… Y-You can't deny reality… I…I'm not going to be around much longer…" Alphonse said quietly and then offered the other a sad smile. "I…I'm sorry but I don't think I can hold on much longer brother…"
"It's okay Al…You're…You're doing your best…" Ed whispered and gave his brother's hand a light squeeze. "…I love you…So much, Alphonse… You're the light of my light…You're my everything…" He told the other…Because he had to. He had to tell Alphonse how important he was before he went away. "Every morning…I find myself so happy to wake up next to you…And every night I'm eager to lay beside you and hold you while we dream… You gave me the perfect family..."
A small chuckle escaped Alphonse's lips, weak but still there, still a sound that made Ed's heart flutter. "Who knew…At a time like this you'd be such a romantic…" He said with a slight tone of humor.
"I love you too, brother… And I wish I could grow old with you…I wish things didn't have to be this way… But I want you to know you made me so happy, even in dark times like this…You make my smile… You gave me the life I dreamed of…And we went through so much together… Thinking back to when we were on our journey…I never thought anything like this would happen… I never thought I'd get this perfect life…But I can leave this world happy because…Even if it was for a little… I did get to experience this perfection…This pure joy… And I think I can leave without any regrets… You helped make that happen." Alphonse told the other, his voice growing weaker at the end and a few coughs left his throat before he leaned back against the bed, his eyes closing as he released a small, weak breath.
"Al…?" Ed asked desperately, leaning forward to look at the other, worry clear in his expression and voice. Slowly, Al opened his eyes and looked at the other.
"I-I don't think I can hold on anymore brother…I-I'm so tired…" Al whispered. Ed could feel his own body trembling as he knew what this meant.
"I-It's okay Al… You just rest, alright…? I…I'll be right here… I love you…" He said, his voice cracking. Looking to him, Alphonse made a weak smile, before his body began to grow limp, and Ed watched the life disappear from Alphonse's eyes.
No longer would Ed be able to hear his brother's voice… No longer would he be able to see the smile that lit up an entire room… His beautiful, sweet, innocent little brother…The love of his life…Was gone… And Ed was left alone, without the other half of his soul to help him raise their children and live a meaningful life. Suddenly, it felt as though the world got a whole lot darker with his brother gone. All Edward could do was try to make sense of why…Why the light in his life was taken away…Why Alphonse had been put through so much in his short life... Why someone so innocent and pure had to go through so much sorrow and pain only to pass on…
It was then Edward had realized…
From the start the world had been too cruel and ugly for someone as beautiful as Alphonse…