"Alright, alright, so this wasn't the commentary that we were originally going to post, and you probably weren't expecting Obsidianwings Quest, but hey," Spades began, sitting in her usual chair sipping her usual mug of hot cocoa, why was she drinking hot chocolate in the middle of summer? Who knows. "It's still a commentary, so it's still all good, right?"
From the name of the review, Wings Of Obsidian, and the short description written under it which listed all the needed information, it was obvious what the story and the fandom was. Which explained why there was no MC with her, Spades always did Warrior reviews on her own, because she was a Strong Independent Woman. It was also her territory and if MC tried to encroach upon it, she'd bite his head off.
A pause, a sip.
"Anyways, so I was on my computer at two in in the morning, because sleep is for the weak, and ran across this little lovely fic here. One very sleep deprived brain thought it was a brilliant idea to review it, so, naturally, I called M.C and asked him for the Go-Ahead to post a new commentary."
Another pause, another sip. A grin splitting across a face.
"He was pretty pissed, I mean it was two in the morning and he's already crabby when he's awake. But he said I can do it," she said, smiling and laughing, though it was a bit to much smiling and laughing compared to normal, an effect from being so gosh darn tired perhaps. "So here we are, almost three in the morning, doing a review."
Well, it being so late at night slash early in the morning would explain why there wasn't anyone in the audience seats. Spades had truly and completely lost it.
"Before we star, I have an idea! We're adding a drinking game to this story, from the first chapter to the last!" She pulls out a bottle of vodka from under the table and gives it a light shake, a devious smile upon her fast, "Here's how to play."
With that, the screen flashed until a list appeared on it, every rule to the game was written out in the sloppy writing that could only belong to the lovable Spades who had taken a pool stick from Enkindlers only knew where and pointed at each and every line on it. "Now, make sure you read it and understand each rule, cause I sure as Hell am going to forget by the next chapter, so you guys best remember."
-One drink for every cat with an un-Warriors name, you decide what qualifies as that,
-One drink for every time our protagonist does something Mary Sue ish or is described in a Mary Sue-ish way,
-A drink whenever a cat falls in love with her or she falls in love with another cat.
-A drink for every mate she gets.
-If a cat from the series is out of character, take a drink.
-If a cat from the series is unnaturally weak and easily killed, take a drink.
-When the cats break the Warrior Code, take a sip.
-When the cats do something that cats can't or don't do, take a sip.
-For inaccurately short time passages for training or pregnancy, take a sip.
-Spot a running trait among troll fics not listed above; take a sip.
"I could be add 'take a drink for every spelling error', but you'll be passed out before this chapter is over then," Spades laughed, shaking her head, "Besides, with what we've got, by the time this is over, you'll be to smashed to remember what color the sky is!"
Well, at least it isn't giving us a full page of Allegiances like many do, Thank the Enkindlers for that.
PART 1 LOVE AT FIRST SITE
I wonder what is happening in this chapter. Prepare for the drinking to start!
Obsidianpaw wook up to a lot of birds.
Are the birds just circled around her, ready to eat her like a flock of vultures? Or are they just screeching in the air above because they're pissed at her for existing? Or is she for some reason in a nest? Tell us, Author, tell us!
She walked outside th e apps den and saw firestar.
Oh, Enkindlers no, you're not making your own clans for this?
PREPARE FOR HELLA OOC CHARACTERS!
She felt her hart fluter. He was old but she thot he was hot.
Why can't they just let him be with Sandstorm!? Seriously, what do they have against Sandstorm? She was like my favorite cat!
"hi" she said and smiled at him.
"hey' firestar replied with a wink.
Oh Enkindlers...here we go.
He winked! He loved her!
*Takes a sip of Vodka*
But how does a wink equal 'I love you'?! Is that some secret language?! If so then MC best step up his game!
"meat me in mah den" he said
*Deep breath*
Because its so late, I don't have the energy to make a slap at that, or even say it in a deep and very stupid voice.
"but I have training" obsidian paw said
Oh, an apprentice Mary Sue who cares about her training? The world is ending! Hide your children and wives! Chaos will spread!
"idc" firestar said
And he is a terrible leader in this, wow.
Then again, what's new?
obsidianpaw was excited. Why did he want too see her in his den?
To kill you, that's why.
(shuld i continue pls review bye)
Well, I say don't, but you already finished so my opinion doesn't matter much.
PART 2 HE LOVES ME
HE LOVES ME NOT.
Obsidianpaw eagley followed firestar to his den. When they were there he padded close too her and she got nervous.
Then he killed her, the end. Time for bed.
He suddenly kissed her and she gasped.
And a drink, since cats, as far as I know, don't kiss.
"firestar no you have a mate
Yes! Sandstorm! He's mates with Sandstorm!
you cant make me have ur kits" she said
Woah, woah, woah! Slow down there girl! No one said anything about kits! You're an apprentice!
But, you're also right, he can't make you have his kits, he can't make you do anything you don't want to.
"I love u more then sandstorm! Be my mate! Idc if I am am a lut older then u!" he said
...Well, at least he isn't her grandfather?
obsidinpaw pawsed. He was so hot.
Because being hot is a totally good reason to commit adultery!
That's like me being with a super hot guy, and deciding it's totally alright to make out with him despite the fact that I'm dating MC because, guess what, he's hot! That make's everything okay!
"ok." She memured.
Not okay.
Firestar kissed her agin and she kissed him bak. He pured and licked her chin.
So, is the entire fic going to be like this, just them making out? Because your chapters are so small I have to do multiple ones in each review.
(will continu if I get 1 nice review thankz)
And, it was probably anonymous and made by yourself.
PART 3 OH NO!
A Marina and Diamonds song is now in mind.
firestar kissed obsidianpaw four a while. Suddenly he pressed against her.
...Don't tell me I have to bump the rating up to M? MC was the one who got the shame of reviewing a fic with sex in it, I don't want to share that shame. It'll be even worse since they're cats!
He purred ludly and twinned his tail with hers. Obsidian pured in plesure.
Please no...
He stated to get closer. Sudenly a cat came in. It was ...sandstorm!
THANK YOU SANDSTORM FOR SAVING THE DAY!
Obsidianpaw blushd a lot and shrenk back. Firestar growlrd. "I love her not you!"
Why is Firestar such a jerk in this?!
"but-but shes an dumb app!" sandstorm yelled.
Well, she's an app I'm not putting on my phone, that's for sure!
"I LOVE HER!" firestar screamed.
No, you don't, you love Sandstorm!
"u only think she is sexy!"
How is a cat 'sexy'?
"Well she is." firestar said, licking his lips as he gazed at obsidianpaws light blue pelt. Her ears were tipped purplish-black
*In Lunarmoon voice* ITS DARK PURPLE ALMOST BLACK! GET IT RIGHT!
and her atractive eyes were forst green.
Thank god they aren't rainbow or pink.
Sandstorm cried, she cried so hard obsidianpaw felt bad. "Firestar i-"
Oh is she going to let Firestar go back to Sandstorm?
"Sh" firestar cut her off. He began to make out with her in front of sandstorm.
Okay that is rude! Also, drink since they are making out. Again.
Sandstorm sobbed. Firestar grinned wider and wider as sandstorm got more upset.
Firestar why you such a jerk!?
He purred and so did she. Sandstorm wailed.
Sandstorm, get out of there! You deserve better then this Firestar!
"Why does she hav too be so hot!" Sandstorm wailed.
Well, she's not hot.
Then she came close to obsidian and licked her afectionately
...okay...? I guess...take a sip!
*Gulp of vodka*
Sandstorm, dafuq? You're in love with her?
while firestar was still kissing her. Obsidianpaw growled. Gross! She thought.
Oh, don't tell me this will be 'anti-Homosexuality' too. We got enough of that in Starkit! And Mission from God! And Attack on Titan High School!
Sandstrom tired to come closer but firestar broke away and chased her away "SHES MAH MATE!" He yowled.
Poor Sandstorm.
Sandstorm ran away. Firestar turned to obsidian and purred ludly. Lets continu.
Lets not.
"u uh ok...ay." Obsidianpaw agreed.
I don't think that's actual consent. Firestar you should stop. She's an apprentice after all.
they kissed for the rest of the nite.
And drink.
(Thanks for postive reeviews :) its not really supposed to be funny tho lolz)
Are you suuure?