Title: All That's Left Behind
Game: Fuuin no Tsurugi
Characters, Pairings: Asthor/Igraine, Matthew
Rating: PG-13, coarse language
Notes: Occurs somewhere in between the end of Rekka and the beginning of Fuuin.

"So you've finally decided to come back to us."

Asthor stopped walking and turned towards the direction of the voice he had not heard in years. There was nothing, only miles of sand and a lean light-haired man wearing a red cloak. He groaned. The desert heat was playing tricks on him. It had to be. "What the hell are you doing here, old man?"

The man grinned, "And still as foul-mouthed as ever, I see."

Asthor glared at the man. He was tired, his leg was aching, he was hungry, and it was hot. He had no time for this. Especially from the likes of someone like him. "Didn't answer the question, old man," he snapped.

"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than a missing spy. Which, by the way, you are."

If it was a mirage, it was a damn good one. "Not any more. I'm coming back, aren't I? And you still haven't answered the damn question."

The man smiled that knowing smile that Asthor had always found irritating. "You know how important loyalty is in our line of work. Let's just say that by virtue of having a family and being missing for a few years, you, Asthor, now have that question over your head. Or is it Golrois?"

Still doesn't answer what you're doing here, Asthor wanted to say. Was what I was doing so important that Lord Hector sent you? But there was no way he would admit before the head of spies that he had no memory of his assignment. Instead, he replied with, "You're wasting your time, then. And it's Asthor, old man. I've left my old life behind."

"You may think that now. But there will come a time when you have no one to trust, when you are at your loneliest, when you don't know if you'll live to see the next day, that you feel you would like nothing more than a hug from your daughter, or to hold your wife in your arms. As the years pass, you'll forget the sound of your daughter's laughter, the sight of your wife's smile, the feel of her touch, and all you did together will only be memories. And you, of all people, know how easy it is to lose them." His boss was still smiling, but his tone was deeply serious.

Asthor gritted his teeth. Those words had touched a nerve, but he couldn't let him see that. "What the hell do you know, old man?" he said, "You know that even if I wanted to be with them, I can't. It's too dangerous. I have to leave them behind." With that, he started walking again, away from his boss, wincing at every step.

"You say you're leaving them behind?" Asthor could still hear the man laugh. He did not like where this was going. "Then why are you walking towards Arcadia, not Lycia?"

Just to see them one last time and only to see, Asthor felt like saying but did not, knowing that it would only show his boss that he had won their game of words. The temptation, though, to tell the old man exactly what he thought of him was too strong. He turned towards the man and opened his mouth with the intention of cursing him, only to find that instead of the smug look Asthor had expected, his boss's face seemed sad, as if recalling something that pained him to remember. That expression caught Asthor off guard, and the words fell away. For a moment, the only sound one could hear was the wind rustling through the old man's cloak.

"Sometimes mere memory isn't enough, is it?" the man said softly.

All Asthor could manage for a reply was a weak "Damn you."

The man laughed, his melancholy instantly disappearing. "You always did have a way with words," he said. "But you know that you'll have to decide now, don't you? Whether to go to Arcadia or not. If you do go back to see your family one last time, what's to say that you won't change your mind? Your wife's probably looking for you. What are you going to tell her when she sees you? Are you really so loyal to Lord Hector that you'll give up a lifetime of happiness with your wife and child just to serve him? By the way, he'll be relieved to see you safe and well."

Lord Hector…You know, don't you, old man? Asthor thought. No matter what I choose, there's something that'll be left behind. Igraine would be looking for him, and he knew that she would never let him go when she found him. He thought of Igraine and the way her eyes lit up when she smiled. He thought of their daughter and how she loved to run and play in the sand. He would do anything to protect them, and if it meant that he must never see them again, then so be it. He thought of Lord Hector and his booming laugh, how he had offered a measly thief a chance to do good work. How strange it was: loyalty to Lord Hector that brought him to this place and now it was loyalty to Lord Hector that would take him back. He would laugh, if thinking about it did not hurt so much. He looked towards the direction of Arcadia for the last time, and said a silent goodbye. To Igraine. To their daughter. Then, without a word to his boss, he walked away.

After a few steps, he realized that there was no sound of footfalls behind him. "Hey, old man, aren't you coming?" Asthor called back. When he received no reply, he looked over his shoulder.

The old man was nowhere to be seen.