Disclaimer – I own none of the Stargate franchise.

A/N – Well here's another one. I've been trying to work on Guardian but the idea for this has been plaguing me for a little while, so I thought I might as well write it and get it out of my head and out of the way. I'm hoping to update pretty quickly (famous last words…) The title is taken from the Nelly and Kelly Rowland song 'Dilemma', since that song pretty much sums up the problem John and Teyla have in this fic.

This is set about eight months after the series finale – Atlantis has been on Earth all that time. Please let me know what you think!

Dilemma – chapter one

"John Torren hug!"

John shook his head. "John hug Torren," he corrected gently.

Torren held out his arms. "John Torren hug!" he repeated stubbornly.

John tried to keep a serious look on his face, but it wasn't three seconds before he caved and reached down to pick Torren up. He swung the boy around, making him laugh in delight.

It was late in the day, and really John should be getting Torren to wind down and start getting ready for bed, but he was having way too much fun. Torren was at that age where he was into absolutely everything, and more than anything else he seemed to be into playing with John. And John was totally fine with that – in fact he revelled in it, going out of his way to spend time with the little guy. He supposed it probably said something about him that he preferred the company of a one-and-a-half year old to most adults, but the truth was he didn't care. Or, rather, he refused to let himself think about it too deeply.

John shifted Torren to rest on his hip and the little boy threw his arms around John's neck and hugged him tightly. Though he'd been hugging people for months he'd only just learnt the word for it, and it had increased his love for the activity tenfold. Barely ten minutes went by these days when he wasn't demanding a hug off of someone. John wasn't one of life's natural huggers, but he was learning to be.

John wandered over to the balcony doors and looked out at the distant San Francisco coastline. It was still strange, standing on Atlantis and looking out over the Pacific Ocean. Somehow it wasn't… right. Atlantis didn't belong on Earth. It was meant to be in Pegasus, where it could do some good. Here it was just floating uselessly, being picked over by scientists and politicians. Hardly what the Ancients had intended.

Not that being on Earth wasn't without its benefits. First and foremost, of course, was that they didn't have the constant threat of the wraith hanging over them. Also, the food was better, everyone was able to see their friends and families on a regular basis and leave actually meant leaving the city. That was key for John – as much as he loved Atlantis, and as much as Atlantis was home, it had been great to be able to take Torren out and about in San Francisco, and finally show Teyla some of the Earth culture he'd promised her all those years ago.

John's thoughts turned to Teyla, as they were too easily prone to do these days – it wasn't exactly anything new, but given how much time they'd been spending together lately he was starting to worry that it was becoming obvious.

John shook his head and turned his attention back to Torren, who had grabbed hold of the drapes in one chubby fist and was pointing out at the shore with his other hand. He looked up at John. "Sanfansco!" He declared, looking extremely proud of himself.

John grinned. "That's right, buddy, San Francisco," he said. "And where are we now?"

"Lantis!" Torren said happily.

"Uh-huh. And where is home?" John asked.

"Lantis!" Torren repeated.

John chuckled. "That's right, but not what I meant," he said. "Do you remember Pegasus?"

"Pegsis?"

"Yep – it's far away from here, but Pegasus is where you were born. It's where you're from. And one day we'll take you back there."

Torren was frowning. He didn't like the serious tone that John had adopted, and he also hated being wrong. John grinned and bounced him in his arms. "But Atlantis is home," he said.

Torren grinned back. "Lantis home!" He repeated. He hugged John again, but a moment after he wound his little arms round his neck he gave a sudden start and immediately started squirming in John's arms.

"Momma!" He crowed happily. "Momma – Momma Torren hug!"

John span round and saw Teyla had stepped into the room behind them. He hadn't heard her come in and so he didn't know how long she'd been standing there watching them. It happened quite a lot – he'd be babysitting Torren, and suddenly become aware that Teyla was in the room, watching them silently. She seemed to enjoy watching him interact with Torren when he thought he was alone with the boy… John tried not to read too much into this, and put it down to Teyla just liking to watch her son.

"Hey," he said with a grin. "Stay there." He put Torren down on the floor and crouched down next to him.

Torren wasn't very impressed. "Momma!" He demanded, pointing at Teyla to emphasise his point.

John just smiled at him. "Torren, show Momma how good you're getting at walking," he said. "Go on – go to Momma."

Torren still didn't look too happy about not being handed straight over to Teyla, but he squared his little shoulders and started to toddle over to Teyla instead. He'd been walking for a few weeks now, but it was only the last couple of days that he'd been starting to do it more frequently. John had spent a good hour or so just following Torren as he walked from one part of the room to the other earlier that day, and the practice was clearly paying off – he was becoming a lot steadier on his feet.

Teyla stood her ground, smiling proudly as Torren made his way over to her. John knew that Teyla had been trying to encourage Torren to walk more – though she never said it outright, he got the feeling that Athosian kids were a bit less… catered to than Earth ones, meaning that once they could walk they did. There were no such things as Athosian pushchairs.

Torren reached Teyla and threw his arms around her knees, grinning triumphantly up her. Teyla laughed and leant down to hug him, though she didn't pick him up. Torren didn't seem to mind. "Torren Momma hug!" He said happily.

"Yes Torren, and it is a very nice hug," she said. She straightened up, keeping one hand resting lightly on the top of Torren's head. "How has he been?" She asked John.

"Good as gold," John said, walking over until he was a couple of feet away. "He's been walking a lot today, and he's getting a lot less wobbly."

"Yes, he does seem to be finding his feet," Teyla agreed, pride in her voice and on her face.

As if he could understand what they meant and wanted to prove himself, Torren let go of Teyla and toddled back to John, where he hugged his legs instead. "Torren John hug!" He exclaimed.

John laughed. "Thanks buddy," he said.

Torren let go and went back to Teyla. "Torren Momma hug!" He exclaimed.

John and Teyla both laughed, and Torren looked delighted at their reaction. He giggled and went back to John. "Torren John hug!"

Back to Teyla. "Torren Momma hug!"

Back to John. "Torren John hug!"

John waited for him to let go and go back to Teyla, but he didn't. He looked round at Teyla, who was still laughing, and then up at John, before exclaiming. "John Momma hug!"

John stopped laughing and gave the boy an incredulous look. "Excuse me?"

"John Momma hug." Torren repeated. He frowned when John didn't move, and pulled insistently on his trouser leg. "John Momma hug!"

John looked up Teyla and saw that she looked as surprised by this sudden demand as he was, but her expression quickly turned into one of amusement, and John couldn't help but start to smile as well. He shrugged and, since Torren was still wrapped around his legs, held out his arms.

Teyla laughed and stepped forward. She slid her arms around his torso and he wrapped his around her shoulders, and for a moment she was pressed up against him, the warmth of her body seeping through his clothes and the scent of whatever it was she used in her hair filling his nostrils.

The moment ended too soon, or possibly none too soon – Torren giggled delightedly, and Teyla and John quickly broke apart, Teyla smiling and John rolling his eyes in what he hoped was a nonchalant, I-can't-believe-we-have-to-take-orders-from-a-one-year-old kind of a way. As soon as Teyla had stepped back he stooped down and swung Torren back up into the air.

"Happy now, you little trouble maker?" He asked him. Torren laughed again, and John shook his head.

He smiled at Teyla. "I should go," he said. "I, er, may have got him too excited for bed just yet. Sorry."

Teyla smiled back. "Do not apologise," she said. "He loves to play with you, and I would not have it otherwise."

John's smile widened at the compliment, and he held Torren a little tighter for second. "Me neither," he said.

They stood there smiling at each other for a moment before John remembered that he was still holding Torren, and that he'd just said he was leaving. He should probably do something about both those things before he started to look like an idiot. He quickly handed Torren over to Teyla and headed for the door. Teyla followed him.

"Thank you again," she said.

"Anytime, you know that," John said. He ruffled Torren's dark hair. "See you later, buddy."

"Say goodnight to John, Torren," Teyla said.

"Night John!"

"Night buddy," John said. He gave Teyla another small smile. "See you tomorrow."

Teyla nodded. "Yes – goodnight."

The doors opened, John walked through them, they closed behind him, and John let out a long breath.

Well, that was awkward.

Or was it? What had happened, really? They'd hugged. It wasn't like it was the first time that had happened, nor was it likely to be the last. And other times they'd hugged it had been in really emotional situations – this time it had been because Torren had told them to. They'd hugged because of the whim of a two-year-old. It hadn't been awkward, it had been funny. It was something they could laugh about, and it was only awkward if he let be awkward.

The problem was… he could very easily let it be awkward. The problem was things were different now. The problem was he was finding it more and more difficult to pretend that moments like that with Teyla didn't mean anything to him – because the truth was that they meant everything to him.

Jeez, he sounded like a pining love-struck teenage girl. But there wasn't anything he could do about it.

Part of him wanted to just forget everything, suck it up, and make a goddamn move. But he never did. For starters, he had no idea what her situation was – before they'd left Pegasus she'd been with Kanaan. Just because she and Torren were here on Earth and Kanaan was in another galaxy didn't mean that he was completely out of the picture. On top of that – they were friends, good friends, and he sometimes wondered whether it was worth changing that dynamic. Also, Teyla was one of the most important people in John's life and the thought of doing something to screw that up was terrifying.

The biggest thing holding him back, though, was fear. John had no idea how Teyla felt about him. If it was any other woman, someone he wasn't such good friends with and didn't have so much history with, it wouldn't have mattered – John had never been a player (no matter what Rodney claimed) but he knew how to talk to women, and he had no problem initiating things. But this was Teyla, the Unattainable Teyla, the one he'd been pining after for years – if he tried and she rejected him, he honestly thought he wouldn't be able to recover from it. He couldn't take the risk – not without knowing it would be welcome.

And Teyla wasn't exactly easy to read, she never had been. Three years ago he'd thought that they were in a pretty good place – good friends with a hint of something more sometimes, spending a lot of time together, sharing all kinds of things with each other. John was really starting to open up and everything had seemed to be going in the right direction. Then he'd found out she was pregnant with another guy's kid.

It had taken a while to come back from that.

Now was even harder to read. John was trying to decipher Teyla's signals but they were all over the place. She definitely liked to watch him with Torren, and he knew he was her first choice if she needed someone to watch him. And sometimes he thought we caught her just watching him when he wasn't looking. But he never knew what she was thinking. But there was no flirting. There was no more physical contact than they'd ever had in the past.

But they were spending so much time together, usually with Torren, and lines were blurring. Being on Earth meant that John opened up a lot more than he usually would – little things reminding him of childhood stories, visiting places from his college days… And Teyla had shared a lot with him recently as well. Spending so much time with her and Torren… it was like they were a family unit.

And that was where John would pull back, abruptly reminding himself that they weren't family, he wasn't Torren's father, and Teyla wasn't his. And in all likelihood she never would be.

All this flashed through John's mind in an instant as he stood outside Teyla's quarters – he'd followed the train of thought so many times recently that he barely needed a split second. He shook his head and started down the corridor, forcing himself not to look back.

"Woolsey to Sheppard."

John tapped his earpiece, glad of the distraction though slightly puzzled since he wasn't on duty.

"Sheppard here."

"Could you please come to my office, Colonel? I have something to discuss with you."

He didn't sound worried or particularly stressed, so John assumed it wasn't a matter of life or death – he bent his steps towards the control room but without any great urgency.

"Sure, I'm on my way," he answered Woolsey. "Good news?"

"That depends… Do you want to host a diplomatic soiree?"

John snorted. "No."

"Then the answer is not really."

TBC