Taking a break from writing my other Twilight story, New Beginnings, to bring you a one shot. Now I know miscarriage is a serious thing and not one to poke fun about but I've been reading a lot of them lately (on the site) and felt inspired to write my own. So please don't hate me and keep the negative comments to yourselves if you feel offended. Or just don't bother reading this.
Shoutout to my Beta reader, Libbylou1201, who still edited this story despite its serious topic.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns The Twilight Saga.
Jake is not speaking to me. He hasn't been since he left two months ago to go stay with Paul. I deserve it. I'd completely shut him out along with everyone else in my life.
We were so excited when we found out we were expecting our first child together. The topic of babies had been on our minds ever since we got married. Jake was hoping for a girl. He wanted to spoil her rotten and do anything to protect her from harm. We even decorated the extra bedroom all girly and princess-like even though we wanted the gender to be a surprise. Still, somehow we knew we were definitely going to have a girl.
But we wouldn't have been disappointed if we had a boy. We could easily take down all the girly stuff and made the room look more masculine. Either way, we would love our child unconditionally.
Four months into my pregnancy, I woke up one night feeling something warm trickle down my thighs. I pulled the covers aside to find it was blood. I shook Jake awake in a panic and we immediately got in the car and drove to the hospital. But I already knew. I knew before the doctor even told me.
I miscarried.
He told us it happens and that it was not my fault. He said we could try again in a few months. I waited until we got home to cry. I locked myself in the bathroom and cried until Jake had to practically bust the door down and gathered me in his arms, telling me it'll be alright. He tried his best to comfort me but I wasn't having any of it. I selfishly wasn't accepting the comfort from the man who needed it just as much. It was when he left that our marriage started to actually fall apart.
"Talk to him," Leah presses. "He's grieving too, Bella. He's phased into his wolf and refuses to phase back. Paul has to leave him outside, even when it's raining."
"He left me," I say between mouthfuls of cereal. Leah had barged in through the front door and after seeing the terrible state I was in on the couch, went into the kitchen, poured cereal and milk into a bowl, and brought the bowl out to me. At first, she had to force feed me until I gave in and took the bowl and spoon from her and started feeding myself. I had barely eaten or drunk anything since Jake left.
"Because you pushed him away," Leah tells me. I glare at her. "I'm sorry but it's true. He's waiting for you to come back to him, Bella. And he doesn't have much time. He's well on his way to wandering outside the reservation and getting shot—by your dad." Her added emphasis to those last words made them all the graver. I loved and missed Jake so much. I absolutely could not bare losing him like we lost our child.
I should be mad at Leah for barging in, but I'm not. Because she's right. It's my fault Jake left. It's my fault our marriage is falling apart. All I had been thinking about was myself and my own grief about losing our child. I wasn't thinking about him. After all, Jake was so incredibly excited about becoming a father.
As if reading my mind, Leah says, "He's probably still in the woods. I can take you to him if you want."
I nod. "Okay."
She waits for me outside as I drag myself to the bathroom to take a shower. When I'm done, I get dressed and spray on perfume. It has been too long since I have washed up and taken care of myself. I feel fresh. I am now ready to start the next chapter; ready to go get Jake back. I meet her outside and together, we walk to the back of the house and into the woods in search of Jake.
"Jake?" The pack have super hearing so I don't need to call loudly for him. "Jake, it's Bella." I'm glad Leah is with me. Even in human form, she can sense when danger is near. She keeps me feeling safe from anything else that could approach before Jake arrives.
A russet-brown wolf appears between the trees. Jake. He whines softly as he slowly approaches me, his head held low. I know he must be hurting, both physically and emotionally. I turn, but Leah has discreetly left my side. Jake won't hurt me anyway so I'm fine.
I find a grassy spot near the trees and go to sit down. Jake follows my movement and slowly lays down in front of me. He lets out another soft whine and my heart yearns for him. I've missed him so dearly.
I reach out and stroke the fur on his head. "Leah tells me you've phased into your wolf and refuse to phase back." Another whine, confirming my statement. "I'm sorry. You tried to comfort me after we lost our child and I just pushed you away. I pushed everyone away. Well, except for Leah apparently. But really, she just refused to leave me alone." I continue to stroke his fur and this time, he lets out a purr and moves closer to me. I can now feel the heat radiating from his body. "I wasn't thinking about you and how you're grieving. I was only thinking about myself. Our marriage is falling apart because of me." I look down at my hands.
"No it's not," I look up and Jake is in human form, on his knees. I try not to look down at his naked lower half; this isn't the time. "We both needed some time apart to grieve on our own. Now I think it's time we start the healing process. I want to come home to you, Bella. But I can't unless you stop pushing me and everyone else away."
I smile at my husband, the first time I've smiled since we lost our baby. I love him so much. I don't ever want to let him go. I let him take my hand and pull me up off the ground. Our fingers entwined, we head back to our home to start the healing process together.