Chicken Marsala

Chapter 1

By, the Unlucky-Charm

Just another Thursday had gone by, meaning I'd have to wait another full 7 days for another one. Fuck. Another whole 168 hours, just to relive another blissful Thursday, which in my book was the best day ever to be created. Thursday was like a weekly Christmas to me, a weekly Halloween, Easter, Spring Break and summer vacation, all concentrated in one short day of 24 hours. Technically it was less, seeing as the only moments of such felicity were the hours I spent in school, starting from 8 and ending at 3, giving me a torturously curt 7 hours to enjoy it.

There was even an expression in French: "La semaine au 4 jeudis." It was an expression to say 'never in hell'. It actually meant 'the week of four Thursdays', but it was the equivalent of '...when pigs fly'. So if anyone ever asked me to abandon Stripes, for example, my answer would easily be: "La semaine au 4 jeudis, bitch!".

Of course I could never say this out loud, knowing that it would ruin my whole reputation if I did. In everyone's mind, Craig Tucker was a stoic asshole who felt nothing, ever, ever, ever. If the rare occasion came for me to speak in class, everyone would shut up and watch me, as if what I was about to say would be the most breathtaking thing in the world. What I actually said was 'Canberra', since it was the answer to the question 'What is the capital of Australia?'. Nobody knew the answer, so to spare Mr. Garrison the embarrassment in front of Mr. Mackey, who was also present in class, I raised my hand and actually decided to say something. What confused me a little was how nobody knew, it wasn't like it was a hard math question or anything, isn't this shit supposed to be common knowledge to us? I mean, even Kyle didn't know! He just sat there, fiddling around with his pencil, not paying much attention. He drummed it on his desk softly, not making too much noise, tucked an escaped red curl back into his hat, chewed on the side of his fingers, then he licked his lips and I think I might have died right there but...Okay, yeah, I was totally staring at him, but how can I help myself? It boggles me how anyone else can! Which brings me back to my Thursday topic...

Other than being the easiest day, consisting of Spanish class (free time), Arts and Gym, it was the one and only day, I repeat, the ONE and ONLY day, where Kyle had absolutely NO classes with ANY of his friends. Why is this good? How is this benefitting me? Because instead, he was in every class with ME. Walking down the sidewalk to my house, a devilish grin appeared on my face at the thought. It was a risk; no one could ever see me smile, it would be mortifying. Plus, I'm sure I look kind of creepy.

Anyways, carrying on... In Spanish, we worked together, since all I knew was 'bonjourno' and he was practically fluent. In arts class, we were seated at the same table, because the teacher knew how terrible I was and how talented Kyle was. And finally gym, where we were once again partners because I was in pretty good shape and DAMN did he suck! Don't get me wrong here, I don't want to be mean to my fucking sexy redhead, but other than that ass of his, there's not much he's rocking during gym. But that's what I loved about those last two periods of the day. I got to see him all sweaty and frustrated, which frankly, was nothing more than a turn on to me. When we trained for basketball, we played one on one together and the only reason he got the ball from me that one time and scored, was because he was tired, angry and was staring at me with his deadly green eyes. And I don't know if anyone has felt this before, but at that moment, I was 98% sure that my insides had just melted at the sight of those bright green orbs. So trust me dude, when you think your insides have melted, your last worry is if the ball was taken from you.

I think that's truly what I like about Kyle; that he puts so much feeling in everything he does. Unlike me, who only feels pain when you punch me across the face, Kyle can feel anything. There are so many things that make him happy, sadden, or anger him. Best part is that he's not afraid to show it. Compared to him, I was nothing but a stoic, emotionless bastard who only felt two things: boredom, almost every second of his life, and fuzziness that made him want to puke, only when Kyle was around. I should really ask Marsh about that, seeing that he's an expert in love and vomit.

The first time that happened was during arts, when my brush strokes were going in the wrong direction, so Kyle had to hold my hand with the paintbrush to show me how it was done. The Jew was talking, giving me explanations, but it was sort of hard to listen when my lunch kept filling back into my mouth every time I got another whiff of his fucking delicious scent. It was embarrassing afterwards, when my painting came out even crappier than I thought, with only one or two corners of it looking decent (the corners Kyle did for me). Usually though, shit like that happens during gym when I have to hold his feet when he does sit ups. When he swings his torso up and down with his hands behind his head, with every ascent, I got a whiff of his perfume again, not to mention the fact that his face was so close to mine, even for the shortest second, made the butterflies in my stomach die of exhaustion.

As I entered my home and closed the door behind me, my phone began to buzz in my pocket. I opened it to see that I had a text from Tweek, my best friend and the only person who I trusted at all. I could tell Tweek any secret, knowing that the pressure would be too much and keep him from spilling. I pressed on the little envelope on my screen and read it.

From Tweek:

"Its thursdaaaay, thursdaaaay, gotta get down on thursdaaaaaaaay! LOL So how'd it go with jewboy?"

I chuckled as I read it, imagining Tweek actually singing it. You know, for a paranoid caffeine addict on meds, Tweek was a pretty big assed tease.. In fact, he was the first to notice my 'thing' for Kyle...Well, he called it a 'thing', I refer to it as 'eternal love and adoration', but I suppose we have different opinions.

It had happened at the beginning of the school year, it was, naturally, a Thursday and the boy's locker-room/bathroom was flooded or something. The boys in the classes that had gym that day decided to change in the hallways. We saw no harm in it. It wasn't like we were taking it ALL off (though I wish SOMEONE had). So, long story short, Kyle took all his clothes off, leaving only his boxers and Tweek caught me staring...um no, more like gaping to the extent of being charged with visual rape, at Kyle. I hadn't realise what I was doing and I hadn't noticed that Tweek was next to me until he broke into a chorus of 'Craig and Jewboy sitting in a tree, K.I.S.S.I.N.G.!'. Since then, whenever something interesting would happen between Kyle and me, I would go tell Tweek like an excited pre-teen. I obviously didn't act like one in front of my best friend, but I sure as hell felt like one on the inside.

Speaking of young pre-teen girls, there was one now, in the living room, fixing up some good snacks on the coffee table.

"Hey twerp." I said, standing right behind her.

"Hey asshole." She replied.

"You got someone special coming over, or do you just love me this much?" I asked her and reached for the bowl of chips.

She smacked my hand away, which I was expecting, and swung around facing me, a cute little frown on her face. "If you must know, I have a boy coming over and I would really like to impress him." She said and blushed. "So go away."

I chuckled and ruffled her hair. "Oh, well excuse me! I'll be upstairs then. You kids be safe!" I said and began running up the stairs.

"What the hell do you mean by 'be safe'?" She yelled after me, but my only response became the slamming of my bedroom door.

Once in my room alone, in peace, I did what I always did on Thursdays after school. I fed Stripes, threw my bag aside into a corner and myself onto my bed, and put on my giant green headphones. Yes, you heard me right, giant GREEN headphone. Guess why they're green... In all honesty though, not only is that Kyle's color, it's also Tweek's favourite and Stripes' as well (I decided it was). I turned my music on and let it blast through my eardrums. I shut my eyes and replayed the Kyle related events of the day in my head like some kind of stalker's slide show of his victim's pictures he took. The images went well with the music and made me feel better. Not that I was feeling bad or anything, I just felt better than I was, I guess.

A while later, when the 10th song ended, I knew at least half an hour must have passed and maybe I should check on Ruby and his boyfriend...or boy-friend, I wasn't too sure.

I took off my headphones and opened my door without making any noise. The first thing I heard from down stairs was Ruby, I couldn't really understand what she was saying exactly, but I could tell she asked a question. I heard some rustling and then her male companion's answer...

Holy. Shit.

Let me tell you, that was NO fucking voice of a 12 year old preadolescent boy. That muffled noise that came from that kid sounded like a fucking man's, and if he was I wouldn't think twice about breaking his neck and then Ruby's as well. Damn it, if this dude is some pedophile, I'm going to be sooooo pissed.

I went down the stairs at a normal speed and planned how I was going to step into the kitchen casually, without being noticed. If I did end up getting caught, I would say hello and run back upstairs. All I needed was a glimpse of this guy to determine if I should secretly watch them from on top of the staircase, just keep my bedroom door open or, he could always turn out to be some kid with a manly voice.

But it wasn't.

My plan went horribly wrong the second I actually GOT the glimpse of my pedophile rapist/murderer who was eating my chips. I stood in the doorframe of the living room, silently watching them for a few second before they noticed me. His head right next to Ruby's, a math book between them and a death glare from the part of my sister; that's all I noticed before he fully looked up at me. But once those green eyes had met mine, everything else was gone.

"Hey Craig!" He said cheerfully, waving his hand.

It was odd, to say the least, how everything just lost its importance all of a sudden. I was aware Ruby was shooting daggers at me with her eyes and I was aware of the bowl of my favourite chips on the table and also VERY aware of how hungry I was, but except for Kyle, everything had become black and white to me, like those fancy photography pieces. My brain had discoloured everything to bring out Kyle, make him pop in this perfect picture I was seeing at the moment.

"Yes, hello brother. What are you doing?" Ruby asked.

My mouth was already hanging open, but now that I wanted to put it to use, my vocal cords decided to freeze up. My eyes began to burn. Was I not blinking? No...I don't think I was; didn't even want to miss a second of what was happening here.

"You okay dude? You look scared." He said.

Was I okay? I was sure as hell not scared, especially with him here, sitting on my couch, eating my food, but was I really all right? If my body temperature kept sky rocketing and then going down to below freezing, was I okay? If every bone in my body was trembling, threatening to betray me and make me collapse, was I okay? And if all the saliva in my mouth disappeared and went to my hands, dampening my palms, was I okay? Maybe not, but all I knew at the moment was that both my infatuation and sister were staring at me, waiting for me to say something.

"Dude, you can take your hat off you know."

If there is a God out there, please kill me now. Did I seriously just say that? He worried about me and asked me if I was okay and what'd I say? That's right, I told him to take his hat off! The hat I loved more than he could ever imagine. That hat, who's replicas I would spot in stores and hide them, because I would never imagine anyone else but him wearing that hat, ever. I couldn't allow that to happen. Besides, I don't think anyone else would be able to pull it off.

"Um, no, I rather keep it on if you don't mind." He said politely.

"Okay." Was all I said, even though I was dying to apologize and tell him he could wear forty hats if he wanted to, as long as I got to see those small red curls escaping from under them.

"It's too bad, I'm sure you have gorgeous hair!" Ruby said, settling her hand on Kyle's forearm. Kyle blushed and chuckled uneasily.

"Well, I don't know, it's kind of a mess." He smiled, making his eyes curve into little half moons, adding to his cuteness.

My sister, that bitch, was totally flirting. Of course I knew her chances were even lower than mine, but it still bothered me. She was a girl; it was easier for her. I needed to work twice as hard to get close to him or touch him, and brushing up against him in the hallways does not count! But leave it to Kyle to be completely oblivious of it all. Ruby could have began rubbing the crotch of his pants, but Kyle would just continue explaining math to her...Wait, why the fuck IS he explaining math to her?

"What are you doing here?" I blurted out, interrupting their moment.

"Oh, um, your parents asked me to tutor Ruby in math and I accepted so...here I am." He said, another awkward smile from his part, along with a deepening blush. Poor kid. Every time he BEGAN to feel comfortable again, one of us would say something weird, making him flush once more.

"Right." I said. "I'll leave you two alone then."

What I said hurt, because that was the last thing I wanted to do. But what cut even deeper was Ruby's satisfied smirk.

"Yes, you do that." She said.

After a quick nod to the both of them, I ran up the stairs taking two steps at a time and locked myself up in my room once more. My heart was beating against my chest and I hadn't realised what loud and deep breaths I was taking. Kyle was in my house and I had to stay away from him. It was like putting McCormick in the same house as a hot girl and telling him that she cannot be touched. In a way this was better, since now I wouldn't have to talk to him, hence making myself look like a complete idiot. At school it was different. There were people around and I could act like by emotionless self, but what just happened was too much; I hadn't seen it coming...I needed backup.

I pulled out my phone and hit the number 1, which speed dialled Tweek.

"Agh! Hello?" I heard Tweek answer before the first ring ended.

"Yeah Tweek? It's me. It's an emergency, I need you here now!"

"Ngh! You better not be horny asshole!"

"Trust me, you'll understand when you get here. The door's open, just walk in." I said and hung up.

I was so agitated, it wasn't even normal. I felt hot, but no matter how many times I was splashing my face with water, or how many layers of clothing I removed, this feeling wouldn't go away. I just needed Tweek to get here. I needed him to give me a plan, or at least barge in on Kyle and Ruby and make them feel uncomfortable. I snickered at the thought and went back to pacing in my room.

'What did we learn today Craig?' I asked myself.

First of all, love makes you say stupid things, especially when your crush decides to randomly pop in and tutor your sister. And second, Ruby and I have the same tastes, which is pretty bad right there. Though, this could be some kind of benefit for me, having Kyle around the house every few days. Maybe one day, for example, I'd ask him to stay longer to hang out or have dinner. I'm not too sure on how that would go seeing as Ruby would also be present. It's not like I can take him to my room either. Kyle and me alone, talking on my bed...I'm not sure if I could control myself.

Before any inappropriate images would come to mind, I heard the front door open. Tweek had finally come to my rescue...I hope.

I stepped out of my room again and sat myself at the top of the stairs so I could hear what would go down. It was my spy location since I was a kid. When my parents fought or made decisions, I would always hear them talk. Not that they fought often, but I always listened in just in case. We weren't a fucked up family to be honest. We did love each other, it's just that we each had very bad personalities.

"Craig?" I heard Tweek yell nervously.

I didn't answer, hoping that Ruby would. I heard some muffled noises again, coming from the living room, followed my Ruby yelling.

"Tweek? Is that you? He's in his room!"

I heard Tweek's steps going into the living room and a grin appeared on my face. The good part was coming up.

"Oh Ruby, thank- AGH!" Tweek yelped. "Holy shit! Kyle?"

I clapped my hand over my mouth because I sooooo wanted to laugh right now.

"Hey Tweek." He spoke.

"Dude! Ngh! What the...what are you doing?" His voice was shaky and I could just imagine how wide his eyes were at the moment.

"I'm tutoring Ruby." He answered.

"OH MY GOD! Are you...are you serious?" My blonde friend was panicking. It wasn't that he was scared I guess, more like totally stoked that Kyle was in my house. It's just that all of Tweek's emotions sound the same.

"Like just this one time or...?" He sounded like he had calmed down and I needed to remind myself to buy that kid a coffee for having asked that question.

"Well, um, every Thursday I guess." Kyle replied, feeling a little uncomfortable I'm sure. For that, Tweek was getting a second cup.

"OH GOD! That is SO great!" He blurted. "I-I mean, no...that's great for Craig UH NO, I mean for Ruby, you know? Not that it's bad for Craig but..." Well there went his second cup. It was time to step in.

"Tweek! Get up here!" I shouted.

"OH! Right! I'm coming!"

He sprinted up the stairs and almost tripped over me when he made it to the top. He stood in front of me and opened his mouth wide, about to probably say something out loud. So I slapped my hand over his mouth, and dragged him to my room as if I was kidnapping him. Even knowing that I was his best friend, he still struggled and yelled into my palm. Once inside the safe walls of my room, I let him go.

"OHMYSWEETJESUS CRAIG!"

"Yeah, I know." I said.

"He's HERE!" He pointed out the obvious.

"Yeah, but with Ruby." I said and rolled my eyes. "I think she likes him."

"No shit!" He waved his hand at me. "She was like devouring him with her eyes...kind of like how you look at him, only a bit scarier."

"Right...So, what do I do?"

"Well, if you were a normal person, I'd tell you to ask him to stay. But, seeing as your, ngh, Craig Tucker; a stoic ass who doesn't give a shit about anybody, I'll have to think about this." He said, twitching and fidgeting the whole way through. Though I have to give it to him, he HAS improved during the years.

"Okay, so I have to make a move, but still look like I don't care."

"Agh! Yes! Be selfish like...ask him if you can borrow some money."

Of all the ideas he could give...

"Okay, um no?" I said and frowned at him.

"Ngh! Okay! Um, how about...you guys have Arts together right?" I nodded. "So, why don't you ask him about something like that. Like, you guys are studying still life right? Did the teacher give you the projects yet, 'cause she gave us the projects." He spoke really fast, my brain couldn't process it at the same rate. It took me some time to realise that he had asked me a question.

"Um yeah, we need to pick out an artist and reproduce one of his paintings."

"Have you picked?"

"Yeah, I think were doing that Van Gogh guy."

"Okay, so what we're gonna do is, ngh, go downstairs, start making dinner, pretend like we're having a conversation and then you'll pop your head around the corner and ask him something about it."

Ah yes, yet another amazing thing about Thursday. My parents weren't home until late at night, leaving me with the dinner decisions. Which gave me yet another idea...

After Tweek fixed my hair a bit, claiming that I looked too much like Stan, we went downstairs and stepped into the kitchen soundlessly. We began taking out the pots and pans and other kitchen crap I needed. Tweek helped by making some noise with the equipment so they would think we were actually up to something in here. Exactly 3 minutes later, I decided to put my plan into action.

"Watch this." I whispered to Tweek and made my way to the living room.

Nothing had budged, except for the quantity of chips in the bowl and Ruby's hair. The slut had untied her ponytail, letting her bright orange hair fall on her shoulders. Of course, her hair looked like ground carrots next to Kyle's shiny red locks. If I were her, I'd hide my face rather than show off. With his looks, Kyle would be intimidating if he weren't so sweet and unconfident.

"Hey Rubes." I said rudely, and leaned of the doorframe. "What d'ya want for dinner." My nostrils flared, adding nice to the cruel tone I was using with her.

"Whatever Craig, just go away." She gave me attitude and I didn't like that.

"I'm making brown rice."

"You asshole, you know I hate brown rice."

"Well then pick something else you brat."

Kyle's face was priceless. If it weren't for how annoyed I was of my sister, I would have laughed out loud. He seemed startled at how we spoke to each other, which was nothing new to the my usual group of friends. I'm sure he and his brother were nothing like us. Ike was a sweet kid, just like his brother.

"Fine, I want chicken, with that good sauce you make."

Oh, how my plan was going perfectly. My initial idea was to reveal to Kyle that I can cook, but the comment Ruby just made, made me sound all the better at it. It was true though, I was pretty good. Of course, I didn't share the passion of any good chef, I just had a knack for it, I guess. Now watch as I make myself sound all the more pro.

"You mean the marsala?" Aw yeah, he raised his eyebrows!

"Yes, whatever."

"Craig you cook?" He asked.

Jackpot.

"Yeah, I guess." I didn't want to, but I had to keep it short. It's already enough that he knows I cook, I can't sound enthusiastic about it.

"That's so cool." He smiled at me. "I didn't know."

"Yeah..."

Oh God, he was looking at me again with those EYES! They were so unnaturally green. If I hadn't known him since preschool, I'd be sure he was wearing contacts. And let me assure you, he's not. Since he was a kid, Kyle's eyes had always been big, almond shaped, and very, very, green.

"Oh and by the way." I began to speak again, because the silence had begun to stretch out. "For arts, I was thinking maybe we could do Van Gogh, since he's known and shit."

"Um, yeah sure. We need to pick out a painting though. I can do that if you want."

"Sure, if you want." I shrugged and stuffed my hands into my pockets. To him, I was acting natural, the way Craig Tucker always did. What he didn't know was how hard I was trying to maintain my expression right now. I could feel myself slowly destroying my own hard exterior, but I had to resist. I couldn't show how much I needed to see those eyes again, I forced mine to keep looking down. And once again, Tweek came to my rescue.

"Agh Craig!" He yelled from the kitchen. "Your potato au gratin is ready, ngh...I think."

This time, I saw both Kyle and Ruby raise their eyebrows. They were obviously impressed, but also very ignorant. I wanted to laugh at all three of them, since potato au gratin took at least an hour and a half to make. Oh well, ignorance is bliss, at least to me.

I went back to the kitchen, to see Tweek sitting on the floor with a random cookbook in his arms. He was turning the pages, with a slight frown on his face. He was cute when he made that face.

"Damn it! I should have said Beef Bourguignon!" He said, and smashed the book with the side of his fist.

'Yeah, Tweek, because THAT will take much less time!' I thought sarcastically.

"Thanks man." I said, and pulled him up on is feet. "That was cool."

"Yeah, I know." He said, with a cocky smile. "I totally made you look like a stud in front of jewboy."

"Yeah and Ruby. I'm gonna have to find an explanation for why there IS no potato au gratin."

"Just tell her I ate it." Tweek suggested.

"Yeah," I looked down at his skinny body. "Sure you did."

Half an hour later, Kyle announced his leave and put on his jacket. We all escorted him to the door. Rube and Tweek were smiling like retards and I was using every fibre in my being to stop me from doing so as well.

"Well, bye guys." He said with a smile, stepping out of the house. "I hope that potato au gratin is a success Craig, I'd like to taste it sometime."

With a quick wave he continued his way down our front lawn.

"Bye Kyle!" Tweek yelled and waved. "I'm sure Craig would have you taste something better than that!"

Once he had disappeared down the sidewalk, Rube quickly ran inside and disappeared into her room, giving me the opportunity to commit some domestic violence.

"Tweek, I am going to beat you to death now, so please stay still." I growled through clenched teeth.

"AGH!" He yelled and hid behind the couch.

"Taste something better! Really Tweek?"

We both began circling the couch slowly, me ready to attack and him scared to death.

"Dude! He didn't get it! He just smiled!"

He was right. If anyone else had said it, Kyle would have probably gotten the pun, but this was Tweek we were talking about. Nobody but me would have thought that Tweek would say such a thing. Little do those people know that Tweek is a total pervert. I found out the first time when I discovered his 'ass-rating' papers, but that's a different story.

"That doesn't change the fact that you SAID it."

"I didn't mean it that way!" He squealed.

By now, I was standing behind the couch and he was in front of it. In a swift movement, I grabbed his wrists, and pulled his face to mine, causing him to trip and end up on the couch. Taking this chance, I hoped over the sofa and pinned Tweek down on it.

"AH! DON'T KILL ME!" He yelled.

"I'm not gonna-"

*Ding*

The food was ready, lucky for Tweek, so I removed myself from on top of him and went back to the kitchen, where the chicken was ready. I took it out and as expected, it was perfect. I asked Tweek to take out plates and utensils and we set the table for three.

"Ruby!" I shouted. "Get your ass down here, the chicken's ready."

I turned around and saw Tweek rummaging in the bottom drawer under the stove top.

"Tweek what the hell are you looking for?"

"Candles. Where are they? You know, those really long ones and-"

"We're not fucking lighting candles. It's not a damn romantic dinner for three." I said in my nasally voice.

"Fine then." He said, sounding disappointed. He got up and shut the drawer with his foot. He looked at the floor and watched me from the corner of his eyes, a devious smile spreading on his lips. "Besides," he mumbled, "it's not like Kyle's gonna be joining us." He snickered.

"Damn it Tweek, you're seriously asking for it today." I snarled.

Giggling like a mad man, he pranced away out of the kitchen. "Ruby! You coming?" he called, right before loud stomping was heard coming down the stairs. Well, someone was angry.

"What's up with you?" I asked, my back to her, once she had entered the kitchen.

"What part of 'go away' do you not understand?" She bitched at me.

"Yeah, what part of 'he's four and a half years older than you' do YOU not understand?" I said, in all calmness because I knew how much that would tick her off more.

"So? I could still get him if I wanted to!"

Tweek giggled. "Ngh, that's what you think princess!"

"He's right. Kyle's not a pedophile." Despite what I had thought earlier...

"It won't make him a pedophile if I date him willingly!"

"Look, Rubes, just get over him." I sat myself in front of her. "That guy is MY age. He's my gym partner and let me tell you, he's a total wimp." I lied.

"He looked strong to me..." She muttered.

"Ruby, you're tiny compared to us! PIP would look strong to you!"

From the sink, I heard Tweek stifle a laugh.

"And he's a nerd Rubes. Why do you think mom and dad picked HIM to be your tutor?" I continued giving her wrong information, but it was all that came to mind that would make any sense.

Defeated, Ruby stared down at her chicken. We all quietly ate and halfway through her meal, Ruby got up and left.

"Where you going?" Tweek asked her.

"I forgot what exercises I had to do for math, Kyle told me to call him in case I forgot." She mumbled, still not meeting any of our gazes. "Don't worry, I won't try anything. I just need the pages."

"Okay." I said and she left, her head hanging low.

"Dude, she really must have, ngh, liked him! She looks really bummed." Tweek said with a mouthful of chicken.

"Yeah well, it's all for the best."

Yeah, all the best for me. Ruby was one less person out of the way. Out of the way of what? I don't know. It wasn't like I had a plan on how to get into Kyle's pants or anything. It was more like being able to actually spend some time with him or show him that I do, in fact, have some feeling. My biggest obstacle would be Stan Marsh, but I'm not even going to bother getting through him. The guy has been with Kyle since they were born, I couldn't expect my redhead to leave his 'super' best friend to hang with me of all people. Besides, the Marsh kid is straight and is currently being pushed around by his LOVELY girlfriend Wendy. At one point I remember, all us guys had an intervention for him. Poor guy sat down looking at us with puppy dog eyes. In the end, it turns out he was aware of it all and was just agreeing to it. Kyle's face was priceless after Stan revealed that to us. He was all red and angry. I even remember him yelling: 'You're doing all this WILLINGLY?' It took a whole Cartman and a Kenny to restrain him from clawing out his friend's eyes.

"You know what this means right?" He said once he had swallowed. "We can't hang on Thursdays anymore...not that we did in the first place..."

"Why? It's even better if we hang out, you can help me with Kyle."

"I guess...Okay, but the second we see him showing signs of interest to you, we need stop."

"Dude, get to your point. Why?"

"Nnnngh, listen Craig. Kyle isn't exactly the outgoing overconfident type. If he has something to say to you, he would never say it in MY presence. Plus, the kid's freakishly polite, ngh, he would never ask to speak to you privately with other people in the room." He explained, waving his fork around in the airs.

Unfortunately, he was right. I always enjoyed having Tweek around; his presence made me look less like an asshole. When the time came where I was obligated to brutally insult someone to their face, Tweek would always be there to compliment their pants or something. Whenever I put everyone in an uncomfortable situation, Tweek would be there to change the topic (usually about something he had read on Perez Hilton's site).

"Fine. You'll come over for the next two weeks but after that, you'll leave us alone." I stated half-heartedly, because what I really wanted to do was hold onto his leg and beg him not to leave me.

Under the table, my leg began to fidget, occasionally hitting the belly of the table. Every time the contact was made, a loud slamming noise was heard, along with the clinking of the silverware. Tweek would look at me questioningly every single time. I knew myself well enough to tell that I was nervous by even the thoughts of being alone with Kyle. The fourth time this happened was the last. Before Tweek put down his fork and held on to the table.

"Okay look. Chill out, he's not here right now. Just eat your yummy chicken and think of something else."

"Dude, it's just that I have nothing to say!"

"How about when you're at school? You always blab about it on the phone every night."

"Yeah, I know, but it's just that we're in a kind of environment there, there's always shit to talk about. I think that if we were alone here, we'd just be sitting in an awkward silence."

"Agh Craig! You are SO slow! Why do you think I made you ask him about the project, hm? Because THAT'S what you guys are gonna talk about, because THAT'S what you're gonna be doing together."

For a kid who thought gnomes were stealing his underwear, he was a pretty smart guy. Well, actually, maybe he was just average and I was just THAT clueless when it came to things like this. It's probably because Tweek would hang out with Stan and his friend a lot when we were younger and those guys did a lot of crap like this, only with girls of course.

"Tweek, what are you doing on Friday, after school?" I asked randomly.

"Um, I'm going to that frozen yogurt place with Butters."

"And after that?"

"I'm going to his house, I think."

It was a useless question, leading to a pointless conversation about which topping was the best, but it was what I was aiming for. I needed to get off that topic for now before I went out of my comfort zone. Sure, Tweek is my best friend and he wouldn't expect me to be all nice all of a sudden, but we both knew that, eventually, I WOULD have to resort to that. They say opposites attract, but I think Kyle and I are WAY too far apart. And I knew that, one day, I would have to suck it up, slap on a smile and go talk to him (nicely).

Until that day came, I guess I could say I was content with staring at his ass during gym and finding excuses to touch him during arts. And only now did I realise that the worst was come to happen. I was slowly becoming like them; like Stan and his group. I have become as insecure as Cartman, as pathetic as Marsh and I swear, one last look at that Jew's ass and I'm a pervert just like Kenny.

On Friday morning, I didn't want to get up and it would have been the right decision.

The day went by slowly, without anything interesting happening other than the chilling glares I kept getting from Kyle. In the morning, in the hallways, our eyes met for a second but then the moment ended with him rolling his eyes and turning away. My heart sank, but being the emotionless idiot I am, I convinced myself that he was just stressed about his math exam.

But then, it happened during lunch. I looked up from my food, only to see that he was already staring. His face wore a deep frown and deadly, squinting eyes. His jaw was clenched and so were his fists settled on top of the table. This time, I was the one to look away, because I don't think I could have dealt with the pain in my chest any longer.