Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. /doesntwanttogetsued
Chapter 1: Through Yonder Shit Happens
A face popped out of the bushes with a roar, its eyes rolled to the back of its head. Blood stained the pale face from the forehead down, the skin peeled back to flash the red tissue underneath.
Simultaneously, three differently pitched shrieks pierced the air, and the owners of the voices dashed to hide behind their red-headed friend.
After a few seconds of morbid fear, Sakura recognized the person behind the blood and stomped her foot. "DAMMIT, NARUTO!"
Ino, upon hearing the name of the attacker, poked her head out from behind Karin's back; her face was twisted with rage. "YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME, JACKASS!"
Naruto couldn't hold his scary face any longer and his eyes rolled back into place as his loud and victorious guffaws made their ears ring. "YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN YOUR FACES!"
He stuck a finger out at the three girls mockingly while holding his stomach with his other hand, laughing.
Tenten, thoroughly pissed from being ambushed all day, could only straighten up, sigh, and massage her temples, silently reasoning with herself that it was a bad idea to maim her classmates.
Seeing their unamused faces, Naruto sobered up a bit.
"Come on, guys," he grinned. "It was a joke – right Karin?"
The only girl unshaken in the group was Karin, and she stood as the mighty rock of cool indifference between the ghosts ... and her easily frightened friends. She didn't even turn at Naruto's sudden intrusion, and now her bright, ruby eyes darkened to fix a dark glare at Naruto.
"Stop screwing around with my friends, jackass."
The hyperactive blonde visibly deflated, his shoulders hunching in disappointment. "Guys! It's almost Halloween – loosen up a bit!"
Sakura folded her arms, her teeth clenched. "Yeah, sure it's fun. … Until you get pranked fourteen times."
At that, Naruto doubled over once more with laughter. Gasping for breath, he managed to wheeze out, "Yeah, I know! I can't believe you guys fall for it EVERY SINGLE TIME!"
A vein throbbed in Sakura's temple. Then, without warning, she demonstrated an impressive roundhouse kick.
The other girls looked away without remorse as a male body made contact with a nearby tree. They clapped for their friend's impressive achievement.
"10 out of 10, Forehead. That was amazing."
Status Update from Naruto: "In the clinic. DAMN LADY WON'T LET ME LEAVE, DATTEBEYO!"
Tag: Sakura
Comments:
Kiba: BAHAHA YOU GOT BEAT UP BY A CHICK, YOU PUSSY.
Naruto: SHUT THE FUCK UP, DOG. BESIDES, I CAN'T FIGHT BACK – SHE'S A GIRL.
Sakura: If you pull that prank again, I'll cut off your balls and feed them to the cows.
Kiba: … Harsh.
Naruto: PSH. EVERYONE KNOWS THAT COWS ARE GRASSIVORES. THEY DON'T EAT MEAT, MAN.
Five girls were all sprawled out inside Room 19, comfortably settling in their favorite spots, the light of their phones illuminating their faces in an almost sickly white glow.
Hinata was the first to drop her phone in a tired sigh, drawing her arms and legs together so that she could further cuddle with the stuffed bear in her grasp. "Is anyone else tired of this?"
Her soft question provoked multiple groans from the other residents, confirming her suspicions.
"Damn these guys," Sakura grumbled, tapping more forcefully on her phone as she texted. "If we had remained an all-girls' compartment, this wouldn't be a problem."
Tenten threw her own phone to the side and fell back so that she was sprawled across the bed. "It's all the new freshmen suddenly flocking to our school. The school's cheap and doesn't want to expand, so…" She meshed her hands together as visual demonstration. "Gender squash."
"Lighten up, girls!" Ino pushed with a large, encouraging smile. "Mixing the students was the best thing that ever happened to this lame-ass school."
The pink haired girl threw her friend an exasperated look over her text messages. "Oh shut up, Pig. You're just happy that you're catching the attention of about half the male population here."
"Fat whore," Tenten muttered under her breath, a taunting smile pulling on the corners of her mouth.
This comment was followed by a hot pink pillow aimed for the face - an attack which caught the brunette by surprise. Tenten let out a girlish squeal as she was hit square in the jaw.
Blue eyes glared fiercely at her roommate, another pillow at the ready. "YOU WANNA DIE EARLY, BITCH?"
Tenten was about to retaliate with a pillow-chuck of her own when a stern and annoyed voice cut through the playful anger.
"Stop that, damn it!"
The two bickering girls turned to look at the redhead occupying the bed closest to the door, and shrunk under her withering look. "There are literally ten mugs of coffee in this room, and some of us-" at this, she turned to Ino, "-have the tendency to knock shit over, so there's no reason to start World War III in here!"
"But Kari-i-in," Ino whined, dragging out the 'i' sound of her friend's name. "That bitch called me a 'fat whore'! SHE DESERVES PUNISHMENT!"
Scarlet eyes turned now to the tomboy in the group with a gaze that all mothers had perfected. "Don't provoke the bear, Tenten."
Ino stuck her tongue out victoriously at the brunette. "Yeah, Tenten, don't provoke—BEAR?" The blonde spun around to face Karin with an incredulous face. "REALLY? TAKE HER SIDE, WHY DON'T YOU."
Sensing danger, Sakura slowly got up from her relaxed slouch on the bed and slipped off the comfortable mattress. "I have to go to a Student Council meeting, guys."
Hinata looked up in alarm and quickly jumped off her own bed. She squeaked as she landed awkwardly on the ground, but quickly recovered and followed Sakura out the door.
Her pale eyes were wide as she fought to keep up with Sakura's fast pace. "There's a meeting today?"
Sakura scoffed, now that they were far enough away from the room. "No. I just wanted to get out of there."
The Hyuuga heiress visibly relaxed, heaving a sigh of relief… and then sent the pink haired girl an angry pout that only looked cute to the receiving end. "D-Dammit, Sakura-chan! You scared me!"
Sakura's laughter echoed through the hallway as she pulled her friend into a warm hug. "Love you, Hinata."
Status Update from Hinata Hyuuga: "With Halloween coming up, my trips to the clinic are becoming more frequent…"
Tag: sad
Comments:
Tenten: Meaning you're staying inside the dorm. Whether you like it or not.
Ino: DAMN STRAIGHTCHU ARE. YOU ARE OUR ADORABLE PRISONER. We'll feed you. I PROMISE. -ILOVEYOU-
Karin: Give the girl a break – she needs sunlight, for pete's sake!
Sakura: Nooooo. As much as I love Hinata, that much fainting isn't good for her heart.
Ino: PLUS, SHE BURNS LIKE EGGS IN A PAN WHEN EXPOSED TO THE SUN.
Karin: … SPF 300?
Hinata: Q_Q
Sakura blinked as the bucket was shoved into her arms first, the plastic container filled to the brim with folded slips of paper.
"Alright, underlings," Anko started, walking around with an air like that of a sergeant. "I gave each of the males a number as they walked into the room. The girls will pick a random number and whomever has the same number will be your partners, capisce?"
After a moment's hesitation, Sakura reached her hand into the bucket, looking away so that no one could accuse her for cheating later. She shuffled her hand around a bit and then grabbed a slip.
The minute she had her paper in hand, Anko snatched the container from her grasp and handed it to the next person, obviously wanting to get this over with so that she could retire to her office again.
Sakura opened her folded paper. She was met with a big and hastily scribbled 9. The words 'Romeo and Juliet' were written underneath in smaller font.
As she was staring at her number, Anko passed around the bucket to the rest of the girls, explaining the instructions as she did so. "This is a Halloween project, fellow convicts, and you will be serious about this; it's our first year attempting this shit so don't screw up." At this, she glared at a few kids known for troublemaking in the room.
"The theme voted by the student body is 'romance', SO," she paused, an evil smile on her face. "Start flirting – shouldn't be hard, since you have to act out the characters assigned anyway. I'm sure all you prudes will find this assignment positively delightful. FIND YOUR PARTNERS – GO!"
Sakura blinked, staring blankly at her paper for a bit, and then looked up to meet Hinata's equally bewildered gaze.
The bubblegum haired girl grimaced and mouthed, "Romance?"
Hinata was frozen in place, her shock slowly changing to horror. She took a shaky step toward her friend. "S-Sakura—"
However, a hand grabbed Hinata's shoulder before she could really go anywhere, and the shy girl visibly tensed.
"Hey – you've got my number, dattebeyo!"
Sakura recognized the blonde immediately, and rolled a sleeve up threateningly. If Naruto put a toe out of line she'd—
At the felt someone's presence behind her like a chill on her shoulder, and she froze. She turned slowly, dreading what... or who she was going to see.
Standing there, glaring down at her like she hadn't bathed in a month, was Sasuke Uchiha.
Beryl irises stared, not really believing what stood before her. She looked down at her number, and then at the number in his hand. Then at her number… and his again.
They matched.
Her curse was a harsh whisper, cursing whoever was up there, cruelly dictating her fate. "Fuck."
Status Update from Naruto: "Got paired up with a cute girl for a project, dattebeyo! HOW LUCKY AM I?"
Tag: Hinata
Comments:
Sakura: I'm warning you...
Hinata: Sakura-chan, stop!
Ino: ANYTHING HAPPENS TO HER, AND YOU'RE DEAD, UZUMAKI! DEADDDD!
Tenten: ^ Ditto.
Naruto: DAYUM. You guys don't trust me or somethin'?
Hinata: … I need to talk to you three when class is over.
Ino: :o RUN GUISE.
Sakura couldn't see how her situation could be any worse.
Out of all the guys in the room, she got Sasuke freaking Uchiha.
The ice cube.
The one with the ever-present 'don't-talk-to-me-or-I'll-maim-you' vibes.
And more importantly, the school hottie, as of late.
Oh, she could feel the raging fangirls now. Hell, her back was already tingling from the death glares so graciously sent from just the females in this room.
It's a given. I'm going to die.
She shifted her position in the chair so that her back was to all the sudden enemies she gained and awkwardly cleared her throat. Currently she was sitting at a small, two-person table, Sasuke leaned back into his chair cooly just across her.
Dammi-i-i-it.
"So. Romeo and Juliet."
Sasuke looked away, obviously already disinterested. "Hn."
Sakura pressed her lips together in frustration.
Three seconds in and my partner already hates my guts.
Sure, her attempt at light conversation was lame, but he might as well politely play along. If they were going to awkward-silence the shit out of the evening, they might as well do it with failed attempts of conversation from both sides.
She put her hands on her hips. "Hey. Sasuke. My face is over here."
She waved her hands in front of said face, earning an annoyed look from her male counterpart.
But hey – she got his attention back.
She spoke quickly so that he wouldn't lose interest again. "Here's the deal – we find our own costumes, meet up later for approval from each other, and then read over the play so we can fit into our parts, alright? The day before Halloween we can meet up and rehearse or… whatever."
Her proposal was met with silence, though she liked to imagine that the annoyance vanished from his face. She couldn't really tell though – he looked the same to her no matter how she inspected his features.
It was like looking at a slab of rock.
When two seconds passed and he hadn't responded, Sakura raised her eyebrows expectantly. "Deal?"
She glanced over to Hinata and found her shyly chatting up the hyperactive blonde with a smile on her face, a red flush dusted over her cheeks.
A grunt brought her attention back to her own partner. Apparently, he had said something as she daydreamed.
Her eyelashes fluttered in embarrassment. "Excuse me, what?"
Sasuke shot her a scathing glare. "I said… deal."
Status Update from Sakura Haruno: "WHAT DOES 'HN' EVEN MEAN?"
Tag: Can't communicate with partner
Comments:
Naruto: BAHAHAHAHA YOU GOT THE BASTARD, DIDN'T YOU? LMAO YOU POOR SAP.
Sakura: HE SPEAKS IN CAVEMAN.
Ino: ASD;LFKJASL;DFJa;lkjfl;qqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqq YOU'RE-PAIRED-WITH-SASUKE-UCHIHA-OMFG-HOOK-ME-UP-HOOKMEUPPP
Karin: I actually agree with Ino on this one. He's a total hottie if I've ever seen one.
Naruto: HEY. HEY. WHAT ABOUT ME, LADIES?
Sakura: YOU GUYS ARE MY FRIENDS, RIGHT? SWITCH PLACES WITH ME.
Ino: FUCK YES I'D LOVE TO.
Naruto: Oh yeah sure I'll switch- OH WAIT. I'M NOT GAY FOR PRETTY BOYS WITH STICKS STUCK UP THEIR ASSES. I have a cute partner anyway. So ha.
Sakura: GTFO, NARUTO.
Anko: Against the rules, maggots. YOU SWITCH, I FAIL YOU.
Sakura: … $(*%&#$($*# )%(% WHY-DID-I-ADD-YOU-ON-MY-CONTACTS.
Ino: YOU'VE CRUSHED MY HOPES AND DREAMS, ANKO-SENSEI. I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY. /heartbreak
Anko: I am. Very much so.
"A word to the wise isn't necessary - it's the stupid people who need advice." - Bill Cosby
A/N: 'Till next time, my lovelies. CHAO!