Commitment: Syllabification: com·mit·ment Noun. 1.) The state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc. 2.) A pledge or undertaking. Example: I cannot make such a commitment at the moment.

CHAPTER ONE

"…will you marry me?"

Oh no! Oh god! I looked around and, suddenly, it all made sense. No wonder Edward threw such a fit and demanded we come back here for lunch. I hadn't set foot in this restaurant since the first time I saw Edward. Of course, back then, I believed he was a homeless man and, okay sure, I might have been the cause for him to be escorted from the street out front but that was all water under the bridge.

I didn't understand why Edward would ever want to eat here since we hadn't eaten at anything pricey in so long. So when Edward insisted to come back to the "scene of the crime", so to speak, I instantly wondered what he was up to, but never in a million years would I think this.

I looked around at the street beside us where Edward was still on his bended knee and noticed it was the exact place where we first met. I could feel my pores closing with the beads of sweat and my chest rising and falling much too quickly.

"This was happening all too soon. I mean we had only been dating a year."

"Bella." Edward sighed, "It's not that soon."

Oh shit, did I say that out loud?

I was still in the beginning of my academic career. Hell, I hadn't even picked a major yet and he was there, still on his knee, wanting a lifetime commitment from me. What did he expect out of me? Was he thinking I would give up on a career to just sit at home and shit out babies? Is that what he wanted from me?

"Would you stop shaking and chanting, no, no, no? People are going to think I'm threatening you." Edward stood back up with a soiled knee.

"Aren't you?" I smacked myself, "Fuck…I'm sorry. I didn't mean that but…what were you expecting me to say? Do you really think we are ready for this kind of commitment? I don't think we are. I mean, just because we managed to get the whole relationship thing down and be successful with that doesn't mean we should just leap into the next phase of our lives."

"Well, I wasn't actually expecting you to say yes. I guess I just wanted to see where you were at, and now I know that the very idea of marrying me makes you go into a full blown panic attack. The next time I ask you, maybe we could try for a little less cringing and a little more glitter in the eyes."

I managed to exhale slowly, allowing my heartbeats to slow their rapid pace.

"Oh good. Thank god. I mean…marriage." I rolled my eyes, "Who would ever want to marry me? I mean, the man who actually thought it would be a good idea probably should have his head examined."

I started laughing, feeling free of the shackles that were never even placed upon me.

"Well…someday, I would want to marry you. Would it be so bad to be married to me, Bella?"

I began to stare at him while my heart started to pick back up its pace. The sweat glands that had halted began producing once more.

"Why don't we just go home?" Edward sighed and then turned to walk toward our car.

Watching him walk away was heartbreaking. Suddenly, it dawned on me that I may have not handled the situation well. Dammit Bella. He's just trying to do the right thing. Do the right thing? It's not like he knocked me up. He didn't have to do the right thing. I could release him back into the wild so that he could go and find his perfect mate, one who wouldn't freak out at the idea of marriage. He could have a bevy of children and live happily ever after.

Edward looked back and saw me standing still in my spot. He waited for me to catch up, but I don't think I will ever be able to catch up. It could take me years before I was on the same page as him, and he wasn't getting any younger.

"Bella." He called out for me.

"Edward…I don't think this is a good idea anymore. You and I…" I started shaking my head.

His mouth dropped open a little and, instantly, he was back by my side.

"Stop it, okay?" He lightly demanded, "We don't need to get married. I'm sorry I brought it up…but we have been dating a while and I don't know what I was thinking, it's just, I'm not getting any younger…"

"I know. That's exactly what I just thought and…I can't do this to you. I don't want you wasting your life waiting for me to be ready for a…for a…commitment." I sniffled, "I just started my life and, hell, I don't even know who I am. I mean, honestly, what would we put on the invitations? I am not a Swan. I could be Isabella Rotella for all I know. You'd be marrying a girl who doesn't even have a proper last name."

"Is that what this is about?" He shook his head. "I told you a year ago when I got my DNA test back that if you wanted to find your father, then I would support you. So, you don't get to make that a reason for breaking up with me. Stop being a sissy. You don't get to quit us!"

We stood there at that spot, having an argument just like when we first met.

"You know…I'm starting to think that this place may have negative energy." I whispered.

Edward looked around and shook his head, "I could never think of this place as anything but positive. It…was the beginning of us."

He leaned and kissed me softly, while I stood there still indecisive about our future.

"Let's go home. You still have that final to study for."

Edward took my hand and I relented, allowing him to take me to the car. With traffic at this time of day, it would take awhile to get home, and I wasn't really sure if I wanted to be stuck in a car with the man who just proposed to me. I couldn't help but think of all the ways I must have crushed his little heart, and I didn't want to hurt him, but I just wasn't ready yet.

What is the matter with me? I loved Edward. I always wanted to be with Edward. What would be so different in our relationship if we were to get married? Edward moved in practically a month after we got back together. So, it's not like that would be different. After the DNA test came back to confirm that there was no way in hell we were related, it didn't take long for us to go back to exploring our sexual selves. We paid the bills together, we ate meals together, and we even went to the soup kitchen together.

Nothing would change if we got married, right?

"Edward." I paused, wondering if I really wanted to go into this when we were stuck on the 210 freeway. I would be opening up a possible argument with nowhere to run and, with Edward driving; I would have no control at all.

"Yes, honey?"

"Well…if we…did…" I sighed, "You know. I mean if we…were to say…those words."

I cringed.

"Spit it out." He pushed.

"I mean our relationship, what we have right now…it wouldn't change any, right?"

"You're worried about change?" He asked.

"Well, I am worried about…a lot of things, but as I have started to really think about your inquiry, it may be better received if I have some sort of contract. We had a contract for friendship and one for this relationship, maybe if we had one for marriage, I could get on board with it."

"Really?" He replied. "What sorts of things would you want to put into this contract?"

He had that tone of voice which immediately sent off warning signals. I knew this tone. He often used it before ripping an argument apart. Edward and I both had issues when it came to losing arguments, which could make for some rather brutal arguments but, as we had come to learn, makeup sex really is the best kind of sex. I believe if we had the option of makeup sex back when we were first starting to get to know one another, then maybe Horizons wouldn't have lost so much food back then.

"Just your average standard agreement." To win an argument, it's best to remain evasive until the opposing counsel is forced to show their hand.

"Like…sickness and in health. Death do us part. That kind of thing?"

The car was practically parked due to the traffic jam, and there was absolutely no reason to not look at me unless he was worried he'd give himself away.

"Sure. All those things and just a few other kinds of things."

"Like?"

"Well, really only one other thing which I believe is just standard." I straightened out the wrinkle in my black dress expertly.

"Uh huh."

"If we were to be husband and wife, then nothing should be changed from our relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend. Seeing how we finally were able to work this all out and be successful, why mess with a good thing?"

"Okay…I get you. So we get married and the only thing that would change is our titles. Instead of saying my girlfriend, Bella, I would say my wife, Bella."

"Yes. Absolutely!" I cheered, "I knew you'd get me."

"Oh Bella…I so get you, sweetheart." He squeezed my knee and patted it gently. "So, if I were to ask you to marry me, then you would say yes as long as I promised that nothing would ever change. We would keep our relationship the exact same for as long as we both shall live."

"You would be a husband." I smiled, "No longer a boyfriend."

Edward nodded his head and looked out the window to change lanes. The traffic was finally clearing and we would be home in no time.

"So…what do you think?" I asked when he didn't respond.

He looked over to me briefly and inhaled softly. We pulled into the driveway and he turned off the car.

"I will wait." He replied. He turned to his car door and exited.

I quickly scrambled out my side, "You will wait? Why? You…get everything you want."

He walked toward the front door without stopping and unlocked it. He turned back to me, "Bella, you can do better than that."

Was he upset with me? Why in the hell is he upset? I just told him that I would marry him. That's what he wanted. I thawed from my spot next to the car and charged toward the front door.

"Wait a food truck second!" I yelled.

Food truck second was something we referred to because working on a food truck was a much faster pace than the soup kitchen at Horizons. I hardly ever worked the food truck because I found it too stressful to keep up. Edward, however, loved the rush.

Edward paused, loosening his collar and turning back to me.

"Are you mad at me? I just accepted your bloody proposal." I snapped.

Bloody, another word I had picked up since befriending a girl from England that shared classes with me at UCLA.

"No. You didn't, Bella." He snapped back. "You put conditions on it. I don't want there to be anymore contracts. I want to marry you and allow life to happen. You are obviously not ready for that, so I take back my proposal."

I gasped, "You can't do that. I already said yes. What kind of a man breaks his word?"

"You never said yes so there was no word for me to break." He picked up my books on the entry table and walked over to me.

"Go and study, we will finish this later." He thrust my books at me.

"I don't want to finish this later. You think I will be able to study properly with you fuming around the house and slamming cupboards? You think I don't know that you do that?"

"Oh, as opposed to your constant sighing when you are upset?" He raised an eyebrow, "Bella, you have a final on Tuesday. You need to study. I am not going to be the reason you fail it."

I stared into his eyes with my anger brewing. I grabbed the books from him and stormed off toward the bedroom where my sturdy oak desk awaited me. I slammed my books down on the desk and caused the Oxford dictionary to go tumbling to the floor. It was something that happened often since I failed to get a book end.

I sighed loudly and caught myself in mid sigh. Damn you, Edward Cullen! I retrieved the book and set it back on the desk, looking around at the room. It was my favorite room in the house, and not because St. Agnes was no longer a virgin. That didn't sound right.

I shook my head and stared back out toward the garden, my study materials forgotten. My eyes caught a glimpse of a photo that now sat on my desk of the whole Cullen family, with me included, at the annual Fourth of July party. I picked up the frame and stared at the picture. Alice and Jasper, two months before they got pregnant. Rosalie and Emmett, who had just celebrated their third wedding anniversary that week. And then there were Edward's parents, Carlisle and Esme, whom, aside from our rather colorful beginnings, still welcomed me into their family like I was one of their own.

I sighed once more, looking at the photo and seeing how happy everyone was. Even though Carlisle was this like huge powerhouse of an entrepreneur, he still had time for his kids and every single one of his kids turned out well-adjusted and generous.

My poor brother and I never had a chance. Even though Michael and my relationship had greatly improved, it was still hard for us to take a descent photo together. Growing up, all of our family pictures looked structured and forced, mainly due to Charles threatening us to look proper. We didn't have pictures of us at some giant picnic with great big smiles on our faces.

I sniffled and I finally realized that I had been tearing up over this.

"Stop it, Bella." I whispered.

A soft knock on the door snapped me out of my pathetic moment, and I instantly turned away from Edward and wiped my face quickly while setting the photo back on the desk.

"What?" I huffed.

"I brought you some tea." He replied softly.

Tea. Another thing my new British friend had turned me onto.

"Thanks." I responded. I picked up my book and started straightening out my notes while Edward set the tea down on my desk.

"Bella…I…" he sighed. "I'm sorry about before."

"Forget it." I replied, focused on my papers. "Besides, I'm supposed to be studying."

He took a seat upon the short table that sat beside my desk and turned my chair toward him.

"Stop it!" I snapped.

"No. I want to finish this. I don't want to see you cry." He insisted.

"I'm not crying because of you." I contended. "I just…it's stupid."

"Nothing you think is stupid. Talk to me, Bella. I knew I was going to get a little bit of freaking out with you but…this is a lot more than I had expected. I need to know what's going on."

I waited for a couple of seconds, trying to find the right words to relay to him how I felt. I knew that it took a lot of courage for him to even ask me. It hadn't been something we ever discussed before, but I would catch a few hints here and there in the past. I just figured this would all happen later, much much later.

"Why do you want to marry me, Edward?"

"I love you. I never want to be without you and I like the certainty of marriage. It's hard work but even when we fight, I worry you'll get fed up and end it. Even today you tried to end it. Divorce is so easy nowadays but it takes time, and if we got married and you try to run…or end it, I will at least have the lengthy process of divorce to change your mind." He cringed, "Oh god, that was stupid of me. I shouldn't have said that."

"Nothing you think is stupid, Edward." I quoted him from before with gentle teasing.

"No…I just want you to understand that I love you and, even though you drive me crazy sometimes, I always want to be with you. I want to be your husband. I want to be the solid foundation in your life. Someone you will always count on. There is no other person for me, Bella."

"What about more?" I asked tentatively.

"More? What do you mean?" he asked confused.

I looked over to my desk and the picture that sat upon it. It was easy for him to think of a bright future with more, but my experience had given me little to work with.

"Do you mean…a baby?" Edward finally caught up.

I didn't answer.

"Bella…you don't ever want to have kids?"

I finally looked up into his eyes and could see how my answer would crush him. Having kids was never part of my plan. Hell, being in a relationship was never part of my plan. What would I know about kids? What kind of mother would I be? A horrible one.

His family was so perfect. You see all their smiling faces and know that it's genuine. Every family picture Michael and I ever took was for some kind of publicity or to keep up public appearances. Edward had no idea what he would be getting if he actually wanted me to birth a child. I would surely fuck it up. I had no role model to reference, my own mother died when I was seven. Charles, well that was a big laugh when the thought of parenting came to mind.

Once again, I looked back at the picture of the happy Cullen family and me and knew I could never give Edward that. I stood up quickly and grabbed my books.

"I need to study. I'm going to the library."

"Bella, wait." Edward called after me but I was already so gone.

I didn't go to the library. Instead, I drove aimlessly around, thinking of all the ways I would ruin Edward Cullen's life. Marriage. Kids. How did my whole happily ever after get halted so quickly?

Oh Bella, you're such a fool to think he would want you without all the extras. Of course Edward wanted to get married. He had the perfect role models who showed him that marriage was a good thing. He had lots of siblings who made childhood look like fun.

Given my family's track record, I would either end up like Charles, hated by my children, or like my mother, who had an affair and died. Which happily ever after do you want to have, Edward? The only possible silver lining was my biological father and who knows what kind of character he turned out to be.

I would catch myself thinking of him every once in a while. At first I was excited at the prospect of knowing a person who might actually want me. But then it occurred to me that he may not want me at all. If he was with my mother and knew she had become pregnant, what kind of man would just up and leave without ever wanting to know his own flesh and blood. Maybe I shouldn't meet him after all. It would be a mighty blow to be rejected again.

My cell phone rang, like it had for the past half hour, and I turned it off. I didn't want Edward trying to make me feel better. I had ruined his proposal. I had ruined his future. What more could I fuck up?

Which led me to Horizons. It was just getting dark, which meant that dinner was almost ready. I grabbed my sweater and headed toward the front doors. I could already see a few people hanging around the outside parking area as I approached.

"Bella, what are you doing here?" Rosalie greeted me, "I thought you had finals."

Rosalie and I were finally able to come to a common understanding with one another and, hell, she had grown on me.

"Couldn't even begin." I sighed.

"Uh oh." She cringed. "He asked you, didn't he?"

"You knew?" I gasped.

"We tried to tell him that now wasn't the right time."

We walked in through the main doors and she gave me a sympathetic shoulder rub.

"Alice!" She called out and, instantly, Alice came buzzing from the office. Alice with her tummy getting rounder stopped short seeing me and cringed as well.

"Ah shit. He asked you, didn't he?"

"What the fuck? Did like everyone know but me?" I complained.

"Ah hell, Bella. We tried to talk some sense into him. You…are in the middle of school and you're still young. He has to remember that you two are eight years apart and aren't on the same wave length." Alice began to explain.

"I don't think we're on the same planet, let alone wave length." I replied, picking up my apron. "In fact…I don't think we should stay together."

Both Alice and Rosalie paused what they were setting up and snapped their heads to me.

"Bella." Alice shook her head in disappointment, "Don't say that."

"Yeah, come on. It's just one fight." Rosalie added.

"It's not about a fight. He wants to have children. You would want me to stay with him even if I got him to agree to give up his dreams? I love him way too much to allow that."

"You don't ever think you'll want children?" Rosalie asked.

"I don't know." I shrugged, "When I think about it, it scares me to death. I don't want fuck up some kid."

"Are we ready to open?" Emmett came barreling out of the swinging door. "Little B! I thought you had finals this week?"

All of us halted the conversation.

"Oh…uh…needed a break."

Emmett scratched his head, looked around, and saw all of our slightly unhappy faces.

"Well, I guess I will go and open the door, if that's fine with all of you."

We didn't reply so he gave out a huff and walked toward the front doors.

"Bella, you are not leaving my brother." Alice turned on me with her spoon, "We all have invested way too much time into this relationship for you to fuck it up."

"Hey." I stated, offended.

"Oh come off it. You and Edward belong together and even though you can't see the future, it doesn't mean you don't have one. You are going to serve and then go home and work this out." She ordered.

People started filing in, halting me from a rebuttal, so I just stood behind my pan and did my job. About a half hour later, Edward came in.

"How did you know?" I asked, wondering who gave me up.

"Emmett." He stated. "I thought we agreed no soup kitchen or food truck until after finals."

"What's the point? I'll probably fail the class anyway. Topics of Modern Chemistry isn't ever going to make any sense to me."

"You're having trouble? I thought you were good this semester." He inquired.

I shook my head, "No…in fact, I have a feeling that because of this stupid final, I'll probably be placed on academic probation. School just isn't coming back to me. It's been too long." I sighed, scooping another helping of mashed potatoes and placing them on the plate.

"Would you just stop that? Why didn't you tell me you were having trouble? I could have helped you."

"Look, Edward can we not be angry or disappointed with one another in more than one topic at a time?" I finally looked over to him, "I'm sorry I fucked up your proposal. I'm sorry that I can't give you what you want…and deserve. I'm just not turning out to be the woman you thought I was."

Edward pulled the spoon out of my hand and spun me around toward the swinging door, pushing me through it.

"Edward." I protested. "My station."

"You aren't even supposed to be here." He snapped. "Why would you not tell me you were having trouble?"

"You think I'm really going to tell my Ivy League boyfriend that I can't even handle a prerec?" I spit.

"Your damn stubbornness is going to be the end of us. I swear." He growled, throwing his hands up in the air.

"No, I think today was the end of us." I yelled back.

"Oh come off it, Bella. You really think I'm going to let all your insecurities end us? Please! I already figured out a way to fix your perception."

"Fix it? What are you going to do? Club me over the head and drag me off to your cave." I snapped.

"No." He huffed, "I hired a detective. It's time you found out where you came from."

I immediately ceased any more verbal attacks and instantly melted. Our little fight had Edward breathing hard and sweaty. I was embarrassed about my schooling. I was ashamed. But he was right, I needed something and I was never going to be able to find my future until I discovered my past.

AN: First of all I was happy to be apart of FICSISTERS dot com Signed, Sealed and Delivered feature this week for the Lottery of Life. If you want to read it, the article is up on it's homepage currently.

Secondly I want to thank everyone who went over and tried out my new story, Loathing You. I am sending the next chapter to my beta tonight and hope to have it posted soon. I also want to thank all of you who decided to continue on with this Edward and Bella. I am honored you want to read what happens next. I will try and post an update at least once a week for this story.

Thank you again for all your support. I appreciate all your feedback and taking the time to read.

Last but certainly not least, much love for my beta Robstenvampgirl and all her hard work with juggling my multiple stories.

Character credit to Stephanie Meyer. Story is mine.