Strength, You and Me.
It happened in the heat of the moment. Gajeel couldn't deny that he was attracted to her, and after drinking too much at a late night party in the guild, he woke up in his bed with her beside him, sleeping peacefully. There was an urge for him to reach out to her and pull her close, but at the same time he knew that things had not gone the way he expected it to be.
As far as he knew, he was only attracted to her, and that's all there was. She is just a friend; a nakama in the guild. But it was not long after that she woke up and looked at him straight in the eyes, her own brown orbs shimmering in vigor and strength that he had never seen before. But that look was all too familiar to him; he's seen it before from people like Natsu, Lucy, and even himself. She was telling him that she didn't regret it. She was telling him that it happened, and she was prepared to deal with whatever he had to say.
Yet he could say nothing, and in the end she wordlessly picked up her clothes that were scattered on the bedroom floor and left his house.
Strangely though, when he came to the guild the day after (because he wasn't quite sure he could face her the same day they woke up together in his bed) the big event, she acted so normal with him, like she always did. She did her missions, she came back to the guild, told him a few silly stories about her mission and the two clingy fools who always followed her, and nothing felt so different. It was as though what happened between them that night and the following morning was just a dream.
Something about her behaviour irritated him. He was sure as hell he wouldn't just dismiss it as something that 'happened'. He wasn't about to push it out of his mind and have it disappear as a far off memory that he would never reminisce on. Even so, he couldn't have the guts to bring it up, not when she seemed so happy the way she was now.
"Woah, shrimp, what have you been eating?" He asked her when he spotted her sitting on a vacant table with a book open in front of her. The reason why he asked was because he also noticed that her belly was gradually getting larger over the past few months or so.
She blushed a light red and laughed awkwardly. "I wonder myself!" She said as she avoided his gaze.
Odd, he thought, looking at her for a few seconds longer and down towards her slightly protruding belly. He hasn't really seen her stuffing her face with food a lot, so how could her stomach be big? But he had to dismiss the thought. Maybe she has been eating a lot and he was never there to see it. He held back a snicker. It would be fun to tease her about it if he ever saw her having a plate full of food. "Better start cutting back, shrimp, or else you'll be too fat to do anything." He joked. Levy had a distressed look on her face, and he noticed it. Had he gone too far with his joke?
He was about to ask her if she felt upset over what he said when she gave him a strained smile and a small, strained laugh. "Y-Yeah, I really should!" She said. There was something strange about her today. She glanced at the request board. "You're not going on a mission today? I saw a good one this morning, something to do with eradicating monsters. You should take a look." She said.
He raised an eyebrow. "Why didn't you take it?" He asked.
She cringed lightly. "U-Um, I'm not feeling well today." She said as she grabbed her book with slightly trembling hands and closed it. "I'm going home to rest." She said hastily yet softly, and walked out of the guild swiftly.
Gajeel took the mission that was recommended by Levy, and although he was able to finish the mission well, he wondered for the whole day what was wrong with her.
Levy had a secret. It was not a terrible secret—far from that. She found it absolutely wonderful, but she knew that just because she felt it was wonderful doesn't mean everybody else found it wonderful. In particular, she knew that a certain man wouldn't take well to the news she had.
The only people who knew were the Master, Jet, Droy, Lucy, and Erza. Even Jet and Droy didn't take the news well. At first they thought she was joking, but eventually they realized she wasn't. Jet and Droy were about to give Gajeel a piece of their minds, if not for Levy stopping them. Realizing that Levy was actually happy about the news, they decided to support her.
Even so, Levy knew that she had to tell Gajeel about this. It would be impossible to hide it from him as time passes by, and her belly was already showing. Even the rest of the guild members had suspicions about Levy's state. It was definitely something that would cross another person's mind.
But she just didn't have the guts to tell Gajeel that she was pregnant with his child.
There was definitely something about Levy that Gajeel felt was off. One, she was avoiding him and it was too obvious. Two, when they did have conversations, she always avoided looking at him. Three, how is her belly getting visibly larger? It didn't even seem natural. She was always a thin woman, and she still is, except for that belly. Had she really been eating a lot?
"I had been expecting you to realize by now, but do you really think that's the reason why she looks different, Gajeel?" Lily asked him, trying to hint at the dragon slayer that there was another more important reason behind Levy's change in appearance, when Gajeel asked the Exceed whether Levy's belly grew bigger because she was growing fatter.
He stared at his small partner for a long while, and then back at Levy, who was given a drink, thanks to Jet. She smiled at him gratefully as she sipped it, and she placed her hand on the surface of her belly gently as she listened to Jet and Droy, who were successfully making her laugh.
And then it dawned on him that her belly wasn't growing bigger because she was eating too much, and it was far from her being fat. There was a life in her, and it's been a few months since she's been carrying that life. He froze, remembering their night together. "Whose child is it?" He asked in a low whisper that only the Exceed heard.
Lily shook his head. "I do not know." He said, and Gajeel could only find out if he asked her directly.
"Wh-What is it?" Levy asked him nervously as Gajeel asked her to follow him to a room at the back of the guild. He wanted a private talk, and he looked so serious that she knew he wouldn't take no for an answer.
"Answer me—are you with child?" He asked, and she gulped lightly. This was the question that she had been waiting for. Perhaps she even dreaded it.
"N—" She stopped, his eyes piercing hers. "Yes." She answered softly.
"Is it…" Gajeel paused. "Who is the father?" He asked.
Levy paled slightly. "Y-You don't really need to bother about—"
"I want to." He said, and she blushed. Was it care in his voice, or worry? "Is it mine?" He asked. She took a step back towards the door, but he pinned her still with a glare. "Don't run away. What are you afraid of?"
She took a deep breath. "Yes, Gajeel. It's yours. I'm carrying your child." She said, and her tears spilled. "Why do you have to ask me? Why do you have to bother?" She asked bitterly.
His eyes widened, but there was a sense of relief. It felt better knowing it was his child than another man's. "Why shouldn't I bother?" He asked incredulously. "It's my kid!"
She sobbed. "Because you don't love me! I know you wouldn't want to be involved with this!" She said. She inhaled a sharp breath and wiped her eyes, composing herself. "Look," She placed a hand over her face and stopped any tears that were brimming in her eyes. "I want this child. I'll tell you now that it's because I love you and I love this child. But you wouldn't feel the same way about me and maybe not for this child either. But please, at least…" She placed her hand on her bulging belly. "At least be there for this child whenever you can."
He felt a lump in his throat. How had she decided this so easily, and with such determination? He never expected her to be so tough. Even if she might have broken down alone with these thoughts, she looked strong in his eyes. And she loves him.
Levy loves me, he told himself in his mind as he felt strangely uncomfortable about it all. It wasn't the feeling of discomfort that was bad; rather, it was just strange to him. He knew love and he might have experienced love from a father to his son, if what Metalicana has done for him until the dragon disappeared could be called love. But him as a father? And what about Levy? He couldn't just leave her. He wasn't sure about his own feelings. Does he love her? He certainly cares very much about her. The very fact that he feels concerned about her change in behaviour and the child she's carrying is because he cares about her.
But was that to the extent that he could call it 'love'?
"I…need to think." He said as he left the room.
Levy was stronger than this. So what if Gajeel decided to stay out of the child's life? She could do this on her own. It's been months since she was pregnant, and she was doing fine by herself. It was hard, but she was doing fine. Even though she didn't want to trouble her friends, they've been supportive as well. The guild members were plenty supportive too, even though she never really told them that she was pregnant.
Still, she wished Gajeel would come to her and tell her something. His last words since they talked—which was over a month ago—was 'I need to think'. So has he been thinking all this while? Has he just decided to forget about it? Has he decided to cut all ties with her? Thinking about these questions sometimes caused her such a tremendous heartache that she would cry whenever she was alone in her home, but there was no way she would crumble from this.
It seemed like time passed by quite quickly, but the things she had to deal with during her pregnancy felt endless. Sometimes she lost weight, other times she gained. Sometimes she threw up; she guessed that was 'morning sickness'. Sometimes she felt the baby kick, and she felt incredibly excited. Sometimes she just didn't have the strength to do anything, and she would accidentally take out her frustrations on her friends who have been so supportive to her.
Before she knew it, months passed and she was close to delivering the baby. Her belly was noticeably large, and sometimes she felt scared, but she believed that the baby was a healthy child that she would entertain in this world, with or without the man she loves. Every night she rubs her belly and tells her child that she was here and always will be.
The time that passed by were not unnoticed by Gajeel. He had no idea he would take so long to think about his feelings and the decisions he had to make. He was a failure already; Levy was there carrying a life and the burdens that accompanied it, and here he was, mulling over whether he loves her, and whether he was ready to be a pillar of support. Despite being distant from her, not once did he keep his eyes away from her. Of course, the only time he could see her was when she was in the guild, but he could see a lot of things about her whenever he did.
There were times when she looked terribly weary, and there were times when she looked terribly upset. There were times when she sat alone, and then quite suddenly, she would break into a smile as she rubbed her stomach gently. Sometimes she had trouble doing things because the weight on her body hindered her from doing anything. When he wanted to help her, there was always someone else there—Lucy, Jet, Droy, Mirajane, even Salamander.
The only person who noticed Gajeel's mixed and confused emotions was Lily, and he hadn't said anything for a long time, hoping for Gajeel to figure things out himself. But it was taking far too long, and Lily could see the hints of Gajeel's raw feelings towards the woman who carried his child.
"Snap out of it, Gajeel." The Exceed said, and the iron dragon slayer stared at the cat after taking his eyes away from Levy once he could assure himself that she was alright. "There are things about you I can see, but you're not seeing it."
Gajeel bit into his iron. "The hell you're talking about, Lily?" He asked.
"If I remember well, and I believe I do, you told me that you requested Levy for time to sort your thoughts about the current situation." Lily said, sipping water. "But have you any idea how long you're taking? I've heard that Levy is close to giving birth to the child."
Gajeel gripped the iron in his hands. "I don't know if I love her." He mumbled.
"You care about her a lot." Lily said, and he knew Gajeel knew that already. "Think about it, Gajeel. Even before Levy and you shared that night together, you have always had your eyes on her."
Gajeel growled. "That's because I found her attractive."
"No, I know it's far deeper than that. You found her attractive, yes, but you also found her irreplaceable. There were times when she went off for missions and you did not know of it, and you complained about it to her. Like a nagging mother." The Exceed snickered.
Gajeel choked on his iron, but he remembered that clearly. He did tell her that he wanted her to tell him when she went off for missions, not that he would ever participate in them. As a result, Mirajane would let him know when Levy went for missions, and the barmaid still told him despite their current relationship. "I still…don't think I love her."
Pantherlily scoffed. "Start admitting you love her. You care for her more than you realize. I have seen you eager to be beside her every time but you never had the courage to. Why don't you tell her how you feel?" He asked.
"I don't even know how I feel myself!" Gajeel snapped.
"Just tell her what's on your mind." The Exceed said, unfazed by Gajeel's angry remark. "Let me tell you a few from what I've seen. You care about her a lot. You also care about the child she carries. You are afraid that you—"
"Afraid?" Gajeel asked incredulously. "You're talking a bunch of crap, Lily." He said.
"No." The cat said curtly, and he seemed to bring Gajeel to his attention properly. "Now listen. You are afraid that you won't be good to Levy and that child of yours. You are afraid of feeling inadequate to Levy and the child's needs." The Exceed took a small pause, and Gajeel felt somewhat lighter, strangely. "But most of all, you want to be with them."
Gajeel stared at his meal of iron, halfway finished. The Exceed seemed to understand him well. "I think it's best if you tell her this soon, and be there when—"
"LEVY!" They heard Jet yell as Levy gasped as her breaths quickened.
"I…I think…" Levy started, but fear was washing over her. No, she was going to do this. "My water broke." She said, and the guild went into panic.
"Wait, ambulance! Call the ambulance!"
"Where's the Master?"
"Maybe we should call Porlyusica!"
"We have to get her to the hospital!"
"How—What—Uh…Oh God!"
Gajeel clenched his fists. "Damn this guild!" He yelled as he stood up to scoop her in his arms gently. "I'm bringing you there. Hold on to me." He said, and although it sounded as an order, she nodded and immediately wrapped her arms around his neck and took deep breaths.
Gajeel rushed to the hospital as if his life was hanging by a thread.
A string of curses left his lips as he arrived at the hospital in a matter of time. "Shit. Don't scare me, Levy. Don't scare me." He repeated over and over as he felt her deep breaths on the crook of his neck.
"Well don't leave me yet, Gajeel. I'm pretty damn scared myself." Levy retorted, clenching his shirt tightly and breathing hard. "Don't leave me yet."
He could hear the desperation in her voice. She was relying on him. It was now; he told himself, that he would be there for her. "You sound pretty calm." He said. "And feisty."
"Shut up. I'm in pain. Not that you know of course, you're not the one with this energetic kid of yours. Do you know how often it likes to kick in me? I'm glad it's finally able to get out and enjoy many more kicks that would not involve me. Maybe it should give you a few kicks in the head." She said, wincing. He noticed she had a sharper tongue now, and wondered whether it was because she was in this kind of situation. He snickered, before she let out a groan and he knew he couldn't afford to lose any more time.
In a moment of panic, he told a doctor that was passing by that Levy was ready to give birth, and it wasn't long until she was rushed into a labour ward. When she was taken out of his hands, he felt so empty. Hell, he's felt empty before, but this had a greater impact than when he was actually alone. He dropped his arms to his sides and stood outside the door, unsure of what to do. But true to his memory, he was there for her, wasn't he? Even for just a few minutes. He silently wished he was able to be in there with her as she gave birth, despite the fact that he would be scared out of his wits.
It took so long that he wondered what was going on. Lily, Lucy, Jet, Droy, Natsu, Erza, Gray, Juvia, Master, and Mirajane had arrived not long after Levy entered the labour ward, and they all waited for the delivery to be done. While everyone was excited, they were worried, and after hours of waiting, a few people eventually dozed off to sleep. Gajeel would not. He was far too tense and worried to be falling asleep.
Master patted the man's back. "You helped a great deal, Gajeel." He said proudly.
They heard gasps and screams from inside the ward. It scared Gajeel, but he knew it was even more frightening for Levy, and she was hanging in there. So he would take in every scream and gasp she made in her efforts, and etch them in his mind.
Gajeel looked away, ashamed. "No, I haven't done enough for her." He said. "I show up now, and all I did was bringing her here."
The Master took a seat next to Gajeel and sighed. "She's been through a lot alone, and you should have been there, I admit. But she's not weak." The Master took a pause. "And you show up now, at the most crucial moment, and I think you helped her a great deal. I know you did. She needed you most at this time, and you've given her that."
Gajeel clenched his fists, and punched his thigh. If only he had realized sooner how much he needed her too. Hours and hours pass as they waited, and then a nurse appeared with a smile on her face. "May I know who the father is?" She asked politely and there was silence hanging in the air. Gajeel had no idea what he should do. Was it even alright, after all this while, to stand and say he is the one? What if Levy pushes him away when he enters, and wants him to have no part in this?
"Fear not," The Master said encouragingly. "You'll do just fine."
Gajeel stood up, and the nurse nodded, her smile widening. "It's a boy." She said as she led him into the ward. He heard sighs of relief and cheers from the group as he entered the ward. Levy was lying down on the bed, her soft breaths resonating in the room. There was a flushed, incredibly tiny being next to Levy, and that was their child.
Their child, he repeated in his mind as he made his way to stand next to Levy. Her eyes were closed and her face was glossy with sweat, the strands of her hair sticking to her chin and her cheeks. Hearing him coming, she opened her eyes wearily. He looked down at her with concern. She looked so worn out; so fragile, but she had just done something so strong and she was radiant. Her lips curved into a smile and then she started giggling lightly.
"What's so funny?" He asked nervously, although he was glad there was a smile on her face.
"The guild was in chaos, you were frantic, and I was terrified. It was incredible. It's so funny." She said, her giggles subsiding, and a tear or two fell from her eyes. "It's so incredible." She repeated softly. She faced the baby on her other side. "Look at him, Gajeel. I bet he'll resemble you."
"He's small." Gajeel said, and Levy chuckled as she mumbled something along the lines of 'that's all you have to say?'. "Levy, I'm sorry." He said, a rush of emotion flowing through him. "I was scared. I had no idea how to deal with this, and in the end this was all I did for you. I was so unsure of my feelings for you that we nearly ended up being strangers in the guild when you were carrying my kid." He clenched his fist, muttering curses. "I'd understand if you're angry with me. But…" He took a deep breath. "I love you."
While she listened to him, she lifted her hand to touch her baby's soft skin. She looked at Gajeel and smiled. "I am angry. So angry. Ugh, if I could just slap you right now." She said as she reached out her other hand to hold on to his broad, calloused ones. "But I told you not to leave me yet."
He gripped her hands with his own two hands. "I haven't left you once." He said. "I've always watched you in the guild."
"I know. I've always noticed." She said softly as her eyes shined up at his.
Unable to wait any longer, the rest of the group entered the ward and celebrated the birth and Levy's well being. A while after, she was brought to her own room, the rest following close. When he left the ward, he breathed a sigh of relief. He had no idea how great this would feel.
The group stayed for a while until they decided they should leave, letting only the family stay behind and sort things out. Once they left, Levy stared into Gajeel's eyes for the longest time.
"He has your eyes."
Gajeel stared at her incredulously. "I think he would look great with yours."
"No way, your eyes are just so wonderful." She said and he couldn't help but blush. She faced her son, who was brought to the room by the nurse, and poked his cheek very softly. "Why don't you carry him?" She asked Gajeel.
"C-Carry?" He said very reluctantly. How could he carry such a small boy? "I don't think—"
"Carry him, Gajeel." Levy encouraged, looking at him sternly. He gulped. She then broke into a smile. "I trust you, and you're going to gain our son's trust by holding him in your arms. You'll see."
With trembling hands, he reached out for his son and Levy placed him in his arms. "Hold him gently. Yeah, just like that." She said as she giggled.
Gajeel looked down at his son, and as if the boy had sensed his father's eyes on his, he opened his eyes, and true to Levy's words the same crimson coloured eyes stared up at his father's. "Actually, he looks just like you. I wouldn't have been able to hide him from you if you never found out he's yours." She said with a chuckle.
Drops of water fell on the cloth that was wrapped around the baby. Levy gave a gentle smile at Gajeel, who had tears streaming down his face. It was the first time he's ever cried, but it was a good feeling and he was glad it was for this. Levy smiled, stroking her son's head gently. "Incredible, isn't he?" She said.
Gajeel grunted in agreement. When he set the baby back on the small bed that was brought in by the nurse, he felt whole. "Levy," He said, catching her attention. "I'll try to live up to your expectations." He said.
Levy blinked. She placed a hand over her mouth and started laughing, but she had to stop after a few laughs. "I don't have any expectations, you idiot." She said.
"But—"
"Just so you know, I've never been a mother and you've never been a father. So we're both amateurs. How on Earthland can I ever have any expectations?" She asked. "The only requirement is something I've said earlier, and that's to stay beside me and this baby."
Gajeel opened his mouth to say something, but closed it back. He let out a sigh, and smirked. "You're incredible." He said.
She grinned. "You made me stronger, Gajeel."
"I don't know if I should be proud of that, considering what I've done." He said, looking guilty.
"You can show me and our son your love from now on. I want lots and lots of it." She said gleefully.
He smiled as he glanced at the baby, seeing it sleep comfortably, and then looked at Levy. "Aren't you tired? You should sleep." He said as he reached out to caress her cheek. It had been far too long since he touched her, let alone talk to her. He felt foolish all this while. He almost lost everything meaningful in his life. He couldn't live alone any longer.
Levy looked at him with a reluctant and concerned gaze. "You won't leave, right?" She asked as she placed her hand on his that was caressing her cheek.
"No, I won't." He reassured her. "I'll stay here." He kissed her gently, and she relished the affection. "This time, I'll be there to help you." He said, wiping the tears that had started to fall from her eyes.
She sniffed. "I love you." She sobbed out.
"I love you, too." He said, kissing her tears away.
Notes:
I was thinking about writing this for some time, because as far as I know, Gajeel's shown some concern over Levy in the manga/anime but it's not really to the extent that he has deeper feelings for her (although I'm sure he does, am I right or am I right?) and I was thinking maybe he just doesn't realize himself that he does love her. And then this story came about.
I don't know, I wish I did a better job at writing this but I'd gladly take any critiques.