My very first song fic for NCIS! It's an angsty story for Gibbs/Abby, takes place after Kate's death but before Jenny's death, and the summary basically is that Gibbs and Abby were in a pretty serious relationship, and then, after a horrible case where a woman and her young girl were killed (and they looked like Shannon and Kelly) Gibbs goes into depression, drinking and not letting Abby help him. She goes to the team for help, and they try, but get nowhere. Finally, Abby decides that leaving is the only recourse, because she can't stay where the man she loves but doesn't love her is. Long summary, huh? ENJOY!!!

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All our tears have reached the sea
Part of you will live in me
Way down deep inside my heart

"You are one screwed up son of a bitch." Gibbs growled to the man sitting across from him. The man in question, Lt. Harold Callender, had killed his wife and young daughter just a few days before. This one hurt Gibbs deeply because the wife and young daughter looked almost exactly like Shannon and Kelly.

What he couldn't shake was the feeling that Shannon's and Kelly's deaths were his fault, though he knew that wasn't true. If he went home and told Abby that, she would immediately hug him and tell him the exact same thing.

Abby.

Thinking of her made his heart hurt, he loved her so much. Granted he had never told her that he loved her out loud, only in a few gestures. But he knew that Abby knew he loved her. Or, at least, he hoped that Abby knew. The fear of losing her was so intensified that he was literally afraid of commitment with her. Nor was he ready for commitment. He didn't want his next ex-wife to be Abby, he wouldn't be able to handle it.

So, as soon as Gibbs left the interrogation room, he strode past his concerned team and grabbed his coat, dumping his gun into his desk and locking it. He could feel Director Shepard's concerned gaze on his back, but he didn't care. He strode into the elevator and immediately shut the doors, not wanting to share this elevator ride with anyone.

When he got to the ground floor, he strode out to his car, and as soon as he got in, he slammed the door shut and banged his fists on the steering wheel, fighting back angry and threatening tears.

Somehow he made it to one of his favorite bars, and when he strode in, the bartender Mark just shoved his favorite drink, a double scotch at him without question. Mark knew Gibbs pretty well, and could read the torturous expression on his face.

Gibbs drank until the clock struck midnight, and he was three sheets to the wind. But he had drunken more alcohol than that before, and he could handle it. To Mark, he didn't even look drunk at all. But Mark knew better, so he moved to call Abby.

The days keep coming without fail
New wind is gonna find your sail
That's where your journey starts

"No." Gibbs said firmly, and Mark said,

"Jethro, you can't drive."

"Don't call Abby. Someone else." Gibbs commanded, and Mark shrugged, dialing the other number he knew, which was Tony DiNozzo. About 20 minutes later, Tony strode into the bar and Gibbs stood up to meet him, downing the rest of his double scotch.

"Thanks, Mark." Tony said to Mark, and he nodded as Tony made to help Gibbs.

"I don't need help, DiNozzo. I just need a damn driver, all right?" Gibbs said, and Tony nodded, following him out the door. Tony knew that Gibbs was hit hard by that last case, so he didn't say a word as he drove Gibbs home.

When they pulled up to Gibbs's house, Abby was waiting on the front porch. She stood up when Tony started driving down the street, and when he pulled into the driveway, and Abby bolted down the stairs and ran right into Gibbs as he got out of the car, throwing her arms around his neck.

"Oh Gibbs, I was so worried, are you…" She started to say.

"I'm fine, Abby." Gibbs said shortly, gently pushing her away and storming into the house. Abby, a hurt expression on her face, turned and looked at Tony.

"Was the interrogation that bad?" She questioned, and he nodded gravely, saying,

"Boss didn't take it very well. He presented the evidence to the Lieutenant, and just like that, he confessed. The Lieutenant also took great pleasure in describing exactly how he murdered his wife and little girl." He spit out the last sentence with venom, and Abby nodded, saying,

"Thanks, Tony."

"You're welcome, Abbs." Tony said gently, and got in, driving off with a honk. Abby took a deep breath and walked into the house, hearing him downstairs. She silently walked down the steps and saw him furiously working on his boat. She walked up behind him and rubbed his back gently, saying,

"Gibbs, Gibbs, slow down, it's gonna be okay." At her touch, his defenses came down and he spun around, snapping,

"No, Abby, it won't be okay! I keep seeing, I just keep seeing Shannon, and Kelly, and I see myself murdering them! I just…"

You'll find better love
Strong as it ever was
Deep as the river runs
Warm as the morning sun
Please remember me

Abby was shocked, and he knew it, but didn't care. She wrapped her arms around him, but he pushed her away, and she said, hurt leaking into her tone,

"Gibbs…"

"No, Abbs. Just go."

"Go where?"

"Go back home."

"This is my home."

"Go back to your other home. I just, I want to be alone." He said shortly, and Abby nodded, letting her hand slide across his back. He tensed, he wanted to just grab her and let out all of his pent-up emotions, but he held himself back until he heard her car drive away. Then he released all of his emotions onto his boat, working furiously to try and finish it.

In the morning, Abby walked into work with red-rimmed eyes. She immediately went down into her lab, and when Gibbs came in, he looked like hell, but neither Tony, nor McGee, nor Ziva had the guts to tell him that.

But Director Shepard did. Jenny called him to her office, and when he strode in, Jenny motioned for him to sit down. "Jethro, you look like hell. You have more than enough time on the books, just take it and go somewhere." She said gently, and he stood up, beginning to pace.

"No, Jen, I can't. Work keeps me sane."

"I don't think so. Jethro, please, for once, just listen to me." Jenny pleaded, and when Gibbs shook his head, Jenny said, "Fine. But whenever you decided to listen to me, just leave. I'll put you down as on vacation."

"No, you won't, because I'm not going anywhere. I left the team once, I'm not going to do that again." He said shortly, and walked out. He went back to his desk and saw that Tony was gone. "Where's DiNozzo?" He asked, and Ziva replied,

"He went down to see Abby." Gibbs nodded and fell silent. Eventually, McGee got up and went downstairs to see Abby, and after a long moment so did Ziva.

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End of this chapter, and please let me know what you think! I love constructive criticism, and thanks so much for reading! I hope you liked this chapter, and there's two more to go! Adios for now!