"POOL SHARKS"
Disclaimer: I do not own Spongebob and all related characters and they don't own me.
(Opening scene: the Krusty Krab Restaurant. Squidward is behind the counter and Mr. Krabs is in his office. Spongebob is just walking through the front door, right on time.)
Spongebob: Good morning, citizens of Bikini Bottom!
(The customers answer Spongebob's greeting, which causes crumbs to fly out of their mouths. Spongebob walks up to Squidward.)
Spongebob: Good morning, Squidward.
Squidward: (putting down his issue of Squid Illustrated and sighing) Morning, Spongebob. Hey, Spongebob, do me a favor and don't do any singing or whistling today.
Spongebob: Yessir, Mr. Squidward, sir. (Heads to the kitchen, humming a song. Squidward rolls his eyes and continues reading.)
(Suddenly, the front doors burst open! A tall shark named Buck, with a tanktop, shorts, and a long nose, enters the Krusty Krab. As he walks toward the counter, western music starts playing and the customers are frozen with curiosity, their eyes following this stranger. Some start ducking under the tables.)
Squidward: Um, may I take your order?
(Buck leans his fins on the counter and says in a deep, sly voice)
Buck: I'm here to see Mr. Krabs.
Squidward: He's a little busy at the moment. (points in the direction of Mr. Krab's office.)
Buck: (sarcastically) Oh, has the cheapskate finally got a decent place of establishment?
(The office door flies open, Mr. Krabs appears with an angered expression on his face.)
Mr. Krabs: Did I hear the word '"cheapskate"? Or was I- (Mr. Krabs recognizes the customer and gasps in shock. He becomes angry again) Why it's me old high school rival, Buck Shark!
Buck: Hello, Krabs. Long time, no see.
Mr. Krabs: (narrowing his eyes) Apparently not long enough. What brings you to Bikini Bottom?
Buck: I just thought I'd let you know that I finished building my brand new pool hall on the other side of town, but the location is all wrong. I'm thinking about moving my business to a more friendly environment, like, say, where your restaurant is?
(Mr. Krab's pupils dilate when Buck says this, then he blurts out...)
Mr. Krabs: OVER MY DEAD EXOSKELETON!!! (Spongebob runs from the kitchen to the two former schoolmates, followed by Squidward.)
Spongebob: What's wrong, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: This lowlife wants to turn the Krusty Krab into a pool hall!
Spongebob: (gasping his trademark gasp) Not the Krusty Krab!
Squidward: (mildly interested) Will there be clarinet karaoke there?
Mr. Krabs: Squidward! I'm not paying you to switch sides.
Squidward: You barely pay me anything.
Mr. Krabs: Then get back behind the counter! (Squidward leaves and scratches his head, wondering what sense there was in that remark.) You'll never knock down the Krusty Krab!
Buck: Why? Because you wanna preserve it for it's history of being a former retirement home? (Buck laughs. Mr. Krabs grits his teeth, not letting Buck know that it previously WAS a retirement home.)
Mr. Krabs: Look, Buck, what'll it take to get you to change your mind?
Buck: (smiling) I thought you'd ask that. We'll settle this over a game of pool. Your best man versus my best man. If you win, you get to keep the Krusty Krab. If I win, I get to call this place, "My own personal entertainment and billiards establishment!!!" (everyone has blank faces, as if to say 'what does that mean?') Or "Buck's Pool Hall" for short. Have you got anyone in mind?
Mr. Krabs: Well, of course I do! I, uh... (Mr. Krabs looks around and spots Spongebob, who is still with him) I've got Spongebob Squarepants!
Spongebob: Huh?
Buck: All right then. We'll play at my place at this time tomorrow...no, wait! (Buck pulls out a small notebook and looks though it) Drat. I have an appointment at the Tune-a-fish Instrumental Club tomorrow. How about the day after?
Mr. Krabs: Oh, he'll be ready.
Buck: Good. I'll see you then. (laughs menacingly and leaves)
Spongebob: Um, Mr. Krabs...
Mr. Krabs: I know, boy. You're wondering how I know that wet sack of scales. Well...(flashback photos are displayed during the duration of this speech) it started back in high school. Buck and I were like cats and dogfish; we never got along. The only thing both of us were any good at was money. I was school treasurer, in fact, but Buck kept using the funds for his own advantage. Well, I always managed to keep my anger under control until that fateful day when the school had to vote for the creature who was "most likely to succeed". I gave it me all, but somehow, someway, Buck won...BY ONE VOTE! From that moment on I wanted to deck that fish right in his big, long nose, but he moved right after graduation and I never got the chance. (flashback photos end) And now he's come back to take me restaurant. But we're not giving up without a fight! (triumphant music plays.)
Spongebob: That's not what wanted to ask you, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Don't worry, Spongebob. After you win that game of pool, Buck will get what's coming to him! I have complete confidence in you. (triumphant music continues)
Spongebob: Actually, I was going to ask you...um...what's "pool"?
(triumphant music ends with an abrupt turntable scratch)
Squidward: (from the counter) Complete confidence, huh?
(Scene changes to the next day at the Krusty Krab. Spongebob, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs are alone and standing around a pool table in the middle of the restaurant. Billiard balls are positioned haphazardly on the table.)
Mr. Krabs: Now then, the object of billiards is very simple.
Spongebob: Billy what?
Mr. Krabs: Billiards! That's another name for pool. Now pay attention. The object is to hit either the striped or plain colored balls into those pockets with this stick. (hands Spongebob a pool stick)
Spongebob: OK. (Spongebob gets on the table and positions himself like a golfer in front of a golf ball)
Mr. Krabs: Not like that!
Spongebob: Sorry, Mr. Krabs. (gets down off the table)
Mr. Krabs: Like this, boy! (positions himself like a real pool player) Now try and hit one of the balls into a hole.
(A short segment follows with Spongebob trying to position his fingers from the hand on the table to the stick. Squidward yawns, but eventually, Spongebob has his fingers in a jumbled up mess around the stick and says, "I'm ready!" He then softly hits the 8-ball into a corner pocket.)
Spongebob: Yay!
Mr. Krabs: Good job, Spongebob. Except you did two things wrong. First, the 8-ball is supposed to go into the pockets last. Second of all, the only ball you're allowed to hit is the cue ball. (points to the white ball)
Spongebob: Oooohhh!
(Squidward racks up the balls and positions them within moments.)
Mr. Krabs: Now Spongebob, I want you to break those balls by hitting them straight on with the cue ball.
Spongebob: Okey-dokey, Mr. Krabs! (Spongebob aims with the stick and hits the cue ball hard! The cue ball sails through the air and hits Squidward right between the eyes, knocking him unconscious.)
Spongebob: (glancing at Mr. Krabs) Maybe I should've chalked up the stick first.
(Scene changes to Spongebob's bedroom. It's night and Spongebob is in bed. Gary is on the floor next to the bed.)
Spongebob: Well, Gary. Tomorrow the fate of the Krusty Krab will be decided. How do I get myself into these messes?
Gary: Meow.
Spongebob: Luck has nothing to do with it, Gary. I just have "disaster" written all over me.
Gary: Meow.
Spongebob: Yeah, you're right.....Unless it was with invisible ink!
Gary: Meow.
Spongebob: OK, OK, I'll stop. Good night, Gary. (Spongebob turns off the light.)