Leaving
*Year 1*
The Begining
"Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me." How often do children hear that from each other? How many times do they say that throughout the course fo their lives? I don't like that phrase. It bothers me. It isn't right. There's a twist I've added to the end. The politically correct version would be "Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will last forever." This version is more truthful. No matter how much a child tells themself it doesn't matter, it still hurts. And that hurt stays with them. It doesn't go away. It's always there. The words do last forever. So remember that, the next time you want to call some one a nasty name. Choose your words carefully. Think about it. Does it need to be said? How will it help you to call them that? I can tell you. It won't.
@}--,--'---
I had cried at first. My mum and my little brother were waving at me from the platform. I was on my way to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. In England. Thousands of miles from home.
My dad was a wizard. My mum was a witch. Dad worked for the Ministry of Magic. He was an ambassador to the United States of America and we lived in New York State. When my brother Allan had turned eleven, he was bundled off to Hogwarts. I remember traveling to England, to King's Cross Station, to Platform Nine and Three Quarters. Allan had bravely boarded the train and it went away to somewhere that none of us children could imagine in our wildest dreams. Of course, Mum and Dad had gone there, way back when. They'd been sent to New York when I was three and Michael, my little brother, was a baby.
Then I was eleven and it was my turn. Allan was going back, of course, to begin his third year. It was all old news to him, getting the letter, going to London to buy supplies. He wasn't too excited.
And neither was I. I'd never been away from home before. Not by myself. Oh, Allan would be there, but not necessarily in the same house as I. He'd been sorted into Ravenclaw. He teased me; said I'd be a Hufflepuff. Only Hufflepuffs, he said, wanted to be Hufflepuffs. They were the dumb kids. Allan thought he was so great.
I wasn't sure which house I wanted. Ravenclaw sounded okay. That's where the wise, smart people went. And so did Gryffindor, where the brave and daring resided. I was sure I didn't want Hufflepuff, after all Al's teasing, and I wasn't sure what I thought about Slytherin.The Slytherins, Al said, were awful. I was told they were mean and nasty. But I could be mean and nasty. I was also pretty smart. I didn't think I'd wind up in Gryffindor, I was kind of a wuss. And sometimes I was a little slow. I didn't even know how they'd sort us. I'd have to wait and see. Allan had gone off right away with his friends. Dave, Jesse and Stephanie were kids he'd met at Hogwarts and they were all friends. I didn't know any one. My few friends lived back in New York. When I told Allison that I'd be going to school in England, with my brother and my cousin, Jade, she wasn't too happy. I know now that she was just jealous, but she was mean to me for the rest of the summer and, when I left, we weren't even friends any more.
Michael and Mum faded out of view and I wandered down the corridor, wiping away my tears, to find a seat. A scrawny little boy, maybe about my own age, was curled up in one of the seats when I slid open the door to compartment number two. He ignored me until I sat down across from him. Then he looked up.
I'll tell you, I didn't think much of Severus Snape when our eyes first met on that train. He was a puny little thing, with stringy black hair, a pale face, and dark, glittery eyes. Judging by the way he looked, Michael could've easily beaten him up. He stared at me silently with those black eyes, making me feel a little nervous. "What?" I asked in a truly childish fashion, "Is some one sitting here?" I was curious about why he was all alone. The other compartments were all full. "No." He said softly. That was it. "No." Nothing more; just "no." Then he clammed back up and continued staring out the window until we had to leave the train.
When we got off the train, Allan came over to me. "Shelly, what were you doing, sitting with that boy?" he asked. "What was wrong with my sitting with him?" He hadn't done anything to me. He hadn't even spoken to me. "He's the kid that knows all the curses. He'll be a Slytherin. You don't want to sit with Slytherins, Shelly." I looked at Al, hands on my hips. "I'll sit with whom ever I want to, Allan McKernon!" Then I stalked off, angry at my brother for listening to those rumors. He always thought he was so smart.
"Firs' Years! Firs' years!" That was me! I followed the sound of the booming voice to where a line of kids my age was forming. A young man stood at the head of the line, but right away I knew he wasn't a normal guy. He was a good five feet taller than me, wearing a grubby coat and holding a lantern. But he smiled at us and told us to follow him to the boats. We trooped along to the shore and climbed into a fleet of small ships. Sailed to the castle. It was dark by then and I couldn't see any one in the other boats. i could hear laughing and giggling from the two boats near mine. that must've been the giggly boys I encountered on the train.
We followed the big guy up the steps to the front door of the castle. A Teacher met us at the door. She was maybe middle aged, with a tight bun. She gave us a no-nonsense look and told us to follow her. I felt very nervous. It was almost time to be sorted.
Allan and his friends were already sitting at the Ravenclaw table when we marched through. We were to be sorted alphabetically and my name was in the middle. The sorting consisted of us putting on the sorting hat and it belting out what house we belonged in. I watched as it went through the list, starting with "Ackerly, Sera." (HUFFLEPUFF) and ending with "Zimmerman, Jonathan" (RAVENCLAW). The giggly boys were Sirius Black, remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew and James Potter. The four of them were all sorted into Gryffindor. As "McKernon, Shelly," I was sorted shortly after Lupin. Allan cheered for me as I plodded up to the stool to put the hat on. I was nervous, very nervous, but it didn't look like there was anything to it. I pulled the hat on. It feel down over my brow and I could hear it muttering to itself. "...Scared aren't you?...yes...a lot of brains...but you're a clever one, aren't you?..." It muttered "...I best send you to SLYTHERIN!" Slytherin!? It put me in Slytherin!? How could it put me in Slytherin?!
As I trugged to the table I saw the horrified look on Allan's face. My sister, he must've been thinking, is a Slytherin?! Oh, our family is ruined. I sat down and looked at the rest of them warily. Half of them scared me half to death. they were big and surly looking. The other half were very devious looking. I turned away to watch the rest of the sorting. I watched as the boy from the train, Severus Snape, went quietly up to the stool and put onthe hat. It sorted hom almost instantly, sending him to Slytherin. He came silently over to the table and sat down next to me. We looked at one another and he sort of smiled. "Shelly, is it?" He whispered. I opened my mouth to answer, but something else popped into my mind. I was happy to be in Slytherin. My old life was dying. I'd become some one else while at school. I smiled slyly. "That," I said slowly, "Or Shinigami. I go by that too." He nodded. Then he looked back up to the sorting
Our Head of House was a thin, very young man name Scythrop Southby. He was pleasant enough, with dark brown hair and blue eyes. But he'd be tough. He told us right away that he wouldn't put up with any nonsense and that he tended to like people who didn't try to get away with nonsense. I'd have no problem with that. I was smart and clever, but I knew when to keep my mouth shut. School was one of those times. Our first lesson, the next morning, was Professor Southby's Potions Class. We had that with the Hufflepuffs. He talked the whole period. Just went on and on about why we needed to learn Potions and what we'd use them for in everyday life. He assigned us our seats and I was placed beside none other than Severus Snape. He didn't look at me at all (not that there was much to see. I am very plain -straight, brown hair, brown eyes, glasses, kind of chubby.) and didn't say one word the whole time.
After that, we had a period of Defense Against the Dark Arts. Professor Visle (AN: "Visle" is pronounced "vy-ull") scared me rather badly. He was very creepy looking and very tempermental. Then came Transfiguration. The woman who'd met us at the door the previous night, Minerva McGonagall, taught that. And she was as strict and no-nonsense as she looked. Right away, she read us a list of things she would not tolerate, then proceeded to give us a pop quiz to see whether or not we'd done the assigned reading.
I'd done it, of course, but I couldn't remember a damn word I'd read. It'd been weeks since then and any way, I was plenty nervous with her breathing down my shoulder. Severus, from across the room, also looked frightened and I figured he didn't know the material either. His face was very white and he stared at the parchment for a long time.
At the end of class, when every one's quizes had been collected, we filled silently out of the room, every one of us already strongly disliking Minerva McGonagall. Except for maybe Lea. She was a suck up, did what ever it took to make it to the top. I learned that right away. Severus was lagging behind, walking all alone. I lokked over my shoulder at him. His face was still as white as it had been while he struggled through the quiz. I stopped. Waited for him to catch up. "How do you think you did?" I asked him. "Awful." Came the quiet response. 'I didn't know a damn thing on that quiz. Transfiguration...that's a Gryffindor class." He spat out the name Gryffindor as if it tasted bad. I wondered why, until we passed the giggly boys in the hall on the way to lunch.
"There's the slime bag." One of them, Sirius Black said. "Look, he's found himself a friend." James looked at me. "Aren't you Allan's sister? Why aren't you in Ravenclaw? Is there something horrible that he didn't tell us about you?" Peter grinned "There must be. And she must be feelin' pretty desperate for friends to hang around with Snape." Remus looked at his friends, a queer look on his face. At first, I thought he'd defend us. Then he said, "Well, no one else'll wanna hang out with either of them. They are Slytherins."
I looked from the four of them as the moved away giggling to Severus. He was glaring at them contemptuously. "You know them, Severus?" He turned to me. "Not really. They think they know me." He muttered, "But they only know the 'me' they created." Then he pulled out his wand, pointed it over his shoulder at Peter and whispered "Paranoose." I looked at him curiously. "What was that?" He shrugged. "Simple Curse. He'll be bothered by it for days. Constantly looking over his shoulder; making sure no one's there." I laughed. "That's so mean!" He put his wand back in his robes. "He deserved it."
I suppose that was when I changed my opinion of Severus. He'd not let his anger get the best of him, rather, he'd gotten revenge in an unconventional manner. That surprised me. When I'd first seen him on the train, he'd looked like he'd cry if any one insulted him. He must've been stonger than he appeared. "Can you teach me that?" I asked. He smiled a crooked half- smile from behind his stringy hair. "Sure, if you want to learn it. I know a lot more too." I smiled back. "I'd like that, I guess. Maybe then I'll know why the hat put me in Slytherin."
He began teaching me after lunch. We went outside and he showed me wand movements, taught me words. It was fascinating, listening to him. I'd never known any one like Severus Snape. He was a far cry from Allison, that's for sure. But she wasn't a witch. She didn't think like me. She didn't know half the things I knew. i was leaps and bounds ahead of her, knowledge wise.
The way Potter and his gang (yes, he became "Potter" to me, not James. His friends were also known to us only by their last names. They mostly picked on Severus, but they also annoyed me because I hung around with him. They didn't like us and we didn't like them.) picked on Severus reminded me of how Allison and beth had been the last few weeks before I'd left. They'd been awful, called me every name in the book. The same way Jim had. And now Lea and Joe. People I didn't even know sided with them. My fellow Slytherins, and they teased me. They didn't think I had what it took to be a Slytherin. Only Severus believed in me. He taught me a lot. The old me was indeed dying. I became very interested in all his curses; very interested in the Dark Arts. I cursed almost any one who messed with me. It became a hobby in the first few weeks. I was trying to prove myself worthy to be in Slytherin House. And it was working.
My mad cursing worried Severus. And Professor Southby. "I didn't want you to attak every one." Severus said. "Don't get me wrong, I love that you're defending yourself, but can't you think of a better way? Professor Southby keeps telling me to stop teaching you curses. He's going to make me forget them if you don't stop." I looked at my feet. "Sorry. I'll stop. But instead, I may say things you've never heard. I am from the States, you know." His twisted smile crossed his face. "Believe me, there's nothing I've never heard. Say all you want."
Sirius Black accosted me in the hall the next morning. "What are you up to, Smelly Shelly?" I looked at him. I didn't smell. And I hadn't done anything to deserve to be told that I did. I never talked to Black. I just kept walking. "Where's Snape?" He continued, "Don't you usually hang out together?" Still, I ignored him. "What'sa matter? Is he too dirty even for you?" That did it. I snapped. "Shut up! Shut the Hell up! And get away from me, you Little Shit!" He looked startled. Then he came back with "I'm a little shit? I am?! Oh, no. You're the Slytherin, not me. Your whole life is shit. That's why you're a Slytherin." Then he stormed away, looking very, very angry. I felt horrible. He had no rights to do that. I'd done nothing to him. Severus wasn't even there and he'd been insulted. But I shouldn't have said that. If I was so hurt, simply by being callled "smelly," how must he have felt. I ran down the hall crying, swearing to myself I'd never call any one a shit again. Or anything remotely similar to a shit.
Severus was waiting for me at the table. He looked at me ponderously, at my tears and at the look on my face. "What'd he do?" He asked softly. "It's not what he did!" I sobbed, "It's what I did..." I rambled through the story and he listened silently. "...I...I feel so bad. I can't call people things like that. I shouldn't be a Slytherin!" He looked at me. Opened his mouth to say something.
Then Potter and Black trotted by. They both gave me a cold look. "Bitch." Black muttered. I burst into fresh tears. Severus rested a hand on my shoulder. He looked up at the two Gryffindors. "Go. Get lost. Or I'll curse you. And I know some pretty nasty curses." They just stared back, "Shut up." Potter said indignantly. "Yeah," Black agreed, "This doesn't involve you. Only us and the girl." He stared right back. "It involves me now." Black frowned. "You'll be sorry. You'll be sorry you didn't let it alone." Severus turned away. "I hate you." He said. "We're going to make your life Hell." that said, Black and Potter marched away.
I looked at Severus. "They already do a pretty good job at that." He said casually. But the look in his eyes...it said differently. He'd been hurt by them. They'd scarred his soul. And they'd continue doing it. "Why? Why'd you do that? They'll just keep tormenting you." I informed him. "I'm not worth it." He smiled wryly. "That's what they want you to think. I'd rather have one friend like you, who wanted to be my friend from the second you saw me, than a whole group of people who'd leave when things looked bad. That's what kind of people they are." I nodded. What he said did make sense. And I had wanted to be his friend. He'd done that -ostrasized himself- for me. That was friendship. I smiled. Offered him my hand. "Friends?" He took my hand in his. "Friends."
When I think about it now, I know we shouldn't even have heard those words at eleven. We should've never heard them. But we did. And those were words that stuck with us. It was part of what shped the later events of our lives; our future choices. Those insults and taunts made us who we are. "Sticks and stones can break bones...but names will last forever..." Maybe Potter and Black didn't know. Maybe their mothers never told them. Maybe they went under the dilusion that "names could never hurt me." Maybe.
@}--,--'---
Severus and I, we were stangers starting out on that journey. We never believed we'd make it that far. Life is a road. You keep going. When you fall, you get back up. You don't let potholes slow you down. James Potter and his friends were just potholes or detour signs obstructing our path. He and I, we found ways around. friendship is a wonderful thing. He was like a flower on the side of the road. He brightened my trip. And I know I brightened his. I think we were foolish kids,always walking staight into traffic. We were on a run away train that was never coming back, going the wrong way on a one-way track. It felt likewe should have been getting somewhere. But I've been told, he says, in the end, we're neither here nor there. And I've told him "In the end, I wanna be standing at the begining with you." And I am. With him heart and soul. Every new begining comes from some other beginings end. the end was only the begining of something wonderful. Where the words -those loving words- would last forever.
@}--,--'---
*Year 1*
The Begining
"Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me." How often do children hear that from each other? How many times do they say that throughout the course fo their lives? I don't like that phrase. It bothers me. It isn't right. There's a twist I've added to the end. The politically correct version would be "Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will last forever." This version is more truthful. No matter how much a child tells themself it doesn't matter, it still hurts. And that hurt stays with them. It doesn't go away. It's always there. The words do last forever. So remember that, the next time you want to call some one a nasty name. Choose your words carefully. Think about it. Does it need to be said? How will it help you to call them that? I can tell you. It won't.
@}--,--'---
I had cried at first. My mum and my little brother were waving at me from the platform. I was on my way to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. In England. Thousands of miles from home.
My dad was a wizard. My mum was a witch. Dad worked for the Ministry of Magic. He was an ambassador to the United States of America and we lived in New York State. When my brother Allan had turned eleven, he was bundled off to Hogwarts. I remember traveling to England, to King's Cross Station, to Platform Nine and Three Quarters. Allan had bravely boarded the train and it went away to somewhere that none of us children could imagine in our wildest dreams. Of course, Mum and Dad had gone there, way back when. They'd been sent to New York when I was three and Michael, my little brother, was a baby.
Then I was eleven and it was my turn. Allan was going back, of course, to begin his third year. It was all old news to him, getting the letter, going to London to buy supplies. He wasn't too excited.
And neither was I. I'd never been away from home before. Not by myself. Oh, Allan would be there, but not necessarily in the same house as I. He'd been sorted into Ravenclaw. He teased me; said I'd be a Hufflepuff. Only Hufflepuffs, he said, wanted to be Hufflepuffs. They were the dumb kids. Allan thought he was so great.
I wasn't sure which house I wanted. Ravenclaw sounded okay. That's where the wise, smart people went. And so did Gryffindor, where the brave and daring resided. I was sure I didn't want Hufflepuff, after all Al's teasing, and I wasn't sure what I thought about Slytherin.The Slytherins, Al said, were awful. I was told they were mean and nasty. But I could be mean and nasty. I was also pretty smart. I didn't think I'd wind up in Gryffindor, I was kind of a wuss. And sometimes I was a little slow. I didn't even know how they'd sort us. I'd have to wait and see. Allan had gone off right away with his friends. Dave, Jesse and Stephanie were kids he'd met at Hogwarts and they were all friends. I didn't know any one. My few friends lived back in New York. When I told Allison that I'd be going to school in England, with my brother and my cousin, Jade, she wasn't too happy. I know now that she was just jealous, but she was mean to me for the rest of the summer and, when I left, we weren't even friends any more.
Michael and Mum faded out of view and I wandered down the corridor, wiping away my tears, to find a seat. A scrawny little boy, maybe about my own age, was curled up in one of the seats when I slid open the door to compartment number two. He ignored me until I sat down across from him. Then he looked up.
I'll tell you, I didn't think much of Severus Snape when our eyes first met on that train. He was a puny little thing, with stringy black hair, a pale face, and dark, glittery eyes. Judging by the way he looked, Michael could've easily beaten him up. He stared at me silently with those black eyes, making me feel a little nervous. "What?" I asked in a truly childish fashion, "Is some one sitting here?" I was curious about why he was all alone. The other compartments were all full. "No." He said softly. That was it. "No." Nothing more; just "no." Then he clammed back up and continued staring out the window until we had to leave the train.
When we got off the train, Allan came over to me. "Shelly, what were you doing, sitting with that boy?" he asked. "What was wrong with my sitting with him?" He hadn't done anything to me. He hadn't even spoken to me. "He's the kid that knows all the curses. He'll be a Slytherin. You don't want to sit with Slytherins, Shelly." I looked at Al, hands on my hips. "I'll sit with whom ever I want to, Allan McKernon!" Then I stalked off, angry at my brother for listening to those rumors. He always thought he was so smart.
"Firs' Years! Firs' years!" That was me! I followed the sound of the booming voice to where a line of kids my age was forming. A young man stood at the head of the line, but right away I knew he wasn't a normal guy. He was a good five feet taller than me, wearing a grubby coat and holding a lantern. But he smiled at us and told us to follow him to the boats. We trooped along to the shore and climbed into a fleet of small ships. Sailed to the castle. It was dark by then and I couldn't see any one in the other boats. i could hear laughing and giggling from the two boats near mine. that must've been the giggly boys I encountered on the train.
We followed the big guy up the steps to the front door of the castle. A Teacher met us at the door. She was maybe middle aged, with a tight bun. She gave us a no-nonsense look and told us to follow her. I felt very nervous. It was almost time to be sorted.
Allan and his friends were already sitting at the Ravenclaw table when we marched through. We were to be sorted alphabetically and my name was in the middle. The sorting consisted of us putting on the sorting hat and it belting out what house we belonged in. I watched as it went through the list, starting with "Ackerly, Sera." (HUFFLEPUFF) and ending with "Zimmerman, Jonathan" (RAVENCLAW). The giggly boys were Sirius Black, remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew and James Potter. The four of them were all sorted into Gryffindor. As "McKernon, Shelly," I was sorted shortly after Lupin. Allan cheered for me as I plodded up to the stool to put the hat on. I was nervous, very nervous, but it didn't look like there was anything to it. I pulled the hat on. It feel down over my brow and I could hear it muttering to itself. "...Scared aren't you?...yes...a lot of brains...but you're a clever one, aren't you?..." It muttered "...I best send you to SLYTHERIN!" Slytherin!? It put me in Slytherin!? How could it put me in Slytherin?!
As I trugged to the table I saw the horrified look on Allan's face. My sister, he must've been thinking, is a Slytherin?! Oh, our family is ruined. I sat down and looked at the rest of them warily. Half of them scared me half to death. they were big and surly looking. The other half were very devious looking. I turned away to watch the rest of the sorting. I watched as the boy from the train, Severus Snape, went quietly up to the stool and put onthe hat. It sorted hom almost instantly, sending him to Slytherin. He came silently over to the table and sat down next to me. We looked at one another and he sort of smiled. "Shelly, is it?" He whispered. I opened my mouth to answer, but something else popped into my mind. I was happy to be in Slytherin. My old life was dying. I'd become some one else while at school. I smiled slyly. "That," I said slowly, "Or Shinigami. I go by that too." He nodded. Then he looked back up to the sorting
Our Head of House was a thin, very young man name Scythrop Southby. He was pleasant enough, with dark brown hair and blue eyes. But he'd be tough. He told us right away that he wouldn't put up with any nonsense and that he tended to like people who didn't try to get away with nonsense. I'd have no problem with that. I was smart and clever, but I knew when to keep my mouth shut. School was one of those times. Our first lesson, the next morning, was Professor Southby's Potions Class. We had that with the Hufflepuffs. He talked the whole period. Just went on and on about why we needed to learn Potions and what we'd use them for in everyday life. He assigned us our seats and I was placed beside none other than Severus Snape. He didn't look at me at all (not that there was much to see. I am very plain -straight, brown hair, brown eyes, glasses, kind of chubby.) and didn't say one word the whole time.
After that, we had a period of Defense Against the Dark Arts. Professor Visle (AN: "Visle" is pronounced "vy-ull") scared me rather badly. He was very creepy looking and very tempermental. Then came Transfiguration. The woman who'd met us at the door the previous night, Minerva McGonagall, taught that. And she was as strict and no-nonsense as she looked. Right away, she read us a list of things she would not tolerate, then proceeded to give us a pop quiz to see whether or not we'd done the assigned reading.
I'd done it, of course, but I couldn't remember a damn word I'd read. It'd been weeks since then and any way, I was plenty nervous with her breathing down my shoulder. Severus, from across the room, also looked frightened and I figured he didn't know the material either. His face was very white and he stared at the parchment for a long time.
At the end of class, when every one's quizes had been collected, we filled silently out of the room, every one of us already strongly disliking Minerva McGonagall. Except for maybe Lea. She was a suck up, did what ever it took to make it to the top. I learned that right away. Severus was lagging behind, walking all alone. I lokked over my shoulder at him. His face was still as white as it had been while he struggled through the quiz. I stopped. Waited for him to catch up. "How do you think you did?" I asked him. "Awful." Came the quiet response. 'I didn't know a damn thing on that quiz. Transfiguration...that's a Gryffindor class." He spat out the name Gryffindor as if it tasted bad. I wondered why, until we passed the giggly boys in the hall on the way to lunch.
"There's the slime bag." One of them, Sirius Black said. "Look, he's found himself a friend." James looked at me. "Aren't you Allan's sister? Why aren't you in Ravenclaw? Is there something horrible that he didn't tell us about you?" Peter grinned "There must be. And she must be feelin' pretty desperate for friends to hang around with Snape." Remus looked at his friends, a queer look on his face. At first, I thought he'd defend us. Then he said, "Well, no one else'll wanna hang out with either of them. They are Slytherins."
I looked from the four of them as the moved away giggling to Severus. He was glaring at them contemptuously. "You know them, Severus?" He turned to me. "Not really. They think they know me." He muttered, "But they only know the 'me' they created." Then he pulled out his wand, pointed it over his shoulder at Peter and whispered "Paranoose." I looked at him curiously. "What was that?" He shrugged. "Simple Curse. He'll be bothered by it for days. Constantly looking over his shoulder; making sure no one's there." I laughed. "That's so mean!" He put his wand back in his robes. "He deserved it."
I suppose that was when I changed my opinion of Severus. He'd not let his anger get the best of him, rather, he'd gotten revenge in an unconventional manner. That surprised me. When I'd first seen him on the train, he'd looked like he'd cry if any one insulted him. He must've been stonger than he appeared. "Can you teach me that?" I asked. He smiled a crooked half- smile from behind his stringy hair. "Sure, if you want to learn it. I know a lot more too." I smiled back. "I'd like that, I guess. Maybe then I'll know why the hat put me in Slytherin."
He began teaching me after lunch. We went outside and he showed me wand movements, taught me words. It was fascinating, listening to him. I'd never known any one like Severus Snape. He was a far cry from Allison, that's for sure. But she wasn't a witch. She didn't think like me. She didn't know half the things I knew. i was leaps and bounds ahead of her, knowledge wise.
The way Potter and his gang (yes, he became "Potter" to me, not James. His friends were also known to us only by their last names. They mostly picked on Severus, but they also annoyed me because I hung around with him. They didn't like us and we didn't like them.) picked on Severus reminded me of how Allison and beth had been the last few weeks before I'd left. They'd been awful, called me every name in the book. The same way Jim had. And now Lea and Joe. People I didn't even know sided with them. My fellow Slytherins, and they teased me. They didn't think I had what it took to be a Slytherin. Only Severus believed in me. He taught me a lot. The old me was indeed dying. I became very interested in all his curses; very interested in the Dark Arts. I cursed almost any one who messed with me. It became a hobby in the first few weeks. I was trying to prove myself worthy to be in Slytherin House. And it was working.
My mad cursing worried Severus. And Professor Southby. "I didn't want you to attak every one." Severus said. "Don't get me wrong, I love that you're defending yourself, but can't you think of a better way? Professor Southby keeps telling me to stop teaching you curses. He's going to make me forget them if you don't stop." I looked at my feet. "Sorry. I'll stop. But instead, I may say things you've never heard. I am from the States, you know." His twisted smile crossed his face. "Believe me, there's nothing I've never heard. Say all you want."
Sirius Black accosted me in the hall the next morning. "What are you up to, Smelly Shelly?" I looked at him. I didn't smell. And I hadn't done anything to deserve to be told that I did. I never talked to Black. I just kept walking. "Where's Snape?" He continued, "Don't you usually hang out together?" Still, I ignored him. "What'sa matter? Is he too dirty even for you?" That did it. I snapped. "Shut up! Shut the Hell up! And get away from me, you Little Shit!" He looked startled. Then he came back with "I'm a little shit? I am?! Oh, no. You're the Slytherin, not me. Your whole life is shit. That's why you're a Slytherin." Then he stormed away, looking very, very angry. I felt horrible. He had no rights to do that. I'd done nothing to him. Severus wasn't even there and he'd been insulted. But I shouldn't have said that. If I was so hurt, simply by being callled "smelly," how must he have felt. I ran down the hall crying, swearing to myself I'd never call any one a shit again. Or anything remotely similar to a shit.
Severus was waiting for me at the table. He looked at me ponderously, at my tears and at the look on my face. "What'd he do?" He asked softly. "It's not what he did!" I sobbed, "It's what I did..." I rambled through the story and he listened silently. "...I...I feel so bad. I can't call people things like that. I shouldn't be a Slytherin!" He looked at me. Opened his mouth to say something.
Then Potter and Black trotted by. They both gave me a cold look. "Bitch." Black muttered. I burst into fresh tears. Severus rested a hand on my shoulder. He looked up at the two Gryffindors. "Go. Get lost. Or I'll curse you. And I know some pretty nasty curses." They just stared back, "Shut up." Potter said indignantly. "Yeah," Black agreed, "This doesn't involve you. Only us and the girl." He stared right back. "It involves me now." Black frowned. "You'll be sorry. You'll be sorry you didn't let it alone." Severus turned away. "I hate you." He said. "We're going to make your life Hell." that said, Black and Potter marched away.
I looked at Severus. "They already do a pretty good job at that." He said casually. But the look in his eyes...it said differently. He'd been hurt by them. They'd scarred his soul. And they'd continue doing it. "Why? Why'd you do that? They'll just keep tormenting you." I informed him. "I'm not worth it." He smiled wryly. "That's what they want you to think. I'd rather have one friend like you, who wanted to be my friend from the second you saw me, than a whole group of people who'd leave when things looked bad. That's what kind of people they are." I nodded. What he said did make sense. And I had wanted to be his friend. He'd done that -ostrasized himself- for me. That was friendship. I smiled. Offered him my hand. "Friends?" He took my hand in his. "Friends."
When I think about it now, I know we shouldn't even have heard those words at eleven. We should've never heard them. But we did. And those were words that stuck with us. It was part of what shped the later events of our lives; our future choices. Those insults and taunts made us who we are. "Sticks and stones can break bones...but names will last forever..." Maybe Potter and Black didn't know. Maybe their mothers never told them. Maybe they went under the dilusion that "names could never hurt me." Maybe.
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Severus and I, we were stangers starting out on that journey. We never believed we'd make it that far. Life is a road. You keep going. When you fall, you get back up. You don't let potholes slow you down. James Potter and his friends were just potholes or detour signs obstructing our path. He and I, we found ways around. friendship is a wonderful thing. He was like a flower on the side of the road. He brightened my trip. And I know I brightened his. I think we were foolish kids,always walking staight into traffic. We were on a run away train that was never coming back, going the wrong way on a one-way track. It felt likewe should have been getting somewhere. But I've been told, he says, in the end, we're neither here nor there. And I've told him "In the end, I wanna be standing at the begining with you." And I am. With him heart and soul. Every new begining comes from some other beginings end. the end was only the begining of something wonderful. Where the words -those loving words- would last forever.
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