Hey, ya'll!
So just to give some context, this fic is a lot of things. It's mainly inspired by some RP with my best friend, but it's also an exploration of 2D and Murdoc's relationship, and my grappling with shipping these two so hard but also coming to terms with the fact that it is canonically an abusive relationship. This is meant in no way to glorify or justify abuse in any relationship, and if you feel that that isn't conveyed well, feel free to let me know.
Finally (as ever) I apologize for any facts that don't add up exactly as they do in the canon Gorillaz storyline. Rise of the Ogre only covers up to the end of Phase 2, and I haven't listened to all of the radio shows or ever seen the website details. So basically, I don't really know what happened to get the Gorillaz off Plastic Beach and to Wobble Street. This is based off of the storyboard for Rhinestone Eyes. I guess it's a medley of canon and fanon. If anyone has links to where I can learn anymore about the end of Phase 3 in detail, I'd love a link or something! :)
Sorry; I'll stop rambling now. Let me know what you guys think!
Recuperation Rock
If it was a dream come true, 2D wondered, then why was he suddenly so miserable?
Getting off of Plastic Beach had been the goal. By the end, even Murdoc had been eager to get back to the mainland, promising to buy his bluebird all the penthouses he could dream of: Barcelona, Brighton, Nice, Geneva, Manhattan. Any cities 2D had ever expressed interest in, Murdoc had guaranteed they would visit there once they just escaped the Black Cloud's clutches. Huge rooms with views of the cities, hot tubs, mini bars. Gigantic heart-shaped beds with satin sheets on which they would make the sweetest love. The dream had felt unobtainable, but 2D clung to it nonetheless.
With the defeat of the Clouds and that sinister Boogieman, it had seemed like finally the two would have their hopes of finding safety and peace somewhere realized. Russel and Noodle were alive, in a tear-jerking plot twist, and had come to save them. In an ultimate showdown, Plastic Beach was destroyed, doomed to sink to the bottom of the Pacific, but Russel had promised to swim them back to the mainland. As the two bandmates climbed onto the shoulders of now-giant Russel, 2D had happened to glance over at Murdoc, and he saw something that made his blood run cold.
Murdoc had looked at the sinking island of trash with heartbreak plain in his eyes.
From that point on, he'd known things were not going to get any easier, and that there were problems within Murdoc's brilliant, terrible mind that were still as unfathomable as the ocean around them.
Sure, Murdoc had literally pooled every last penny he had into building and operating Plastic Beach, and without it, he was utterly destitute, with every earthly possession he owned lost. Okay, yes, that included precious vinyl collections, photos with autographs from the dozens of incredible musicians they had met over the years, and a ton of instruments (El Diabolo and the Donkatron were safe; overseas with Damon Albarn who was using them to finalize some cuts on the album). Still, 2D had been confident that they could still make things work in spite of the material loss. He'd saved up a fair amount of his own riches, and with his father's fairgrounds doing better than ever, his parents had more than enough cash saved away to insure that the reunited band could afford an apartment somewhere until they settled themselves and took stock of what they still had.
Wobble Street was hardly a penthouse in Barcelona. It was narrow, with rickety stairs and permanent stains from the many parties that had been held long before the Gorillaz began to rent out the apartment building. It was a home nonetheless. Noodle was able to claim a small, cozy room, fill it with an assortment of stuffed animals to comfort herself, and Russel was able to snooze on the roof as he slowly but steadily shrank back to normal size.
2D quickly fixed himself a nice, simple room, and even took up a job at a local student driving company. It felt nice to be useful again, and to be the one in charge of providing the checks to buy groceries and new clothes.
Murdoc instantly claimed a big, windowless room on the third floor as well as the basement, where he assembled, almost out of thin air, the equipment needed to bring back his radio show, making a modest amount of money in no time at all just by bullshitting and updating fans about the progress Gorillaz were making to put out more music.
Save for a single that they put out in collaboration with Andre 3000, it didn't seem like any of the four bandmates had much inspiration to write or record anything worthwhile.
The problem wasn't the cramped living arrangements.
It wasn't the fact that poor Russel couldn't even join them inside to recount his own adventures, or that when it rained, he had to use some tarp to try and protect himself from the elements up on the roof.
It wasn't the way Noodle's vivid night terrors about helicopters would result in her waking up screaming until the entire apartment was up, rushing to make sure she was alright.
The problem was that Murdoc was sinking back into his old habits, and treating 2D like everything that had happened on Plastic Beach had meant nothing.
Having two separate bedrooms made sense to the singer. He understood that even though they had loved falling asleep together in Murdoc's bed on Plastic Beach, they did need their space from one another. But he'd assumed that in the evenings, Murdoc would come crawling into his bed to be with him. When this didn't happen, 2D took the initiative, wandering downstairs to Murdoc's bedroom only to find it empty.
Murdoc spent most of his nights up recording his radio shows apparently, and refused to come to bed or take any company. Eventually, 2D stopped trying to come to him at night. Back on the mainland, sex was easy to come by, and the singer could take out any of his more primal needs with any girl he wanted.
The problem was, the more time Murdoc spent pushing 2D away, and the larger the distance between them grew, the more 2D started to ache for something more than just physical contact.
He missed the feel of Murdoc's eyes watching him in the morning as he woke up, his rum-and-nicotine smell, the sight of stubble on his face first thing when he dragged himself from bed and hadn't shaved yet. Even Murdoc's snores: 2D realized too late that his feelings for Murdoc ran much deeper than he had originally anticipated they could, and that he was downright smitten. He missed their relationship desperately, but every attempt to reason with Murdoc only resulted in more tense arguments. Murdoc was becoming increasingly violent as well, which terrified 2D: throwing his lighter across the room in agitation when they bickered, pounding his fist on a wall, getting up in 2D's face and snarling at him.
2D had truly begun to think that those days were behind them.
It burned something terrible to know that he didn't have what it took to make Murdoc change.
Maybe Murdoc would forever be a monster after all.
Even with the release of their single Do Ya Thing, things did not improve. In fact, when Murdoc threw a sneaker at him the morning of, 2D knew that he could no longer stay silent over the way things were progressing. He would not go back to the way their relationship had once been, and if severing his ties with the man he had come to love was the only solution, then so be it. Murdoc had stormed downstairs after the assault and proceeded to record his radio show virtually all day. 2D had spent the entirety of the morning with his head in his hands, a migraine slowly piercing into his skull.
A handful of pills later, he felt a little more numb, but no better.
It was an unnaturally beautiful afternoon, ridiculously warm and sunny and carrying the promise that spring wasn't just a myth after all. A walk might be a nice way to clear things up. Grabbing a light jacket and zipping it up in resolve, 2D made his way to Murdoc's room and was surprised to find the bassist there.
"Heading off to work?" Murdoc asked derisively. He resented the fact that 2D had taken on a part-time job to help pay for things around the apartment. 2D couldn't even begin to fathom why his proactive attitude bothered the lazy bassist so much.
"Nah, it's gorgeous out, Muds. Let's go for a walk!"
"No thanks. You go."
2D was not about to be derailed so easily. "C'mon, it'll be fun. We can buy something from that bakery down the street!"
"You know I don't like sweets. I said no, D. I'm busy."
"I don't wanna go alone, so you don't get to choose, Murdoc," he answered, still forcing himself to sound bright and cheerful as he crossed the threshold into the dark room, eyes scanning the floor for a suitable jacket. He found one: a beautiful leather jacket they had bought in a thrift store: a little faded and worn, especially around the elbows, and also a bit long for Murdoc's small frame, but still very much up his ally. Plus it looked bloody fantastic on him. He scooped it up and carried it over to the desk where Murdoc was hunched over an archaic desktop computer.
The bassist glowered at him as he offered the jacket. "D, this is getting annoying." His voice was taking on a dangerously low pitch that meant trouble.
"We never do anything anymore. Lets do this together, just you and me, a nice walk down to the park and back. You could use the exercise. C'mon!"
With that, he grabbed Murdoc's arm and pulled him up, hoping he could tug the shorter man along. Instead, Murdoc jerked free and shoved 2D away from him, eyes lighting up with anger.
"Piss off, faceache!"
A heavy silence fell over them as 2D's black eyes stared in horror, his lips twitching as he fought to keep back tears of frustration and hurt. Murdoc perceived this and instantly switched tactics, trying to comfort the taller man.
"2D—Stu, I'm…er, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push you. Come now, it's alright, just got a little annoyed that you weren't letting up, mate."
"What is with you?" the singer shouted, stepping back from him, the space between them deep and dark and miserable. "What happened to the man on Plastic Beach? To the man who showed me the heart he tried so hard to keep hidden? I loved him, Murdoc, but that man isn't you!"
Rubbing his eyes with the heel of his hands, the bassist shook his head. "Please no. Don't start, D. Just leave it."
"No! I'm sick of this." 2D sat on the edge of Murdoc's bed and crossed his arms over his chest. "Start talking. Now. You've been acting different since we got off Plastic Beach and I wanna know why. Muds, if you don't want to be with me, just tell me. I just thought…after all we've been through…" he hated that he instantly went from angry to near-tears, but hearing those words spoken aloud were brutal.
"Wait, slow down, Dents. What makes you think I don't still want to be with you?"
"You've…you've been so distant."
"Rrrright," Murdoc agreed, fishing around in his pockets for a crushed pack of smokes and offering one to the singer, who gladly took it. "I have been. That way it'll…y'know. Lessen the blow a bit, I guess."
"What blow?"
Murdoc looked at him as though he were stupid. "When you decide to leave me, dummy."
The singer nearly dropped his cigarette. "Why would I do that?!"
For all the talking he did on his radio show, Murdoc seemed to have trouble articulating his thoughts during heart-to-hearts. He gestured madly and fumbled over words multiple times, puffing away on his smoke before he finally got his words out clearly. "I'm…I can't provide for you anymore, mate. On the Beach, I was King! It was my island, my world, and you were my guest. I called the shots and swept you off your feet. But now that I've lost everything, I'm useless!"
"Muds, that isn't tru—"
"Useless, D. You even went out and got a bloody nine to five job! What's become of the grrrreat musical prodigy with the voice of an angel? Singer of my world-class band, Gorillaz? Oh, he's giving driving lessons to zit-faced Nirvana-worshipping teenagers off of Wobbly Street! And why's that? Because Murdoc Faust Niccals has lost his crown and the world wants to mock him for it!"
He paused to catch his breath, shoulders heaving a bit from the monologue.
2D sighed. "Is that really how you feel? You think you've lost everything, and because you're having a hard time recovering, that you've become useless to me. That you've let me down."
"I have whether or not you realize it, Stupot!"
"The only way you've let me down is by treating me like shit and hitting me again, you old goth!"
Murdoc's mouth twitched down still farther at those words, and 2D knew he had his full attention, so he continued.
"Look, I understand that you think you've let me down. I think your stark-raving mad for thinking that, but you've always been stark-raving mad. Anyway, you don't need to push me away in order to protect yourself; I don't wanna stop being with you, Murdoc."
"Mate, I don't know if we have any more music to give the world!" Murdoc snapped. "If Gorillaz can't make music, I've got nothing to give you!"
"All I want from you is you, Murdoc!"
2D stubbed his cigarette out in an ashtray and grabbed the smaller man's shoulders gently, looking into his face. He could see the uncertainty lurking in Murdoc's mismatched eyes.
"Look, you keep going on and on about how you lost everything, how you have nothing more to give me, but all I wanted in the first place was you. When you were more honest with me, when you told me how you felt and were gentle. I fell in love with you on Plastic Beach, Murdoc. Not because you were king, but because you wrote those beautiful songs and let me look into your soul. Maybe it was scary for you, but you let me do it anyway. I want that back. I want you back, not this abusive sod you pretend to be to protect yourself from the world."
"You keep saying you love me," Murdoc said, looking into the singer's eyes with a near-desperate expression, refusing to even move his head, as though eye contact was a lifeline keeping him from going under water.
"I do, Murdoc," 2D murmured. "We just started kissing and then…making love on Plastic Beach. We talked about getting back to the mainland and living together. But I don't think we ever really defined our relationship. Are we uh, lovers?"
He blushed and found his fingers tapping on the bassist's shoulders in slightly nervous agitation. Murdoc was blushing too. Here they were, two adult men who had slept their ways around the globe and seen each other nude in the height of passion, bashful over the prospect of defining their relationship.
"Are we? If so, I'm afraid I haven't been quite loyal since we got back, mate."
"Me either, Muds. I fell out, I gave into temptation."
"I know you did…" Murdoc dropped his head suddenly. "I thought that was your indication that you were done with me…"
2D took a deep breath. "Let's start over, shall we? Murdoc, will you go out with me?"
The bassist's breath hitched in his throat.
"Will you be my boyfriend? I promise to be loyal to you. Well, except when we go on tour. Y'know how tour goes. Cuz in spite of what you said, I don't think Gorillaz is quite done yet. I'll be yours and I wanna give our relationship a shot if you will. But in return, you gotta stop acting out every time things don't go your way. You've got to bloody communicate if you're upset instead of clamming up! And if you hit me again—"
"I know, D, I won't I—"
"Listen. If you hit me again, that's it. We're done for real. But hey… wanna give this a try?"
He gave Murdoc a wink and his most charming, gap-toothed grin. Murdoc looked at him in a way that made his heart skip because lord, no one had ever looked at him like that before. As though he was some sort of god or something. It was exquisite.
"Yeah. You wanna be with me?"
"You think you can handle me? Make me happy? Learn to control your rage better?"
"Y-yeah! Yeah to all of it!"
2D hugged him then, tight. He felt Murdoc fold into him, like he belonged there. His arms wound around 2D and held him so tight it was hard to breathe.
"Stu?"
"Yeah, Muds?"
"I'm so sorry."
The singer nodded. He was tempted to forgive Murdoc on the spot. But a verbal apology didn't absolve him of what he had done, and they both knew it. Only time would prove his words to be true. With incredible self-restraint, 2D stroked his back and bit back his reflexive "it's ok."
"I know. Show me what you're really capable of, okay?"
"Sure." They remained that way for a while, chests pressing together slightly as they expanded with each breath. "Hey, mate, you still wanna go for that walk?"
"'Course. Fancy a bit of fresh air?"
"Well we've got llllloads to catch up on," Murdoc said with a smile, pulling back and grabbing the leather jacket 2D had brought over. "I've got some lyrics I wanna run past you."
"You're planning another album already then? Great! More gooey love songs I hope?"
"Maaaybe," the bassist responded with a shy grin. "And this one bit I just can't get out of my head!" He cleared his throat. "I don't know what the actual words will be, but I've got the tune. Something like haaalleluuuiah money!"
2D laughed and they headed outside, arms linked.
Losing track of time altogether, they stayed out long after the heat of the day sank over the skyline and it cooled down again. Neither man cared much; they walked all through town for hours, discussing the terms and conditions of dating, outlining their goals for the short and long term. It was starting to look like a dream come true.