This is my first attempt at a Rizzles story. My hope for this story isn't to break apart Rizzles but to explore the more human qualities I've seen on the show. From all I know of Jane, she wouldn't be content to just let the relationship with Maura work, she'd fight tooth and nail against it- even if it felt completely right. And Maura, sweet Maura, would do whatever she could but ultimately respect Jane's wishes, and do anything to make her feel safe and secure. So when safe and secure for Jane means no longer being with Maura, how can she react?

The concept isn't to tear the two apart, the concept is this canon of: maybe we're completely right, just at the wrong time. Jane needs time to process the fact that after thirty years of her life she's suddenly attracted to this woman, and is really good at being with her. However, this new Jane and the concept of the old Jane don't fit together at all. I am aiming for a Rizzles ending- however it may take me awhile to get there, I am really looking forward to your feedback on this. It's a direction I really want to go. Any feedback is greatly appreciated!

It doesn't happen quickly, the slow realizations over weeks and months nag at you, pulling at the corners of your conscious to see if you'll realize it's all starting to fall apart. Jane had had this feeling in the pit of her stomach for weeks now, padding barefoot through Maura's house in the middle of night after being suddenly awoken. It was almost instinct for her now, to grab her gun kept in the nightstand and check the perimeter of the house. To Jane, this was normal, constant.

Ever since Jane and Maura had admitted their feelings to each other months before everything had become a whirlwind of confusion. It was a constant cacophony of voices in their lives, Frost and Korsak who had made bets on how long it had taken them. Frankie and Tommy who had tried their best to hide the school-boy laughter because they had known all along. Then there was Angela who, despite her best efforts, was still trying to grasp the concept of a gay daughter.

Maura had convinced her they needed to tell everyone, including Angela. They were going to tell her, eventually, as Jane had tried to phrase it. Frankie did everything he could from letting it slip, even kept kicking Tommy when he tried to make references in front of their mother. But Maura was right, as she always was, Angela needed to know and only Jane could tell her.

So she asked her over to Maura's that night for a mother-daughter evening of gnocchi and wine, maybe even a romantic comedy. Jane knew that things were moving along with her mother and Sean Cavanaugh and hoped her mother might confide in her where they were progressing to. She also hoped that if her mother could open up about her life, maybe she would be better prepared to deal with Jane's new bombshell.

Angela had been more than enthusiastic when Jane asked her over, Maura was even going to be away at a conference and the pair would have the house to themselves. The concept of "girl talk" was weighing on her the most- Angela had known Jane was talking to Casey again and hoped beyond anything her daughter would finally confide in her.

When the two ended up meeting that night, bringing forth both their expectations of the night, both were severely disappointed in the other. They made the normal small talk and inquiries about each other's days, Jane constantly checking her phone, sending off texts to Maura who sent her support and words of encouragement from states away, Angela who kept replaying the way Sean had personally walked her to car that night. So when the time came, neither knew how to react.

"Ma, there's a reason I asked you here tonight."Jane said feebly, allowing all her nerves to creep into voice. "There's something I need to talk to you about."

It was a deeply confusing and unsettling feeling for Jane, to be so nervous about something- about words no less. She'd never felt this self-conscious, even when dealing with Hoyt or Marino. No, those were tangible emotions- fear, adrenaline, things that could be quantified and measured, feelings Maura had spent many times outlining and explaining to her. But nervousness, even Maura couldn't expel the butterflies in this stomach.

"Of course, Jane. You know you can talk to me about anything." Angela grabs her coffee mug and sits down at the breakfast bar. Jane stands by the sink.

"You know I've been talking to Casey…" She stops suddenly, thinking this is the completely wrong way to approach it. How can she break her mother's heart, telling that Casey made her realize exactly how she feels for Maura?

Angela waited as the thoughts shot through Jane's brain, seeing the concentration on her face. "Jane, honey, just spit it out. You know I support your decisions."

Jane's eyes went directly to hers, the fear was clear in them, writing a novel across her face. This expansive dose of words was a double edged sword and Angela saw it coming. What would hurt her, would end up hurting Jane. "Ma, I'm not dating Casey." Jane said slowly.

"You're not? How come? You two were perfect! Remember when you were fifteen..." Angela trailed off, smiling fondly at old memories.

"Because I don't love him in that way anymore. Casey will always have a special place in my heart but we've both changed so much. I've lived through so much, and despite Casey's injury in Afghanistan, there's just too much we can't get passed."

Angela's face was deep in thought, Jane could tell exactly where her mother's thoughts were going. Because isn't that what was going to make them stronger? Jane's shooting, near misses with Hoyt, the bombings? Weren't her experiences similar to his in Afghanistan? Didn't they both have some form of PTSD to suffer through together? Were they not the two best people for each other simply because they could understand the combined tragedies?

"Jane- can't you just talk to him about it? I'm sure you have much more in common than you know." She was quiet, being sweet even. Her daughter's happiness depended on it.

"I've already found someone else…" The words were barely a whisper but loud enough for Angela to rethink everything she had been planning to say. She was replaying every encounter in her head, thinking of when Jane would have time for this mysterious new man. Between her casework and spending time with Maura there was no time for anyone else, this was the first time she'd even had an evening alone with Jane in months.

"Who?" She asked. They were going to figure it all out, settle the score and be honest with each other, Angela was determined in this fact. But as Jane clamped her eyes tight and looked away as the single tear streamed down her cheek she knew this was different. Jane's body was rigid, she was gripping the counter behind her with such force, and she looked like she vibrated with nerves.

"Ma, you have to understand that things are very confusing right now. Neither of us are sure, when or even how it happened. But we're happy and we love each other and we just want your support." Slowly Jane started to look at her mother. The way her eyes burned holes into hers and the way her lips were slightly parted, waiting for the bad news to reach her ears. Her arms were crossed on the counter in front of her, playing with the coffee cup as a defense mechanism but she was just as stiff as Jane felt.

"Janie, just tell me his name." Jane's phone chirped on the counter, they could both read the screen, it was a text from Maura. Angela ignored it and looked patiently at Jane as she walked forward to the island. Stopping, she placed her hands flat upon the counter and looked at the scars there before whispering what her mother dreaded and never even saw coming.

"Maura."

"Yes, she just sent you one of those text things." Angela said, trying to get Jane back on track.

"No, Ma. I'm seeing Maura. I'm in love with Maura." Jane saw Angela's face go blank and stare at her daughter as if she were speaking a foreign language. Angela tried to speak a few times but ended up staring at Jane for thirty minutes before simply standing up, grabbing the bottle of wine, box of tissues, and headed toward the guest house. "Ma? Are you okay? Say something, anything! Please? You're never speechless, you always have something to say."

Angela turned, prepared completely to tell her daughter the thoughts running through her head but how could she hurt Jane that way? No. When Maura got home, the three of them would sit down and discuss this ridiculous behavior and sort it all out. But for now, Angela just needed to leave, to go to her home, graciously provided by Maura, drink wine and cry. She shook her head and walked out the door, leaving Jane standing alone in the living room.

Jane stopped, staring out the window at her mother's guest house, vividly remembering that night. The way Angela had looked like all the fight had just been drained from her body and the three hour phone call with Maura. She could never break down like that again, never let her mother make her feel so wrong and miserable and worthless again.

But there was always the voice in the back of her head wondering if maybe her mother was right. Maybe it was just something that Jane felt she needed to do next. The way they had become such close friends had always stirred a few heads, the innocent touches and public gestures. The hugs that seemed to last a second too long for mere friendship, the way they could only console each other, how Jane could always be vulnerable in front of Maura but no one else. How they would sit watching TV, always touching, or the sleepovers that always seemed completely innocent but Jane had to really wonder which one of them kept rolling over to the other.

The night she woke up with Maura securely next to her, Jane's arms around her, the big spoon to Maura's little. Maura played the incident off as something reflexive to both of them, perhaps they hadn't realized who exactly they were sleeping with. She blamed all the beers Jane had the night before, but it was never her fault. It was never anybody's fault, they just seemed to be attracted to each other.

It was almost ironic the way Jane had gone weeks after that incident thinking of all the things she did absentmindedly with Maura that she had never done with anyone, not even Casey. And she realized that she really did have feelings for Maura, the ones that made her heart rate faster and cause sweaty palms and all. Everything Maura had taught her about physical markers of attraction came back and she had to try and hide them every day she saw Maura.

But Maura was too smart for that, she knew Jane was starting to see them in more than just a friendship type way. She'd been counting the sleepovers and touches and when Maura fell asleep on her shoulder while watching TV. Maybe Jane was onto something, Maura didn't see anything wrong in these notions. Boarding school had been all female for her, and she didn't know any other way of behaving with a best friend. It was all innocent, wasn't it?

Yet something nagged at her in the way Jane started reacting to them, as if something more could be happening. The gears were turning inside Jane Rizzoli's head and Maura wasn't sure which direction they were leading, so started counting herself. She started seeing the way Jane was beautiful even in her pantsuits, and how every time she came down to the morgue Jane was always checking her pulse and trying to control her sweaty palms. Maura was realizing maybe Jane had feelings for her, and maybe Maura had feelings for Jane too.

It seemed like fate, the way they did it. They were sitting in their booth at the Dirty Robber after a particularly gruesome murder. A husband who's cheating wife was leaving him for her pilates instructor. The husband had killed them both and then tried to blame it on other lovers. But the crime solving duo had not been deterred from the truth.

Maura sat at the table, playing with her sweet potato fries and mint leaves, trying to form coherent sentences that would explain how she felt. Jane nibbled at her cheeseburger, wishing she had paid more attention in English class. Maura was so sophisticated, maybe if she had prepared some Shakespeare or a poem it would make her be okay with this bombshell but Jane had no patience. And yet Jane was so simplistic, maybe just coming out and saying it plainly would be best.

"Jane." "Maura." They said each other's names at the same time. They smiled sheepishly at one another before motioning for other to go first. And yet, together they tumbled over the edge. "I'm in love with you." The echo left them both speechless. Had they really said it? Had they really said it at the same time? Had they really just told each other it was okay?

Jane was now locking all the doors again, making sure Maura would be safe but the feeling was still there. Reliving all these memories every night was taking its toll on her. Everyone could see it happening plainly, she figured most of them thought her late nights were due to the "honeymoon phase" Maura and she were going through.

But Jane and Maura both knew there was something else here. Jane was having such huge identity crises that she was so unsure of who she was with Maura. And Maura seemed completely unperturbed, as if she had always expected Jane to fit into this niche in her life that seemed to only fit her. They had already moved into Maura's home together but the way Jane hadn't gotten rid of her apartment worried her. Jane tried to reason with her that it was something to do with the lease and the large amounts of money that would have to be paid to get out of it and Maura offered to pay them expectantly but Jane refused. It all seemed so alarming now.

Yet the couple had always expected the first weeks would take some definite adjustment period, but they were both becoming frustrated. Jane with the fact that her entire life seemed upside down, she was having trouble closing cases and tackling perps, she seemed to have lost her fire and tenacity. Frost and Korsak refused to say anything about it though they had both noticed it. Cavanaugh always seemed to be down her throat about this or that mistake and how it was completely uncharacteristic of "his detective Rizzoli". Frankie was outshining her in the drug unit with Martinez, and while completely proud of him, she felt defeated by how easily he had surpassed her.

Maura was frustrated that she wasn't blending well with Jane. They still argued and Jane often ended up sleeping on the couch. They would make up but it seemed like they had more problems now than ever before. Maura did the best she could to make Jane feel at home, she arranged an entire side of her closet just for Jane's clothes, let her add her own personal touches to their bedroom. They had blended so effortlessly in the beginning and now the strain came.

And they were sitting there blaming each other for it. Jane for Maura making her lose her control and overall badass skills. Maura for Jane not putting enough energy and effort into making their relationship work. Yet neither of them said anything. They kept on as if the problems would sort themselves out, as if Frankie and Tommy would convince Angela that nothing had changed.

Jane rounded the corner of the hallway and headed up the stairs into Maura's bedroom. She saw the sliver of light from under the door and knew Maura was awake. She had been gone maybe fifteen minutes but Maura always knew when Jane disappeared from their bed and constantly worried about her. Jane pushed the door open gently and saw Maura's form, stopping cold.

Her girlfriend was sitting up in bed, only her night table light on, cast a soft yellow glow on the room. Maura was hastily wiping away the tears that been spilling over. There were so many emotions in this room at any given time, they never knew what to expect.

"Maur?" Jane asked quietly, softly.

Maura didn't look up, she waved Jane away and continued using her tissues. But Jane just closed the door and padded over to her, pushing her over in the bed and collecting Maura up in her arms. Jane rocked Maura softly, trying to get her to calm down but as soon as their skin touched, Maura began to sob and it broke Jane's heart to pieces. She wanted to know what it was about seeing someone you loved cry that just broke your heart, at which frequency was it set to shatter her soul?

When Maura had quieted down what felt like an hour later, Jane still continued to hug her close to her body and her heart. The soft light of dawn was starting to pour into their windows, leaving streaks on the soft carpet. Finally Maura broke free from Jane's embrace and sat Indian style on the bed just like Jane, their kneecaps touching. She reached over and took Jane's hands in hers, turning them over and over, feeling her scars.

They finally made eye contact and Jane shot her a sly smile. Maura did not return the gesture, instead she looked somberly into Jane's eyes and asked the heart-wrenching question they had been dancing around for weeks now:

"Jane? Did we rush into this too fast? Are we really meant to be together?"

It was Jane's silence that gave Maura her answers. She tried to stand up and pull away but Jane clasped her hands tightly. The signal was clear enough, Jane might not have the answers, she doesn't know if they're truly in love, she doesn't know if they should really be trying to make a relationship work, but she was there and together, they'd come out strong.

In one way or another.

Thank you for reading! I hope to hear your feedback!