AN: Honestly, I wouldn't doubt my insanity after this oneD: Sorry if you get weirded out or confused; I tried to make it somewhat understandable.
Disclaimer: No owns the Vampire Knight (sadly). Three cheers for Matsuri Hino!
The World on Fire
He absolutely hated days like this. When the world was drenched in fresh sheets of white and bathed in a sort of sparkle. Everything seemed to shimmer, from the road beneath him to the trees far above him; everything was white and glittery. Everything was pure.
He almost envied the world around him on days like this.
It wasn't that he favored innocence or purity; those things had long since been stripped from him. He could only long for the days long before this one – for the days before a mess was left after his sloppy footing. Why was it that, no matter how many precautions he took, he could never protect what he loved the most? Why were his foot and fingerprints always left behind? Could he never leave something untainted?
For some reason, this last question made him smile.
He cocked his head upwards and stuck his tongue out to catch a few of the falling flakes. It was something he never did when others were watching, for it was rather immature, but it gave him a sense of comfort to know that not everything was stiff and adult.
Why couldn't he be like the snow? Why couldn't he throw a blanket over his past and call it quits until spring time, when he'd simply cover it up with flowers and the smell of rain?
He had lost his parents long ago to the cruel hand of a high-status vampire – had watched them die as their blood pooled around his feet and ran to every possible corner of the room around them. For hours, he simply stood there and cried.
A few years later, that very same vampire came back, a twisted smile curling her delicate lips as she stood in the very same house that he had called a home long ago. He had only come to pick up a few things, to pay his respects for the last time so that he could move on for good. He was only fourteen, too young and too stunned to do much about it.
Before he knew it, her slender fangs were poking holes through his neck, tearing screams of pain from his blood-stained lips as the pretty crimson stained every part of his own features. She was so careless with him, so sloppy…She was laughing the whole time.
He can vaguely remember the way she held him, stroking his hair and whispering words with no meaning into his ear. "You are a no-good, dirty, little boy. How dare you consume the life of your brother so peacefully, with no regret? You must hate yourself." She giggled menacingly. "That's right, little Zero, you killed your own brother!"
That's when he realized that he'd lost something even greater than his parents.
Today, though, his thoughts were far from what he'd become since then. They were centered on something a bit more recent, a bit more stunning.
They were focused on her.
Soft, brown eyes and even softer hair. A delicate frame that took a punch harder than any man and a smile that sent bullets straight through his chest. Optimism that took to great heights and that never faltered, even in times of great sorrow and distress.
A girl that was too precious to lose, but that had already been lost.
Two years ago today, he had let her slip straight through his fingers.
He could still remember the mechanical beep of machines as doctors fought to keep her fighting. Her hands were curled into tiny fists at her sides as she closed her lips to fight back the screams. Blood was staining the white of her bandages as she struggled to keep from clawing at her own neck.
He remembers most her cries for blood. Her pleas were desperate, but, no, he would not give it to her. He would rather see her dead than left to become the one thing he would never let her. No, she would not become the monster he had no choice but to be.
That's why, when the beeping died down and the doctors wiped the sweat from their brows, he shot the bullet straight through her forehead. In her final moment, she begged him to take her blood, to suck her life dry, and he did so. He held her in every single part of his body, but it was a heavy weight to lug around.
Yuuki…You always loved days like today…
He can see her now, dancing beneath the clouds and giggling as she made her own music. She was a rather pretty sight, one that stole his breath even now, two years later. So different from her brother, and yet so alike.
Both so perfect, so flawless.
Now, rather than the sweet face of a smiling girl, what he saw before him was far from sweet – at least on the outside. The features are cold, almost enough to be cruel. He's made up of a harsh sort of beauty, but Zero can only call him delicate, a china doll with broken parts. That was never how he wanted himself to be seen, but that's how the silver-haired boy always seemed to see him.
His eyes were warm when they were supposed to be ice-cold, his smiles were soft when they were supposed to be stiff, and his heart was open when it was supposed to be closed. Zero loved that about him; he tried to be strong for the sake of himself, but he was only fracturing his own delicate self-image. Zero was one to look beyond image, anyways. There was no way in hell that vampire would have ever been able to hide his true self.
Suddenly, the boy is no longer moving. His feet are planted solidly on the ground as tears slip from his eyes, staining his cheeks.
The only thing I have left to hold on to, and he's convinced that I hate him…
Kaname, I…
Knees shaking and strength failing, Zero lets his body fall to the ground. His body barely manages to register the pain striking his knees as the cool pavement scrapes at his jeans and tears the fragile skin beneath. He can only feel numb.
How long ago was it now? Two years? Three?
He could barely remember now. No longer could he recall the way he held Kaname, the way he bit down into the vampire's oh-so-tempting flesh. No matter how hard he tried, he could no longer pull from the depths of his memory that delicious and intoxicating taste. It was something he had once tried to block out, but, now that he wanted it…
"Damnit, Kiryuu! Look at yourself!"
The voice was that of his own, but he imagined it to be that of someone else. "How pathetic of you, to long for something so impossible to touch. You know it's wrong, so why can't you just stop? You're disgusting."
And then he's not alone. The voice isn't his, and he's not alone on the path anymore. There's someone standing before him now, nearly a ghost beneath the blizzard. He's dressed all in white, his mouth meant to make him look serious as his eyes give him away. He's always been soft, that one…
"I wouldn't go as far as to call you disgusting, Kiryuu. You're just lost, that's all. You've lost a lot; it's to be expected."
Zero reaches up to wipe the tears from his eyes, smiling wickedly all the while. "Do you even know? You don't, do you?" He scoffs when the figure gives a mere shake of the head, seeming to smile beneath the flakes of white.
"Why don't you tell me?"
Thinking it to be nothing more than a dream or a silly hallucination, the boy doesn't hesitate. He lifts his head a bit higher and stares the vampire straight in the eye. "You're not as smart as they all say, I guess."
He gets a shrug in return.
"Well, I love you." The words feel so good falling from his lips, and he doesn't want to stop. He wants to say them over and over again, or at least until the words reach the vampire standing only a few feet away from him. All he wants is for Kaname to listen, damnit! Just listen! "It may not seem obvious, but I love you, Kuran. God, I love you."
His lips are on fire and his hands are shaking, and it's a very real dream, but he pushes everything aside just to look at Kaname, just to absorb him. A dream it may be, but he never wants to forget it.
"And I-I guess I always have," he continues. Now he's admitting what he didn't even know he had to, but his heart is his mouth now. "I have always loved you, from the day I met you all those years ago to this moment right here, dream or otherwise."
Suddenly, he's standing up, and he doesn't even know how. He's moving towards the figure before him with his hands outstretched to capture just a feel of that perfectly porcelain skin. "I want to fix you, Kaname – to make you better. You're not perfect like they make you out to be. You're lonely; I can see it."
"And here I thought you were blind."
Zero smiles as he closes his hand around what he thinks is a lock of hair, but, when he opens his hand, the figure is gone and he is left with nothing but a few flakes of snow as they melt in his hand. Everything around him is warm, so fucking warm.
He can't tell what's sweat and what's tears, but they're both there. Kaname was never there; it was always just a dream. How stupid of him to hope for anything else…
He's back on the ground, holding his knees to his chest in an attempt to keep himself from falling to pieces. He doesn't know where the pain comes from, but it's very real. It's a hole in his chest, and it's tearing him apart.
And it's hot. God, it's so hot!
Still, the snow is falling, even as the ground steams, even as the world grows orange with heat. He's confused. He doesn't know why this is happening.
There are voices all over the place, their calls screaming at him in a jumble of words that don't make sense, that probably never did. The warmth is all around him now, and the voices are screaming so loud that he has to cover his ears just to make them go away.
One, though, is persistent. One refuses to let up.
And it actually makes sense.
This voice is different. It's calming, soothing, almost. It isn't a mess of panicked shrieks and screams, just a voice.
Zero, don't do this. Come on, wake up. You don't know what you're doing. It's just a dream, just a silly little dream. There's nothing to fear if you wake up; I won't hurt you. Zero, please…Talk to me again! Tell me…tell me, Zero! Tell me how you feel!
His lips and tongue start moving of their own accord. He can't help it; his body isn't his anymore. "I love you; I love you; I have always loved you…"
Oh, God, Zero! No! Please…Please don't go…I-I love you, damnit! I love you! Is that not enough? Zero, I have always loved you! Always! Don't do this! Not now! Not when I just told you…
But he doesn't hear anything. He cries out for the voice, but it's gone. It's almost like…like it was never there.
His cries die down a few moments later, when the snow is gone and the warmth is all that he can feel. It's setting him on fire, burning him down. Soon enough, he'll be nothing.
The world is bright flames now.
And there is nothing.
There has always been nothing.
Always…
Until something even hotter than the fire is splitting his veins, pushing him to scream. His throat is pulsing as he claws at it, drawing blood and wishing he wasn't.
He doesn't know why…
Until he opens his eyes to find his mouth wrapped around skin and his fangs deep in blood. The body he leans against is stiff, clearly uncomfortable as hands tighten in his hair, pulling him away. He's left to stare helplessly into carefully guarded, wine-red eyes.
Just a dream.
Just a silly, silly dream.
AN: Weird, right? Oh, well, maybe my crazy brain is enough to get you to review?;D
By the way, please excuse any typos. My head is overloaded with stress, and I tend to make really simple-but-annoying mistakes when that happens. -sigh-