It was a well-known fact that Russia was scary. Even I was afraid of him- I still am to this day. He had no weakness, no soft spot. He was hard all around, inside and out. Nothing could ever knock him down; he just paraded around proudly with that empty smile on his face day in and day out. But behind that smile was something sinister- I could see it beyond that false innocence of his, past those bitterly shining amethyst eyes. He acts like a twisted, cruel child, and people said that he thought like one, too, especially his sister Ukraine. She said that he never had a chance to be a child, so he never grew up. Personally, I know that's complete bullshit. Russia thinks like an adult and I know it. He puts up a decent act, pretending to be childish, but that ever present evil aura of his tells me and everyone else otherwise. (Except for Ukraine, of course.) Yes, Russia was cruel, and heartless, and frightening.
Which is why I was shocked to see him on my doorstep this morning with a quivering lip.
His eyes, I could see, were fighting back long overdue tears, and it almost made me feel sorry for him. Almost.
"What do you want, commie?" I asked snidely.
Russia trembled before me, like that poor Latvian underling of his. Shaking racked his body and he choked back a sob as he said to me, "Amerika- I…I-I…"
"Fucking commie. Why don't you go cry to someone else?"
That time it seemed I had struck a nerve because he could no longer keep the tears from spilling over his eyes that were now sliding down his face, leaving wet tracks behind them as they dripped from his chin onto that stupid pink scarf he was so attached to.
"Be-Because I've tried everywhere else, Amerika!" Russia hiccupped. "It started out as just looking someone to talk to but I was rejected by everyone! I got more and more discouraged and-and," at this point the older country began to weep, "And I just can't take it anymore! Because no one cares, and no one ever asks if I'm okay when I'm feeling stressed! No one even bothers to approach me when I'm nervous they do for everyone else! It hurts, Amerika, it hurts!"
I should have felt incredible for finally being able to see my worst enemy break down in front of me, but for some reason… I didn't. Instead, I felt my heart shatter inside my chest as the taller nation wailed in front of me. That shouldn't be my reaction! I thought. I should be kicking him down and laughing at his misery! But no. Instead I invited him into my house, not even bothering to make him take off his boots.
I sat down with Russia on the couch and wrapped my arm around his shoulders in an awkward attempt to comfort him. I thought back desperately to the days when England would console me on a stormy night or after a stressful day. I put one hand on his shoulder and pulled him into a small embrace. I tried everything from petting his silvery blonde hair to rubbing his back in slow, soothing circles. He bawled into my shoulder for what felt like hours until his breathing slowed and his tears were scaled down to sniffles and whimpers. He was acting like a little kid who had gotten lost at the-
Wait a minute.
"Russ- Ivan, what happened?" I asked calmly.
He sniffled and wiped his eyes with his sleeve before explaining. "I-I've been really stressed lately, and I've been feeling so alone… I've knocked on the doors of everyone I know, and every single one of them either slammed the door in my face or just didn't a-answer… It was then that I realized that no one really ca-ares about me, and it's-it's not fair! Why can't I be loved like everyone else?"
I just stared at the dejected man in front of me as his eyes welled again and I pulled him close. That just proved it. It proved that Ivan was never pretending, it was just my ignorance all along. He actually did think as a child would, and as hard as it was to believe, he had emotions. His childhood had been ripped away from him, so his fears and needs and desires were as basic as they would be if he was a toddler!
All of this exploded into my head at once, and it was so sudden that it made me feel like crying myself. The sudden realization that I was the one who had been wrong this whole time, and that I must have seemed like such an ASSHOLE! All of those years of bullying, and oh god what had I done?
I yanked the Russian man towards me even closer so our torsos were making contact. I threw my arms around his back and stroked his hair gently- my fingers looping through the small imperfect curls that made his hair look wavier than it really was. He accepted the comfort with open arms and the way he buried his head in the crook of my neck made it obvious that this hadn't been available to him in a long, long time. It made me think of just how much he needed this.
My shoulder was soggy, but I didn't care. Eventually Russia- no, Ivan, wore himself out. What I thought was an attempt to calm down after ten minutes of sobbing was actually a peaceful slumber. He had fallen asleep in my arms. I looked at his face and for once, he looked genuinely sweet. His face was that of an angel's.
I lifted him with ease and carried him to the guest bedroom. I tucked him carefully into bed, and brushed my lips on his forehead. I hadn't a clue why I did that, but the way my heart leapt when it happened made me believe that maybe- just maybe- I was… falling for him? I shook my head and went back downstairs. He woke up about an hour later, and when he trudged groggily downstairs, he thanked me for everything. He smiled like I had never seen before- a real smile; a small upturning of the lips with happiness that shone brightly in his deep, violet eyes. He turned to depart and as he walked out the door, I felt a warmth in my heart that I hadn't felt in a long time. I laid my hands on my chest and smiled. He would never feel lonely again.