Title: As Told by a Minion
Written by: leo hime san
Started: June 6, 2003
Chapter one finished: June 16, 2003
Rating: PG
Notes: Hello! This is my first real attempt at writing fan fiction, so I hope you'll enjoy it. Just for the record, I do not own Sailor Moon nor did I create it. I wish I did, because I wouldn't have to be taking commissions in order to stay alive. On that note, I do not own the Matrix movies either. Stop asking me that. Also, this fanfic was written in British English rather than the American spellings. I set my spellchecker to British and I have my Oxford dictionary, so the words are spelt as they're used in Jamaica (my home!) and in England. That's all for now! Happy reading!
Oh yea. Thank you, Shard, for helping me to name this chapter! Also, I am looking for an excellent editor/beta reader to aid me with my stories. If you feel that you are up to the job or if there is someone that you'd like to recommend, please e-mail me at leo_hime_san@hotmail.com. Thank you!
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Chapter One: Prelude to Stupidity
Things were getting pretty quiet in the Negaverse. When I say 'quiet', I actually mean that Beryl-sama was no longer ranting and raving about some Queen that had made her life miserable some untold amount of years ago. Not that I'm saying that I missed the old hag's whining, but her silence sometimes had a way of being worse than her complaining. Anyway, I think I may have lost some of you so I'll back up a bit and explain the situation. My name is Aoi. I'm a youma in Beryl-sama's Negaverse army, newly trained, female, and leonine in appearance and very much a rookie in the eyes of the other youma. If my greenness wasn't already bad enough, the fact that my trainer had been Zoicite made me an even greater laughingstock. After all, the man had the unnerving tendency to behave like a giggly, giddy woman rather than one of Beryl's finest soldiers! What, you think his hair twirling and that sakura petal show of his is manly? Please.
So there I was, fresh out of training and without a single task for me to do. Apart from sneaking off to explore earth (whatever humans may lack in attentiveness, they more than made up for it with their 'movies') and speaking with my fellow Negaverse minions...er…warriors, my days were practically spent being bored silly. From what I had learnt from the other youma and General Zoicite (when he wasn't busy throwing himself at General Malachite, that is), our dearly beloved Queen had been trying to lay siege to the planet Earth and its oblivious human inhabitants for quite a while. What should have been an idiotically easy task had been made difficult with the sudden appearance of a group of female senshi. They were thought to be remnants of the army of the ancient Queen that Beryl-sama had fought. These senshi were formidable, the other youma told me with a shudder. They were an annoyance, Beryl often hissed at all hours of the day. They had great hair and makeup, General Zoicite had often murmured enviously, and 'the cutest little pleated skirts'. I told you the man was a chich.
With this in mind, I had studied all that I could have about these senshi. From reports sent in by various scouts and warrior youma, all now deceased, I learnt that they were based in Tokyo, Japan and, with the exception of the apparently slow-witted and immature leader, possessed nature-based powers. The more I learnt, the more I realized how defenceless the Earth really was and that Beryl-sama (with all due respect) was an idiot.
I was in my quarters (if you can call the dank, moss ridden hole I was given'quarters') when a messenger youma made his way to my door. It seems that it (for want of a better word) had been in quite a hurry, as it took it a while to say what it had to say. In between it's panting, I learnt that Beryl-sama had called a meeting of her highest-ranking youma and generals. I tried to tell it that I was far from high-ranking, but the thing had already shuffled off at top speed to the next festering muck-hole on the corridor. I shrugged, deciding not to bother it. Given the haemorrhoid wipes Beryl had placed in such an honoured position, I figured that summoning a rookie was a step up on her part. As I walked towards Beryl's throne room, I realized that this might be the perfect chance to reveal my findings and suggestions for future attacks. After all, since Earth was of such a great importance to the Negaverse and the previous methods had failed miserably, what did I have to lose?
As it turned out, the price was a lifetime's worth of patience.
The meeting began as it usually did, with Beryl-sama ranting about 'those wretched senshi' and whatnot. Remember when I told you earlier how belligerent she could be? I believe that that was a major understatement on my part. Whine, whine, whine! The senshi took the last crystal, boo hoo! Waaah, we need more energy! Those confounded senshi (confounded is my word. No force in the Negaverse will get me to repeat what she actually said) would pay and on and on she went. If Metallia was more of a maternal figure, I'm dead sure that Beryl would have run to her all rivers of tears and sucking both thumbs. To tell you the truth, I failed to see much of a difference between Beryl-sama and Sailor Moon (who was an expert cry-baby according to the reports) whenever she got into those moods of hers. Don't tell her I said that. She'd kill me.
However, after five minutes of her whining, I figured that the possibility of a lethal energy blast with my name on it wasn't such a bad way to die. My mind was made up. What I was about to do would certainly rank as high treason in Beryl-sama's eyes.
I cleared my throat.
She stopped in the midst of her tirade and fixed me with a glare.
"What is it?" She snapped acridly, narrowing her yellow eyes in an attempt to subdue me. Beryl-sama may be the headcheese in this dimension, but she's going to have to get up pretty early in the morning if she thought that a mere glare was going to do the trick.
Instead, I merely straightened a bow on my uniform and flicked off a speck of dust before meeting her gaze once more.
"I believe you called this meeting in order to discuss something important, honoured Queen." I said quietly and gracefully, giving my best impersonation of the dependent lackey. I may not have warm feelings towards the woman, but I can sling it with the best of them. The bit of brown nosing seemed to have done the trick, as I was still standing at the end of my sentence. Go me.
"Ah yes, that's right! Once again, those wretched Senshi have disrupted yet another of our plans to steal energy and build our forces! They must be stopped! They must be.."
"Excuse me, oh honoured Queen of the Negaverse." I interrupted again, not even bothering to clear my throat or monitor my patience. Later checks would reveal that I had long past the point of no return and had been running on empty.
"No offence to you, our most gracious Queen, but does this meeting happen to have a point?"
There was the sudden sound of shuffling feet as the youma to the left and right of me swiftly scuttled away, leaving me an easy target for and themselves relatively safe from any possible if not impending attack of wrath. I can't blame them, for at that very moment Beryl was looking at me with a homicidal gleam in her freakish eyes. I'll retract my last comment about her having to wake up early. The gleam was winning and winning rather well. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I detected a sharp rise in her aura. Oh fudge. If I were to have an icicle's chance in hell of surviving, it was time for a little acting, some more bull and a lot of nerve.
"Forgive my forwardness, Beryl-sama. What I meant to say was," I began, slinging the good ole bull excrement as thickly as possible. "We already know how great a threat the Sailor Senshi pose to our operations on Earth. It is but this humble minion's request to learn if you have formulated a new plan to thwart them."
Hmm, maybe I overdid the slinging or maybe my vocabulary hadn't caught up with Beryl's brain cells as yet. Either way, she sat there looking just about as dumbfounded as I had been while listening to that Colonel Sanders looking guy in Matrix Reloaded. Forget dumbfounded; our Fearless Leader was in the Land of the Lost. A quick look around the room proved that the other youma (and a few Generals) weren't too far behind her.
"How are we going to kick their asses?" I asked in layman's terms, mentally rubbing my temples as I did so. The stupidly lost look vanished from Beryl's eyes and she regained her usual arrogance. An extra life point for me, you go girl! Now that I was in the clear, all I had to do was listen to Beryl's newest brainstorm, add my findings and the Negaverse would be assured victory.
"We will attack the Juuban district of Tokyo!" Beryl announced proudly, and all my hopes went out the window. Well, not all my hopes. Juuban was a pretty large place, with lots of sites that were frequented by humans. Now all she had to do was pick anywhere but…
"The park will be an easy source of human energy! There we will launch our attack!"
Oh sweet Jesus. The woman had me at the point where I was begging a human holy man for help! Frig staying alive, this madness had to end this instant!
"Excuse me, Beryl-sama!"
Once again, there was a shuffling of feet as youma scurried from close proximity to the impudent little minion. Kami, what a bunch of pussies.
"We've launched numerous attacks on Juuban Park. In fact, we've launched most of our attacks on Juuban Park and all of those attacks have failed, Beryl-sama!" I informed her bluntly, deliberately ignoring the resumption of scurrying on either side of the room.
"May I suggest another site to attack, your highness?"
Beryl sat back on her throne, regarding me with a wary eye.
"Why?"
My jaw dropped. At least it did in my mind. I found it downright difficult to believe that she didn't see the reason. Just how many brain cells were sacrificed when she sold her soul to Metallia?
"With all due respect, my Queen, Tokyo is the base of the Sailor Senshi. In the past, concentrating our attacks in that city and only in that city has cost us a great deal. If we were to focus our attacks on other cities simultaneously, the senshi wouldn't be able to defeat us quite so easily. In fact, they would probably be forced to separate and tackle each of those sites individually. Past encounters have proven that they fight best as a group, so separating them would render each senshi relatively defenceless. Thus, not only would we be able to gather the human energy we'd need, we'd also have a boost of senshi energy as well." I explained, finishing off my speech with a smile. There, I've said it. Not even Beryl would be able to miss the logic in that.
The dumb look had returned to her face. Hmm, apparently she did.
"Also, Beryl-sama," I continued, hoping that my next bit of news would clear the fog in her brain. "My data indicates that no other country on the planet is protected by senshi of any form. Therefore, if we decided to forgo Japan altogether, we could make a killing with the human energy we'd be able to steal! Think about it, my Queen. Millions of unsuspecting humans and no senshi around for miles! We could gather all that energy, strengthen our forces, then attack Japan full force, retrieve the *Silver Crystal and leave the senshi lying in the dust!" I finished off with an even tighter, wider grin than before. I hope my second speech did the trick; I don't know how much more of this I'd be able to take.
In all honesty, Beryl-sama did take some time to mull it over. Apparently took some time to mull it over, I should say, for the next thing out of her mouth was:
"We'll attack Juuban Park tonight!"
Sweet Jesus.
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Author's notes:
There it is; the first chapter! I put that asterisk in front of 'Silver Crystal' because I forgot how to spell the Japanese name for it. If anyone would be kind enough to tell me, I'd be very happy indeed. Now that that's done, please read and review! I'd love to get feedback on my first solo fanfic ever!