Title: Faded
Author: DancingStar
Pairing: Janeway/ Chakotay
Rating: 16
Category: AU, Romance
What happens: A crash on a strange planet wipes out Kathryn´s memories...
Notes: Take one of the best series in the world, a pinch of Star Wars, mix both and cook them for several weeks. Finally, refine the story and present it to other fans. Reviews wanted. (But please don´t kill me!)
Faded
A cloud of fine steam blew in the face of Kathryn Janeway who awoke with terrible headaches. Blood dripped from her forehead and for a second she was fascinated by the colored lights that were on the console in front of her. Slowly she straightened up. Her head hurt even more.
A sound caught her attention. The next moment, a man grabbed her gently by the shoulders and helped her to sit up in the chair. "Captain, are you alright?", the voice belonged to a man with tanned skin and black hair. He wore a uniform. Kathryn realized she just wore the same uniform and her was torn on the left arm. Her red hair had come loose from her hairdo.
"What happened?", she asked.
"We ran into a plasma storm and crashed on this planet. I was able to contact Voyager, but I suppose it will take a few days until the crew is here."
Kathryn leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes. "Who…?"
"We have to get out of here, Captain," the man said, "The warp core of the shuttles is defective. It could explode at any moment. "He grabbed some items in a bag and helped her to get up from the chair. They left the shuttle and headed toward a sand hill, which was sporadically covered in grass. The sun beat down from the sky.
Kathryn was no longer so dizzy, so she stood on the top of the hill. "Where are we?"
Her companion scanned the area with a small, box-shaped device. "Southeast from here there is a city," he said, "Maybe the city is inhabited." He glanced at the wound on her head. "Maybe we will also find a doctor..."
"What's that?", Kathryn asked and peered at the device.
"Let´s go. I suggest we shouldn´t be out here in the dark." He went ahead and Kathryn assumed it was better to follow him. Her head still ached and she had terrible thirst.
"Shall I help you, Captain?", Chakotay asked suddenly.
"I'm fine, thank you." She felt how wobbly her legs were. "I need to ask you a question," she said, when they were almost half an hour on the road and the city wasn´t in sight.
"Go ahead..."
"Why do you call me Captain?", she asked.
"What?", Chakotay was confused. They stood between two hills.
"Why do you call me Captain?... I am the Queen of Carea."
"What?", now Chakotay understood even less, if that was possible at all.
"I said I am the Queen. Please tell me what we're doing out here...", she looked around helplessly, "Take me back to the capital immediately."
"The capital? I ...", now he realized what must have happened, "Captain, what's the last thing you can remember?"
"I was on a trade mission to Algara III."
Chakotay had never heard of a planet called Algara III. He believed the wound at Kathryn's head was to blame for her hallucinations. "Listen, Captain..."
"I said I'm not...", she interrupted him and Chakotay raised his hands.
"Excuse me, your Highness." When he had said this in sarcasm, her eyes widened in horror.
"How can you...!"
"I already said our shuttle crashed. But if it is your wish then I take you to the capital." He had no idea where this should be.
"Very good. What's your name?"
"What?"
"I need to know how I should call you. My name is Kathryn."
"I am Chakotay."
"Excellent. Let's go to the city of which you have spoken...", she had hardly said this when a missile detonated in a hill beside them. Kathryn and Chakotay fell to the ground. The next moment they were overrun by an army of armed men.
"What's that?", Kathryn asked, but she didn´t receive an answer. Chakotay was hit by a shot and collapsed on the floor. A sharp pain shot through his body and his hand automatically touched his right side. Chakotay began to tremble. He registered as Kathryn knelt beside him and called his name. "I... I...", he stuttered. Blood flowed from his wound and almost flooded the fabric of his uniform.
"You are seriously injured," he heard her say.
"I die," Chakotay muttered and grasped for her with his left hand. She leaned over him.
"No," Kathryn shook her head frantically, "No." Her voice was almost panic. "Stay here, I'll call a doctor!"
"I love you," he suddenly said, and Kathryn wasn´t sure if he had actually said that. "I love you", Chakotay repeated. His hand began to tremble.
Kathryn gasped. She came closer and she closed her eyes before she kissed him. Kathryn realised that Chakotay kissed her, too. He stopped to shake, but then a new wave of pain hit his body and led him into the dark unconsciousness.
Kathryn made an attempt to wake him, but it didn´t work. "No!", she cried and in this moment, a female figure knelt beside her. "We have to get out of here!", the woman cried.
"I can´t ...", Kathryn shook her head.
The woman seemed to recognize her, because suddenly there was a questioning look on her face. "Your Majesty?... Your Majesty, what are you doing out here?!"
The woman recognized the problem immediately. She grabbed the left arm of the unconscious man and began to drag him out of danger. "Your Majesty, if you please give help me...!"
Before Chakotay awoke, he saw Kathryn, who sat at his bedside and was surrounded by a bright light. She smiled at him when she noticed he had woken up. Too late he realized his dream wasn´t an illusion of her and he was wake again.
"Finally you're awake," Kathryn's voice sounded relieved.
Chakokaty raised his head. Where was he? How had he come here? "Where... where am I?"
"At the hospital. Janey has found us", she looked around searchingly.
"Janey? Who is this?"
"My maid."
Chakotay noticed that Kathryn was no longer wearing her torn uniform but a long brown dress, which was sewn from a thick fabric. Her red hair fell down her back like a waterfall. Chakotay remembered something else he needed to discuss with her urgently: "Captain, I...", Chakotay wanted to like to know if she resented him because he had confessed he loved her when he was dying. "Captain, what I said to you when I was shot..."
"It was very touching..."
"This ...", he stopped, "Excuse me... What?"
"I said it was very touching. But I have to disappoint you: Although you seem to know me, I don´t have got a clue who you are. You know, it´s not every day that I can get away from the Royal Palace. Janey says she hardly recognized me in this strange clothes and I should be grateful, because it seems you have saved my life. The shot could have hit me…"
Chakotay sat up in his bed and his forehead wrinkles. "The shot…."
"Yes, we are in a conflict with the Preem. They claim this planet and have tried to bring me down several times... I wonder why you call me Captain..."
"Because you're my Captain. Your name is Kathryn Janeway. "
She repeated the words and smiled, but then she shook her head. "I'm sorry, I don´t remember..."
"Where are we?"
"This is the hospital of Berra, the capital of Carea."
"Carea" he repeated the name, "We were last in the shuttle. It was a reconnaissance mission, and we were just about to fly back to Voyager, but we are caught in a storm and crashed here. Do you remember Voyager?"
"No," she shook her head again, "But we know each other, right?"
"A little more than two years, to be exact."
"Well, at least one of us can remember." She laughed a little.
"Kathryn, I will do everything so we leave this place soon and can return to Voyager." He wondered how he would do that: The wound on the right side of his body was on fire, and as far as he remembered, the shuttle was only a pile of rubble.
Chakotay tried to swing his legs out of bed, but the pain was stronger and let him sink back into the pillow. Kathryn put her hands on his palm. Too late she realized that she had followed his movement and they were only centimeters apart. She couldn´t explain why this closeness felt so confides and pleasant...
The automatic door to the hospital room opened and a woman in a cream colored dress came in. It was the same woman who had helped Kathryn to save Chakotay on the battlefield. A drawing of blue and pink spots adorned the woman's forehead. "Sorry to bother you, Your Majesty," she said then she turned to Chakotay, "I'm Janey, a maid of the queen. Glad you're awake."
Without having kissed him, Kathryn sat back on the mattress. They were still holding each other's hands.
"I don´t like to tell you that, but do you have an idea why the queen can´t remember?"
"Remember? What?",Janey turned to Kathryn, "Are you all right, Your Majesty?"
"Yes, I´m fine." The doctors at the hospital could cure her wound and there was no reason for concern.
A device in the pocket of the woman beeped. "Your Majesty, the visiting time is over."
"Alright," Kathryn got up. Only then she let his hands go. "I´ll return to the Royal Palace. See you tomorrow. I promise that I'll come back."
She kept her promise and really visited him again the next day. Chakotay's freedom of movement was restricted because the gunshot wound ached more than yesterday.
"How are you today?", Kathryn asked, when she again sat down on the bed.
"Better," Chakotay replied, but a burning pain made him wince.
"That´s a lie," she said, and he saw her serious expression. Then she smiled.
"Tell me something about this spaceship..."
"Voyager."
"Yes, if that is the name of the spaceship..."
"You are the Captain of this space ship. Your mission was to track me and my crew in the Badlands. Voyager was pulled into the Delta Quadrant. Since then, you are trying to lead the crew home to Earth..."
"I can´t remember all that."
"You only remember on a trade mission, which never took place..."
"It took place."
"Do you remember your parents? Or to Mark?"
"No," she shook her head, "Who's that?"
"This is your fiance." He watched her reaction closely. She nodded silently. But she didn´t ask him about Mark: "You say we've known each other long. Are we both..."
The automatic door to the sick bay opened and just like yesterday, Janey entered.
"Visiting hours are over for today. The patient needs to rest, "she said," Your Majesty, let´s walk a bit through the hospital", Janey suggested.
"Fine."
The two walked in silence side by side until they went through the main entrance. "Your Majesty, I have bad news," Janey finally said, "The doctors say your protector is very sick. The wound is deeper than the doctors thought. Moreover, it doesn´t heal..."
"Does that mean he will die?" Kathryn noticed a strange feeling in her chest.
"There is still a chance for salvation, but..."
"But…?"
"There is a healing source in the mountains. My mother was a healer. She was disappointed when I decided to put myself at the service of you... But I believe in mothers healing source. You should bring your friend there, but I must warn you. The path is arduous and you can reach the source only by foot."
Kathryn nodded. "I understand..." She would do anything to help the injured man, who was familiar somehow, even though she couldn´t remember him.
Janey hadn´t exaggerated: the path to the source was actually difficult and there was really no way to reach the source of a vehicle. Because they had to walk and the Commander was seriously injured, she had to help him.
They reached the source when it was dark, but the healing waters shimmered like a bright, blue gem. Kathryn put her bag down on a stone and turned to Chakotay. "We're here," she said, watching anxiously as he saw the side on which the Phaser hit him. "You need to take your clothes off. It´s forbidden to bathe in the source with textiles", she explained when she reached for his jacket and opened zipper.
"What?", He thought he had misheard, but she pushed her hands already on his shoulders to take off his jacket. Chakotay took a step back. "I think I can do this."
"Alright," she turned and opened the clip that held her hair with a single movement. Her hair fell like a river of red lava over her shoulders. Next, her own jacket and the long dress, she wore ended up on the stone next to her bag.
"What…? What are you doing?", he wasn´t sure if he had actually asked this question. He hardly registered the soft noise which was caused by the splash when her feet were dipping into the shining water. A narrow stone staircase led to the source.
"It would be better, if you don´t swim alone," she suggested, "Your condition is not the best. The hot water could cause your circulation collapses." Kathryn stood up to her hips in the water. Seeing this made the Commander completely speechless. For a second there was awkward silence between them.
"I understand...", she suddenly said, "I won´t watch." She turned around and he understood what she meant.
Chakotay hastened to get rid of his clothes and get into the water. For a second, he felt dizzy and when he stood up to the hips in the warm water, it caused a burning pain in the wound. He heaved a sigh. Kathryn turned to him.
"Are you all right?", she asked.
"Yes..."
Another splashing sound told him that she poured the water gently over his wound. "This will burn a bit," she told him, "Janey said, you can dive completely into the water, when the healing process has begun."
"How long will it take?"
"I don´t know."
Her touching on his right side of his body made him almost crazy.
"May I ask you a question?", Kathryn suddenly asked.
"Go ahead...", The burning water and the fact that she was completely naked, meant he could hardly focus.
"In the previous life I led... Were we a couple?"
This question surprised him. Finally, he decided to tell her the truth. "No, we´re not."
"Should we?" She lifted her head, she was curious about his reaction.
"Why do you think that?"
"I ..." Kathryn shook her head and refocused to washing his wound, "I think I can remember something... It´s only the short frequency of a dream. I…"
The feeling, which caused her fingertips on his right hip, sent a shiver through his body.
"I can remember how you held my hand."
Of course Chakotay knew what she was talking about, because he had held her hand only once: That was when they were both stranded on New Earth.
"Why don´t you change the fact we are not a couple?", she asked.
"You are the Captain. And you have decided you won´t have relationship with subordinated officers. You said the rules of Starfleet will help us to get back home."
"I see... You now could do something about the fact we are not a couple."
"I would never," he replied, and she looked at him surprised, "It´s wrong to take advantage of the fact you can´t remember Voyager..."
"What if I can´t remember ever again? We would be wasting time."
Of course, he knew exactly what she meant.
Apparently Kathryn knew what effect her sight and her touch had on him. She raised again her head and looked at him. Her fingers stopped on his skin. "Do you think we should be a couple?", she repeated her question.
"We should," Chakotay's answer was short, for the next moment he pulled her to him and when they stood directly in front of each other, he started kissing her almost a bit famish. He was surprised she didn´t resist against him. Instead, she wrapped her arms around his neck and she started kissing him more passionately. His hands were wandering and she softly moaned. Her fingertips glided over the spot at which his gunshot wound was and she broke the kiss.
"The healing process has begun," she remarked, "You have to dive into the water, now." Kathryn led him a little further into the pond and there she wrapped her arms around his neck again. They continued their kiss and Kathryn groaned when he picked her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist. Apparently he felt strong enough again.
His pulse was rising and the hot healing water and the attractive woman were to blame. Their kiss was intimate and when Kathryn couldn´t breathe, she pulled away from him. The gunshot wound had disappeared without leaving any residue. "You're healed," she was surprised, "That means, we have to leave the source. We shouldn´t use the healing powers longer than necessary."
"That's too bad...", but Chakotay respected the customs of the locals. Before he could add something, she kissed him again. Chakotay carried her to shore and without releasing her, they left the source via the stairs, through which they had come.
Outside, he put her in the grass. Her wet skin shimmered in the light that was caused by the source. Her hair, which was wet half, formed a kind of halo around her body.
"I love you," he murmured, "I love you very much. Nevertheless, it´s not right to take advantage of the loss of your memories and... "
Kathryn lifted her head and put her index finger to his lips.
"That's very noble of you. But I have a feeling we should do that", she said before she kissed him. She was dizzy when she noticed he didn´t return the gesture.
"I really want this, too", he said, "But not here."
It was dark when Chakotay opened his eyes and found out he was in bed alone. He took a moment to remember he was in the opulent room which belonged to the Queen of Carea. And Kathryn believed she was the Queen of Carea.
His right hand checked the place where he had suspected Kathryn. The bed sheet was still warm. For a second, he wondered if she might be able to remember her former life and therefore had left him here alone. At that moment he heard a faint noise which came out of the bathroom. Kathryn left the room and while she walked to the small chair beside the bed she noticed Chakotay had also woken up.
"Did I wake you?", she asked.
"No," Chakotay shook his head, "Are you all right?"
"Of course." She smiled softly.
His breath stopped, as she took off the long robe, put it on the chair and slipped to him under the covers completely undressed. Kathryn snuggled up to him and put her head on his chest, so they could kiss, if they wanted to. Satisfied, she stroked his fingertips across his skin.
"That's nice," Chakotay said firmly. He noted the healing source didn´t miss its mark.
After they left the source a few hours ago, Kathryn said no one counted on his return in the hospital and he needed, therefore, a shelter. She suggested he should come with her to the Royal Palace.
They entered the palace through a secret tunnel that led directly to her room. Kathryn told him the architect of the palace had created this transition as an emergency exit, but she often used it to escape the palace walls. She suspected she had done this on the day on which they had "met". The room was large and very spacious. It offered views of the skyline of Berra, the capital of Carea. Kathryn sent the palace guard, which was waiting in front of her door, away and the man followed her command without hesitation. "Finally alone", she said before they kissed.
His hands roamed over her body and she moaned blissfully. "You´re an excellent kisser," Kathryn murmured and tried to open the zipper of his jacket, but her hands were shaking in excitement and she felt her how she blushed.
"You don´t have to be nervous," he muttered when he helped her with his jacket. Chakotay lifted her up, she wrapped her legs around his body and had no intention to interrupt the kiss. He carried her to the bed and they loved each other until they were both exhausted and finally fell asleep, arm in arm. Only a slight noise which was caused by the light in the bathroom, let him wake up and brought him into here and now. A wonderful here and now. Her hand stroked his stomach and finally disappeared under the blanket. He felt how she kissed his neck and finally curled up in his arms and fell asleep.
Very satisfied Chakotay finally also fell asleep.
"Wake up, there is breakfast," Kathryn softly said when she entered the bedroom the next morning in her long bathrobe, but there was no need to wake him because Chakotay was already awake.
"Good morning", he said, when she said down next to him, "Did you sleep well?"
"I didn´t sleep so good since years", Kathryn replied, smiling, then she saw a little object he was holding in his hand.
"Do you know what that is?", he asked. She didn´t know but it was made of metal or plastic, it looked like a kind of Badges.
"This is a communicator. While you were next door, I received a signal from Voyager."
"That's the spaceship, you speak of."
"Yes," Chakotay nodded, "They're here in two days."
A painful feeling raised in Chakotay's brain when he thought about Voyager, which came in two days to pick them up. He was sorry he couldn´t enjoy the time with Kathryn. On the other hand, it seemed wrong to take advantage of the fact she couldn´t remember her old life.
The queen was very busy today: Chakotay knew she met with members of the planetary system Ankaran, today. The debate about the new trade agreement took almost all day and apparently the discussion was so heated that the queen had skipped lunch. Chakotay waited outside the courtroom until the evening and after the deputies had left the room, he slowly made his way to the big front door made of solid gold. He saw how a maid left the room through the back door and the queen remained with a rather worried expression: Kathryn sat in a chair at the end of the long table, her eyes were almost absent and now and then she shook her head. The long, black dress made a perfect contrast to her strawberry blond hair.
When she heard soft footsteps, she was torn from her thoughts.
"Is everything okay?", Chakotay asked, but he knew nothing was fine, "I know it was a tough day for you. Let's walk a bit through the palace." He offered her his arm and he was very relieved when she rose from her chair and actually hung up on him. "Leave us alone", the queen told the young women who were standing behind her chair.
"But Your Majesty...!", one of them said.
"I promise I will protect the queen with my life," the Commander told them, and the young women gave up.
It was late and the palace was almost deserted when the couple walked through the east wing. Some lights illuminated a hall whose south wall was replaced by marble columns. It was a beautiful starry night.
Chakotay noticed the dress of the Queen was now emerald green and he asked her if he had perhaps been wrong in color. She explained the dress was a gift from the queen of the planet Nevis IV and the color was shed on the mood of the wearer. Green was the color of hope.
"Thank you for cheering me up," Kathryn suddenly said, when they stood side by side in front of a huge oil painting, "It´s not easy to follow in the footsteps of my mother. She was a good Queen. I hope I won´t ever disappoint her."
Chakotay realized who showed this oil painting and he wondered if he was in a dream or a parallel world, because the painting showed the Queen of Carea and the painter had fantastic captured her on canvas. It was almost as if Kathryn Janeway had never been Captain of Voyager.
"You're a good queen," Chakotay assured her while she strolled down the red carpet, which was spread on the marble floor.
"I wish the chief deputy of Ankaran would feel the same way. Instead, he constantly accuses me of obstacles in the way, "she admitted," But he is pretty unforgiving. I think it´s s because I refused his marriage proposal three years ago."
"Understand…. You know, there's a question I ask myself again and again..."
"I have no interest in the deputy," Kathryn promised.
"No, I didn´t mean that," Chakotay saw how she breathed easier, "I wonder if you would be willing to accompany me to Voyager. You could..." He didn´t say she then perhaps remembered her old life because he didn´t even know if he ever wanted that she remembered.
"I can´t," she shook her head gently, "I can´t leave Carea. Not now. We are in trade debates..."
"Give me a chance," Chakotay said, "If you can´t remember in six months, I promise, I will do everything so you can return to Carea." He took a step towards her and took her hands. They looked into each other's eyes and Chakotay took advantage of the moment to kiss Kathryn. When they kissed, Chakotay put his hands around her waist to pull her even closer.
"Alright," she agreed breathlessly when she pushed herself only a few centimeters away from him to take a breath, "All right. I'll come with you. But you have to keep your word: If I can´t remember in six months, you have to let me return to Carea."
While he had persuaded her with a good argument, her dress became red. He didn´t have to think about what that might meant...
"Your Majesty, it´ not right you ever think about leaving the planet. This is strategically unwise, after you plugged in negotiations with the Ankarans...", Janey said, as she put the clothes of the queen in a suitcase days later. Janey didn´t want to leave her home world, because as maid it was her duty to accompany the Queen.
"I have to do it, Janey. Although I am sure I am the Queen of Carea, I also remember a moment from my previous life. Janey, I want to know what's behind it."
"And if you're wrong?"
"I have discussed the flight path of the star ship Voyager with Commander Chakotay. If I can´t remember in six months, a carean convoy will take us back home."
The door to her room opened and Chakotay came in. "Your Majesty, I hope you find what you are looking for." With that, Janey left them alone.
"What's wrong with her?", Chakotay asked as he stepped right in front of Kathryn.
"She is offended, because she has to leave her home world", Kathryn smiled, then turned anxiously to Chakotay. "I shouldn´t leave Carea."
"I know but you don´t have to worry ... The ship is now in orbit around Carea."
"Alright. We should get going."
Chakotay operated his communicator. "Voyager, three people beaming."
The first way aboard Voyager led Kathryn in her quarters. Because she couldn´t remember the way the Commander accompanied her. Also Janey followed them, who insisted to get a home directly next to Kathryn´s and eventually Tom Paris had to deal with this concern.
The lodging was dark and strange. "Computer, light", Chakotay said and the living area looked immediately a little friendlier. "Do you recognize your quarters?"
"No," she shook her head slowly when she surveyed the home exactly. She spotted a framed photograph, which stood on the dresser. "Who's that?", she asked as she held the picture of a man and a dog in her hands. "That's Mark."
"Oh..." Kathryn turned the picture frame onto the dresser and turned to him. "What's next?"
"I think the doctor wants to see you soon. He can find out for sure what is wrong with you."
"Good", she nodded," But would you... Would you join me?"
The Commander liked to do this favour. Not only the ship was foreign to her but also the crew members. Kathryn felt partly surprised when people talked to her as if they knew her since years.
At the sick bay, the doctor made a scan of her brain and discussed the shooting with his patient. "This is a swelling in the brain. It expresses the point at which the short term memory is."
"Will the memory of the Captain ever return?"
"I don´t know, Commander", the holographic Doctor was honest and thoughtful, "If the crash, which caused the swelling, is already several days ago and since then there´s no improvement in your condition when the medicine on Carea is so advanced, how to report..."
"Do you doubt our medical techniques?", Kathryn interrupted him and the doctor was surprised by so much resistance.
"My Queen," Chakotay told her, he found it a little strange that he called her like that, "I'm sure the doctor wanted to say something else."
The doctor turned to them to, "I'll be honest. It´s possible you will never regain your memory."
"Never again?", her voice was thin.
"We should build on what you can remember…. What do you remember?"
"To my childhood on Carea. I remember my father and mother... "
"Do you remember Voyager? Starfleet?... Something?"
Kathryn hesitated for a moment. "No." It was a lie, because she remembered Chakotay, as he held her hand. And his eyes. From an unknown to her reason, she remembered his eyes. "Well...", the doctor finally said, "Rest a bit in the next few days."
"Okay."
Both Chakotay and the Doctor were surprised when she gave in without discussion. "But I think it doesn´t matter if you join us at the wedding of Ensign Hickman and Ensign Sanders," the Hologram added.
"Who?", Kathryn was irritated and the doctor immediately noticed his misfortune.
"You will get to know the two." He went to his office and watched with a satisfied grin, how the Commander and the Captain left the sick bay. Chakotay accompanied Kathryn back to her quarters and arrived there, she thanked him for his support. "Kathryn, what will you do in the coming days?", he was eager to hear how she wanted to use the time out. She sat down on an armchair in her living room. The living room, which was so strange suddenly. "I think I'll read my personal log. And the Captain's Log. Maybe I then can remember something. "
Chakotay nodded. "If you need anything, then don´t fear to tell me."
"Thank you." She watched as he left her quarters and she wondered why she hadn´t stopped him. When she was alone, she went to her desk and started the laptop. Kathryn began to read her own private log. The log book turned out to be more difficult reading material. She hadn´t even suspected, which life she had before her amnesia...! She found, the person she had been before the memory loss was a cool, distant character. She also didn´t understand why she clung to the protocols of Starfleet and put her own happiness to a stop when she knew there was a man who returned her feelings: The old Kathryn described the time on New Earth, for example, as very intensive. Nevertheless, she never changed her relationship to Chakotay.
Kathryn took a total of three days to read the private log. The Captain's Log should follow. When she needed a break from the reading material, she tried to make herself useful on the ship and she asked the doctor if she could help. But the doctor told Chakotay in a quiet moment to remove the Captain from the sick bay. "Commander, she has two left hands," the MHP complained, "The Captain is usually an able scientist, but I almost don´t recognize her." Their conversation was interrupted by a clattering, which came from the office of the holographic doctor, "Please," the doctor said, "Get her out of my sick bay."
In the evening of the third day Kathryn had fallen asleep in the chair in her quarters, but when she woke up, she put the laptop aside and went in her bedroom tired. Today the wedding of Hickman and Sanders took place. Kathryn had met them yesterday and they had told her they wanted to see Kathryn at the wedding, despite her amnesia. Kathryn decided to wear a black, long strapless dress. She showered, dried her hair and painted her face. Then she slipped into the dress and went to the holodeck, where the wedding was to take place. Kathryn stayed in the background and when the ceremony was over, Chakotay hurried through the crowd to reach her. He met Kathryn at the entrance of the holographic Acropolis in Greece.
"Good evening, Kathryn," he said to her, "Are you about to leave?"
"Yes," she nodded, "The doctor ordered me to rest and..."
"I'm sure it's fine if you spend this evening with us... Did you meet the crew?"
"Yes", she nodded, "I now know most crew members."
Chakotay remarked, how pretty she was in the strapless black dress. Her hair fell in curls over her shoulders and he remembered how she had once told him how much she hated her natural curls and her hair was therefore always smooth. "You look beautiful," he said. Her cheeks reddened.
He had caught her and he had to smile. "May I ask for a dance," Chakotay suggested and offered her his arm. Kathryn hesitated for a second, but then she nodded, linked arms with him and they went together to the dance floor.
With a glass of champagne in her hand B'Elanna was sitting alone at a table. Tom Paris and Harry Kim sat down beside her at that moment, in which she looked into the now empty glass. "That was a very beautiful wedding," she said.
"Yes, it was," Harry replied. He talked to the Delaney sisters, then left the table.
"And I have a feeling it might won´t take long until we celebrate another wedding," B'Elanna suddenly said.
"What?", Tom didn´t understand what she meant.
"The two", B'Elanna nodded toward the dance floor. There it became dark, but it was still bright enough so she could see how the Captain and the Commander danced. Not even a piece of paper fit between them. Kathryn's left hand was on his shoulder while the fingers of her other hand were intertwined in his. And B'Elanna didn´t believe her eyes when the Commander kissed the temple of the woman, which he held in his arms.
"I have a feeling he won´t let her go again," she stated.
"I missed you in the last three days," Chakotay told her.
"I missed you, too", Kathryn admitted, "I... um... I read my private log. It was... It was an interesting character study. "
Chakotay didn´t dare to ask her if there was something about him in the logbook, so he presented her a counter offer: "If you want, we can read the Captain's Log, tomorrow, and talk about it."
"This is a good idea, "she agreed," I suggest we... "
They were interrupted by Neelix, who wanted to make a speech for the couple. "Dear guests!", Neelix said on stage in front of the dance floor, "I still remember when Ensign Hickman and Ensign Sanders first met..."
While Neelix was talking, Kathryn grabbed Chakotays hand and left the dance floor with him. They heard the crew laughing and Neelix talking, then the audience broke up and the music started again.
Chakotay wondered what Kathryn was doing. Finally, she stopped in front of a fountain. "Is everything okay?", he asked anxiously.
"Yes," Kathryn nodded, I wanted to avoid the next program item." She pointed to the dance floor, where Neelix went around between the guests and invited the women to gather to catch the bouquet.
"Next, Neelix will give us small cards", Kathryn warned him, "We should write on what we wish for the newly married couple. Then to tie the cards to balloons and let them ascend into sky... Neelix has become familiar with all human wedding traditions."
"He did, "Chakotay agreed. A holographic waiter walked past them and he grabbed a glass of champagne, which the man balanced on a tray in front of him. "I don´t know what to write on the card," admitted the Commander, "To be honest, I am lately busy with other things." He put the glass on the edge of the fountain.
"With other things?", Kathryn was surprised.
"I'd be lying if I say I don´t think of you."
Kathryn felt his hands moved gently over her upper arms and then stayed there to pull her closer. She closed her eyes and didn´t have any objections if he wanted to kiss her now. Their faces were only centimeters away from each other, when...
"Captain. Commander. I'm sorry to disturb you", Neelix, who was standing right in front of them, said and he earned a very angry look from Kathryn. "What do you want, Neelix?"
"It's time to write a few congratulations." The Talaxian handed them paper cards and walked away.
"I also have no idea, "Kathryn suddenly said," Because if I would say I´m not permanently thinking about you, then I'd be lying... There is something I must get rid urgently. It's only fair, after you have given me a leap of faith."
He was eager to hear what she had to tell him. "Did I?"
"Yes," Kathryn smiled, "When you were shot on Carea, you told me that you love me. And I'm pretty sure I also have those feelings, although I can´t remember anything. You already stole my heart when we first met", she breathed in, "I love you, too."
She believed that Chakotay muttered a quiet "excellent" before he reached for her hand. "If we leave this holodeck, the whole crew will know. We thus seal our fate. Are you ready to forget the basic rule that you have set for yourself?"
"Yes, "she didn´t hesitate to answer him.
"Then come." They left the holodeck hand in hand and, of course, Neelix noticed. He sat down next to Tom, Harry and B'Elanna who waited until the queue had at the food counter dissolved. "I have just seen how Commander Chakotay kissed Captain Janeway," he told them.
The way to her quarters lasted almost forever. She resisted the urge to fall into arms and kiss him now, even if they would like to. Instead, Chakotay whispered to her ear, how beautiful she was. Kathryn noticed he had said this to her before. When they finally reached her quarters and entered the dark living area, Chakotay grabbed her wrist and pulled her into his arms. A surprised sound escaped her and turned into a pleasant moan when he put his lips on hers. There was no resistance. Not even when his hands slid over her hips and finally remained on the backside of her body. He picked her up, carried her into the bedroom and put her down on the bed. Kathryn reached out her right hand to him and Chakotay registered, how beautiful she was in the black dress that clung to her body.
"I´m yours, if you want that," she said.
"More than anything else."
A smile crossed her face. He came to her, kissed her, but his lips soon wandered over her neck to her collarbone. "That feels good", she moaned. She breathed in when the turned her around so he was now on the bet. This was a better opportunity to undress her. Then, he put his hand on her neck and pulled her closer for a deep, passionate kiss…
Although last night was beautiful, Chakotay awoke the next morning alone. He got up and finally found Kathryn in the living area. She sat behind the desk, had started the laptop and wept bitterly. "Kathryn?", he asked cautiously and stayed behind her. He put his hands on her shoulders and saw that she was looking at a picture of Carea. She was homesick, he suddenly realized. "Listen," he said to her, "I understand very well that you are homesick. I will try to contact a convoy which takes you home and…"
"No", she shook her head and wiped a few tears from her eyes," That will won´t be necessary." She calmed down and told him Janey had put through a message of the government of Algara III. The Minister told he had seen with his own eyes how the Preem had destroyed the planet with a kind of space station. From Carea only particles remained in space and only a few thousand Careans who travelled in spaceships had survived.
Months after this terrible message Chakotay was still the opinion that the damn timing could not have been better: If Voyager would have picked them up from Carea only a few days later they were dead by now. Half a year after the destruction of Carea Kathryn didn´t have her memories back. Chakotay didn´t know if he should be concerned or not. On one hand he liked to meet her every night and have dinner with her. And more he liked the fact that he could kiss her and she was never reluctant. He liked to hold her hand or wake up with her, if he hadn´t managed to return to his home the night before. Once, when he had breakfast with her at the mess hall, he had almost feared that coffee could be the trigger which was responsible for she now could remember her old life again. But she put the cup away, without saying something.
Of course, he knew the crew talked about them, but it was for short time and no one seemed to have no problem with it. And Kathryn had always worried they wouldn´t take them seriously when they had a relationship... Much more he was worried she was almost sure to give him the command because she wasn´t able to be a Captain: He wasn´t at all comfortable with that. "Don´t worry," she said softly, "In case I remember I am the Captain, then I demand my ship back." She laughed, but Chakotay didn´t think it was funny. "Darling, that was a joke," she promised him, when she saw his horrified look. She also said the ship needed a Captain and finally he change in the command structure caused only a few problems.
Since then, one month had passed. They had also arranged to meet for dinner tonight. Chakotay was a little concerned when he entered the quarter and it was completely dark.
"Kathryn?", he asked, "Computer, light." The room lit up and his heart stopped in horror for one second, when he saw her on the floor. She was unconscious and an empty glass lay beside her. The water had left a stain on the carpet. He tried to wake her up. "Kathryn?"
Relieved, he noted that she was breathing. She seemed confused when she opened her eyes a few seconds later. "What...?"
"I have found you unconscious," he told her, "Are you okay?"
She nodded.
"Let's go to the sick bay," Chakotay suggested when he helped her to get up. On the way to the sick bay they met some crewmembers and they had to stop a few times, because the ground began to turn under Kathryn's feet. The doctor was activated when they entered the sick bay. "Doctor, I have found Kathryn unconscious in her quarters," Chakotay said and the man immediately scanned her. "How was your shore leave?", asked the doctor.
"Doctor..." Chakotay warned him.
"All right, Captain. I won´t hold grudges, because I had no shore leave. "
Chakotay nodded and took this as an excuse.
"Does it happen often that you pass out?" The Doctor still scanned Kathryn.
"No."
"Do you suffer from headaches? Do you feel dizzy often?"
"No and Yes."
"Sleep well?"
"Yes."
The hologram looked nodding on his tricorder. "I see..."
"See what?" Kathryn was alarmed.
"There is no reason for concern," the doctor said, "Go back to your quarter and rest a bit... How´s the move to your new quarters, Captain? "
"Well, thank you for asking", but Chakotay wondered how he knew they were moving together. Apparently the jungle drums aboard this spaceship were very loud.
"I'm glad for you," the MHP conceded some instruments, "But please keep in mind to provide a little more space. You will need this."
"What do you mean? "Kathryn's brow furrowed.
"You're pregnant, Your Majesty. Congratulations. Soon there will be a Carean prince or a princess on the ship... As far as I have made myself familiar with the Carean court protocol, Captain, you have to call your child at official meetings as Your Excellency." The doctor gave them a lecture in the Carean court protocol, then he sent them out of the sick bay.
Kathryn felt numb but at the same time the thought made her incredibly nervous. She had noticed that Chakotay didn´t talk to her.
"Oh God, I'm terribly excited," she confessed.
"Yes, me too."
"A baby. That's...", she searched for a word that described her emotional state.
The Turbolift reached the deck, on which their quarter was located. When they reached their home, Kathryn sat on the couch. She noticed something seemed to be wrong when Chakotay now restlessly walked around. "What's wrong with you?", she asked.
"The news we will have a baby is overwhelming." This was more than he had ever hoped. "But this ruins my plans for tonight..."
"What?", she was confused.
Chakotay remained in front of her, took her hand and finally knelt before her. "You should know I am looking forward to our child. This changes everything between us. And I hope I will fulfil your expectations, raising a Carean prince or princess", he rolled his eyes and reminded her of words of the doctor, "I had another plan for tonight: I wanted to take you to the holodeck to walk with you on the beach. We would have a dinner and I would have asked you if you could consider to be my wife."
" You... you want to marry me?", Kathryn was stunned.
"Yes. Assuming you want this and…." He remembered something Kathryn had said a few month ago. "I´m yours. For the rest of my life… In case you want that", he kept her hands in his. "So? Will you marry me?"
"Yes."