OK so this is plain and simply what i think Edward would have thought and felt during new moon and it starts when he is telling Bella they are leaving. And i tried to quote the book as much as possible but I got a little lazy in the beginning so don't bug me about it. And also sorry for any spelling mistakes I really do have the spelling of a 3rd grader and I'm dyslexic and i really don't care and am not afraid to say so like some people hell I even make jokes about it cause it's not like I can do anything about it so you cope. anyways enjoy and tell me what you think be that good or bad.
We had to leave. There was no way around it. I would never put Bella in that much danger again. The pain at just the thought of never seeing her again was enough to make me want to curl up into myself. The others understood and had already gone. Alice had yelled at me for hours when she saw what I was going to do. And now I hand to try to convince my only love that I never cared for her. That my angle, my love, my heart meant nothing to me. I led her out to the woods so that if it took hours to convince her (which I knew it would) that this would be privet. I stopped not far off from her house so she wouldn't get lost. I took a deep breath and began.
"Bella we're leaving" I said showing no sine of my pain on my face but could show no other emotion just a blank face.
She asked me why and I told her that it was time, and I knew that this was where the pain would start.
"When you say we..." she whispered the pain starting to show. I wish to go over to her and hold her to sooth her. But that didn't matter I had to leave to save her from eternal damnation.
"I mean my family and myself." I said slowly trying to control my voice. If she heard the pain that it brought me I would fail. She had to move on to have a normal life. She was human and I knew that she could never feel the intense love I felt for her she could get over it al thought I would never be the same after experiencing her love, her warmth, her kindness and her breathtaking beauty. I had to focus.
"Ok I'll come with you" she said.
"You can't Bella." I would say her name this last times. "Where we're going" I paused thinking of something to say to make her stay. "It's not the right place for you."
"Where you are is the right place for me." She was about to brake. And I was in agony because I knew that I was the one causing it.
"I'm not good for you, Bella." I said honestly. Couldn't she see the pain I brought her?
"Don't be ridiculous." her voice was pleading. I wanted to hold her in my arms where I knew that she was happy and safe. Yet knowing the safest place for her was truly the farthest from me. "Your the very best part of my life" she finished. I wished that those were really her words and not mine.
"My world is not for you." I said grimly.
"What happened with Jasper-that was nothing. Edward! Nothing!" she yelled pleading with me.
"Your right." I said wishing she wasn't. "It was exactly what was to be excepted." I said.
"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay-" she cried. I was in total agony. I wished, no needed to go to her. But my needs didn't matter compared to her's.
"As long as that was best for you." I interrupted her plea.
"No! This is about my soul isn't it?" she yelled. She was angry and in pain. And yet even through all of that she still saw through me. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want It without you- it's yours already!" She cried and again I wished that those were really her words.
i took a deep breath to prepare myself for the largest lie in my life. My mouth twisted the tinniest bit and I hoped she didn't notice my pain. I would go through the pain of a 1000 transformations so I didn't have to do this. But there was no way to avoid this. She needed to move on and the only way for her to do that is for her to think that i don't love her. I sucked in a deep breath to prepare myself for the blackest lie of my life. And the pain it would cause to the one I love,
"Bella I don't want you to come with me." I said slowly trying to make my eyes cold. So she would believe my lie. She looked like she was in pain and that she was confused.
"You don't want me" she was about to break but I had to go through with it.
"No" was all I was able to say. I continued my story trying to finish my job.
"Don't. Don't do this." she pleaded one last time.
"Bella your no good for me." I said. And I knew that it was the largest lie in my life. She was the only reason to live. She gave me something to stride for. I wanted to be perfect for her. I wanted to be able to stand next to her in her light and feel like I belonged there. But I knew that that was an impossible goal. "I would like to ask you one favor, though, if that's not too much" I had to her have promise me this one last thing or I would never be able to leave.
"Anything." she promised.
"Don't do any thing reckless or stupid," I ordered "Do you understand what I am saying." she nodded and looked helpless.
"I will" she said falling to the ground.
"And in return I promise that you will never see me again. It will be as if i never existed." I kissed her forehead and started running. I couldn't look back for the pain was too overwhelming. I ran into my own darkness never to see the light again for she was my sun and she was setting out of my life forever.