I just looked at him. God, I hated him sometimes, almost as much as I'd hated myself sometimes as well.
There was no more games. But with that great feat came great tragedy. Worse than the grief I'd felt when my father died in the mine explosion. I lost what seems like everyone.
I lost Finnick. Oh God, Finnick I miss you.
I'd lost little duck. I pray every night because of her. Knowing she's up there looking down on me makes everyday a little more livable. But she's still gone.
My mother had drowned out the world once again. she especially tries to avoid all contact with me. I am a reminder of what was lost. I only open old scars, still unhealed and painful. When she sees me all she sees is my father and Prim.
I'd lost Gale. This one was the hardest to get used to, but the easiest to get had done bad things in the time of the war against the Capitol. He'd been nonchalant about killing innocent men, women, and children. Uncaring of anyone's fate. He wanted every single person in the Capitol dead. Whether they be Criminals or not. I had seen just as much of Gale as I had my mother. Which was noneat all.
"Everyone I loved..." I'd cry at night.
"Damn you!" I'd yell at the sky.
"Why?" I'd sob uncontrollably.
Then there was that one day, when someone who I'd cry when I thought of, bumped into me, and changed the way I saw things.
"Katniss." She's said with the sweetest smile. I can tell now why the great Finnick Odair fell so hard in love for her.
"Annie?" I asked. And for the fist time in a while, I smiled.
Then it faded. You want to know why? Because there with her, riding on her hip was a little green eyed, giggling, 18 month old, fatherless baby. I'd seen it happen. Watch Finnick as those beasts went at him, right for his throat.
Stop you're tearing up I told myself.
I missed Annie, alot. And quite unlike me, I let someone in, and let the truth seep out.
"I missed you Annie. It's been so hard..." I looked down, ashamed that I'd put down my seemingly unpenitrable wall.
"I know Katniss," her smile faded as well. "But we're not alone." I looked at her quizzically for a moment.
She smiled at me and lightly bounced the little ball of joy on her hip, signaling who she 'had'.
"We have each other, right?" I asked, still unsure of what she meant. Why this woman was labeled crazy I will never know.
"Yes." she whispered. "But you have someone else, who loves you more than life itself." She gave me a smile, a hug, and let me say goodbye to baby Cordon.
I knew who she meant.
I watched Annie walk away for a long time. As they walked by the lake, something caught Cordon's keen eye, and annie laughed and pointed enthusiastically.
When they were out of sight, I found myself running. Running faster and harder than I had in months. Straight to somewhere all too familiar, yet so strange at the same time.
I kept running until I reached it.
I saw those three boys I see every night walking home, hauling bags of huge bags of flour from a cart. Laughing like maniacs at each others jokes.
I slowed my pace to a fast walk. determined, it seemed.
"Hi Katniss!" One boy said with a smile of pure gold. Nothing but joy, that boy was made out of.
I gave him a nod and weaved my way through the friends.
Just before I reached the door, a little girl trotted out. Oh my... She's so much like Rue!
No. Stop.
I burst through the door, and scanned the room for him. At first all I saw was two more boys, staring at me like I had two heads. I stared back at them, not knowing what to say. Eventually one of them shrugged, and they both walked outside to join the others right outside the big glass window.
"Yeah, yeah, laugh now. You'll see, you wait!" A boys joking voice sounded, accomponied by a girls giggle, and a squeaking old door. I whirled around to see a girl with jet black hair pulled into a long perfect pony tail, and a boy with shaggy black hair. Siblings.
"Katniss? Wow haven't seen you in a while." One said.
But at the sound of my name, I heard boots clanking on the floor behind them with uneven steps, and saw two hands come between the two and push them aside.
And there he stood. My human therapy. My only thing left.
"Peeta..." I said, though it sounded more like a sigh. And before I knew it, I was running right at him. He opened his arms for me, as I hoped he would, and was ever so terrified he wouldn't.
I ran right into those strong enveloping I hadn't really realized I'd missed so bad. I pressed my face against his chest. The tears were uncontrollable.
"Peeta. I'm so sorry. I've been so... I'm sorry." I sobbed into him. He removed one hand from around me and waved off the boy and girl.
"Shh," he said ever so quietly, "It's okay Katniss." He knew me so well. He knew exactly what was wrong.