Golden hair, the colour of the purest sunshine. Bright, large eyes the shade of the deepest sapphire. Skin like sweet, mouthwatering honey and the texture of silk. Lean, taut body strung like a bow, ready to fly and defend if the need arises. Sparkling smile, white and even and straight and glistening with moisture. Deep laugh, vibrating souls and bringing smiles to everyone's faces.

Well, not me. I used to smile all the time, back before I first took blood. Back when I had a home, a family, friends on the backwalk that I'd play tag with.

You've made me smile sometimes though, where I'd forget who I was for a brief moment. One glorious moment where I wasn't the cold-blooded killer anymore, but instead just an innocent, fun-loving child like the rest of the kids my age. I don't remember how long it had been since I had laughed last, but you made me remember, if even for a moment, that I was still human.

I can't recall when that shift happened. It must've been when between my tenth year alive and my eleventh. That gradual shift from father figure to the object of my desire. All I can recall from that long two years is that when you smiled at me one day; the pleasant, intense burn in my chest seeped into my core and I had to run away from you so you didn't see the proof.

Longing. I'd never felt that before. It was strange, alien, something that raised the hairs on the back of my neck. I know that this feeling I had for you would pose problems and create more tension that I wanted in our team and hardly our life. And yet I was here, feeling it regardless of what I wanted.

I didn't like it and yet I couldn't get enough. Every time I seen your face it was like a miniature explosion went off in not only my blood, but in the shriveled up excuse for a heart and even my very solid, stubborn brain. I just barely managed to keep my body calm despite the gushing, electrified blood swirling around like an inferno. But when I couldn't control myself, usually because of touch or running that damned, pink, agile tongue over your full lips, I ran and waited for it to calm of its own accord.

I never once touched myself though. That was just too much, too wrong. I never allowed myself to be that weak. Even if it sometimes too a trip to a border town and relieved my frustration on men and women begging me to fuck them.

You became Hokage then. I went into ANBU. Obito was dead, another life given when I should've died. Rin went to the hospital, medical corps.

And then the Kyuubi attacked. Everything changed then. People died.

You died.

I realised afterwards that I loved you, too late for it to make a difference.

I just wished I could've told you.