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In hindsight, trying to watch TV during football season with television hogs in the house wasn't exactly a good idea.

"Dammit!" Nevada growled when he saw that Texas had already claimed the TV. "I thought it was my turn!"

"Not with a Cowboys game on," Tex drawled, eyes never leaving the screen.

"Sweet," California grinned, seeing what was on screen. "Whoa, look at him!"

"Greatest quarterback the Cowboys have had in five years," Tex said appreciatively. "I didn't know ya followed football."

"I don't," Cal smirked. "I meant that he was hot."

Tex rolled his eyes. He was too invested in the game to do anything violence-wise to his brother. Instead, he ignored the damn rainbow boy as Cal sat down on the couch beside him.

The second the game went to commercial, an advertisement for the state of Texas came on.

"Lawrd above," Tex grinned. "I'm on TV!"

"No, your state is on TV," Cal corrected.

Tex turned to his annoying brother. "I'll have ya know that I helped with some of these commercials! An dammit, I think I did purty good."

"My state has commercials too," Cal countered. "And they're way better than yours."

"Aw hell no!" Tex growled. "My ads are way better than anythin' your dumbass filmmakers can come up with!"

"I'm freakin California!" Cal protested. "Does the word 'Hollywood' mean anything to you? I'm known world-wide for my movies! My filmmakers are the best! Anyone who's anyone wants to live in Beverly Hills. I have way more tourists than you!"

"An yet I'm still better than ya," Tex smirked. "Ya can't even hold a fuckin gun right, prissy little freak."

Cal glared at his brother. "At least people can stand my accent. Yours is the most annoying thing I've ever heard."

"Just 'cause yer not southern don' mean yer not annoyin as hell," Tex countered. "Besides, my accent ain't as annoyin as ya try to say. Lots a people talk like this."

"Yeah, southern hicks."

"Fuck you."

"You would."

That set Tex off better than anything else Cal could have said.

"DO I LOOK LIKE FUCKIN WEST VIRGINIA TO YA?! I AIN'T INCESTUOUS, AN I SURE AS HELL AIN'T GAY!"

Cal smirked in triumph. His brother was so easily riled up. It was hilarious. It just so happened that the game came back on a few seconds later, so Tex decided to forego continuing the argument in favor of watching the Cowboys beat the immortal hell outta the Redskins. Cal, however, was just watching the game to see the football players. He didn't give a crap about who won.

"It wasn't a conspiracy!" Cal protested.

"Yeah right!" Tex snapped. "Ya can't stand there an tell me that ya didn' have anything to do with that!"

"I didn't! Don't forget, this game is broadcasted from your state, so it's your fault!"

"I'd never show a commercial for yer damn prissy assed state!"

The other surrounding states wisely decided to stay very far away from the arguing duo. As the argument heated up, Tex pulled out a gun and aimed it right between Cal's eyes. But Cal knew from experience that Tex wouldn't really shoot him between the eyes. At most he'd get shot in the foot. It had happened before.

Eventually Arizona stepped in and unarmed Tex –and almost got her fingers broken as a result –before giving them a way to resolve their argument.

"Why don't you show your best commercial to someone you both trust to give you the truth and ask them which is better?" she suggested. "It can't hurt to try."

Cal and Tex thought about it for a second. And thought about it some more. And finally came to the same decision.

"DAD!"

On the other side of the house, America wondered why he had the sudden urge to run far, far away.

I saw one of those stupid commercials that tell you to visit Texas and thought 'Well, California seems to have a lot of those too, so wouldn't they sort of have a rivalry with the commercials?' And so I thought about it a little bit before deciding to write this. I hope it turned out as funny as I thought it would be. Thanks for reading!

~C