A/N: So, uh, I was in the shower a couple weeks ago, and I had this idea. Now I'm typing it up for all of you wonderful peoples. I don't know how good the ending is, so tell me if it needs work or something. Wow, this was supposed to be slightly romantic. FAIL.
Singing in the Shower
The first thing Vincent noticed when he got home from a particularly arduous mission was scratches around the deadbolt on his apartment door. Either someone had tried to pick it, or a drunk neighbor had mistaken the room number. The door was shut and locked, so it was either a very conscientious thief, or an unsuccessful one. The neighbor theory was looking more likely every moment he stood there staring at the lock, the sounds of domestic disgust echoing down the hallway.
He sighed and opened the door, drawing his gun as soon as he slid it closed behind him.
The second thing Vincent noticed has that his shower was running and someone was screaming, "Na na ner ner nanana!" It almost sounded like the guitar solo of one of the songs constantly playing on Tifa's radio at Seventh Heaven. Almost.
Vincent stalked towards the bathroom, thumbing the safety off. He pushed on the half open door and steam billowed out as it swung the rest of the way in. Behind the shower curtain a shadowy figure was rocking out, making continuing guitar noises and enthusiastically miming a guitar.
He recognized the silhouette immediately. It had stolen his wallet far too many times for him not to. "Yuffie," he growled as he put the safety back on and slid Cerberus into its holster.
The figure froze, fingers in the middle of a particularly complicated imaginary cord. "Ah heh heh heh. Vince! You're back early!"
"Why are you in my shower?" He sighed, pinching his nose. "No. Why are you in my apartment?"
Her face peeked out from around the shower curtain. A sud rolled from her hair down her cheek. She smiled sheepishly. "What's yours is mine?"
"No, Yuffie. No, it is not. It is mine."
She rolled her eyes. "That's just what you think. Anyway, I was in a pretty bad accident and your place was the closest. I was really dirty, Vinnie! I had too!"
Her face disappeared back into the shower, and he saw her rinsing her hair. Vincent let out a sigh, and glanced at the floor. Her clothes were piled there, and he nudged the shirt with his boot so that the panda-patterned panties were covered. It was true, it was all quite dirty.
"There was no one else whose home you could invade?"
"Nope! Just let me finish up here, and I'll be out of your hair fast as you can spit." She paused. "Not that you spit, but you know. If you did, I'd totally be out of here faster than you could."
A soothing breath that really didn't do all that much to sooth him. "Fine," he said shortly. He left, flicking the fan on behind him, and closing the door securely.
Huffing, he grabbed a gun cleaning kit from underneath the sink and sat at the kitchen table. He had wanted to take a shower! He was still covered in monster gore and a week's worth of sweat and Yuffie had undoubtedly used up all the hot water.
Glowering, he started to dismantle Cerberus, holding it delicately with his claw hand and running a brush over all the nooks and crannies. A few minutes later, when he was going over the third barrel a second time, Yuffie emerged from the bathroom.
She was wearing his bathrobe, he noticed, annoyed. Her skin was flushed, her black hair still damp and tousled and her left side, such that he could see, covered in abrasions. They were mostly healed, like she had popped a Potion, but were still red and raw. One eye, he saw now, was beginning to bruise badly.
Vincent set down his tools and stared at her. "Yuffie," he said, finally. "What happened?"
She slunk across the room and sank into the chair across from him, her head in her arms. "Like I said," she mumbled, "I got in an accident. My motorcycle tipped and I skidded pretty far. Got most of my skin back with a Cure, but I was all over mud and blood." She looked up at him beseechingly. "Vinny, I couldn't keep walking around like that! It was total grossness. I had to use your shower." She shifted, gave him doe eyes. "If I had realized you'd be back so soon, I'd've left a note or something."
Vincent raised an eyebrow. Yuffie pouted.
"It was like a block away from here, okay? My need for a shower was great! I was total grossness! Total! It was you or Reno, anyway, and you're nicer than he is."
"Reno?" Vincent asked, eye twitching. "How. . .How close is he?"
Yuffie rolled her eyes back in thought, and hummed. "Like, three blocks, or so."
If Vincent had had any color to start with it would've drained from his face. "So close? I must . . . I must move immediately. I hadn't realized he was so near. . ."
Yuffie darted to his side, a wide smile fighting across her face. "What's your deal with Reno anyway? You never told me why you hate him so much."
Vincent shoved away from the table and started pacing. "He annoys me. He is loud and obnoxious, and gets in the way."
Yuffie pulled her head back. "Huh. You make him sound kinda like me, only less awesome."
Vincent gave her a dirty look. "I hold similar views about you, but you never actively tried to kill me. Theft, yes, but never intention to kill."
"Thanks, you're a sweetheart, really," she drawled.
"Are you going to leave soon?"
Yuffie gave him a sheepish smile. "Uh, I really don't want to put my old clothes back on. I was gonna just steal some of yours, but you're here now, so I can't."
Vincent rubbed his temple. "I know you have a stash of things hidden here. Just wear that."
She stared at him open mouthed. "How did you-? Never mind. Okay. Um. It's in your bedroom."
"Just get your stuff and leave."
A brilliant smile and she darted into his bedroom. A series of noises that made him doubt he would be getting his deposit back emerged, then she did, dressed in a pair of black short shorts and an orange tank top so bright it almost immediately gave him a migraine.
She kissed him on the cheek, and fled out his window. "Thanks Vinnie!" he heard her call as she leaped to the fire escape on the neighboring building.
He snorted. Honestly, she was a nuisance.