It was a rainy afternoon in the steets of Hawaii, and Tito was walking home after closing up the Shore Shack. It was one of those days where he couldn't get the thought of the shoobies out of his brain. Tito would never forgive them for taking his parents. He always remembered the shoobies, how couldnt he? They were everywhere. And they made his life hella sad.
Nothing brought him true happiness anymore. Especially not FRICKIN RAYMUNDO. Not the waves, not his stories, not even Hawaiian dickings.. Nothing. The older he grew, the more his hate for the shoobies rose. He couldn't take it anymore. Tito stopped, and broke down RIGHT THER on the side of the road. He decided that there was only one..true way to rid himself of the shoobies and the pain they'd caused .
Tito was about to commit sepuku with a fork but then he remembered he was a vampire and that wouldn't be able to kill him. He threw the fork to the ground. His head hanging, Tito started to walk home again, when he was suddenly interrupted by the succulent and angry screaming of what sounded emvery close/em to Terry Crews. "YO. WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?" "What?" Thought Tito, turning around to find no one there. "IN HERE, YOU FOOL." Tito looked down at the fork. "Could it be?..." "YES I BE, YOU TAN ASS MOTHERFUCKER. NOW PICK ME UP, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I AM?" "WAHH!" Screamed Tito.
"PICK ME UP." Tito did as the sentient fork demanded. "Are you a magic fork?" "NO YOU FOOL. I'M A FORK. I PICK THINGS UP. I SHOVE THEM IN PEOPLE'S FACES. I GET FREE BATHS AFTER EVERY MEAL." "Oh.." Said Tito, immensely disappointed. "TUBBY, ARE YOU OKAY?" "Tubby, me?" Asked Tito. "YEAH YOU! TUBBY! ARE YOU SAD OR SOMETHIN', YOU THREW ME DOWN PRETTY HARD." "Well, it's just.. I don't know if i can go on.. THE SHOOBIES." Screamed Tito. "THE WHAT?" "The shoobies..." Cried Tito. "They took my parents.. I hate them.. I hate them so much." Tito shed a single tear. "I don't think i can go on any more... Being immortal is so hard.. It feels like my life has just been going on forever with no purpose." "WOW, YEAH, THAT DOES SOUND PRETTY SAD." Yelled Sentient Fork, continuing to yell for no god damn fucking reason.
"WAIT A SECOND. MAYBE I CAN HELP YOU. AND YOU CAN HELP ME TOO, TUBBY!" "What!? Me?" Asked tito, in disbleef. "YEAH. YOU SEE, I DONT HAVE ANY LEGS. I WANNA BE A REAL BOY. A HUMAN BEING, LIKE YOU TUBBY! I WANT TO BE ABLE TO FEEL. TO CRY. TO MAKE LOVE TO A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN AT SUNSET! Is that too much to ask?.." "Well, no, I don't think so." Replied Tito. "SO!? YOU HELP ME BECOME A REAL BOY, AND IN DOING SO, YOU GIVE YOUR LIFE PURPOSE AGAIN. AND, ONCE I HAVE LEGS, ILL ROUND HOUSE KICK YOU SHOOBIES IN THE THROAT."
Tito thought long and hard about the fork's proposition. It definitely sounded more exciting then working around shOOBies all day.. He could even be rid of the shoobies..forever even, maybe?.. "Okay.." Tito nodded, "I'll do it." "SWEET!" Yelled Sentient Fork. "But, uhm.. How are we going to turn you into a real boy?" "THAT'S SIMPLE, TUBBY!" "my name's Tito." "WE HAVE TO FIND SHADY ANON ANIME RAPPER MAN." "Who's shady anon anime rapper man?" "EXACTLY, TIBBY. NO ONE KNOWS. BUT ALL I DO KNOW, IS THAT HES MY TICKET TO BECOMING A REAL BOY!" "How do you know?" Asked Tito. If the sentient fork could, he would be glancing off into a beautiful anime sunset, a single, heart wrenching tear flowing down his silver bod. "Because.." He said, "I just do.." Tito stood there, not really knowing what to do. "So... How do we find him..?" "JAPAN!" "Japan!?" Shrieked Tito. "JAPAANN!" "Okay, okay!" Said Tito. And they ran home.