HI: D. So, this is an edit of the original version of Ophira Fowl, but I haven't read the books in a good while and made a good few bloopers: P! So this is THE EDIT! Whoop whoop: -D I'll be updating chapter 4 as well, I'm so sorry for the delay, I was so DARN busy… and also I ran out of ideas…. And I had no laptop to grumble about on writers block while typing aimlessly….D:

Oh, and I've forgotten what happens to Mulch…. So if anyone would be kind enough to PM me the answer… that'd be cool!

"Wanna put those back there, Mulch?" Officer Holly Short chirped.

Mulch jumped and turned guiltily to face the recon officer. "Ah, Holly…I-"

"That's Officer Short to you Mulch." Holly interrupted.

She placed her hand on her hip and raised her eyebrows, eagerly awaiting Mulch's explanation for the numerous amounts of watches, mobiles, and I.D's, lurking under Mulch's leather jacket.

Hah. She loved being a recon officer.

Mulch was a kleptomatic dwarf. He had escaped after the Atlantis Complex ordeal with Artemis, but had been caught a year later in Galway, burrowing under every household he could find, and ruining the foundation. He found it funny. Holly didn't. Which was why Holly loved to see him in a cell. He wasn't in right now.

"Aw but Hol... Officer Short", Mulch whined, "you can't arrest me for THAT. It's… my disease. I'm a kleptomaniac. I can't help it."

Holly smirked, loving Mulch's sulky face. "Well first of all Mulch, I can't arrest you."

Mulch's face brightened.

"Reason for: You're already arrested. Where's your assigned officer?"

Mulch's face resumed being sulky. He pointed a finger to a junior officer who was leaning against a nice convertible. Presumably his. Beside him was a pixie.

Ah, Holly thought. He's chatting up a pixie. Not surprising. The junior officer was a sprite. They could get away with anything. Holly hated sprites. And pixies. She smiled. Time to ruin someone's hot date.

Holly took Mulch by the hand and strolled over to the now kissing couple.

"What do you think you're doing?" Mulch hissed

"Just go along with it." Holly smiled. "Because I've got a buzz baton on full voltage and I'm not afraid to use it."

Holly tapped the junior officer on the shoulder. He turned around suddenly, surprised to see a recon officer smiling at him sweetly and holding Mulch Diggums' hand in a way that was waaaay too… close for a prisoner.

"Hello dear." Holly said to the sprite. "Who is you little… friend here?"

The pixie's face was priceless.

"Is this your wife?" She asked the sprite angrily.

The sprite seemed too confused to answer, so Holly decided to do the considerate thing, and answer for him.

"Yes dear, it's been a year now! This is our little son….." she tried to think of a name Mulch wouldn't argue with.

"Sheldon"

Oops. Bad pick.

Mulch squeezed her hand. Hard.

Ow.

The pixie, unaware of the death stares Holly was receiving from Mulch, slapped the sprite across the cheek.

"GOD! I can't believe you asked me out!"

She stormed off with a flick of her hair.

"What the hell?" the sprite turned to Holly, his small little face all red.

Holly smirked. "You obviously weren't paying attention. You let a prisoner off on his own. Plus fact, you seemed pretty happy there getting a hot date and all. And no officer in charge of Diggums should be happy when Mulch is wandering around. "

He blushed even more.

Holly cocked her head.

"What's the matter? Forgot you had a job to do? Crazy kleptomaniac dwarves to keep control of?"

Mulch frowned.

"Hey, a kleptomaniac I may be, but I aint crazy! I went along with your little plan didn't I?"

She ignored him.

"Anyway, sprite, I'm the least of you worries. I'll let you go because I gotta little fun out of you. But Diggums here, he's got Commander Root's brand spanking new sterling silver top of the range watch he got from his beloved mommy. I bet Root won't be too impressed you let a prisoner out of your sight long enough for him to steal his precious watch."

Holly thought it was pretty impressive the way the sprite's face went from beetroot red to pale white.

But then again Holly was pretty easily impressed when it came to scaring annoying little sprites.

She flipped her buzz baton into her belt.

"You better be in a cell the next time I see you Diggums. Or else"

Mulch made pretty damn sure he was in his cell.

Because Holly Short?

Wielding a buzz baton?

She was pretty damn scary.

Holly skipped into the L.E.P HQ happily, then stopped and resumed this morning's blues when she realised Root was in. Holly, mean as it sounded, had enjoyed the brief year in which Root was assumed dead. Trouble treated her like any other Recon officer. All that said and done, she did miss the favouritism he had towards her. And the strong friendship they had. But then Root had been found in the remains of the cave the bomb had exploded in, servely injured, but just about living off a year spent doing a Ritual with the little earth he found himself buried in. To be honest, Holly was glad to have him back.

She tip-toed past Commander Root's office, hoping she could just make it past the door before he-

"SHORT! STOP TRYING TO CREEP PAST MY OFFICE AND GET IN HERE!"

D'arvit.

She was not going to take this sort of crap from him.

"Commander Root, I'm actually ten minutes early today. Half the office isn't even out of bed yet."

Root smirked, and wheeled his wheelchair around to her. She winced where she saw the empty space where Root's right foot should have been. "It's not about that Holly. I'll pick on you later. It's just; I've been hearing you're getting bored since your little Irish boy became good. So I think you should deal with this little problem we've got. Y'know, keep you… entertained."

Holly narrowed her eyes. Yes, she was getting bored. No adventures. Just the same old. Paperwork. But why would Root care?

Root's face grew dark. "You're not going to like this Holly."

Holly grew pale. "Oh no. Not..."

"Fowl. Again."

Holly took a sharp intake of breath.

Root smiled. "Hey, don't go to assumptions so soon there Holly. It's been a while since you've taken a trip to the Fowl manor. Artemis is nineteen now Holly. Technically twenty-one because of the Lost Colony incident. There's now a new genius on the Fowl scene. A girl."

Holly gaped. A girl? Artemis has a sister?

"That's right Holly. I bet you thought Artemis was bad. Now you've got a moody teenage Fowl on your hands. Ophira Fowl."

Holly couldn't believe it. Another Fowl to deal with.

"D'arvit."