A/N: hello lovely readers~ it's been forever since I've posted...or written any fanfics, really . But here's one! And it's almost 10,000 words! And I've been working on it on and off for a long while so I hope you like it.
This is a song fic to Memories by Panic! at the Disco off of their 2011 Vices and Virtues album (which I currently bought XD and if you know the song you may understand the title). Also, if you want/need a playlist to listen to while read this fic, use Lifehouse's No Name Face album or use the songs listed the the disclaimer below plus p!atd's Memories.
Disclaimers: Zexion, Demyx, Radiant Garden, and the whole of the Kingdom Hearts series belongs to Square Enix and Disney. "Somewhere in Between", "Cling and Clatter", "Everything", "Hanging by a Moment", "Sick Cycle Carousel", "Breathing", and "You and Me" belongs to Lifehouse and is mostly off of their No Name Face album.
Yesterday
Zexion never enjoyed going to church. He always asked too many question that no one could answer and read too many scientific papers to believe even an ounce of what they were saying. But he kept attending for two reasons; people watching and for the continued love and affection of his family. He already had a steady job and almost enough money to move out and live on his own. His birthday was in June, which was a few weeks away, he would turn 18 and by then he would definitely have enough money to never have to see his family again.
Zexion's church had started using an actual mini, amateur band instead of a choir, like many other churches were doing to suck in the younger generations. The singer of this "band" had moved recently though, and they had yet to replace him so one of the guitarists stepped up to the challenge.
Sighing as he stood for worship, he vaguely recognized the guitarist from his school, they had a few classes together this year and in years prior. He had caught Zexion's attention many times but never enough to where the slate-haired male had actually learned the other's name.
What the "band" did was take popular christian bands and cover them on stage. Apparently they were starting Lifehouse songs. They started with "Somewhere in Between" and Zexion remembered his classmate's name; Demyx. And the blonde's voice caught his attention immediately and never let it go. Next they went into "Cling and Clatter" and Zexion felt himself being pulled in and an understanding on a level he never had before. He also realized Demyx was staring at him, watching him. That he was singing to him. When they moved on to "Everything" Zexion started swaying to the song, eyes locked with Demyx's the entire time. In the middle of the lines "You are all I want, you are all I need, you are everything" Zexion realized that in the course of three songs he had fallen in love with the blonde he barely knew on stage, and that Demyx was singing to him, not God.
Zexion was watching Demyx for the rest of the service, not hearing a single word of the sermon.
"Hey," Zexion starts the next day in English.
"Oh hey, you're Zexion, right?" Demyx was much better at playing like nothing had happened at church the day before. Or maybe he didn't notice that anything was different. Maybe Zexion was misinterpreting. He hoped that he wasn't.
Zexion nods. "And you're Demyx. We've had classes together before." The slate haired teen shuffles his feet awkwardly, unsure how to say the next bit without sounding as awkward as he felt. "I, um, heard you at church yesterday. You were really good up there on stage. You don't need a new singer, you're better than anyone I've ever heard." he babbles slightly, shutting himself up.
Demyx beams at him. "You think so? Thanks. But the church is requiring four members in the band so..." Demyx trails off, making a face at his desk, shrugging.
"I know piano. I could be a keyboardist." Zexion blurts blurts before he could stop himself. He ducks his head to hide his embarrassed blush and adds. "If you want me to."
Demyx looks back at Zexion, eyes widening a little in surprise as he leans back in his chair. "Really? I'll let the rest of the band know. I'll write the details down and give them to you at the end of class." He extends his hand. "Welcome to the fold."
Zexion shakes his hand with a smile right as the bell rings.
The rehearsals were at Demyx's house. He was already legal and had moved out so they didn't have to worry about bothering anyone except for maybe the neighbors. Zexion was happy to own a moped-bought with his own money-because he didn't have to tell his parents where he was going and what he was doing because it would lead to gushing and un-needed praise, which was foreign to him. So he had left without explanation and parked his moped in front of the address Demyx had written for him. He stores his helmet in the small storage compartment under the seat and rings the doorbell. When Demyx opens the door for him, Zexion could hear Lifehouse playing in a back room.
"Zexy!~" Demyx smiles brights. "I can call you that right? Anyway, you're the first one here. Come on in." Zexion silently follows the flamboyant and hyper blonde into the house, closing the door behind him. He's lead into the living room, which is also the source of the music. Demyx walks over to the stereo and turns it down to a more reasonable level.
"So, um, normally we just decide the next songs we're going to play and practice them. We meet daily at the same times unless otherwise stated and practice for as long as we can. We're only doing Christian rock bands like Lifehouse and Skillet, obviously."
Zexion nods and shifts awkwardly on the couch, unsure of what to say.
"So, um, why'd you suddenly talk to me yesterday?"
Zexion cringed slightly and looked at the floor to hide the blush spreading over his face. he knew this question was going to be asked. "You were staring at me while you sang," he mutters.
"O-oh, you noticed that?" Demyx stutters embarrassed himself, and rubbing the back of his neck.
"Well, it's not just that. I mean, I never did like church, and I do mean never, especially not worship but you made it good and made me feel what everyone else there felt and I almost believed it while you were up there singing. And you looked so happy and beautiful..." Zexion stops his rambling there embarrassed by both the word vomit and his word choice.
"Wanna know a secret?" Demyx asks, leaning towards Zexion slightly and takes the other teen looking up at him as a silent yes. "I don't believe either."
Zexion opens his mouth to say something-what, he wasn't sure-but before any words could form themselves on his rambling lips the doorbell rang.
"Oh, that must be them." Demyx starts and crosses the room towards the door but stops and looks at Zexion before turning the corner. "I won't tell if you don't." Zexion nods and Demyx continues on to let the others in.
Zexion got home late. His parents would have been furious if it wasn't to meet the first friend he had made since elementary school. They coo'd and awww'd over the fact that Zexion had made a friend and were proud of why he was out so late, but Zexion never told them why he made this friend nor what had happened at church the Sunday before. He would let his family be proud before he had to let them all down, it was a pride he saw but was never on the receiving end of. So pride over personal successes was very rare and welcome.
Zexion narrowly escaped all of this (and a phone call to his older brothers at college) by saying he still had homework to do. Which was a lie, he never still had homework by the time he arrived home, but he didn't want to tell his brothers. What he realized he felt at church may slip out if he had to talk about it too much at one time. He wanted to sit in his room and think about how fast everything in his head was moving.
He barely knew Demyx, yet they had already told each other things that they had told no other. Not necessarily because they were private, but because they were frowned upon in the society they had to be surrounded by. All Zexion had known before this point was that Demyx could barely hold a job. Which, Zexion took the liberty of assuming, was why his house was so small. But despite all that, the blonde was always smiling and laughing.
The band had decided on "Hanging By a Moment", "Sick Cycle Carousel" and "Breathing". And also nominated Zexion as background vocals after they caught him singing under his breath and deeming his singing to be good enough to put on display.
Background vocals consisted mostly of repeating part of a line already sang by Demyx. They started with "Sick Cycle Carousel" in which Zexion had no lines of singing which was preferable because that way he could watch Demyx sing and get into the lyrics. Watch him feel every word leaving his lips. Listen to him tear up slightly every so often. Putting his whole being and more into the songs.
Zexion wondered if Demyx was singing this song to him too, but it was hard to tell, being positioned behind him made both eye contact and reading his face impossible. But for not believing, like he said he didn't, he put more emotion and devotion into the songs than Lifehouse themselves had. In order for that to happen, he had to be applying it to someone.
They moved onto "Breathing" after "Sick Cycle Carousel" and Zexion had a few lines of echo, which had Demyx occasionally catching his eye and smiling at him. It was oddly comforting and Zexion couldn't tell why. But it didn't bother him too much because it was Demyx and love was said to do strange things to a person.
Before they could move on the "Hanging By A Moment", Axel, the bassist, and Larxene, the drummer, had to leave, leaving Demyx and Zexion alone and lounging on the couch.
"So have you been having fun?" Demyx asks, flopping onto the couch next to Zexion, opening a soda.
The younger teen nods and discretely moves away from Demyx so he wasn't in his bubble, he didn't mind Demyx in his bubble, like he didn't mind much when it came to the blonde, but he wasn't sure if he could stop himself from doing anything with the blonde that close to him.
"Come on, let's practice some more."
The next day in English they started a partner project where the group had to make a speech and include all these rhetorical strategies that the class hated. Naturally, when left to pick partners, Demyx walked straight over to Zexion with a smile on his face. Zexion smiles back as Demyx sits down next to him. Zexion knew at this moment that this project wasn't going to be so bad.
"So what are we gonna write about?" Demyx asks opening his notebook to a blank page and twirling his pencil he pulled from his pocket in between his fingers.
"Why are you in the band?" Zexion blurts and he absently realized that this has been happening a lot around Demyx. "I mean, you don't believe the words you're singing so why? And who are you singing to for that kind of emotion? It can't simply be nobody." He knew that the moment the blonde mentioned a name he'd instantly become jealous, but he needed to know. He never needed anything as badly as he needed this.
"Why are you?" Demyx asks without missing a beat and falters slightly in twirling his pencil, realizing his deflect. " I mean, I did it so maybe this person would notice me. Someone specific. So far it's been working but..." Demyx makes a face at his blank paper and half-shrugs. "You never know, right?"
"Who?" Zexion asks. He knew he was being annoyingly persistent but he needed to know, for the sake of his sanity.
"Once we finish the project. I promise. Swear on my guitar. So, speech...Something controversial..." He trails off in thought and consideration.
"Gay marriage." The younger teen internally kicked himself. This blurting out his thoughts thing need to stop before he had to go hide in a ditch and never see Demyx again.
"Oh ho, does Zexy-kins have another secret?" The blonde watched Zexion go crimson with a small smirk. "Gay marriage it is then. What, I've got secrets too." He adds winking to Zexion's look of surprise.
The whole time they were working, all Zexion could think was please let it be me. God, I may believe in you if you just let it be me.
The speech wasn't due until the end of class on Friday, so Zexion went to Demyx's place early to "work on it". Really, he just wanted it over so he could know the object of Demyx's unrequited affections so he know who to envy and hate. And to distract himself from being alone and over analyzing the situation.
"Hey Zexy! You bring your notes?" Demyx greets, letting the slate-haired male into his house.
"Yup," Zexion replies, lifting the notebook from under his arm
"Good! Let's work on it in my bedroom. It's comfier."
Zexion falters for a fraction of a second, too short for Demyx to notice, and the younger follows the blonde into the bedroom, praying to keep his self-control.
Demyx flops onto his bed where his notebook and pencil are already waiting on his nightstand. Zexion takes a seat at the blonde's desk. The former frowns but doesn't comment.
"You know we're almost done with the thing already, right?" Demyx asks, fishing out a remote from the drawer in the nightstand and turning on a stereo in the corner of the room with it and it started playing Lifehouse's "No Name Face" album, the one that the band was currently covering.
Zexion shrugs. "You're more entertaining than my parents or brothers ever have been."
That afternoon they practice "Hanging By A Moment" together as a group for the first time, though Demyx and Zexion had already practiced it before. They were amazing. Zexion had more lines than he was comfortable with, but it meant more locked gazes with Demyx so he didn't mind too much.
The whole band got into whatever song they were singing. They could be singing Mary Had a Little Lamb and still bring people to tears with their emotions. But none of them bled their emotions like Demyx. Zexion wasn't sure if it was because Demyx was more emotional then the rest of them or because he was the vocals, but whichever it was, Zexion never wanted to see it fade. Demyx didn't believe a single word coming out of his mouth, but he sang with the passion and desperation of a love stuck teenager trying to get the attention of their unrequited love who never seemed to notice them. It was so beautifully depressing that it made Zexion's heart ache because he knew Demyx's secret that no one else knew. And the tragic part was that he understood. He understood every undertone and emotion and purposely vague word
He understood it all because he felt the exact same way.
And it fucking hurt.
But then the practice was over and they all said their farewells. Zexion stood next to his moped and, as he watched the door close, he felt a piece of his heart break off. He didn't think that healthy. Not at all.
"I heard you have trouble keeping a job," Zexion starts the next day in English. They had finished the speech the night before so they were left to entertain themselves and each other. Zexion figured that Demyx wouldn't answer his question until the day the project was due, so he wasn't going to push, even though he desperately wanted to. It was all he wanted to know.
"When your passion's exaltation sometimes jobless is better. Its not enough to take refuge in a pay check just to survive. You have to live. You have to stop and feel, and smell the flowers, and see the people that no one sees. You have to be outgoing and just generally happy. That's not something a pay check gets you. Sometimes having no money is better than having savings." Demyx shrugs. "You never answered my question yesterday."
"What question was that?" Zexion asks, feigning ignorance. He knew the question that Demyx was talking about, but he hoped that he wouldn't have to answer it.
"Why'd you join the band? You don't believe either, and you don't need the money from it. So why?"
Zexion pulls his lower lip into his mouth and starts chewing on it, wondering if he should really tell him. He shrugs. "Same reason as you, kind of. But for me, it's not to be noticed, it's to be closer." He shrugs again, licking his lips nervously.
"On the count of three, we say their names," Demyx instructs earning a nod in response from Zexion. "One... two... three."
And at the same time, they both say "You". Both of their eyes widened in surprise and a small happy smirk lights Demyx's face.
"I may be god, because my charm works miracles," he states with false smugness. Zexion rolls his eyes and chews his bottom lip again.
"My parents would disown me..." The younger mutters glaring at his desk, wondering why he was so emotional about this. He didn't give a damn about his parents and they didn't give a damn about him.
"When do you turn 18?" Demyx asks, ducking his head to try to catch his new boyfriend's eyes, worry coating his voice at sensing the emotion in Zexion's.
"Next Wednesday," Zexion answers, hoping he knew where Demyx was going with this.
"A week before the last day of school," he chuckles. "Move in with me on Thursday. Or hell, you could move on Wednesday. 's no big deal to me."
"My stuff is already in boxes," Zexion murmurs to his desk not lying and slightly embarrassed.
"Damn," Demyx chuckles. "You want out bad."
Soon, the school year ended and the two teens found themselves in uncomfortable gowns and stupid hats, giddy, and graduating. The moment the ceremony was over, Zexion and Demyx filed off the stage and immediately turn to find each other, taking off the tacky hats to be able to notice each other by hair, above the crowd. When they found the other, they grinned stupidly to each other, but before Demyx can say anything, Zexion's mom found her way over.
"Zexion!" she cries, glomping her son with a bone crushing mom-hug, not noticing Zexion's unhidden groan and matching exasperation on his face. "You ran off! We had no clue where you went! You never even told us you were leaving."
Zexion pushes his mother off of him, barely hiding his contempt. "Yes mom, I did. I've been telling you since I was six. I've kept you updated every step of the way. You just never listened. Every word out of your mouth is about Kadaj, Yazoo, or Loz. You never once heard me, and it would seriously surprise me if you were actually hearing me now."
"What are you talking about? We listened. We always listened. And when you joined the church band we were so proud."
"Really mother? Name one other accomplishment of mine. Just one."
"Well, um..."
Zexion starts counting with his fingers. "Taught myself how to read. Spelling bee winner in second grade. Taught myself how to ride a bike. Top of my class from third to tenth grade. Second in line for valedictorian today. Today mother. Those are only a handful of things. If this is you paying attention, you are the worst at it that I've ever seen. I'm never coming back to you. Not for a single thing." And he turns, dragging Demyx out of the building with him and they go home.
Demyx never asked and Zexion never explained.
They had hung their diplomas above the couch and smiled proudly every time they passed them as June turned into July. They were still safely closeted but all their free time with each other left them to tread very carefully around Axel and Larxene to keep their band jobs, which was Demyx's only source of income at the moment.
They each had their own room to simply keep up appearances and Zexion upped his weekly hours at the book and music store to fend off summer boredom and Demyx stayed home, practicing his guitar and singing for hours on end to make sure he never faltered.
They were far from innocent, though. There would be many times that Zexion would walk in the door only to meet Demyx's lips and barely make it to the couch. Their first time was like that.
Zexion's day had been tiresome and he called ahead saying he was heading home. He barely had time to hang his keys before Demyx's lips were on his. His hands tangled in his blonde's mullet, pulling himself flush against his boyfriend and the blonde's hands around his waist were wasting no time sliding under his shirt. Zexion sighed as Demyx moved his mouth to the younger's neck.
"Couch," Zexion whispered and Demyx lifted him off the floor to carry him to the couch and Zexion wrapped his legs around Demyx's waist. Distracted, Demyx tripped over his guitar case and they landed rather roughly on the couch. Zexion chuckled while Demyx dragged the slate haired teen's shirt over his head before doing the same to his own.
Zexion held his breath and sucked his bottom lip into his mouth. He always had this reaction to Demyx's lean and muscular upper body. His cock twitched and he wasted no time in pushing his hips upwards into the blonde's with his still wrapped legs.
Demyx leans back down and captures Zexion's mouth, granting the younger the ability to breathe again as their hips continue to grind against each other. Demyx slides his hands slowly down Zexion's sides and he lets out a low moan into the kiss. Eventually they find their target and unbutton Zexion's jeans, slowly pulling them as far down as possible without moving.
The blonde pulls out of the kiss for a second, and both pairs of blue eyes meet. "This okay Zexy?" Demyx asks cautiously
"Has been since I saw you on stage that first time. Fuck me Demyx." Zexion affirms, using the moment to kick off his jeans and unbutton Demyx's, pushing them and his boxers down as far as his hands would take them, before gripping them with his toes to continue pulling. Demyx chuckles and stands briefly to rid himself of the clothes and Zexion takes the chance to take off his boxers, kicking them to the end of the couch with his pants.
They both take to opportunity to study the other's body in brief detail before Demyx is on him again and the skin on skin is making Zexion harder and crazier as he pushes his hips up against Demyx's again and again, unable to stop.
Demyx moves from Zexion's mouth and kisses and licks his way down Zexion's neck and chest earning moans. Demyx blindly grabs his pants and gropes the pockets until he pulls out a small bottle of lube. He coats his fingers before slowly pushing one inside of Zexion. He groans and pushes down on Demyx's finger, making the blonde chuckle and insert the other two simultaneously. Zexion moans loud and long and Demyx slowly begins stretching him for entrance.
Eventually, Zexion reached down and caught Demyx's hand, the blonde looking up at his boyfriend quizzically. "I want you, not your fingers," the younger whispers huskily earning a smirk. Demyx removed his fingers from Zexion, slid back up to kiss the slate haired teen and slowly pushed inside. Zexion broke the kiss with a low, long and loud moan. Demyx slowly moves in and out of him, and Zexion moves his hips to meet the blonde's trusts halfway every time. Demyx reaches between them and starts stroking Zexion and it doesn't take long until the thrusts are faster and rougher as they both cum at the same time, calling each other's names.
They barely had enough time to clean up and re-dress before Axel is knocking on the door, earlier than scheduled. Zexion schools his blush back into place as Demyx answers the door.
The shared glances during practice slowly dwindled because the memories of Zexion hauling Demyx by the collar into a bedroom in the middle of playing a song would make them both falter slightly and Zexion hide his blush in his hair. They had plenty of time to stare and share glances the rest of the day so there wasn't much loss in it. But the words and emotional impact never left. In fact, they were stronger than ever, especially since they hung out at cafes and pizza parlors often to just talk. Every time, Demyx and Zexion had to sit across from each other and tangle their feet with each others' to keep hands from reaching across the table to entangle fingers and risk outing themselves.
But it was always worth it once they were home with the door shut.
July faded into August and tempers rose with the temperature. But their fights were stupid, they knew, and the make-up was often.
For a week, their air conditioner was broken and no one had time to fix it. Not even a fan in every room and window did anything to help the scorching heat. They would be in bed at night in only boxers, blankets kicked to the floor, staring at the ceiling with heat induced insomnia, interlaced fingers being the only things touching to keep down on the radiating body heat.
"I love you," Demyx whispers hesitantly, and Zexion feels the bed shift with the blonde's fidgeting, for he was the first to say those three words. The slate haired teen merely chuckles.
"I love you too," he replies smiling at the blonde, faint light from the stars out the window being the only thing lighting the room. The heat escaped their minds as they became a tangle of limbs, needy mouths, hot breath, and wandering hands.
Even naked, when they woke they were hotter than before. Didn't help that they were laying on each other.
"I have to work a double shift today. Just do the practice without me, I can catch up," Zexion says pulling on his shoes. He stands and looks at Demyx sitting on the couch. The blonde was scowling at the floor with his arms crossed around a pillow. "Dem? What's wrong?"
"I don't like it," he mutters.
"Don't like what?" Zexion cocks his head to the side in confusion.
"This!" Demyx exclaims, standing abruptly, accidentally throwing the pillow as he wildly gestures to indicate some invisible thing. "You're alwaysworking! You're never home! I don't get to see you much at all. Why can't someone else take the double shifts?"
"Maybe this is why you can never keep a job; you act so naive and childish and don't even understand the basics. If your boss asks you to work a double shift, you work a double shift without complaining. If your boss asks you anythingsimple, you don't complain." Zexion explains without raising his voice or showing any anger.
"You don't let me see you while you're at work, though. I just want to see you! I'm scared you're going to leave me." Demyx's eyes water slightly and he bites his lip looking at the ground.
"What? You don't trust me anymore? You can come see me at work so long as you don't distract me from my job for too long." Zexion sighs and rubs his temples. "You know what? I'm about to be late. We can talk about this when I get home."
Over lunch, Zexion's phone rings. "Hello?" he answers without checking the ID.
"Zexy, I'm sorry for this morning. Can I make it up to you when you get home?" Demyx asks, worry lacing his voice. Zexion smiles.
"You could come by here and make it up to me now, I just went on lunch."
August smoothed into September and Demyx started playing his guitar outside the shop Zexion worked in for pocket change and more time together. Out there, he didn't restrict himself to Christian music, just family friendly names like One Republic, 3 Doors Down and The Fray. He played almost anything he knew and learned many more mainstream songs to play for the public. When not busy, Zexion would hang around in the shop somewhere, mouthing the lyrics to the song Demyx was singing, tapping his foot, and just generally listening to and getting into the music his boyfriend was playing.
They always took a late lunch together and left at the same time in the afternoon, even if that meant Zexion waiting around outside because Demyx wanted to keep playing. Sometimes, the slate haired teen would pick up background vocals to sing just to entertain himself. Demyx never made much doing this, if someone left money, it was normally just their pocket change, but it was worth it because they brought smiles to people's faces and spent more time with each other even if they weren't physically interacting. It was never about the money in the first place. Some days, when Zexion had the day off, Demyx would convince him to haul the keyboard and it's stand out and play with him. And when could Zexion say no when Demyx was being adorable?
Zexion figured his coworkers and/or other random strangers with gaydar knew that they were a couple, but if they noticed, it never seemed like they cared, and neither did Zexion. The only people actually against it anymore was the church, in Radiant Garden, anyway.
Thinking of the church made Zexion think about his family for the first time since graduation. They couldn't possibly be as bad as he remembered, right? Regardless of anything, parents loved their children, right? Maybe he just didn't remember the good times. They treated the other three perfectly fine, so why would he be any different? They couldn't have been thatbad.
From the first thought, these questions plagued Zexion's mind in every idle moment he had. He started over working and over thinking small things just to keep the thoughts away because he knew that they werethat bad, but he kept wondering, and even picked up a smoking habit since he heard it helps with stress. All of this made Demyx worry about his boyfriend, but the younger never noticed.
"Hey, Zexy? What's been bothering you these past weeks? You know you can talk to me about anything, right?" Demyx asks worried and hesitant as they're cuddling on the couch after a weekend movie marathon.
Zexion starts slightly and hand twitches as to grab a box of cigarettes from the end table drawer. He hadn't realized that Demyx had noticed anything. He cups Demyx's cheek and kisses him lightly. "Do you think I should talk to my parents? I mean, I haven't talked to them since graduation.." he trails off, giving in and grabbing the pack of cigarettes, looking at the box before pulling one out. He shrugs, pulls a lighter out of his pocket and lights up, careful to blow the smoke away from Demyx.
"Do you want to call them?" the blonde asks, shifting to sit in his boyfriend's lap, facing him, worry plain on his face.
Zexion sighs and takes another drag of his cigarette. "I don't know. I mean, I know they were horrible to me, but I keep questioning it. And if I call they'll probably hurt me again, but if I don't, I don't think I'll ever stop wondering." He puts the cigarette out and sets the pack next to the ashtray.
"Mmmm, sounds like a decision you have to make on your own. But right now, let's forget, hmm?" Demyx leans in and captures his boyfriend's lips with his own and soon everything was forgotten, clothes on the floor and couch being soiled again.
September cooled into October and Zexion unpacked his last box and Demyx talked him into going to the church's Halloween party. Zexion never saw the point with the dress code and rules infringing on most costumes out there.
Eventually, though, Zexion conceded, but only if Demyx could find a costume in dress code and that Zexion was willing to wear. Demyx accepted the challenge happily and eagerly. Almost everyday, it seemed, Zexion would be bombarded with costume ideas on their way home from the bookstore. Most were shut down almost immediately. They were mostly cliche too, things like superheroes, pastor, ninja, and such. If he were to dress up, it wasn't going to be generic. And most non-generic costumes were ruled out by the dress code, which made Demyx's task near impossible anyway.
Halloween came around and Demyx dragged Zexion out the door and to the church. He had managed to find a black hoodie that read "I don't do costumes" which Zexion figured was cheating but he went with it anyway. Demyx, however, was wearing a full length hooded black leather trench coat and black pants. He said it was supposed to be a black market dealer, but if anyone asked, he just pulled them out of the back of his closet.
Zexion's biggest issue with parties was the socialization. He was a wallflower by nature. Which was why he avoided it any time he could. So Zexion spent the majority of the time against the wall, near the snacks, watching Demyx, Axel, and Larxene interact with other churchgoers, occasionally catching a glimpse of his mother and resisting the urge to talk to her.
"Why are you such a loner?" Demyx asks, leaning against the wall next to Zexion.
The slate haired teen shrugs. "It's my personality, I guess."
"Then what makes me so different?"
"You sang at me with a beautiful and moving voice with emotions all for me," Zexion answers without hesitation, looking straight into the blonde's eyes with a small smile of which was happily returned.
"I'm going to go mingle some more. Just tell me when you want to leave, okay?" Zexion nods and watches his boyfriend re-enter the mass of interacting people.
Once Demyx was across the room, laughing with somebody, Zexion sighed and walked over to his mother.
"Hi...mom," Zexion almost whispers biting his lip barely able to choke out the two words.
"Oh! My Zexion! Where have you beenfor these last months? I've been so worried!" she asks excitedly leaning in to hug him. Zexion turns and walks straight out one of the back exits leaving his mother confused. He leans against the brick next to the door way sighing and lighting up. Not even a minute later, Demyx joins him outside and they stand in silence for a minute.
"Why do you do that?" Demyx asks, indicating the cigarette.
The younger shrugs and blows out a mouthful of smoke. "Stress relief, I guess. It's relaxing. I heard someone say so before so I decided to try it." He shrugs again.
"What was so stressing that made you start?" Demyx shuffles awkwardly. "I mean, you didn't smoke and then one day you did." He shrugs one shoulder. They were staring out at the air in front of their faces, talking sideways to each other. They hadn't moved since they left the building.
Zexion shrugs again. "Was thinking about my family too much. Wondering if I only remembered the bad was...hard. It took it's toll. And now I know I wasn't wrong, they were horrible, and it suddenly hurts. It never hurt before, because it was normal. But I had never been loved then. I didn't know what I was missing." They lapsed back into silence and Zexion stomps out his cigarette butt, lighting another, watching his lighter flame for a second before flipping it closed and pocketing it again. Neither of them moved, and Zexion finished and stomped out that one too.
Zexion tuned to face Demyx, both with hands in their pockets, away from the fall air. "But now I have you to make up for it and more, don't I?" He moved his hand out of the hoodie pocket and cups the blonde's face.
"Naturally," Demyx replies with a smile before leaning in to kiss Zexion. It tasted like cigarettes and cheep party snacks and the bad punch someone made. So it was short but sweet.
"Let's go home,"Zexion says, breaking the kiss and biting his lip and taking Demyx's hand in his.
October dimmed into November and nothing was going right. Someone had outed them at church which effectively kicked them out and lost them their jobs in the band-the one paying job Demyx had. Zexion started working overtime more to support them week to week and still add into their savings for a safety net and insurance pay. In every free moment, Demyx was looking for jobs, he still played in from of the bookstore but that hardly paid anything, which was still next to nothing with the unemployment pay he was getting. They knew Christmas and Thanksgiving were not going to see a lot of people if anyone at all, but paying for it was still going to be tight.
It had been a long day at work for Zexion, and the second after he kicked off his shoes and hung his keys in the doorway he heard Demyx in the living room playing and singing "Sick Cycle Carousel".
"If shame had a face, I think it would kind of look like mine. If it had a home, would it be my eyes? Would you believe me if I said I was tired of this? Well here we go now, one more time-"
"You've got nothing to be ashamed of," Zexion cuts in, now leaning in the doorway. He moves to sit next to his boyfriend on the couch as the last interrupted strum on the blonde's guitar fades out.
"I never said I did," Demyx replies.
"No, but the emotion you were putting into it heavily implied it." Zexion leans over the guitar in his lap and gives him a quick peck on the lips. "It's not your fault that you're a vagrant."
Demyx makes a face at the comment before he suddenly remembers something and his face lights up. "Oh! I learned a new song for you, Zexy."
"Then play it for me." Without further prompting, Demyx launches into Lifehouse's "You and Me".
"What day is it? And in what month? This clock never seemed so alive..." Demyx finishes the song and lets the last strum fade. Zexion moves the guitar to the miniature coffee table they had and leans over Demyx, kissing him and slowly pushing him down to laying on the couch, Zexion hovering over him.
"I like where this is going,"Demyx whispers in Zexion's ear in a break in the kiss.
"I know you do," Zexion replies "Now shut up and kiss me." The blonde complied and it only took a second before they were grabbing fistfuls of clothing, trying to pull it off with out disconnecting their mouths. They had managed to kick off their pants, but finally pulled apart to pull of each others' shirt.
They rejoined on the couch, fully naked, locking lips again and groping at skin. Zexion's hand finds it's way in between Demyx's legs and slowly slides in two fingers at once. The blonde tenses momentarily before moving against them, grabbing the other teen's ass, both grinding against the other. Zexion pumps and scissors his fingers, earning moans and pleasured writhing. The slate haired teen breaks the kiss and starts kissing down the blonde's neck and chest.
"Zexy," Demyx half moans half whispers, sending a shiver down the said teen's spine. "Enough fingers. I want you." As if to reiterate the point, he grinds up to the teen on top of him instead of down on his fingers. Zexion smiles slightly before moving to suck on the corner of Demyx's neck and shoulder, removing his fingers and slowly pushing in. It wasn't their first time without lubricant and Zexion knew that it hurt, so he was trying to be careful.
The blonde moans once his boyfriend was inside of him. Zexion smirks against the blonde's neck and moves his now free hand to the other teen's penis and starts pumping it in time with his thrusts, gauging when he needed to go faster by the noises coming fro Demyx's mouth.
"Zexy. Oh god Zexion. I love yo-oh god there. Oh fuck, oh god." Zexion loved listening to the gibberish they uttered moaned and screamed during sex. Demyx reaches one hand in between them, and starts jerking off Zexion to the same rhythm the younger teen was keeping. Zexion bit down on Demyx's shoulder, stifling a sudden moan at the action, and earning another moan from Demyx. Zexion moves back up and locks lips with the blonde again.
It didn't take much longer for them to cum and collapse on each other on the couch, smiling and making no effort to put their clothes back on or move.
"If that's how you always react to sappy songs after long days then I should do it more often," Demyx chuckles.
"You really should," Zexion agrees, giving him a short kiss
November bled into December and the two teens went Christmas shopping for each other together, which ruined the surprise, but they didn't mind. Demyx even managed to pull Zexion into one of the cheap photo booths that took and printed five pictures at a time. He had used pocket change from candy purchases to pay for it and the pictures were split between the two after they printed.
"How old is this movie?" Demyx asks. One of the few TV channels they received was playing a Christmas and romance movie marathon, since it was Christmas day, the bookstore was closed, and they had nothing better to do, so they were cuddled on the couch watching; too lazy to check other channels.
"Well, A Streetcar Named Desirewas written by Tennessee Williams in December of 1947, according to a coworker that loves the play. But I have no clue about the movie. Has to be old because it's in black and white," Zexion answers with a shrug.
"Well no shit," Demyx jokes at Zexion's obvious comment, and flicks his nose, both laughing slightly.
It only took a few more months for Demyx's unemployment to come back and bite them in the ass and they had to start using their emergency savings for bills and groceries and other daily living expenses.
"Hey, Demyx?" Zexion asks as they were looking for food in their kitchen. They had learned to eat the kitchen literally bare before buying more food, eating what they wanted when they wanted was a luxury.
"Hey, yeah?" Demyx replies pulling his head out of the fridge and sitting on the counter, kicking the appliance closed, giving up on his serch.
"I don't think we can afford for me to buy you a birthday present for your birthday next week," Zexion answers, pulling his head out of the pantry and looking over at the blonde to gauge his reaction.
Demyx merely shrugs. "'S cool. I'm not used to receiving presents for my birthday anyway."
Zexion walks over and puts his hands on his boyfriend's knees. "Why not? Even my negligent parents got me presents every year, even if they weren't even near what I wanted," he asks confused.
Demyx sighs and licks his bottom lip. "You ever notice how I never talk about or to my family?" Zexion nods, and Demyx takes this as a sign to continue. "I've been in foster care since I was two. I was never in the same home for more than two years and I was always with many other kids so there wasn't such thing as birthday presents or birthday parties. I never even knew they were celebrated until fifth grade. And I was emaciated at sixteen which is part of why I can't keep a job, so I've been too busy to throw myself a party." He shrugs.
Zexion leans up and kisses him as an apology for the harshness of the world. Demyx smiles sadly into it.
Zexion worked all of that weekend. And all of the next. And that was all it took before he made it routine. He did buy Demyx a present a week later, though. He bought him all of the Lifehouse, The Fray, and 3 Doors Down CDs which put them back a lot of money. Demyx just about cried and Zexion narrowly managed to save the CDs before the ecstatic blonde pushed him down and started pulling at clothes.
This memory became fond because a few days later Demyx got a minimum wage night job at a small nearby bar and they rarely saw each other for months at a time with the odd hours they both worked. And the bills were still piling up while they had barely enough money to keep feeding themselves and just barely meeting the deadline for the bills.
All they ever were now was varying shades of miserable. True smiles were rare, even on the ever cheerful blonde. They'd come home only to sleep to get enough energy to pretend to be fine the next day. The TV or other entertainment devices were hardly touched, the only electronic with frequent use was the fridge. They never realized how tiring this monotonous routine was, because it was their only option to maybe be able to stay under the same roof and maybe one day be happy again.
They both took Zexion's birthday off, splurged on cheep non alcoholic champagne and stayed up late planning the future and imagining how much better it would be. Plan for the worst, and hope for the best as the saying goes, even though it doesn't get much worse than the failed romance they had now.
But even if they never said it, they knew it was simply impossible to predict the end of this downward spiral. The end would be the end, no matter if you liked it or not.
It only took one more month for things to start falling apart to the point of almost irreparable. Every time they saw each other they fought about thinks like work hours, never seeing each other, what side of the bed to sleep on, what TV channel to watch and other simple and trivial things. And verbal or physical make up or forgiveness was almost nonexistent, which means non-verbal or non-physical forgiveness was almost never achieved.
"What're you doing?" Xion, one of Zexion's co-workers, asks sneaking up behind him and the computer he was on, glancing over his shoulder to satisfy her curiosity. She was barely sixteen, and was just as naive as the rest of her age group, but Zexion liked her nonetheless. She was sweet and smart.
"Looking at apartments," Zexion answers apathetically, scrolling down the page, using his practice and experience to school his emotions.
"You and the boyfriend moving?" she asks cheerfully, wearing a blinding grin and Zexion felt his heart twinge painfully.
"No, I'm moving out," Zexion corrects, scanning over the apartment's information and rent charges.
"Oh," her face fell drastically and it was almost comedic how quickly the shift happened. He would have laughed if it had been funny. "Did something happen?"
"Yes and no." Zexion forces the emotion out of his face and voice. If he broke down in front of her he wouldn't be able to keep pretending to be fine and her worry would be even more troublesome. "Mostly, we're just too young. It's not working properly and we hardly see each other because I work here open to close and he works nights, and due to the lack of interaction, when we do see each other all we can seem to do is bicker and never have the chance to apologize or forgive each other before it happens again. Maybe it could work if we were older and the money wasn't so tight. But not everything goes as planned." Zexion shrugs indifferently, closes the browser on the computer and stands to take post at the register.
"Are you sure you're okay with this?" Xion asks, following him looking worried.
"Nope. But life isn't about being 'okay', it's about doing what'll be best in the long run." He goes behind the counter, smiles at the customer and goes through the motions of checking them out, leaving Xion to worry for his well being. She wouldn't have ever guessed a word he just said just from watching him. He smiled and made idle conversation and was generally the best worker they had. He had always seemed happy. He could have fooled the best of them.
"What're you doing home?" Demyx asks surprised, stumbling into the kitchen after waking up for breakfast and coffee. He was only wearing his boxers, even though it was getting colder outside again with the advent of fall, but they kept a lot of blankets on the bed, so he didn't really need much more to sleep in until winter.
"I was forced to take a vacation. I think Xion said something about me to our boss and he started worrying," Zexion replies with a shrugs before handing Demyx a newly made cup of coffee.
Demyx takes a sip of the coffee before asking "For how long?" They both sit down at the puny kitchen table and Zexion takes a long drink of his coffee, and lights up, taking a long drag before replying. "Two weeks, maybe more." He bites his lip and takes another drink, pulling the ashtray closer.
"What could she possibly have told him to get that much off time?" Demyx blurts, incredulous.
Zexion licks and bites his lip while staring at his cup of coffee, not answering the blonde's question. "Zexy?" the elder asks, when the teen in question was most of the way through the cigarette, suddenly worried.
"You haven't called me that since my birthday a few months ago. And this is the first civilized conversation we've had since you got you job," Zexion whispers before looking up at the blonde after smashing out the cigarette in the ashtray. Demyx looked an odd mixture of worried, sad, and guilty. Zexion would have laughed at the strange expression if he didn't feel the same way. "I was looking at apartments while at work and Xion saw. I told her we hardly see each other anymore and have been arguing without apologizing or making up a lot and I was gonna move out."
"Were you going to tell me?" It didn't even sound like he was trying to guilt the younger, and the lack of the word"when" made him feel even worse, knowing that this was how far they had fallen. It wasn't going to be long before their romance hit rock bottom.
"After I found a place," Zexion mutters, looking down at his hands around his coffee mug. Demyx stands and grabs his cell phone he left on the counter the day before, using it to call in sick.
"Let's talk about this, Zexy."
It only took a week after Zexion's vacation for things the splinter, break and die again. It took another week for Zexion to find an affordable place and request time off to move. He was granted a week and he immediately went home and started packing.
Demyx awoke while Zexion was still putting things in boxes and simply watched him for a bit before sighing and getting ready for work. Once he left, Zexion changed clothes and went to bed, only to be woken when Demyx was walking in after his shift had ended. The bedroom door opening and closing never sounded so loud or condemning before. It almost felt like the biblical four horsemen were coming.
Zexion rolls onto his side and Demyx lays down behind him. "I know you're awake," he states and Zexion has to swallow a guilty lump in his throat. "It's nearly impossible for you to sleep next to me anymore. It takes less than a minute for you to wake up and leave. Not that you were asleep when I walked in." There wasn't even any emotion in his voice, like he was just as resigned as Zexion to the fact that this whole thing was falling apart at the seams and no seamstress could ever repair it. He felt bad. Felt worse than he'd ever felt-he felt selfish, and that alone made him want to die.
Zexion sighs and rolls over to face his maybe still boyfriend. "Is that all you wanted to say?"
Demyx shakes his head. "I still love you. I never stopped," he whispers, sounding almost desperate.
"I never stopped either," Zexion replies nonchalantly, but meaning every word.
"Then why..." he trails off.
Zexion sits up and crosses his legs. "I-I don't know if you'll understand. I barely do myself. But have you ever seen a couple, real or fictional, that love each other but it doesn't work out?" Zexion asks licking his lips. "It's like that. If we stay together, we may hurt each other more than if we broke it off. Some romances only really work while you're still chasing each other. Maybe ours is one of those. I just want you to be happy, and I think this will end with you happier than the alternative." He gets up and goes to leave the room.
"Why's your pillow so wet?" Demyx asks as Zexion opens the bedroom door.
"I'm only human, Demyx. Not caring about anything takes it's toll."
Zexion moved in all his boxes and watched the movers drive the van away from the apartment complex he had just moved into. The apartment felt empty, lonely, and bare without anyone else to help fill it. It was surprising how short of a time it took before he was just used to Demyx being a constant. And now he was gone. More specifically, Zexion left him. He still didn't know what exactly to think about that, so he didn't.
It was, however, a bit freeing to finally live alone, like the adult he legally was. It was halfway through September, and in nine months he would have been living with Demyx for two years. It was hard to believe it was such a long time, it felt so short.
It took him less time to unpack than it did to pack and he had snuck into his parents' house at night to get his bed so he didn't have to buy a new one and start off the move poorer than he would have liked. He got groceries on Saturday after he finished unpacking and that left the entirety of Sunday to his leisure. Which normally meant over analyzing things, and the most recent topic of thought was leaving Demyx.
He had framed the pictures taken when they went Christmas shopping and they were sitting on his nightstand. He stared at them as he let his brain run itself about Demyx for the thousandth time since things started going down hill almost a year ago.
I shouldn't have left him alone, he can barely hold a job. I don't even know how he's held a house this long with all the bouncing around in employment he has to do. And now he has no one. I was his last. We lost the church and now he lost me. More specifically, I left him. Alone. I hope he finds someone to help take care of him soon. And if he ever needs me, I didn't make him delete my cell phone number or forbid him from coming by the bookstore. But that's just wistful thinking, because even if he needed me, he wouldn't come by. I know I wouldn't. Zexion mentally justifies and berates himself. But I never even thought to consider that I may need him more than he'll ever need me...
Zexion takes the frame from the nightstand, crying himself to sleep and holding it tightly to his chest. Vowing that he'll at least keep tabs on the blonde to make sure he's alright and stays that way.
10 years later
Thinking about Demyx made Zexion feel old and unsuccessful. They were both twenty-nine now. Demyx had a band. Zexion had a bookstore chain that was slowly dying due to the advent and popularity of ebooks, not that he minded too much, he still lived small, and had enough money to buy everyone of Demyx's CDs and attend every nearby concert.
The blonde's name was everywhere, especially in Radiant Garden, where Zexion remained, since the new blonde celebrity grew up there. Zexion wanted to contact him somehow, but he knew the desire was selfish, because Demyx could probably have most anyone he wanted just by being famous and had almost certainly moved on by now. It had been ten years, and Zexion wasn't arrogant enough to think he had left that kind of impression. All they were was a teenage fling at the end of high school.
Zexion kept the mall pictures still, though.
It was hard for Demyx to find information on Zexion. It had always been hard because Zexion purposely didn't make much of a presence in the world. He was introverted by nature and thus the spotlight had never suited him. But Demyx found stuff on his ex-boyfriend and kept constant tabs, always watching his progress and being silently proud of his growing position in the bookstore chain.
He wanted to contact the slate-haired man more than he wanted to go on stage and sing for the crowd that adored him and his music, but refrained from it because Zexion had already started moving on when he moved out. He couldn't have still been attached. And if he was, he could get a backstage pass at one of the concerts and find a way to meet him there. Demyx knew this would never happen, but he never even thought of looking at someone the same way he looked at Zexion, even though he was sure he never thought back on those almost two years except occasionally. But despite that, every song Demyx wrote or sang, he put his whole heart into and made it solely for the younger man, if he ever were to choose to listen.
Demyx kept his pictures from the Christmas shopping trip all those years ago in his wallet and looked at them every day, hoping to see those smiles again, but knowing it was pretty much futile.
A/N: Orson Welles once said "If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story." So you pick your ending here.
And sorry if the end seems sudden or forced, I couldn't really find a way to make it flow and I needed to finish it while I had access to a non-slow computer so I could post it since ffnet doesn't like my tablet.
R&R please~