The Luxurious Life of the Rat
Pairings: House&Cameron, Steve&Minty (you have to read it to understand that one)
Disclaimer: I own House, I own House, I own House (do you think if I say it enough, it'll come true?)
Authors Note: This is a sort of a sequel to my previous story 'Forgotten Goodbyes'. You don't really need to read it if you don't want to; all you need to know is that House and Cameron are living together and House wants another rat.
The Luxurious Life of the Rat- Part One
"House- we can't get another one!" She wasn't mad at him, but she was somewhat annoyed.
"Hey! I have a girlfriend now, so he needs one. I could probably get another one at Stacy's if you want me to go over there" House had forgotten that Cameron had asked him not to talk about Stacy; the fact that House still might love her hurt Cameron. "I'm sorry Allison. Can Steve please have a girl?"
"Yeah… whatever"
"Allison" he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close. "Please"
"I said you could have the damned rat, okay!" she broke out of his grasp and stomped into the bedroom, closing the door behind her. He knew she couldn't hear him, but he told her anyways,
"I meant please don't be mad at me"
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Steve sat on House's shoulder comfortably as the man talked to him.
"Steve, I know this is hard for you, but you just can't have a girlfriend right now. You saw how Allison reacted. She can't handle another rat. That's the problem with girls, no matter what you do, they won't let your rat have a date. Its okay, she's just worried you'll like the other rat better than her. She thinks you're too young to date. But I, the loving father, know that you are ready for a girlfriend, and as soon as your mother comes to her senses, you can have one"
"I am not that thing's mother Greg" House spun his head around and saw Cameron standing in the doorway, watching him.
"Allison! Shhh! He doesn't know he's adopted!"
"He's a rat. I am not his biological or adoptive mother. I don't like rats." -But she turned to Steve anyway and said- "Sorry, Steve, nothing personal. It's a girl thing"
"Some girls like rats"
"This one doesn't. Now put him in his room and let's go to work." House removed the rat from his shoulder and slipped him in his cage.
"Now, you be a good boy, and Daddy will be back with Mommy and a surprise at five"
"Greg!" she had finally gotten used to that name. "I told you! I am not that thing's mom. And I need to work late tonight; I have overdue paperwork I need to finish"
"You, miss perfect, had overdue paperwork?"
"Well it's not my fault! I was a bit distracted"
"With what?" she rolled her eyes. She had been doing that a lot in the past year.
"You are very slow for such a good doctor. I've been distracted with you, Greg" Oh! He understood now.
"I could distract you some more before we go" he offered innocently
"Sorry sweetie. I actually like being on time for work" she gave him a quick peck and rushed out the door.
"Well, Steve. I think you and I should go shopping after work. She doesn't want another rat, but how about we upgrade your living conditions a bit? Make it a bachelor pad?" The rat seemed to nod and House smiled, picked up his bag, and followed his girl to her car.
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"Dr. House, you're needed in exam room two!" the nurse shouted as he passed by the clinic.
"Who's in there?"
"Umm… let me check. Dr. Cameron and-"the nurse looked up and House was gone. "Dr. House?"
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"Hey Allison, what's up?"
"See this little boy here?"
"Nope. Honey, I think you're hallucinating."
"Funny"
"I thought so. What about him?"
"He thinks Steve needs a girlfriend"
"You talked to a patient about our child! Allison I don't think-"
"Greg he isn't a child, he is a rat, and furthermore, he is yours, not mine."
"Who's the kid?"
"Alexander Hamilton" House then addressed the boy
"So, Alex- can I call you Alex?-"the boy nodded- "I see you have met my wife here."
"House? I'm not your wife"
"Oh, that's right. Sorry. This is my girlfriend, Allison Cameron. You can call her Ally. She is not my wife" He said the next bit so quietly that Cameron could have sworn he hadn't said it at all "yet."
"What?"
"Nothing, Allison, nothing. So, Alex, why do you think my son should be dating?" The little boy, probably six years old, piped up excitedly
"Well, in rat years, he's way older then me, and yesterday, I got a girlfriend! We eat lunch together every day! She even kissed my cheek before Miss Fox told us to come back to class.
"Allison, how old is Alex?" Cameron looked at the file
"He's seven"
"You're seven and you're already dating. How old is Steve, in rat years? Older then seven. And certainly more responsible. Allison, I think he's ready to date."
"Greg- you were supposed to convince Alex that rats don't need girlfriends!"
"You actually trusted me to do that?"
"I probably shouldn't have"
"What's wrong with Alex? Besides the fact that he disagrees with you"
"Nothing much; just a bruised wrist from playing basketball. Put some ice on it, dear, and it'll be fine soon"
"Thank you Miss… Uhh… Ally and Mister… err… doctor with the rat" the boy hugged Cameron and offered his good hand to House. Cameron thought this was unbelievably cute, and House just thought it was weird, but he took the hand and shook it anyway. The boy's mother had waited outside for him, and now they both headed out the main doors.
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"Hello Greg. What brings you here? I thought your new girl was keeping you out of lawsuit land"
"Stacy- I don't want to be here, and she doesn't want me to be here, so let's get this over with okay?"
"She's really gotten to you, huh? Even I could think of some sarcastic joke you could say to my previous statement"
"That has nothing to do with the case. Just advise me of my legal rights and what I did wrong and I'll be out of here. I need to get my kid a new bed"
"You have a kid? I didn't thin you two were together that long"
"Steve McQueen. You remember him. Can we get done with the legal stuff already?"
"Yeah, sure"
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"Greg! I'm home!" Allison called from the door as she entered. "Oh. My. God"
To say Steve's cage had been upgraded would be an understatement. The cage was double its previous size, complete with a mini bean-bag chair and couch. House had put a little portable television in the cage so Steve wouldn't get board, and it was now tuned to General Hospital.
"Hey Ally. Since he can't have a girl, I figured he could have everything else. You like?" She stood there, speechless, as she watched Steve emerge and curl up on his sofa.
"That thing lives better then us"
"Would you stop calling him 'that thing'? It's rather disturbing"
"It's living conditions are rather disturbing. Greg, do we need to keep it?"
"Yes. We do. He was here before you. The rat stays."
"On two conditions: a) you stop calling me his mom, and b) he is entirely yours, so you pay for his stuff, you clean up after him… everything. Okay?"
"Fine" House reluctantly, and grumpily, agreed. "I had to see her today"
"Who?"
"The devil. The one that gave me this rat"
"Oh. Why?"
"Lawsuit"
"What? Greg, you promised you'd be nicer!"
"I know, I know. But this guy was such a jerk! He's suing because I told him his wife was cheating on him. Turns out she wasn't… anymore. But he's still suing."
"Why do you do that? It's really none of your business. Besides, Greg, what I was cheating on you and Cuddy told you. How would you feel?"
"Are you cheating on me?"
"No"
"Then it's not a problem"
"That isn't my point. You can't go around meddling in other peoples affairs. And…" she spoke quietly so he could barely hear "I don't want you around her"
"I work with her- it's a bit hard to stay away. I'll talk to Cuddy, though. I don't love her, Allison, I love you" Cameron smiled weakly and hugged him, burying her face in his shirt.
"Thank you" A squeak from the other side of the room interrupted their sentimental moment.
"Steve! Don't talk about your mother that way!"
"What way?"
"He's just mad because you won't let him date"
"I never said he couldn't date, I just said I didn't want his date living here. Besides, I said you could have your rat"
"But you didn't mean it, and you wouldn't be happy with me if I got one. Plus I want you to pick it out"
"You want me to choose your new rat?"
"I want you to like her"
"How do I know if it's a girl? Wait- I don't like any rats. What makes you think I'll like it if I pick it out?"
"Because then it would be personal, and you could name it too"
"No."
"Why not?" House whined like a five-year old child
"Because rats are… well they're messy, and they carry diseases and they are definitely not cute!"
"Steve is!" she looked at the rat, studying it
"He is not cute. He is… well… creepy."
"Allison! You're calling your own son creepy- that is low"
"We agreed that he is not mine"
"At least you've stopped calling him 'it'"
"Whatever. Just…" she kissed him innocently and he ran his tongue along her lips, begging for entry. She opened her lips just slightly then pulled away, leaving him wanting more, and her well aware of this fact. "Don't spoil the one you've got"
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"Allison!"
"Greg- I'm a little busy right now" She concentrated on the lumbar puncture she was performing
"Some see me after work"
"Yeah, sure"
……………………………………………………
"What's up?" Cameron stepped into House's office at exactly 5:00. Rather than answering this verbally, he took a black string of fabric and wrapped it around her eyes.
"Greg- what are you doing?" she asked him cautiously
"You'll see" he directed her to the car and helped her in. She didn't complain or ask anymore questions. "You, my dear, are way too trusting"
"And I shouldn't be?"
"Well, you should trust me, but if someone else blindfolds you and stuffs you in a car you'd better start screaming" She laughed at this
"You hardly stuffed me. Who do you suppose would stuff me in a car?"
"Chase"
"Why Chase?"
"Because he's jealous"
"Of what, Greg?" she laughed
"He likes you"
"Does not. Can you take this off please; it's itchy"
"Does too, and no. You're going to have to live with it for… fifteen minutes"
The car came to a stop fifteen minutes later, and House escorted Cameron out of the car without removing the blindfold. He led her somewhere; through a door and she heard barking.
"Where are we?" He removed the blindfold and she was faced with three rats
"Eww! Greg!" She examined the rats, and one came and pressed its nose against the glass. "Is that one a girl?"
"All three are. I had the manager put the girl rats together. Do you want that one?"
"No, no, of course not" she lied, rather unconvincingly
"Hey, John! Can you get that one out please?" House called to the man at the counter by his first name, meaning he probably came in here often.
"Yeah Greg, sure. Who's the girl?"
"John, meet my wife Allison" Cameron looked at him curiously "Okay, fine. She isn't my wife, she's my girlfriend. Allison, meet my stepbrother, John" After this quick introduction, John disappeared through a door.
"I thought… But I met your parents, and you told me that you were an only-"
"I'll explain later" Cameron nodded.
"Okay"
The man emerged from the door holding a rat, or more specifically, the rat. Cameron looked awkwardly at it, and House took it and placed it on her shoulder.
"Greg! I don't want it there!"
"So you admit you want it?"
"No"
"Yes you do"
"No, I don't"
"Do so"
"Do not"
"Do so"
"Do not!"
"Do not"
"Do so!" House grinned. Manipulation is almost as sweet as revenge.
"Then it's settled. John, ring up the rat"
"What? No-wait! I didn't say I wanted it!"
"Yes you did. As I recall, it went like this:" he imitated her voice, badly "Greg! I don't want it!" then he spoke in his own voice "You admit you want it then?" – Hers – "No" – his – "Yes you do"
"Okay, okay fine you can have the rat. Just stop mimicking me- you suck at it"
"It isn't my rat, it's yours. Now you have to name her. She can live with Steve if you want" Cameron thought for a moment, and picked the name 'Barbara Minty', because Steve McQueen the actor had been married to her. She figured it was appropriate.
"Just call her Minty, though. Barbara isn't really a rat's name" House just smiled and quickly kissed her, not wanting to attract the attention of John.