Delphine's hands had trembled their first time. They had knotted themselves in Cosima's hair and roamed clumsily down her body with a nervous, almost frantic sort of eagerness.
She was certainly not inexperienced with sex. Many men, of course, had desired her. And those men had all been very much the same. They had always looked at her with the keen, cool eyes of hunters – eyes that would glitter in triumph when they saw her, their golden prize, their shining trophy, within their grasp. But being with a woman – being with Cosima – was entirely different. Something about her heat, her softness, made Delphine suddenly feel like a roller coaster spiraling downhill.
It was becoming embarrassingly clear to her that Cosima had been with many women before. She could tell by the steady, deliberate way that she kissed, by the firm way she gripped her shoulders, by the slow, purposeful drag of her fingers. And yet – there was a nervous edge to her movements, a recklessness in her hands and lips and teeth, that sent Delphine's mind spiraling.
They made out like teenagers, warm and desperate. When it became achingly clear that something more had to be done, Cosima pushed her hard up against the desk.
Delphine's breath hitched. Then, with a bashful smile, she began tugging at the clothes that remained between them.
But when she was finally bare and white against the bed sheets, she began to tremble.
Cosima heard her, and stopped. Crawled her way up to look into her eyes. "Hey, Delphine … do you still want to do this?"
Delphine's eyes widened. "What – what do you mean?"
"Well … I know you've never, like, done this before. So I mean, we can go slow … Or we don't even have to keep going at all." Cosima took her hand, squeezing it gently. "If you don't feel ready, we can totally just go to sleep. No judgment. I promise."
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Many nights later, when they were once more lying together, spent and sated, Delphine began to cry. She threaded her fingers through Cosima's, and dropped her gaze to the floor. She said, very quietly, that in all the times that she had slept with men, not one of them had ever stopped to ask whether she wanted to.