Disclaimer: I don't own MASH. If I did, it would've been even slashier than it already was, if that's humanly possible.
A/N: 7/8: This one was also written in the car. I'm in Pennsylvania right now. I'm so sick of PA. A post-ep for "Hanky Panky." Later: Continued in my HOME STATE! YAY! Even Later: Finished 9:15 on 7/8. About an hour from home. Yay.
"Hey, Beej? Can I ask you a question?"
"You can ask," I reply.
"Are you implying that you're not gonna answer?" Hawkeye demands.
I shrug. "Not necessarily. It all depends on what you ask."
"Uh-huh." Hawkeye doesn't say anything after that.
"So…are you going to ask?" I ask.
"Only if you're going to answer."
"I'll answer…probably."
"Why did you feel like you were cheating on Peg with Carrie Donovan but not with me?"
I sigh deeply. "Hawk…it's complicated."
"So explain it to me."
"I…I don't know if I can," I admit. "I'm not 100 sure myself."
"Try?" Hawkeye asks.
I think for a minute about how to answer and then begin, "I guess part of it is that you know I'm married, and you know I love Peg, and you know that I'm going back to her. You don't expect me to divorce Peg for you."
"Is that it?" Hawk asks.
I shake my head. "Maybe…there might be other reasons…I told you, I'm not entirely sure."
"Because I'm a man?" Hawkeye suggests sarcastically.
"Wh--NO!" I say. "I mean…well, kind of…I mean, Carrie was similar to Peg, and you're almost her exact opposite--"
Hawkeye interrupts me. "So she was a threat and I'm not?"
"Well--well, sort of. I was afraid I'd fall in love with her."
Hawkeye looks stunned. "You don't think you'll fall in love with me?"
"I--"
"I'll bet you're one of those people who thinks it's okay to have sex with other men as long as there are no feelings involved," Hawkeye says, sounding disgusted. "I always seem to pick them." Oh, so it's self-disgust.
"Hawk--" I begin, but he cuts me off.
"Don't. Just don't. I'm sorry I asked." He sighs and turns away.
I grab his shoulders. "Hawk, would you listen to me?"
He doesn't turn back to face me, but he doesn't pull away either.
"Hawk, I didn't mean--I don't think that. It's--if I were to fall in love with a woman--well, that's socially acceptable and so that's--she might expect--it all comes down to expectations."
Now Hawkeye does turn back around. "Beej," he says with a small smile, "that was the worst explanation I've ever heard. But it worked." He's quiet for a minute, and then goes on, "I should have known you didn't think that. You're much too decent a person. I just had a flashback to a conversation I had with Trapper--and the first man I was ever involved with, Tommy Gillis, was the same way. I told him I loved him once and he got really angry. We managed to stay friends, but--well, I don't want it to happen again."
"I'm sorry," I say awkwardly.
He shakes his head. "I asked a question, you answered. I just don't want you to regret anything, that's all."
"I don't," I say firmly, then lean in and kiss him.