Too Far Gone
Summary: Elmyra, on the brink of death, goes to the church in the slums of Sector 5. There she reflects on her life up to this point and finds answers she didn't expect. There's a fairly strange pairing in here so I ask you to be open minded.
Disclaimer: I (hereby referred to as Party A) do not own Final Fantasy VII (hereby referred to as Item A) nor anything related to it. Item A belongs to Square Enix (hereby referred to as Party B) and not Party A.
Things get harder as you get older in a whole variety of ways ranging from the physical to the emotional. No matter what anyone says that is an undeniable truth. And I am at the bottom of the barrel. I'm old, full of bitterness and physically crippled by an incurable illness. I've endured a lot in my long life and I reserve the right to be bitter about it all even if I shouldn't. Even for my husband I can't break the habit.
My husband is such a gentleman and far too good for me. I'll be eighty years old next winter, provided I live long enough to see it. And he is twenty years younger than me. But the age gap was never a problem since we, in many ways, are two halves of the same thing. We were both bitter, we were both broken and we were both alone. Such circumstances can force people together and we resided in each other's company. All we ever wanted was someone to love us, even platonically, but fate dealt a heavy hand each time either of us came close. He is my second husband. My first died over fifty years ago in a war fought between the superpowers of the time, ShinRa and Wutai. He was a soldier and such a lovely man. And then, shortly after our marriage, he went away to war and I never saw him again. He is buried in a mass cemetery in Wutai but I've never felt strong enough to go.
But fate sometimes has a funny way of doing things. I lost a husband but gained a daughter. She was adopted and my only child. I never could have children and during the war I waited for his return in solitude. By chance one day I met the little girl at a train station in the now abandoned monstrosity that was Midgar. She was grasping the hand of one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen who, for some reason, was lying on the floor. From a distance the scene simply looked strange but the closer you came the worse it appeared. The little girl was audibly sobbing and the woman had a hand placed down firmly on her stomach. It was difficult to tell but against the vibrant colour of her red dress was another, much darker shade of crimson. She was already dying. We talked a while and the last thing she asked was for me to take care of her daughter. So I adopted her. But there was a hitch yet regardless I accepted. Even from that moment I knew… things would never be easy. But I never could have lived with myself if I'd simply left the girl there.
The woman managed to tell me a little of the girl before she died. She was the one who told me about the Ancients and how the girl called Aeris was one of them. In fact upon her mothers passing she was now the last. She also told me that one day Aeris would have to go on a journey but to what end she didn't know.
I never did truly understand what the woman meant for over fifteen years until it was too late. Had I been but a little smarter than I was I wonder… Perhaps my darling Aeris would still be alive. I should have done as I was asked. I should have protected her. But I didn't. I let her leave on the quest that both ended her life and crushed mine. Had I stood up and been strong, forbidding her to leave, my daughter would also be here holding my hand.
Forgive me. I am an old woman and when I reminisce, I cannot stop. The curse of age. Sometimes, looking back on memories I laugh so hard I cry and I cry so hard I laugh. But all the time he is there to laugh with me, to cry with me and to comfort me. Please allow me this opportunity to tell my story. I do not think I will ever have it again.
When Aeris died I was left with nothing. At the time my only purpose in life was to take care of Marlene, a friend's daughter left in my care. If it had not been for her then that would have been it. But fortunately she was there and I lived, even if only for her sake. Then he came to me shortly after the day of our fate. My daughter's indirect murderer. That's what he called himself. He came with a knife and gave it to me, telling me to take revenge on him. I will not deny I was sorely tempted to end his life but looking down on him, I realized he was as broken over her death as I was, if not more so. So I threw the knife away and held him close to me. We cried for hours together, drawing what strength we could from each other. Without question we kept each other alive in those troubled days.
We married about twenty five years ago. I was 54 and he was 32. But the age barrier, as I have said never stopped us, even if it made others uncomfortable. I'm not sure if it is a marriage based on love. Possibly, but it wasn't at the forefront of our attention at the time. To just keep going on, day by day, forever in each other's company because we were too scared to go on alone. That is why we married. But I know now I do love him and vice versa and we've known it for years.
And I do fear death now because of it. I don't fear going on so much, because I know I will have my daughter back. But if I leave him he will be alone again. That drive is what has kept me alive. The doctors said I only had three years to live. That was seven years ago. But I know I will have to succumb to my fear because the fight is almost over. I cannot push my body any further. The ever looming darkness almost looks inviting now.
I'm bedridden now and all he ever does is sit by me, never releasing my hand, only leaving to get food for us or to use the bathroom. I do not doubt that he isn't sleeping and I also don't doubt it's killing him. But he can't stop and all I can do is watch him since I'm too powerless to help him. We're on a direct flight to death and we've just passed the point of no return.
But before I die there is something I must see…
"Cloud?" I say in my weak raspy voice which I now hate the sound of. The weakness that I suffer oozes out and makes it painfully obvious to those around me. I'm going to die soon and that makes people look on me with pity. And I hate that.
"Yeah?" he answers, looking startled. You see I don't speak much, even to him nowadays. Whenever I do speak I can always see the pain in his eyes. So I try to refrain and speak only when absolutely necessary.
"Take…take me to the church." Another reason I hate to talk is because when I do I break out into a heave of coughing, more often than not, like I did then.
He didn't question, he didn't object, he didn't remind me of my condition. I think deep down he knew the reason why, and couldn't deny me.
With much effort he helped me out of bed. The thing is I'm very stubborn and always have been. So I won't allow Cloud to carry me to my wheelchair, instead I walk to it. Walking is difficult now. As I said I am bedridden and have been so for the past two months. Therefore my steps are tentative and slow but I'll never give in. With him supporting me under the shoulder, I made my tiny steps and eventually settled into the cold that the wheelchair always makes me feel.
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The Church of the slums was as much a miracle of Aeris' making as Holy was to Gaia forty years ago. Never before have I set foot in these walls and I know I never will again. The place is rundown, a wreck of what it was originally built as. But it was all the more endearing for it. Broken and rotting pews were scattered haphazardly around the creaking floor. Whether the building was built like this I don't know but time has battered it regardless, like it does everything. Where the altar once was now lies a bed of flowers, vibrant in colour and the miracle of Midgar. The harsh squeaking of the wheelchair seems out of place in this seemingly natural world.
It is a wonder to behold and I can see just why Aeris adored this place. However Cloud looks even more saddened than he was before, being here again. This was the place he met my daughter for the first time, after crashing through the already damaged roof. I moved my hand to his. He really didn't need this. We have an odd sort of link we've picked up over the years that allows us to speak without words. Sure enough Cloud took one last look at the flower bed, then at me, and then went outside.
This place is the symbol of what I lost years ago. Innocence, hope, serenity. But through it all I know that the people who worshipped here were as deluded as I once was years ago, when life was easier. This place brought hope to the people. Their endurance of the present would lead to a better tomorrow. Then when they would die they would find peace.
These are lies. My better tomorrow has never happened. Even with Cloud there are happy moments, but most come with a pinch of salt. We are too set in the past for hope to reach us, too far gone for a better tomorrow. All we have left are memories.
I didn't do the duty I was given well enough and Aeris died because of it, meaning I never did deserve my better tomorrow. But can redemption for our crimes be found? Can our sins be forgiven?
"Yes," a voice said. "But you have none to forgive."
"Who's there?" I asked to the air as I looked for the source of the voice.
Then she appeared. In the flowerbed I glimpsed a speck of pink kneeling and tending to the flowers and I knew… I just did.
"Don't you recognize your own daughter's voice?" she said, looking up at me and smiling the charming smile she always had.
"Aeris," I said, a smile spreading across my own features. "I've missed you."
"Why?" she asked as she stood. "I never left."
I was back wearing the old green dress I always used to be so fond of before it had all happened and my skin appeared youthful again. I rose out of the wheelchair and looked at it in question. Why had I been sitting in a wheelchair? I… don't know. Aeris caught my attention again by laughing lightly. Whether it was at my confusion or not, I don't know. Attention firmly shifted and centered on her I ran to my daughter and flung myself on her.
"I'm so sorry Aeris."
She held me and we stood together without moving or speaking. Seconds passed like lifetimes and all I could do was cry tears of both joy and sadness into my daughter's pink clad shoulder. I'd missed her terribly over the years and never knew she was always with me, so blinded by grief I was.
"I love you Aeris," I said eventually, feeling the need to tell her.
"I know," she said as she pushed me back a little. She held onto my hand with both of hers and stared into my dull brown eyes with her own radiant green ones. "I love you too y'know."
And I smiled again, but this time truly. A smile I hadn't made for many years.
"C'mon I have something cool I want to show you," Aeris said, pulling me towards the back door of the church.
"You sure you want to show your frumpy old mother?"
"Of course," she replied enthusiastically, "there's no-one I'd rather show more. And you're not frumpy," she added as she pulled me willingly behind her to the back door.
She held the door open for me and gestured to go through. Regardless of any fear and anxiety I walked through and heard the door close behind me. A moment of panic ensued until Aeris stood by my side again.
"Do you like it?" she asked nervously, her hand shifting back to mine.
"It's wonderful."
All I remember is serene white light and my daughter by my side. Perhaps the church wasn't founded on as many lies as I thought.
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The church was quiet when Cloud walked back inside to take his wife home. Emotional pain racked his body as he remembered meeting Aeris for the first time here, and it was here he promised to protect her as her bodyguard. And he failed miserably. But there was no time to dwell on such thoughts. Not while his wife was ill anyway.
Elmyra was still seated in the wheelchair as she had been when he left her an hour ago. She didn't turn to look at him as he made his way down the aisle towards her, despite how loud his boots made his steps sound. He didn't notice her arm hanging limply over the arm of the chair.
"Elmyra are you done?" he asked nervously.
She didn't say a word, nor did she move.
"Elmyra?"
He rushed over to her side and felt dread form in the pit of his stomach. He lifted her arm and checked her pulse, but found nothing. He dropped her arm back to its original position and sat down numbly on a pew, never once taking her eyes of his now deceased wife.
The expected tears formed at his eyes as he realized that now he had no-one. His wife had been the only thing keeping him going. Most of his friends had died years ago, but he hadn't seen those who survived for as long. He had no-one now.
But he couldn't help but notice the smile she had on her face, a smile of true happiness. And slightly, ever so slightly, Cloud felt his grief lessen at the sight of it.
Author Notes: So there you have it. The first fic (that I know of) that has Elmyra and Cloud as a couple. But the main reason I wrote this wasn't for the sake of doing something different. I have to be the biggest fan of Elmyra in the world, so I'm disappointed by the lack of stories about her, even though in my opinion she's incredibly important, if underwritten in the game. After all she protected and raised a little girl she hardly knew for fifteen years. Someone such as her in my opinion deserves to be written about as something more than a background character.
Anyway thanks for taking time to read this. I won't ask you to review but it'd be appreciated if you do.