Your name is Mira Clay, and you've been having a pretty bad day. Right now, though, you're mostly confused. Why is your brother going to bed so early? It's only 8:00 PM, and when your family was still together, he used to stay awake until all hours of the night, sometimes not even getting home until just a few minutes before your father got off work. And why did Gus follow him out so hastily?

You feel yourself making a look of confusion, and turn to Volt, who seems to be the most reasonable of this horrible group, to voice your question. He looks up from his magazine, one raised eyebrow breaking his otherwise perfect deadpan, while Lync bursts into a fit of snickering. That's.. Concerning? Did you ask something wrong?

"Spectra and Gus are dating, Mira. They're leaving to have sex."

You- oh gods. That was information you really didn't need to know. But, Lync is laughing, so maybe Volt is joking? That has to be it. This is a prank. This is a cruel, mean prank, and you've caught them on it. You feel a little smug about that, and decide to call them out on it.

"Nice joke, Volt, but I know my brother better than that. He wouldn't… do... that in the middle of a war. He's not careless."

Volt sighs, and closes his magazine, putting it down as if you'd just told him that all his hopes for life were destroyed. You begin to feel a growing sense of deep dread.

"Mira… I hate to be the one to break this to you, really, I do, but they'll 'do that' in the middle of anything."

Oh gods- oh- oh gods this was a mistake- why- why did you join this team-

"It's true!" Lync chimes in, popping up by your knee, a bright grin threatening to tear apart his face. "I once caught them fucking right where you're sitting!"

You throw yourself off the couch, horror overwhelming your logical thought, and you end up smashing your knee into Lync's teeth, causing him to fall over in the other direction, screeching. You jump up, ready to run towards the door and make your escape, but just before you start to move, you see Mylene step in front of the door, look directly at you, and activate her gauntlet sword. You freeze in place, terrified. Time seems to stop. Then, just before your frantically beating heart jumps right out of your chest, Mylene begins to solo practice sword fighting moves. What?

"DAMN YOU TODD HOWARD! A PLAGUE ON YOUR FAMILY!"

You're brought out of your daze by Lync, sprawled on the floor next to you, spitting up blood, throwing his arms to the ceiling, and venting his apparent pain through screaming repeated and increasingly creative damnations to some poor, probably innocent man you've never heard of.

You have absolutely no idea what's happening anymore.

Your name is Mira Clay and you are sitting on the floor and regretting every single life choice you've ever made.

It's been a few minutes since what Lync claims was 'an assassination attempt on his life', and Volt has gotten Lync a rag and some cotton balls for his bloodied jaw (it seems you actually knocked a tooth out, but he deserved it, so you feel no guilt), and a glass of water for you. Mylene had stepped out of the doorway to allow Volts leave and return, but had stepped right back in front of it before you could leave as well. You understand her not trusting you, but at this point you're beginning to think she's actively trying to end your life without actually touching you.

You're beginning to understand Gus' contempt for everyone. You feel horrible. You feel terrible. You feel a deep disgust. You feel trapped in the worst possible situation, in the worst possible bad ending, as though the world is about to end right before your eyes. You feel as if the gods themselves have plotted out your exact demise here, dead from horror and embarrassment. You feel-

"GUYS, SPECTRA AND GUS ARE FUCKING IN THE CONTROL ROOM AGAIN!"

...as if you're going to need therapy.

Shadow had barged his way into the room, slamming the door open, Mylene just barely jumping out of the way in time, and he had promptly screamed out one of the worst sentences you've ever heard at his loudest possible volume.

"...Again." The word pushes past your shocked lips as you stare at the ceiling, barely comprehending the words. "They're doing it... again..."

"Oh, please," Lync snorts, looking at you as if you were the stupidest of Vestals. "They've done way worse than that. One time I walked in on them playing naked twister in this very room. Except there wasn't a twister mat. Or a spinner."

Volt raises his head from where he'd buried it in his hands, and with an expression of deep despair, says, "I don't think they were playing twister, Lync."

"What?"

Mylene nods her head, and finally puts away her gauntlet sword, leaning her back on the door, continuing to block you from making your desperate attempt at escape. "One time I returned from a hellish day of being forced to put up with Shadows nonsense and brawling with the annoying Resistance, wishing only for a nice cold Crystal Pepsi-"

"BOOOO!"

"CRYSTAL PEPSI SUCKS!"

"-only to find both Spectra and Gus atop the dinner table, covered in an assortment of ice creams and whipped cream, Gus' mouth filled with strawberries, and Spectra in the middle of licking his completely naked body. It was horrific. I have never been the same."

She was saying that specifically to hurt you. You knew that had to be the answer. There's no way your brother would do something as heinous as having sex on a dinner table. People eat there.

"What ice cream flavour was it?" Lync asks, eyes wide, looking the closest to worried you've ever seen him.

"Well, I didn't stay long enough to give them much of a look, but from the empty cartons in the garbage, I would guess Cookies and Cream, and Rocky Road."

"WHAT THE FUCK!" Shadow jumps up from where he'd thrown himself across the terrible-disgusting-hell sex couch, screaming again. You were beginning to think he only had two volumes. "He told me they ate all of it! Cookies and Cream is my FAVORITE! AND HE PUT IT ON HIS DICK?!"

You were never going to be able to eat ice cream again. Or at the dinner table in general. Or while in the same room as your brother or his apparent boyfriend.

"Wouldn't foodplay with Rocky Road be, like, weird?" Lync says, scrunching his face up. "There's, like, nuts and chunky stuff, isn't there? Why would you put that up your ass?"

You shoot Volt a desperate, pleading look, attempting to charge as much emotion into your expression as you possibly can, and he sighs, deeply. "Maybe we should st-"

"OH HEY!" Shadow yells. Again. "VOLT! What fucked up shit have you seen them doing?!"

You thought it couldn't happen, but your desperation grows stronger. You're about to start crying.

Lync seems to catch your look, because he grins, cheekily, and says, "If you tell us, I'll tell you when Spectra and Gus are trying to get dirty in your room."

Volt looks away from you, and you suddenly experience true despair, unlike any other kind, as you realize your only ally has left you to die.

"...One time I heard a loud scream while I was walking through the halls. I ran towards it, of course, because I would not leave someone in suffering."

"Yeah, see, that was your first mistake."

"It lead me to the bathroom."

"Holy shit."

Volt ran his hands through his hair, slowly, staring at the ceiling as if ashamed of himself. He should be. Your life is being ruined right now and all he's done is contribute to it. "Gus was there and he was shoving his face underneath the sink tap, water running into his eyes. He was only wearing his underwear and seemed to be in pain. I asked him what the problem was, and after choking and sputtering for a bit, he told me that he had gotten piss in his eyes."

You are never going to be able to look at or talk to either Gus or your brother ever again.

"And there was another time," he continues, with no care or regard to your life or well being, "where I found some sort of monster themed object of theirs. And Lync seemed to have taken it for a toy."

"Hey dude I don't think you understand how me bribing you works."

You clear your throat, at a new kind of loss. "Um, what- what do you mean by that?"

"He means that Lync found a monster dildo belonging to your brother and was flying it around like a plane." Mylene states, dryly.

Oh gods why did you ask w-

"Oh shit, that was real?" Shadow said, looking not surprised at all. "I thought I'd hallucinated that."

"Yeah, it happened, and little baby Lync's a dumbass who despite growing up in the slums doesn't know what a monster dick looks like, and just wishes he had actual kid toys to play with, cause he's a dumb little kid, gods, let's get back on track." Lync said, in a huff. Sore spot, maybe? Could you use that?

"OK, that might be funny, but this story is actually about those two," Shadow drawled out, rolling his eyes at Lyncs sudden grumpy attitude "One time I was trying to find my weed-"

"I- you smoke?" You sputter out, making a complete fool of yourself once again. Of course he smokes. Why are you surprised.

"I believe the real question is, how in Vestal's name do you misplace your drugs?" Mylene barrels right past your question, leaving no room for anyone to mock you. A saving grace?

"Yeah, I was really high. But that's not what matters. What matters is that, while I was looking for my weed- which, get this, was on my bed the whole time- I stumbled across Gus and Spectra fucking in the middle of the hallway, and Spectra telling Gus to 'bark like a dog'."

OK, not a saving grace. Mylene just hates you and wants to skip the mockery to speed up your suffering.

"Holy shit!" Lyncs huff loudly broke as he started laughing so hard he was audibly struggling to breathe. You were also having trouble breathing, but for a different reason.

"Mmm. Interesting." Mylene hums in response. "You recall how Gus' bedroom was placed next to mine, and how after the first month it had been destroyed?"

You didn't recall, but from everyone's nodding, you took her word for it happening.

"Yes, well, I destroyed it. I'd overheard those two being extremely loud about what sounded like highly questionable acts and took it into my own hands to prevent further incidents. I enjoy what sleep I can get."

Well, alright, that wasn't necessarily sex related.

Lync snapped back up to attention."Hey fuck you! Spectra's room is right next to mine! Now I have to hear their kinky bdsm bullshit every night!"

Why did you still have hope?

You get up, suddenly and quickly. You look around at everyone (and look down at Lync). They all look back at you. Mylene raises an eyebrow.

"I'm leaving." You say, voice quivering.

"Oh?" Mylene says, straightening up, back still to the door. "And how exactly do you plan to do that? Will you beat me off- Lync, Shadow, stop snickering, you know what I mean. Will you fight me away from the door, with your tiny hands? Do you thi-"

"I. Am. LEAVING!" You shout out the last word, this terrible day finally getting to your last nerve, and you grab a cushion off the couch, take a running leap forward, and swing it at Mylene as hard as you can, the cushion smacking her right in the face, the momentum of the swing (and her.. Complete lack in movement in response?) causing your body to turn awkwardly, elbow nearly hitting Mylene in the throat, until she grabs your arm right before you hit her. The cushion falls to the ground with a thump. The room falls dead silent. Mylene stares at you directly in the eyes, her grip on your arm so tight you worry it will break. Your heart beats so harshly in your chest you fear you're having a heart attack. You were wrong about earlier. This will be how you die.

And then Mylene starts laughing.

You- what?

And Lync and Shadow are laughing, too, and Volt's shoulders are lightly shaking, indicating he's buried his head in his hands again to muffle his own laughter.

"Wait, you.. You aren't going to kill me?" You hear the words shake out of you more than you feel yourself speak them, barely aware of anything going on.

Myene takes a few moments (36 slamming beats of your heart) to calm down her laughter, and sobers up as if she had never been laughing at all, looking you dead in the eyes once again.

"Oh, I still will." She says, not a single inflection in her voice, or slightest twitch in her facial expression to indicate she's joking. "I just won't right now. And not for this. Your pathetic, bendable self, attempting to attack me? You, thinking you could do me enough harm that you could make your escape, run away, and survive it? It's humorous. I haven't been this amused since Volts sister tried to kill me with a fork."

"Um."

She turns her head away, and waves her hand, dismissively. "Go on. Leave. You've proven yourself able to take enough torture to satisfy me."

"Aaaaaaw," Shadow whines, not sounding upset at all. "I had so many more stories to tell!"

Volt shakes his head, and gets up from his seat. "I'll show you where your room and the kitchen are, since your brother is too.. Preoccupied to do so."

And so you shudder, and scurry out of the room, hoping to all the gods you know that you won't have to see anyone else for at least 24 hours, so you can be left alone to wipe these horrid memories from your brain.

And then you get a message from your brother requesting a meeting with him tomorrow at 9:00 AM.

You are absolutely going to die.