Law and Order: SVU

Olivia Benson/Amanda Rollins

Unspoken Beginnings

Author's notes: This takes place during Season 15, directly after William Lewis. NO CASSIDY. There might be mention of Amanda's gambling issues in the future, if I decide to take it there, but for right now she is in recovery and doing well. I felt like the show really missed an opportunity for Amanda and Olivia to connect when Liv was abducted, and because they are my favorite ship, I will forever sink with them. Thus, I created this. This fic goes beyond friendship, possibly M rated in the future.

Chapter One:

Amanda could feel her heart go crashing all the way down to her toes, and somehow even further, when those chestnut eyes locked onto her own from across the dusty, dry grassland that had been Olivia's surroundings during her days of torment at the hands of William Lewis. For the second time in less than a year, the same man had managed to get inside the head of the usually very prudent detective, successfully kidnapping and torturing her for four long days, while her fellow officers worked around the clock to obtain her whereabouts. Those eyes made Amanda's knees nearly buckle from underneath her, and she wanted nothing more than to be the one whose arms were enveloped around her uncharacteristically frail form. Amanda's soul was aching for her co-worker, her friend, and as she had been figuring out lately, something far more than that.

A few months prior, when Liv had been taken the first time, the desperation and panic the blonde felt trying to find her was stronger than anything she had ever felt before, further confirming her ever growing feelings. Not only was this woman someone she had admired for most of her career and someone she aspired to be even a fraction similar to , she also felt deep and confusing affection for the older detective. Although they had a rocky beginning, they were able to connect over a tough case, and slowly their friendship started budding. On occasion, their relationship took on a rather touch feely vibe, but Amanda would usually chalk it up to being a result of a lot of alcohol, the loneliness of the job, and more often than not, a particularly bad case. She had never been with a woman, or had feelings for a woman in the past, but she wasn't ignorant enough to say that it could never happen. Now, here she stood, locked in an optical embrace with the bruised and battered brunette, and she made a promise to herself that she would do whatever it would take to support and love Olivia, as she goes down the road of recovering. Not bothering to inform anyone where she was going, Amanda immediately threw herself in her car once Olivia had been taken to the hospital and headed in that very same direction.

Fin had been on the sidelines, watching the two women he had come to look at as family, and he had noticed a change between them recently. He could almost feel the intensity exchanged between them, and when he saw Amanda practically run back to her vehicle, he knew exactly where she was going. Without another thought in his mind, he turned to see the other member of his team walking back to the scene and followed him, knowing his partner would make sure Liv felt safe again.

Amanda wasn't even quite sure how she had managed to get to the hospital, not recollecting the drive there or how tear streaks had appeared down her reddened cheeks. She felt nothing and everything all at the same time, the bile of a heartbreaking nausea burning up her throat. For a special victims detective, who had years of training and experience, she wasn't handing this well. The unknowns of the situations were nearly crushing her. What had happened to Liv? Did that low life scum, did he…rape her? As soon as that thought flashed across her brain, Amanda's nausea turned into a white hot rage, and she all but ran to the information desk at the front of the hospital.

"Detective Amanda Rollins, Manhattan SVU," she piped to the bright young woman behind the desk, flashing her badge.

The young brunette's entire demeanor changed, causing Amanda's anxiety to kick in and she felt her hands begin to tremble. All she wanted to do was see Olivia with her own two eyes, to hold her and make sure that this was real. They had really found her, and this wasn't the dream she continually had when she managed to get a few hours sleep over the last few days.

"Room 24, go to-"

Amanda was gone, she didn't need to wait for instructions; she knew this floor of this hospital like it was the back of her hand. This wasn't her first time visiting a victim at Bellevue, and it certainly wouldn't be her last, but knowing that behind that door was the older detective and not a stranger she could disconnect from, made all the difference. Her pulse was hammering in her ears as she approached the plain wooden door, and while lightly knocking, she gradually opened it.

The room was dim, they always were, and when her eyes feel upon the figure in that sterile, white bed, she couldn't help but let another stray tear escape. She wanted so much to be strong for Olivia, but the emotions that were coursing through her entire being were more than she could usually handle. She knew Liv had heard her enter, but her brown eyes never shifted from their spot on the faded pink blanket that covered her feet. She was absorbing everything that had happened to her, in a safe environment, while still heavily in shock. Olivia was trying to compartmentalize her torment, a defense mechanism instilled in her long ago, to protect the very fragile, sensitive inside she masked for years behind her strong, badass Benson façade. Amanda slowly tiptoed over to the right side of the bed, and ever so tentatively, she took Olivia's hand in her own, perched herself on the end of the visitors' chair, and brought the entwined fingers to her lips. This finally broke the trance Olivia was under and when those watery chestnut orbs met the cerulean sea, the waves of despair washed over both women. Amanda brought her other hand gently up to the older woman's violaceous, swollen cheek and tenderly wiped the salty streaks with the pad of her thumb. No words were spoken, because nothing needed to be said between them, the talking would come later. Olivia nearly collapsed into Amanda's embrace, clinging to her notorious leather jacket as if the blonde was the only lifesaver in the middle of the thrashing ocean. Quickly, but gingerly as to avoid further injury, Amanda enveloped Liv in her arms, pressing her lips to the greasy, unkempt locks that reeked of booze and horror. She heard the most gut-wrenching sob escape from the woman in her arms, and she immediately threaded her fingers through the chocolate tresses as if to hold all the pieces of Olivia's soul together in the palm of her hands. She couldn't stop the tears that spilled onto her porcelain skin, as much as she tried, and for what seemed like eternity, the two women remained interlocked together.